Humorous stories describing characters

No one is writing ink. A son from a rich family went to take an exam. His father took the exam beforehand and his score was very good. He was sure he would be admitted. Unexpectedly, his son's name was not on the list. My father rushed to the county magistrate for comment. The county magistrate brought the scroll to check, and saw a faint layer of gray fog on it, but no words could be seen. As soon as his father came home, he scolded him: "How come your exam paper is written in such a way that no one can read it clearly?" The son cried: "No one in the exam room polished the ink for me, so I had to write with a pen dipped in water on the inkstone. "The old lady chanted Buddha's name. There was an old lady holding a few beads in her hand. While chanting Amitabha, Amitabha, she shouted: "Er Han, Er Han, there are too many ants on the pot. I hate it so much. Please bring fire to me." Burn them to death." Then he chanted: "Amitabha, Amitabha." Then he shouted: "Erhan, Erhan, help me remove the ashes from the bottom of the pot. Don't use your own dustpan. If you want to burn it, just ask your neighbor to borrow a dustpan. Remember, remember, "Amitabha, Amitabha" is a non-vegetarian monk visiting someone else's house. When the master saw that he was a monk, he asked: "Master, do you drink?" The monk smiled and said: "Drink a little wine, but I never eat vegetarian food." Someone complained to the county government: "You villain, tomorrow I lost my hoe. Please investigate." The county magistrate asked, "You slave! I lost my hoe tomorrow. Why didn't you report it yesterday?" The clerk next to him couldn't help but laugh. The county magistrate immediately concluded the case and said: "You must be the one who stole the hoe! What did you steal it for?" The clerk replied: "I want to get rid of that fool with a hoe." The old man was worried. There was an old man who was rich and noble, and had many descendants. On his 100th birthday, the house was crowded with birthday guests, but the old man was very unhappy. Everyone asked him: "You are so blessed, why are you worried?" The old man replied: "I am not worried about anything. I am just worried that when I celebrate my 200th birthday, there will be hundreds and thousands more people coming to congratulate me. Please teach me how to celebrate my 200th birthday." Can you remember them all?" Zheng Qiu was playing with his son outside the door. The neighbor jokingly said: "Father and son are of the same blood. Just look at your son and you will know that his face is exactly the same as mine. The man holding the child said, "Yes, you and this child are brothers born from the same woman. How can your faces be different?" There are two evil villains on the back. They all had malignant sores and asked doctors to treat them. The doctor looked at one, then the second, and pretended to be horrified and said: "His heart is worse, but it can be cured, but your heart is so bad that it has become rotten. How can I cure it?" Sparrow One day, the sparrow treated the birds to wine. It said to the kingfisher: "You are wearing such bright and bright clothes, so naturally please sit at the upper table." It also said to the eagle: "Although you are bigger, you are wearing dark and ugly clothes, so I have to sit at the lower table. "Yes." The eagle replied, "Why are you such a snobbish slave?" The sparrow replied, "Who knows that I, the sparrow, have a small heart and shallow eyes?" Asked a beggar: "Why do dogs bite you when they see you?" The beggar replied: "If I have good clothes and hats, the animals will respect me." The emperor dressed as a beggar and returned from the capital. , boasting to others that he saw the emperor. Others asked him: "What does the emperor wear?" The answer: "Wearing a hat carved from white jade and a robe made of gold." Asked: "How can you bow when you are wearing gold robes?" The beggar asked him after hearing this. He spat and said: "Haha, I really don't understand the world! Now that I'm the emperor, who do I bow to?" Afraid of drowning in wine, the customer went into the store to buy wine, and after drinking a glass, he said the word "dun" and kept talking. Someone else asked, "I think you drank too much. Are you afraid of having diarrhea, so why don't you squat in a pit to get out?" The man pointed at the wine glass and said, "No, I just want a ridge for me to climb up." I won’t drown in this thin water.” Signboard Drawing Knife The hotel owner asked someone to write the store’s sign. After the man finished writing, he drew a knife on it. The boss was surprised and asked: "What does drawing a knife mean?" He replied: "I want to use this knife to kill the water vapor in the wine!" There is a hotel that flattened the gourd and set a rule: all guests who come to buy wine and drink wine , as long as the wine is sour, he will be tied to a wooden pillar for punishment. One day, a Taoist priest came into the shop carrying a big gourd. When he saw the man tied to the wooden pillar, he asked what the reason was. The boss replied: "He lied about my wine being sour, so I punished him." The Taoist priest said: "Please give me a drink and let me have a taste." The shopkeeper served the wine, but the Taoist priest only took a bite and ran away in a hurry.

The boss was very happy because he didn't say the wine was sour, and hurriedly greeted him: "You forgot the gourd." The Taoist priest said as he ran away: "I don't want it, I don't want it anymore. You can keep it and flatten it to make a vinegar sign." A banner in Huizhou There is a family in the local area who has been involved in lawsuits with others for many years, and they are filled with resentment and boredom. On New Year's Eve, the three father and son discussed: "Next New Year, we all have to say some auspicious words to wish us good luck in the coming year and avoid lawsuits." The sons said, "Dad, tell me first." The father said, "This year Okay." The eldest son said, "It's not bad luck." The younger son also said, "No lawsuits." They asked someone to write a banner with three sentences and 11 words, and put it up in the middle hall, and asked the family to read it aloud all the time. Chant it to bring good luck. Early in the morning on the first day of the new year, my son-in-law came to pay New Year greetings. When he walked to the hall and looked up at the banner, he read aloud: "This year is so unlucky. There will be no lawsuits." The father and son stamped their feet anxiously and kept saying: "Unlucky, unlucky!" A group of friends were sitting together, and suddenly someone farted. I didn’t know who it was. Everyone suspected someone and gathered to blame him. In fact, the man didn't fart, he didn't argue, he just laughed. Everyone asked: "What's so funny?" He replied: "The guy who laughed at the fart also followed everyone and scolded me." "Pay it off" every year. A man borrowed 6 taels of silver from someone and agreed that the interest would be 5 cents for one or two months. The interest at the end of the year is 3 taels and 6 yuan. One year has passed, and the borrower asked the creditor to pay back 4 yuan in exchange for an IOU of 10 taels, and the creditor agreed. At the end of the second year, based on the calculation of 10 taels, the interest should be 6 taels. Since the man could not pay back, he asked for another 4 taels in exchange for an IOU of 20 taels. The creditor agreed again. At the end of the third year, the amount calculated based on 20 taels with interest and principal and interest was 32 taels. Since he could not pay it back, he asked for 8 taels in exchange for an IOU of 40 taels. The creditor hesitated, and the borrower said angrily: "You are so heartless! The principal and interest of the money I borrowed from you are not counted clearly for each year, and the change has been recovered. Why aren't you happy?" Yellow Fish Afraid There is a fishmonger who picks yellow croakers and has a vigorous pace. A rich man liked his strong feet and hired him to lift them. Unexpectedly, he was walking very slowly while carrying the sedan chair. The rich man asked him strangely why, and the bearer replied: "The yellow croaker is afraid of the smell, so he has to go fast. What is my husband afraid of?" A strange instruction before execution: A prisoner will be beheaded according to law. When the officer tied him up, he unbuttoned his shirt, slapped his chest with his hands, and asked him what he meant. He said, "I'm afraid I caught a cold. This is not for fun." Halfway through the officer's escorting him, he suddenly heard the crow of a crow. He knocked his teeth 3 times and chanted the sutra 7 times. When asked what he meant, he said: "The crow's crow means there will be a quarrel. The purpose of knocking the teeth and chanting the sutra is to avoid quarreling with others." Finally, when it was time to ask for a knife, He then begged the executioner: "Please wipe the edge of the knife clean with rough paper. I heard that if the razor is not clean, I will get sores when I shave my head; if the decapitation knife is not clean, I will get sores in the future. "When will it be ready?" A Drunken Monkey Someone bought a monkey, dressed it in clothes and hats, and taught it the etiquette of kneeling down, which was very decent. One day, the host hosted a banquet and asked the monkey to perform a bow and salute. Everyone thought it was very cute. A guest gave it some wine, and it got so drunk that it took off its clothes and hat and rolled all over the floor. Everyone laughed and said, "This monkey looks like a human being when he doesn't drink wine, but when he drinks wine, he doesn't look like a human being anymore." He came and took out 100 taels of silver and said, "I'll give this money to you. Go buy good clothes and good food. Your wife and family will benefit a lot. After a while, the government will send officers to check people. Could you please let me know?" They'll tie you up and they'll let you go home after a few days." Seeing the bright lights on the table, the fool quickly agreed and took the money back. An elder in the neighborhood knew about it and hurriedly came to persuade him: "Return the money to him quickly. If you lose your life, what's the use of ten thousand gold?" The fool said: "With the money returned, I can live those difficult days by myself. It's really hard." Dementia." The old man sighed and left. The fool spends his money, and the whole family is very happy. Not long after, the official document arrived, calling the fool by name. The officers tied him to the execution ground and beheaded him. Then the fool cried: "I regret that I didn't listen to others' advice, even today! But I learned my lesson today. This is the only time I will suffer!" Black Teeth and White Teeth There were two prostitutes, one had black teeth, and the other had white teeth. ; One tried every means to hide his black teeth, and the other tried every means to show off his white teeth. Someone asked the prostitute with black teeth what her last name was. The prostitute pursed her lips tightly, puffed out her cheeks, and whispered in her throat: "Gu." When asked how old she was, she puffed out her cheeks and replied: "15."

Finally, I asked her what her skills were, and she replied in her throat: "I know how to play the drums." " Others asked Bai Ya what the prostitute's name was. The prostitute opened her mouth and replied: "Qin. "When asked how old she was, she opened her mouth again and answered: "17. Asked her what she could do, she opened her mouth wide, exposing her white teeth, and said, "I can play the piano." " Bragging about his son. A father and his son were walking together. An acquaintance of the father met him and did not recognize his son, so he asked, "Who is this? The father replied: "Although this man is the ninth-generation direct son-in-law of the real grandson of the Minister of Civil Affairs, who is extremely favored by the imperial court, he is my son." "Returning my blushing face. Before I went to a friend's house for a banquet alone, I was half-drunk and my face was red. When I went to the friend's house for a banquet, I felt that the taste of the wine was very light. The more I drank, the more tasteless it became. Even the original wine was no longer there. When I woke up, my face turned red. After the banquet, I said to the host: "Your wine is very good, but please return my red face!" "I would like to be my son. An old man is described as haggard and physically weak, but as long as he is said to be old, he will be annoyed. If he is praised for his youth, he will like it endlessly. After one person found out, he deliberately took advantage of him and said: "Although you have a beard and hair. She is all white, but her face is delicate and delicate, not only comparable to that of a child, but also as fresh and tender as my newborn baby's skin. The old man was overjoyed and said: "If your face can be so fresh and tender, I would like to be your son." "From fast to slow: The teacher was very angry that the master did not invite him to drink. When the students came to the school to study, he taught poetry quickly and angrily: "Spring Outing to Fragrant Grassland." "The student reluctantly followed with tears in his eyes. However, he understood the teacher's intention and said, "Father." The teacher asked, "What does father do? The student replied: "Buy meat." "The teacher slowed down the teaching of poetry slightly: "In summer, enjoy the green lotus pond. The student still couldn't follow, and the teacher asked again: "What does your father do to buy meat?" ” Answer: “Please, sir.” The teacher's anger gradually subsided, and he slowly taught the third sentence: "Drink yellow flower wine in autumn." " He asked again: "When will you invite me? ” Answer: “Just today.” "The teacher was overjoyed and slowly and clearly taught the fourth sentence: "Winter chants a poem about white snow. "There is a man who likes to take advantage of the skylight. When doing things for relatives and friends, he often takes the lead in asking everyone to pool money for a banquet. However, he often hides his share and refuses to pay, and also pockets the extra wine money. The king of hell hates him for being too conscientious. He was taken to the underworld and thrown into a dark cell to suffer. But as soon as the man entered the cell door, he shouted: "This room is so dark. There are several people here. Please collect money to open a skylight." So bright and bright. "(The proverb is "opening the skylight" for advocates of embezzlement and corruption who collect everyone's money.) There was a crazy son who often liked to say depressing words at the wedding banquet. One day, his brother-in-law was getting married at his house, and his father took him to the banquet. The son just When he was about to speak, his father said: "In his family, getting married is a time of joy, so don't say depressing words. The son said: "I don't need to ask you to tell me, I understand: 'Marriage is not a funeral.' '" A man asked for a pig's head debt when he went out during the New Year. He encountered a bird dropping feces on his hat. He thought it was unlucky and wanted to sacrifice to the Bodhisattva to eliminate the disaster, so he owed a pig's head to the butcher on credit to use as a sacrifice. Not long after, the butcher saw him and said : "Zhutou has owed money for many days and should pay it. The man replied: "I owe you for many days, but I have an analogy: If the pig doesn't give birth to a head, will you come to me to ask for the pig's head?" The butcher said: "How can there be a pig without a head?" The man said, "Since this doesn't make sense, I have another point to say: If I paid back the money last year and you ran out of it, wouldn't there be no money left?" The butcher said: "You are even more ridiculous. If you had paid me back last year and used it, you would have saved me other money." The debtor lowered his head and thought for a while and said, "That doesn't make sense. Let me make it clear to you. For example, if this bird droppings were sprinkled on your head, you would definitely use a pig's head as a sacrifice to the gods to ward off disasters. Where would you get any money for a pig's head?" Woolen cloth? "The Opposite of Wind and Rain. There was a teacher who liked to drink, and often drank like crazy. Once, he occasionally asked the students to answer a word-"rain", and the students said "wind". He added three words: "urge" Flower rain. The student said to him, "You are drunk and crazy." "Five more words were added: "It rains in the garden. "The student said to him, "We often drink alcohol and go crazy at the banquet." The husband said, "That's right, but you shouldn't talk about my husband's shortcomings. The student said: "If I don't change my ways, I will be your teacher's teacher." "Fart Article" A scholar was very good at talking and was used to helping people with lawsuits. The county magistrate hated him very much and said, "Scholars should study with peace of mind behind closed doors. Why do they have to go in and out of the Yamen?" I think the article you wrote must be ridiculous, I will give you a test when I come up with a question. "As he said this, he was thinking about a topic, and suddenly he farted, so he used the fart as the topic to write an essay on.

The scholar immediately respectfully presented his words: "The teacher raised his golden butt high and let out a precious fart loudly. It was as sweet as the sound of silk and bamboo, and as fragrant as the smell of musk orchid. It is a great honor for a young student to stand in the limelight." County Magistrate He laughed and said: "This scholar can't write serious articles, but he can do great things in fart articles. There is a cesspit for 10,000 people on the east street of this county. I asked him to stand by the cesspit and smell more musk and orchid every day, so as not to He had nothing to do but disturbed others. "Inexhaustible" A man asked to stay at the temple for the night and said, "I have something that I can never use up for generations to give to your temple." The monk was happy to let him stay and was very happy with him. polite. The next morning, the monk asked what it was. The man pointed to a tattered curtain in front of the Bodhisattva and said, "Hey, take this thing apart and make a small stick for picking lamps. How can we use it for generations to come?" Mother of Eggs A and B ate salted duck eggs for the first time. A said in surprise: "The eggs I used to eat were very bland, why is this egg so salty?" B said: "Fortunately you asked me about this. Let me tell you, this egg is born from a salted duck." A certain rich man was stingy and always gave his servants only half-full meals. One day when he was about to go on a long journey, his servant asked: "What should I do if I get hungry on the way?" The rich man found a rope and a wooden wedge and said, "Don't say you are hungry on the way, otherwise you will be laughed at. If you are hungry, I will take care of it." The way is, just say: "I'm hungry," and I will make you feel less hungry." After walking for a long time, the servant was very hungry and hurriedly followed the rich man's instructions. The rich man quickly took out the rope and tightened the servant's stomach. Not far away, the servant shouted again. The rich man took out a wooden wedge and stuffed it into the rope. He found a brick and banged it against the wedge. He said, "It's so tight, so I won't be hungry!" He couldn't walk a few more steps. , the servant shouted more urgently, the rich man was furious, untied the rope, and the wooden wedge fell to the ground, and said: "You hungry slave, go find another family quickly, I have such a good guy, I don't have to worry about it." "People use it." Someone in my family often speaks in a humble way. One day, he entertained guests and while he was drinking, the moon rose. The guest said happily: "The moon is so beautiful tonight!" The man quickly raised his hand and said: "Don't dare! Don't dare! This is just a rough moon in my house." Several officials and robbers drank, ordered and composed poems, and each One has to use a poem to describe a person who has the same nature as a robber. One said: "The person who takes the lead in collecting money will open the skylight (the person who takes the lead in searching for money)." One person said: "Deceive people and harm others and ruin scholars." Another person said: "Four sedan chairs are coming and shouting." Everyone started shouting: "This is an official of the Yamen, how can he look like a robber?" The man replied: " You see, 9 out of 10 people sitting in a sedan chair are worse than robbers!" A fool said during the scholar's trial: "I wish I had 100 acres of land." The neighbor said: " If you have 100 acres of land, I will raise 10,000 ducks and eat up all the rice in your field." The two quarreled and went to the government for comment. When I passed the academy, I saw the high red wall and the gate tower. I thought it was the official residence, so I pulled him in. A scholar came out. They thought he was an official, so they rushed to talk about their own reasons. The scholar smiled and said: "One of you will buy a field first, and the other will raise ducks first. When I become an official, I will try this case." "I forgot about the Dragon Boat Festival. My husband didn't receive the boxing gift and asked the students why. The student asked his father and came back and said: "My father forgot." The teacher said: "I will fight you with the first couplet. If you don't agree, I will fight." The first couplet he wrote was: "The Han Dynasty has three heroes: Zhang Liang, Han Xin, and Yu Chi" "Mr." The student couldn't answer the second line and was afraid of being beaten, so he cried to his father. The father said: "There is a mistake in the pairing. Duke Yuchi is from the Tang Dynasty, not the Han Dynasty." The student reported to the teacher. The gentleman smiled and said: "Your father remembers things thousands of years ago very clearly. Why did he forget yesterday during the Dragon Boat Festival?" During the Southern Song Dynasty, there was a monk in Suzhou who drank and caused chaos. , and sent a messenger to escort him to a remote place for punishment. The transportation was inconvenient and the dissatisfaction was resented. Therefore, the sticks were constantly used and the monks complained endlessly. A few days later, while staying at an inn, the monk began to think of running away, so he said some kind words to the monk, then took out some broken silver and invited him to drink. Jie Chai, who was greedy for drinking, immediately took off the monk's shackles and drank to his heart's content. After a while, he was drunk and turned into a pile of mud. At this time, the monk found a razor, shaved Jie Chai's head, put sin clothes on Jie Chai, put shackles on him, and then escaped through the window. The next day, I woke up after a night of work, but I didn’t see the monk, so I became anxious. But when I looked at the prison clothes on my body, the shackles on my collar, and my head in the mirror, which was also bare, my worries turned into joy.

He said to himself: "Haha, even if I don't think you dare to run away!" But after thinking for a while, he was stunned again: "Hey! The monk is here, where did I go!" After the surgery, there was a soldier's arm He was hit by an arrow and the pain continued, so he asked a famous surgeon for treatment. The doctor cut off the arrow tube exposed outside his arm, then asked for money and left. The soldier said: "Who doesn't know how to cut off the arrow barrel? But the arrowhead is still in the flesh, why did you leave?" The doctor shook his head and said: "I have finished the surgery. The arrowhead in the flesh is a matter of internal medicine!" He It was a cool and hot summer day, and several officials were discussing official matters. During their chat, they talked about the hot weather and the best place to enjoy the cool weather. One person said: "There is a garden where the water pavilion is very cool." Another person said: "There is a temple and the hall is very cool." A commoner shouted from the side: "It is the coolest place in the Yamen Hall!" The officials asked in surprise. "Why?" The people laughed and said, "There is a place with no sun, so why is it not cool?" Rotten Plate Once upon a time, there was a local official who, when he took office, swore to the God: "If I ask for money with my left hand, If the right hand wants money, the right hand will be rotten." Soon, someone offered him a bribe with a lot of money. He wanted to accept it, but was afraid of breaking his oath. After thinking about it, I came up with a way: ask someone to bring out an empty plate, ask the briber to put the money in it, and then bring it in. The official comforted himself and said: "The fine I swore and swore at that time was money, but today the payment is silver. My master never took any action. If he wanted to die, he would just rot the plate. It has nothing to do with me." "Integrity Officials" wrote a new county official In order to show his integrity, the official posted a couplet on his door: "If you accept Muye's money, you will be punished by heaven and earth; if you listen to the words of the Yamen servant, men will steal and women will be prostitutes!" The people saw this and thought he was an upright official, and were very happy. Soon, the county official became corrupt. In order not to conflict with the couplet, all bribery must be done openly during the day; as for money, the parties must personally deliver it themselves, and no government officials are allowed to handle it. After realizing that his son didn't like reading, his father locked him in the study room and ordered: "Read the book carefully with your eyes and think about the book again and again, and you will understand the truth from the book!" Three days later, the father asked Did he understand any truth from the book? The son said seriously: "You are absolutely right! I have been reading according to your teachings for three days, and I have gained a lot. I understand: the book was originally printed!" A Square Snake Someone saw a snake and said exaggeratedly to others : "It's 10 feet wide and 100 feet long." Others naturally didn't believe it. He then reduced the length of the snake by 20 feet. People still didn't believe it, so he reduced the length of the snake by 30 feet and 40 feet, and finally reduced it to 10 feet. Someone said: "According to what you said, it is 10 feet long and 10 feet wide. This snake -" The man shouted in embarrassment: "Oh, it has become a square snake!" There was a doctor who was very sick if he refused to take medicine. Before he died, he shouted in bed: "If a good doctor can cure my illness, I will reward him with the family elixir. If he takes it, he will live for hundreds of years!" There is a person who eats Fengqi cigarettes. The landlord was very mean to his servants. He neither gave them food nor wages, and the servants were all angry. Once, a friend said to him: "I will give you a servant who will not eat and will not be paid." The landlord asked: "What will he eat if he doesn't eat?" The friend replied: "He has learned a way to eat wind and smoke. I won’t eat anything else all day long.” The landlord shook his head and said, “I don’t want it.” The friend asked, “Why?” The landlord replied, “The servant you recommended only smokes when I hire him. If you don’t do it, how can I get rich?” A man likes to drink and becomes drunk no matter how much he drinks. His wife is very angry. Once, he asked his wife for a drink. His wife poured the ramie-soaked water into a jug and gave it to him to drink. After drinking for a while, he started to tremble again. The wife scolded: "You will become drunk and crazy after eating hemp-soaked water?" He laughed and said, "No wonder I can't go crazy no matter how much I move today!" One louse, many people were drinking together, and one person was itchy. , he scratched for a while and suddenly touched a louse. Afraid of being laughed at by others for being dirty, he threw the lice on the ground and pretended to be dignified and said, "I still thought it was a lice." A guest picked up the lice and looked at it carefully, and said to everyone, "Hey, I still thought it was a lice." It's not a louse." The rich man in rough clothes and his guests were talking in the hall, and the servant came to bring tea. He had no clothes on his body, and only used two thin tiles to cover his lower body from front to back, with a straw rope tied in the middle. The rich man scolded: "How do you behave when guests are here? Wearing such thick clothes! Go and change into soft clothes!" After a while, the servant took off the tiles, put on lotus leaves, and came to the hall again.

The guest said: "The expenses in the house are too extravagant!" The rich man asked: "Where is the luxury?" The guest replied: "You, a servant, have both rough clothes and soft clothes, aren't you extravagant?" The rich man said: " When this servant comes to my house, I want him to go back to my house for dinner. I only care about his clothes. If I don't give him another suit, how can I keep him?" The rich man who carved food invited guests to dinner, and the table was full. Dishes are delicious. However, they are all carved from wood, and their surfaces are colorfully painted. The guest said: "Although these foods look good, they can't satisfy hunger." The rich man said: "As long as they look good, you will be full after eating them." Busy in chanting sutras. A monk in a riverside temple was chanting sutras when he suddenly heard a bell ringing in the corner of the temple. He called out: "Apprentice, apprentice, the bell is ringing very hard. The wind must be very strong, and a boat must be blown over in the river. I am chanting sutras and worshiping Buddha, and I have no time to go out. Please go to the river bank to salvage something for me. If someone drowns in "Don't try to rescue people in the water." Special "Firecrackers" On the first day of the Lunar New Year, every house will open the door and set off three firecrackers to celebrate the Spring Festival. The most taboo thing about the firecrackers is not to go off. One person said: "Every time my family celebrates the New Year, they always tap the table three times with a ruler. It doesn't cost money, and there is no need to worry about causing a fire, and the three 'firecrackers' all crash and bang, so there is no need to worry about it." Damn it!" An old man celebrated his 100th birthday. A certain person congratulated him: "I hope you live to be 120 years old." The old man was very angry and accused: "I don't rely on you to support me, so why should I limit my life span? Life span? Are you not allowed to live for a few hundred more years?" Suddenly, a rich man farted while sitting in the living room, and there happened to be two guests next to him. One guest hurriedly said: "Your fart is noisy, but it doesn't smell at all." Another said: "Not only does it not stink, it also has a strange fragrance." The rich man immediately said with a frown: "I heard If the fart doesn't smell bad, it must be because the internal organs are damaged and the time of death is imminent. Am I going to die?" One guest hurriedly raised his hand in the air and sniffed several times: "The smell is here." The man wrinkled his nose, sniffed it several times, then covered his nose with his hand and said, "Oh, the smell here is even worse." The teacher asked two students to Explain the topic. One student wrote: "Two fifteen-year-olds dare not sit down even though they have chairs and benches." Another student wrote: "They are half the age of sixty, but they still have to stand on two legs." Two clay statues, one There are two clay statues in the temple: Laojun, the founder of Taoism, is on the left, and Sakyamuni, the founder of Buddhism, is on the right. As a rule, left has higher status than right. One day, a monk came in and saw it. He was very dissatisfied and said: "My Buddha's power is boundless, how can I be inferior to Laojun?" So he moved the Buddha statue to the left side of Laojun's statue. A Taoist priest saw it and said angrily: "Our Taoist ancestors are extremely noble, how can we succumb to Buddhism and put it on the right side?" Then he moved the Laojun statue to the left side of the Buddha statue. The two kept moving each other back and forth, and even broke the two statues. Identifying the character "鱼" Someone asked how to write the character "鱼", and someone else wrote him the character "鱼" (the traditional Chinese character for "鱼"). He looked at the characters sideways and vertically, and finally shook his head: "This character has two horns on its head and four legs on its feet. Where does a fish swimming in the water get its horns and legs?" The writer said: "This It is indeed the word for 'fish'. If you say no, what is that word?" He shook his head and said seriously: "Look, it must be an animal that walks on land. It depends on you. The size: If it is written big, it must be a cow; if it is written medium, it is a deer; if it is written small, it is a sheep." There is an old lady named Wang Guangguang, who is rich and likes to talk big. She made herself a coffin and wanted to inscribe something on it, so she rewarded the Taoist priest with a lot of money and asked him to come up with a glorious name so that she could have a good reputation after her death. The Taoist priest thought about it and finally wrote this inscription: "The Grand Master of the Hanlin Academy and the Imperial College offered sacrifices to Grandma Wang's coffin next door. Lincoln was polishing his leather shoes. A diplomat pretended to be surprised and said: "Mr. Lincoln, how do you clean yourself? shoes?" Lincoln asked: "Oh? Do you polish other people's shoes?" Agree 435 | Comments (2)