I am very depressed today. Somebody tell me a joke to make me happy!

1 The student was caught by the headmaster when he climbed over the wall and entered the school.

Principal: Why not go to the school gate?

The student pointed to the clothes: Mi Bang Wei, don't take the usual road!

Principal: How did you get such a high wall over?

Students clap their pants: Li Ning, anything is possible!

Principal: What's it like to climb over the wall?

The student pointed to the shoes: Xtep, the feeling of flying!

The next day, the students came in through the main entrance.

Principal: Why don't you climb over the wall today?

The student pointed to the shoes: Anta, I choose what I like!

Principal: Why don't you wear your school uniform?

The student raised his trousers: Sam, wear whatever you want.

Principal: Aren't you afraid that I won't let you into school?

Students clap clothes: a noble bird, no one can stop it.

The headmaster was furious: I want to remember you well!

Student dissatisfaction: Why?

The headmaster sneered: m-zone, my site is my call!

A Chinese teacher from Shandong Province read an ancient poem "Wochun" by Lu You to the students and asked them to dictate.

The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows. A student dictated the following.

Wo Chun, I'm stupid.

Mume smells flowers, I have no culture.

I hate the bottom, I have a low IQ,

If you hear me lying like water, ask me who I am.

Eduardo Chun Lv. A big donkey.

The coast is green, I am a donkey,

The coast is green, I am a donkey,

The coast is like a dark green. I am a stupid donkey.

Wochun, I'm stupid,

I have no culture, because I lie in the plum blossom and smell the flowers.

Weave and paint the sky. I can only farm.

The fish kissed Shi Shui and wanted to know who I was.

Answer Chun Lv with a lying stone. I am a big donkey.

Attention, passengers, train 3838438 from the United States and other countries to Afghanistan is about to leave. Please take someone else's luggage and get on the bus with someone else's wife. Passengers carrying detonators, fuses and inflammable and explosive articles, please get on the bus and light them in crowded places to make more contributions to family planning work in China. When the train is running at high speed, please stick your head and hands out of the window as much as possible so as to solve it at once. This is a civilized train. You can throw your urine, fruit and dander in the aisle of the carriage at will. His phlegm can be spit in your face, and your phlegm can be spit in his mouth, which is convenient for protein to fully absorb. This train also provides convenience for a third party to intervene, bridge the gap for extramarital affairs, go through the divorce formalities quickly, and completely break your family. As a scrapped car, this train has been running for another 30 years. Because there is no brake, you have to collide with other objects to stop. If you find your head on your feet, you will reach your destination-heaven. The train driver wished the passengers a pleasant journey.

One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" " "

The teacher said angrily, "Good morning? What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? "

So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!" "

The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?"

The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" "

The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again! " "

The students shouted: "Good morning, teacher, good afternoon and good evening!" "

The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say the antonym loudly. Start now. "

Teacher: "The weather is fine today."

Student: "The weather is terrible today."

Teacher: "There is sunshine everywhere."

Student: "There are clouds everywhere."

Teacher: "The road is crowded with people."

Student: "There is no one on the road."

Teacher: "Young."

Student: "Old."

Teacher: "Stand."

Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."

Student: "There is an old man lying on the road."

Teacher: "I found a dollar."

Student: "I lost a dollar."

Teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher."

Student: "I stole a teacher and lost a dollar."

Teacher: "No, you can't say that!" " "

Student: "Correct, you should say so!" " "

Teacher: "Wrong."

Student: "Correct."

Teacher: "that won't do, it's illegal!" " "

Student: "This is ok, this is a legal act!" " "

Teacher: "I was wrong."

Student: "We are right."

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is right!" " "

Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong!" " "

Teacher: "You are so stupid."

Student: "We are very smart."

Teacher: "Stop!"

Student: "Go on!"

Teacher: "You stop now! Stop it! "

Student: "Go on now! Say it! "

Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" " "

Student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" " "

Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" " "

Student: "The teacher listens to us!" " "

Teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" " "

Student: "The teacher should listen to the students!" " "

Teacher: "now you stop practicing!" " "

Student: "Now let's continue to practice!" "

Teacher: "Are you endless?"

Student: "We finish what we started!" "

Teacher: "Then stop! Stupid pig! "

Student: "Then we should continue! Genius! " ..................................................................................................................................................................................

5 County Party Secretary: "Rabbit, shrimp, pigtail! Without pickles, pickles are too expensive! " Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! After the secretary of the county party Committee finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!" (Translation: Now please speak to the county magistrate! The county magistrate said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is chinemys reevesii!" " "Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! County magistrate: "Don't be a pickle, I'll lick a shit for you? "Stop talking and let me tell you a story, okay? County magistrate: This shit may be eaten by someone. Some people may know this story. County magistrate: Don't worry about not eating (don't worry about not understanding) County magistrate: I'll pull it for you now-

.6 Little Nutbrown hare said, "My mother calls me Little Nutbrown hare, which is nice!"

The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " "

The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "

The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "

The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It looks good!" " "

The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "

The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "

The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

Jimmy Lin said: "My fans say my idol is Ying."

Andy Lau said: "My fans say: My idol is Hua."

Jacky Cheung said, "My fans say my idol is called a friend."

Jordan chan said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

The senior math teacher said that I will teach senior math this semester.

The college physics teacher said: I teach big this semester.

The information management teacher said: I teach asset management this semester.

The socio-economic teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.

Peking University said: I am from Peking University.

Tianjin University said: I am older.

Shanghai University said: I went to college.

Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first!

General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!

General fu said to him: I am just!

General Yu Dayou said: I am a man with great potential!

General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!

The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of logs. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door.

Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic.

The door of Lao Wang's house is made of stone. Lao Wang said that the door of my house is Shimen.

Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first!

Bai Yu said: My name is White.

Jade jade said, my name is jasper.

Redjade said, My name is Redjade.

Apricot said: you chat, I walked first!

The students of normal college said: I am from normal college.

The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges.

The student of the Air Force Academy said: I am from the Air Force Academy.

The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first!

Q: Who does Bruce Lee like best?

Bruce Lee likes A Duo best!

Woman: Because he always shouts, "A Duo A Duo Addo! ! ! ! ! "

Andy Lau took May to drink water in Stephen Chow. Suddenly Nicholas Tse blew and a Nicky Wu emerged from the water. Nicky Wu took Ekin Cheng, rode on Ka Kui Wong and took May; Holding Emil Wakin Chau, Andy Lau stepped on Deric Wan, crossed Zhao Benshan, Rosamund Kwan, Pan Changjiang, grabbed May, returned to Aaron Kwok, and hung a flag in this city called Richie Jen.

9 melon vendor: "Come and eat watermelon, if it's not sweet, it's free!" "

Hungry Niu Niu: "Wow! Great, boss, have a sweet one! "

10 Three little pigs

One day, the wolf wanted to eat three little pigs. Two of the three little pigs are at the door and one is on the roof. Pig 1 and pig 2 are at the door, and pig 3 is on the roof. Who is the name of pig 1, where is the name of pig 2, and what is the name of pig 3. ) So there was a wonderful dialogue.

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig 1: Right.

Wolf: What?

Pig 1: What's on the roof?

Wolf: I mean what's your name?

Pig 1: My name is "Who" and "What" is on the roof!

The wolf asked Pig 2 again: Who are you?

Pig 2: I'm not a "who", he is a "who". (pointing to pig 1)

Wolf: You know him?

Pig 2: Hmm!

Wolf: Who is he?

Pig 2: Yes.

Wolf: What?

Pig 2: What's on the roof!

Wolf: Where?

Pig 2: "Where" is me.

Wolf: Who?

Pig 2: Who is he? (pointing to the pig again 1)

Wolf: How should I know?

Pig 2: Who are you looking for?

Wolf: What?

Pig 2: He's on the roof?

Wolf: Where?

Pig 2: It's me.

Wolf: Who?

Pig 2: I'm not a "who", he is a "who".

Wolf: Good heavens!

Pig 1? 2: "My God" is our father.

Wolf: What, your father is?

Pig 2: No!

The wolf couldn't stand it anymore and sighed: Why?

Pig 1? 2? Do you know our grandfather?

Wolf: What?

Pig 1: No, our grandfather is "why".

Wolf: Why?

Pig 1: Yes!

Wolf: What's this?

Pig 1: There is no "why".

Wolf: Who?

Pig 1: Who am I?

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig 1: Yes, who am I?

Wolf: What?

Pig 1? He is on the roof. …………

1 1 If you don't take a shower in spring sleep, your feet stink everywhere. Bear came at night and lost to Hong Kong Foot.

So at the foot of my bed, eating shit is the healthiest. X-rayed, my ass is covered with sores.

12 One day, the devil caught the princess.

Devil: "Just scream ... no one will come to save you ..."

Princess: "Broken throat ... broken throat ..."

No one: "Princess ... I'm coming to save you ..."

Devil: "Say that Cao Cao will be here ..."

Cao *: "Devil .. Why did you call me ..."

Demon: "Wow ... seeing a ghost"

Ghost: "Shit! Was discovered .. "

Shit: "Ghost, can you see me ..."

Devil: "Oh, my God! 」

God: "Who called me? 」

Who: "Nobody called you ..."

Nobody said, "Where am I? Play dumb! 」

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me? 」

Who: "It's me again? Are you looking for trouble? 」

Trouble: "which one is looking for me?" 」

Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't ... hey, there are so many people here. "

Many people: "I just arrived … who are you?" ? 」

Which one: "I'm not who."

Who: "He's not me."

Princess: "Is everyone here to save me? 」

Everyone said, "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun."

Lively: "What do I have to see? 」

God: "It's none of my business. Let's go first. "

Devil: "You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? " ? How can I play this demon king? 」

Go down: "You good devil won't do it, what shall I do?" 」

Princess: "If no one hits the devil, I can go."

No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go ..."

How come: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement."

Lively: "What are you looking at me for? 」

What: "You want to fuck me? Rogue! 」

How dare you: "I didn't? 」

Me: "What does it have to do with me?" 」

Devil: "Shit! I'm going crazy ... "

Shit: "What am I doing? ...」

Madman: "What do you want me to do? 」

You want me to say, "I don't know anything! 」

I don't know anything: "I don't know! 」

I don't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me? 」

Someone said, "I didn't call you! 」

I didn't say, "Who called him? 」

Who: "Wrong ... I didn't ..."

I didn't say, "I haven't wronged you ..."

You: "I dare you."

I dare you: "Who says I dare not! ? 」

Who: "please ... I didn't say anything."

I have nothing: "What do you want me to say? 」

I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?" ”」

My long-lost brother: "Kao ... my name is very long ... I will be called ..."

Who: "... I want to leave this troublesome place. "

True or false: "So this is my place ..."

I am nothing &; No: "Don't make any noise. We are talking ... "

Don't argue with Allah: "I'm not talking ..."

I didn't: "I didn't speak! ...」

I am nothing: "-_-"... go ... let's talk outside ... "

Go: "I'm sorry ... (wriggle)"

I have nothing: "It's none of your business ... Go away ..." (Two brothers go out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Whoops ... why did you kick me out ..."

Why: "I don't want to kick you out ... listen ... don't cry."

I didn't say, "Oh ... What does it have to do with me?"

None of my business: "What? Did anyone call me? 」

Someone said, "Who wants to call you ..."

Who: "I really have to go ... T.T." "

Go: "I'm really embarrassed ... *V.V*" ("Who" collapsed)

None of your business: "... aren't you my cousin?" ”」

It's none of my business: "... cousins of the same age (or cousins) ... long time no see ..."

For a long time: "I'm not here ..."

Devil: "Are you finished? 」

Endless: "He doesn't have me."

You: "I don't have him."

I just said, "Who said that? 」

Who: "What do you want me to do? 」

Do you want to fuck me? 」

You: "I won't fuck him."

I said, "Who said I wouldn't? 」

Who: "Wrong! I didn't say ... "

He said, "What should I do? 」

? "You two are shameless! 」

You two: "I want it! I want it! 」

Face: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I don't want it."

Devil: "Hurry up, or I'll kick people out."

Man: "Kick me out? Looking for k "

K: "Who wants to see me? 」

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again! 」

He said, "Don't trust me."

Me: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I finally caught one. Kill it. "

One: "Don't arrest me."

Me: "I've had enough, too. Whoever mentions my name again will never let you go! 」

Who said, "Look at my eighteen dragon palms! 」

Me: "Look at my nine yin bones and claws! 」

Eighteen palms of dragon descending: "What am I to see? 」

Jiuyin Bones Claw: "What am I to see? 」

What's there to see: "Brother, I finally found you! 」

What's there to see? "Brother, let's talk outside."

Devil: "Shit ... this is an engagement meeting ..."

Finally, the devil suffered from schizophrenia.