Please tell me some jokes

On the Mid-Autumn Festival when I was a sophomore in high school, my cell phone suddenly started ringing during class, and the teacher confiscated it. In the afternoon, the teacher called me to the office, gave me a severe scolding, and asked me to write a 2,000-word review. After finally finishing the training, the teacher pointed at the desk and said, "Take it back." I was so dazed by the training that I looked up and saw a box of beautifully packaged mooncakes on the table (actually, it was given to the teacher by the school). welfare), I was so grateful that I completely forgot about my mobile phone, grabbed the mooncakes and ran away... The teacher walked out slowly and said "Hey——" blankly...

11 , I pinched the neck of a big rooster but didn't dare to cut it. After hesitating for a long time, I strangled the chicken to death

12. Once while eating and chatting in the cafeteria, I suddenly found myself cutting a piece of The rice fell outside, and I secretly felt sorry for the farmer uncle for wasting food, so I picked it up and ate it. But later I found out that the meal didn't seem to be mine...

14. Another toilet. My classmate's university is a key university. I have never been there, but I heard that all the facilities are in place, such as an electronic reading room and a campus card. What's even more ridiculous is that the toilet still has voice-activated flushing.

Once, she was sending text messages while defecating. When she was about to get up after finishing her work, she accidentally dropped her cell phone. The urinal was very shallow. In fact, it would be okay if she picked it up immediately and wiped it clean. thing. But--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------She was startled by the phone falling, and unconsciously shouted: "Ah!" As a result, the phone was washed away...

15. A: Does my avatar look like a cow?

B: Like

17. When I passed by an intersection that day, I felt the desire to fart. There happened to be a person riding a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to cover up the sound of my fart. Who knew? The sound was too loud, and the person riding the motorcycle thought the engine was on, so he put it into gear and was about to leave. I was really embarrassed that time...

19. Someone gave a bath to his 3-year-old daughter , as soon as I put my daughter into the basin, my daughter shouted: "Mom, look, daddy is picking up a girl."

20. One day, the bus was extremely crowded, and it was difficult to get on and off. , someone wanted to get out of the car, but a couple from out of town blocked the door. He squeezed and squeezed hard, and finally got behind the couple, but the driver braked. , accidentally stepped on the husband. The husband didn’t say anything, but the wife yelled at the top of her lungs, "What are you doing, you are crazy?" A certain gentleman knew that he was in the wrong and was not good at speaking, so he remained silent. , just waiting for the car to come into the station quickly. Unexpectedly, the woman refused to let go, and still shouted over and over again, "You are crazy, you are crazy, you are crazy, you are crazy, you are crazy." A certain gentleman endured it, endured it, and when he got off the car, he turned to face The woman who was still shouting suddenly said - "Repeater, you!!" The whole car burst into laughter. !

Question: Why do pangolins keep digging. Answer: He is looking for Pangolin

There is a test scope called "Test the entire book", a test focus called "Everything I have talked about is the key points", and a multiple-choice question called "Look at "Everything is correct." There is a kind of fill-in-the-blank question called "Nothing at all."

When I was a child, my family was poor and we couldn't afford to take the bus, so I took a taxi to school.

Don’t speak English in front of me, understand

Q: You were riding the bus, and suddenly the person next to you glanced at you and vomited. What should you do?

Answer: Really good concentration! Most people would faint immediately when they see me.

Q: A man stepped on your foot on the bus and said "I am Jay Chou" to you. What was your reaction?

Answer: Step back.

You can show off from now on, I stepped on Jay Chou!

Question: Why is Xiao Longnu still tired of Yang Guo without a car?

Answer: Who said there is no car? He always uses Diaopai!

Female: Are you there?

Male: I am everywhere!

Female: Dizzy...

Male: Come on, faint in my arms, Com on baby!

Female: Haha... What is your name?

Male: I didn’t scream, and you didn’t molest me?

Female: I’m asking for your name.

Male: Oh yeah~ My surname is Nangong, Pengyou, or Nanpengyou for short!

Female: Haha, friend...

Male: Yes, please call me by my full name, boyfriend?

Female: Here you are, taking advantage of me again...

Male: You are not a vegetable in the market, why should I take advantage of you?

Female: You...

Male: Oh, shed tears! In fact, that is my stage name. My surname is Ni and my name is Lao Gong. What's yours?

Female: Um...my name is Xiaowei!

Male: So it’s you!

Female: Do you know me?

Male: Well, I hum to you every day!

Female: Why?

Male: Xiaowei, do you know how much I love you...

Female: Haha, you are so funny!

Male: Everyone says that!

Female: You are so immodest.

Male: Wrong! I am not hypocritical!

Female: You are so narcissistic!

Male: Wrong! I am confident!

Female: I can take you...

Male: I weigh 60 kilograms, can you take it in?

Female: ... (depressed) How old are you?

Male: It’s indescribable, very burly!

Female: I asked you your age?

Male: Two two is four, four forty six, sixteen plus eight minus four is what?

Female: Twenty... Male: The answer is correct, but unfortunately there is no prize... What about you?

Female: Haha, I’m eighteen.

Male: Eighteen is great!

Female: How can you see it?

Male: It is said that eighteen or eighteen is a flower!

Female: So what?

Male: I dare to pick you off, what do you think?

Female: I am a rose with thorns, are you not afraid?

Male: I can’t type the word “pa”.

Female (changing the topic): Where are you from?

Male: Central Plains

. Woman: Um...where is the Central Plains?

Male: I’m ashamed, I have no fixed home in the world!

Female: Real or fake?

Male: Can I coax you with your wisdom?

Female: That’s true...but don’t you want to have a real family?

Male: Why don’t you want to, it’s just...

Female: Just what?

Male: It’s just that no girl wants to compete with me**.

Female: Let’s find one!

Male: The reality of today’s society is that true love is hard to find. How easy is it?

Female: Hey, don’t be so disappointed, there will be something!

Male: Will you? I'm so lonely, I don't know when I can get rid of it?

Female: Are you still lonely when I chat with you now?

Male: No, I feel good, but it’s just a temporary feeling...

Female: Aren’t you afraid that you won’t be able to type?

Male (comes suddenly): Yes, I want to pick your thorny rose.

Female: I have collected the thorns. Can you pick them and bring me home without letting me wither?

Male: There are two songs that are my promise to you...

Female: Which two songs?

Male: "Xiao Wei" and "The Flower Protector".

Female: Really?

Male: Indeed, this heart can be judged by the world and the sun and the moon!

Female: Well, boyfriend!

Male: Haha, it would be better to call me Lao Gong!

Female: Well...husband!

Male: Shhh...Honey, stop talking, someone is watching our conversation