Several jokes that can make girls happy the most.

Several jokes that can make girls happy the most.

1, man: "Miss, you are as beautiful as a flower." Woman: "Thank you." Man: "Miss, you are as gentle as the moon." Woman: "Thank you." Man: "Miss, you are as pure as holy water. Woman: "Thank you. Man: Miss, can you marry me? "Woman:" You are as wordy as my husband! " "

2. However, if it grows to 1cm, you have to replace the iphone 4s with the iphone 5. You should be glad that your girlfriend doesn't have the same idea.

3. Son: Dad, tell me a story. Dad: OK. Once upon a time, there was a frog. Son: No, I want to hear historical stories. Dad: OK. In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog.

4. Crime of fraud: The law department of a university will take the criminal law exam one day. The first question the professor asked the students was: "What is the crime of fraud?" The student replied, "If you don't let me pass the exam, it's fraud." The professor was surprised: "How to explain?" The student said: "According to the criminal law, anyone who makes use of others' ignorance to make them suffer losses is fraud ..."

5, the old saying and the new humorous quotation: 1, the authorities are fascinated, and the onlookers dare not say it. 2, the mountain is not too high, the water is not too deep, and the money is not too much. I have a long career in Xiu Yuan, so I will have ups and downs. 4, the crowd looked for her thousands of Baidu, suddenly looking back, that person is next to the luxury car. 5, my son is in Sichuan: the pollution is so fierce! 6, well water does not invade the river, and the river pollutes the well water. 7. Who is the world hero? Don't! Laozi is the first.

6. Children are thinking about "heredity and environment". Mom interjected: This question is very simple. As we all know, children who look like their fathers are inherited. Like neighbors, that is the environment.

7. A: "My wife and I had a big fight last night, and all our food was thrown out from the balcony on the seventh floor. The result ... "B:" What was the result? " "The building where I live this morning is surrounded by a group of scientists who specialize in flying saucers."

In the mid-1980s, my family bought a new TV set, 2 1 inch, which was several times larger than the previous 14 inch. Watching big TV, the whole family is of course very happy, especially grandma. I remember she asked my dad, "Those two announcers should be able to watch the whole body in this news broadcast, right?"

9. Wolf cubs are born vegetarian. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

10, my husband took an orchid bowl and solemnly said to his wife, "Don't break the bowl again. This bowl was left by your mother. Now there are only two left, and you have to break all the others. " The wife gave her husband a white look and said, "Then don't be angry with me in the future. I was dumped by my mother, too, leaving me alone. "

1 1. Give the old man a hand when he falls. Master Kangxi said: You are one of us. If you see someone fall, help them! Don't be afraid if he misinterprets you. Laojiu will buy you off, Old Eight will protect you, and Thirteen will give you courage. It doesn't matter if you lose the lawsuit. Old ten and old fourteen will help you beat him. If not, Lao Si will copy their home.

12. Tomorrow, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you, which reads: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky, I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself.

13, people with mobile phones listen: you have been chased by happiness, chased by good luck, monitored by wealth, attacked by health, successfully attacked by sneak attack, and stared at by happiness. Please immediately put down your troubled weapons and pressure bombs and surrender immediately!

14. Once upon a time, there were two people, one named Zhuang and the other named Xiao. One day Xiao disappeared, and Zhuang happened to see a group of people fighting, so he went to Bala and said, I'm looking for Xiao! The gang paused and said, are you faking it? Yes, I am!

15. Do you have a TV? Now, take a quick look at the murdered central Zhao Benshan. Pol.ice blocked the northeast, 19 died, 1 65,438+0 disappeared,1fooled!

16. On his girlfriend's birthday, Guo Shuai spent a lot of money to buy a QQ number and sent it to his girlfriend. The number is 13 14520, which stands for "I love you all my life". After I bought it, I couldn't log in at all, prompting that the password was wrong. Handsome guy takes a closer look, and the original number is 13 14250.

17, I miss you silently. Silent blessing is the truest. Silent thoughts are inseparable. Silent worry has been in my heart. Waiting silently to meet you. Silently, I miss you deeply, deeply. ..

Recommend some jokes that make girls happy.

Recommend some jokes that make girls happy.

1, when the wife is angry, men have to hide; When the wife is angry, the man keeps a straight face; When a wife is fat, men slip; As soon as the wife is rich, the man will step down.

2. zebra and panda failed to make love ten times. The zebra asked the panda why he didn't agree. Panda said: My mother said that tattooed people are hooligans! Zebra said angrily: My mother also said that people who wear glasses are gangsters!

Two tadpoles swim side by side in the lake, scientist: the product of cloning! Fans: Twin Sisters Singing Group! Sketch actor: big head and thick neck, a rich man and a cook! Netizen: Hey! And QQ!

4. A leader's speech: Children are flowers of the motherland and growing saplings. But people are constantly surpassing life. What will happen in the future? A person in the audience replied: Greening the motherland.

In the interrogation room, pol.ice asked: Why did you escape from prison? A: I found a peach and thought that heaven was hinting at me to escape. Q: Then why were you arrested again? I was too careless to notice that the peach was white!

6. A cockroach asked a spider to borrow money. The spider was embarrassed: you know that the Internet is not dry yet, and it is full of bubbles. You might as well find flies and mosquitoes. They made a pesticide advertisement last year and made a lot of money.

7. It's dark and windy at night. A woman got into a taxi from the entrance of the funeral home. The driver took out an apple and just wanted to eat it. The woman said flatly, "I loved apples when I was alive." The driver suddenly froze. "But I don't like them after giving birth."

8. After the two mice got married, the mother mouse became more and more arrogant. One night, the male mouse wanted to scare her and went to the door to meow. His wife was not afraid, but said softly, "Mao Ge, stop screaming. My husband hasn't gone on a business trip yet."

9. Bears go up the mountain to exercise every day. One day, the tortoise wants to go up the mountain, too. The bear said, you put your four legs in, and I will catch up with you. Up to the top of the mountain, a bird in the tree laughed wildly: Look at your bear-like appearance and flip phone!

10, a: "What is the most painful thing in the world?" B: "Go to work." "More painful?" "Go to work every day." "More painful?" "overtime." "No matter how painful it is." "White overtime!"

The old reporter asked the soldier what inspired you to be so brave. The third-class hero said: Fight for the motherland! Second-class hero: They have occupied our house and women! First-class hero: the company commander issued a bulletproof vest, only to know that it was a cotton-padded jacket afterwards.

12, nine out of ten households in a residential area have installed security doors, but only one household does not. One day, nine families were stolen together. Only the thief on the door without the security door wrote: don't worry about me, I will worry about you!

13, the butterfly said to the bee: You are so stingy, you are full of sweet words but you won't give me a word. The bee said: Hum, you are talking about me. You have two antennas on your head. Why didn't you text me?

14, a woman cried to her friend: After her husband died, she only left me 30 million! The friend was surprised: should you be happy? The woman explained that 30 million yuan is: never take care of children/filial parents/never remarry.

15, beautiful factory My family's salary will never increase. It's really bad. The most beautiful thing every day is lard residue, no fish, no meat, no shrimp, no oil, no salt and more sand. I miss my mother in the middle of the night, and tears welled up.

16, someone's family is lazy, and the dog at home opens the door. One day, the postman sent a letter. The dog opened the door and took the message: Thank you. The postman was frightened: he can still talk! Dog Busy: Shh! Don't be heard, or I will answer the phone.

Several classic jokes

First, after high school military training, the first day of class is Chinese class. I didn't rest at the same table, so I slept in class. The teacher saw it. "Sleeping students, please answer this question." My deskmate woke up with a tingle. "I won't ..." Teacher: "Concentrate on the class, don't sleep, sit down! Then student No.53 will answer this question. " The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I won't …" The teacher fainted. "Sit down, and then the students will answer!" The deskmate stood up and said, "Teacher, I really can't!" " "Sit down! The representative of the Chinese class answered me! " The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I am the representative of Chinese class ..."

Second, when I was in primary school, I only had a few cents of pocket money every day. Once I saved money for a few days and finally bought a pack of spiced melon seeds. In class, I secretly broke them all, and the melon seeds were put in the desk drawer. When I came to class, I watched the melon seeds get greedy, and then I stuffed them into my mouth. It felt good. When class was over, a classmate asked me what to eat, so I had to say eat melon seeds. I bought spiced melon seeds specially, and only the shell without meat is delicious. . As a result, a group of classmates gathered around my seat that afternoon and ate the melon seeds I licked twice. . .

My house is rented to a Japanese guest. One day, a guest called me and said in fluent Chinese, "Sang, the natural gas at home is running out. Can you help me add it?" Since guests seldom bother me, I especially hope that I won't be inconvenienced by the house, so I asked, "Sang, are you dead now?" I felt something was wrong when I said it. Fortunately, I am Japanese and don't understand the essence of Chinese. I actually replied, "I'm not dead yet. I think I'll die in three days!" "

Fourth, my wife is obsessed with cooking and learned to use chopped pepper as her husband's favorite fish head. Husband smacked his lips after tasting it: what a good thing, what a good thing! Wife is happy: since it's all right, eat more. Husband: What a pity! You ruined everything.

5. Actor: Director, please give me a real brandy. Without real wine, it is difficult for me to express my realistic feelings. Director: OK, but the scene of taking poison tomorrow depends on you!

The young soldier received a letter from his hometown. When he opened the envelope, he took out a blank sheet of paper. "What is this?" The friend asked. "The thing is," said the soldier, "I had a quarrel with my fiancee when I left my hometown. Neither of us has spoken to anyone since then. "

8. "Judge, I insist on divorce. My wife and I have nothing in common. " The judge went on to say, "That's not important. You can find an interpreter together. "

Nine, in the examination room, A student secretly turned to ask B student, "Ah, in the eyes of my lover ..." What does the second half of this sentence mean? "The second student replied:-Beauty is in the eyes? When marking the papers, the teacher had no choice but to laugh. It turned out that a student's paper said: "The thin shit appears in the lover's eyes."

After dinner, husband and wife watch TV news in the living room. When the wife saw the news, she said disapprovingly to her husband, "Look, this man is disgusting! It's disgusting to sell your wife after losing all the gambling! Honey, you won't do the same thing to me, will you? " The husband replied bluntly, "Of course not! How can you mortgage a worthless thing? "

Mr. Pat invited a doctor to visit his wife at home. He let the doctor into the back room and sat outside himself. Soon, the doctor poked his head out and asked, "Mr. Pat, do you have a screwdriver?" After a while, the doctor asked for pliers again. Then I asked for a hammer. Mr. Pat finally couldn't bear it: "Doctor, what happened to my wife?" The doctor said impatiently, "I don't know yet, my medicine cabinet hasn't been opened yet!" " "

Humorous jokes that will make girls happy in 2020

20xx latest humorous jokes amuse girls.

1, with you, my smile permeates from early morning until late at night; With you, my world has ended all the sadness; With you, my happiness is no longer lacking. A lifetime of love, because of you, is enough.

2, my fate, falling in love with you is my love, guarding you is my duty, and accompanying you is my blessing. I love you a little too much in this life, and I have made a backup for loving you in the next life!

3, miss you, the ice and snow melt into a lake; Miss you, the stars gather in the night sky; Love you, and a true heart will always beat for you. Dear, let's follow this beat and love each other forever.

4. Meeting you is the fate of my life; Holding you is the joy of my life; Falling in love with you is the luck of my life. It is my happiness to have you with me in this life.

5. Give you a hug with the most intimate temperature; Take care of you with the gentlest eyes; Take care of you with the most practical actions; With the most sincere feelings, really give you happiness!

6. There is a horizon close at hand, an acre of mulberry field called the sea, a bunch of love called till death do us part, and an unforgettable miss. I would like to protect the mulberry field of your world, spread my thoughts and look forward to the blooming of love roses.

7. Xiawan, the harbor of the moon, the river of stars, you miss fishing in my heart; Summer bay, happy harbor, happy river, I am romantically fishing in your smiling street, and those who are willing to take the bait.

8. A promise of love, a heart waiting for a lifetime, a greeting from a warm day, and an eternal yearning for you. I miss you and wait for your reply. I hope my existence will make you happier!

9. Clouds also go with the wind and hide at the other end of the mountain; You go, I go, and I can't help holding hands; Love also goes, and the boat swings on the water; Feed the cantaloupe, and the sweetness will enter your heart.

10, following the clouds is the happiness of the wind; Dependence on trees is the happiness of leaves; Falling in love with flowers is the happiness of butterflies; Facing the sky is the happiness of the earth; Being with you is the greatest happiness in my life!

1 1, either say it or keep it in your heart, it's you anyway. Care for each other and take care of each other. You don't have to meet every day, but what will last forever is your concern: take care, dear.

12, shape follows shape, snuggling is just a moment of scenery, soul mates, and a moment is already a thousand-year love; May true love, the end of the world remains the same, in your heart every day; I wish to be with you, never forget reincarnation, never abandon life and death, and never leave my old age!

13, take love as the boat, miss as the paddle, full of love; Spring tide, precipitation in the past, gently put you in my heart; This feeling is the most charming, this heart is the most sincere, miss you, miss me, let love last forever!

14. Meeting you is God's arrangement, knowing you is God's gift, knowing you is my fate, and falling in love with you is the fate of reincarnation. In this life, I just want to be with you forever!

15, there is an arrangement called fate, which has its own destiny. There is a network called love, which is long, sparse and not leaking. There is a kind of love called missing, which is everywhere and stumbling. I really miss you.

16, it is late at night. Send a text message asking who you think of. Like me, do you want to get drunk and miss your heart alone? Dear, follow for love, even if your face is haggard, you should have no regrets!

17, someone asked me who you think of first when you are lonely, who you think of first when you are lonely, and who you think of first when you are happy. My answer will always be the familiar name, and that is you.

18, at night, you are in my dream; During the day, you are in my heart; Dependent, you are in my eyes; Separation, you are in my thoughts. Dear, I have you every day and never forget every minute.

19, the night is a little deep! My heart is a little broken! I don't know if you have slept; You are the moon and I am the sun, and the sun, moon and stars are always suitable; You are a candle, I am a moth, and I am willing to burn in the flame. You deserve my eternal love.

20. With the starlight, play the most beautiful love songs for you with heartstrings, travel through time and space, and haunt the years; Surrounded by mountains and rivers, I will take the most beautiful photos for you with my true feelings and keep them for a lifetime, sweet years.

2 1, some people say: the loose left shoelace means I miss you, and the loose right shoelace means you miss me! I tied my left shoelace tightly and loosened my right shoelace, but the left shoelace was still loose. I can't help thinking about you.