You also pay attention to art when you speak? !

I just finished reading Speak Well published by Ma Dong's team a few days ago, focusing on improving my speaking skills, knowing myself and knowing each other's psychology. I want to speak well on five occasions: speech, communication, persuasion, negotiation and debate. The art of speaking focuses on social communication, emphasizing that speaking has a "standard answer", that is, speaking without making mistakes in every occasion, and studying the psychology of speaking, how to practice through reasonable methods and how to express it accurately in different occasions. Although this is an imported book, there are many references.

The author of The Art of Speaking is Rosalie Maggio, a famous American communication expert. She has written many books on interpersonal communication and provided communication skills training courses for employees of Fortune 500 companies. The subtitle of the book "The Art of Speaking" is a reference book to teach you how to socialize. This book is the most popular authoritative social reading for American teenagers, and it is also a training material for communication skills of employees of multinational companies, so that you can have a pleasant conversation with strangers and become friends in the shortest time.

Usually, although we don't know how to speak ourselves, no one wants to listen to such words as "How are you getting fat again", "How do you earn so little money" and "How are your clothes so ugly". No matter how close the relationship is, you should know that Rome was not built in a day, and people will stay away from you over time. Fighting between friends, jokes between colleagues, seemingly ordinary, when parting ways, your crimes will be numerous.

The stage of life is talking, and talking is a kind of capital. "The art of speaking" is to teach us what to say when we meet and speak at the most basic level.

But successful conversations are all "prepared", so you must be prepared to "have something to say" in advance. The topic of reserve is what you chat about. Where did it come from? Probably the news, newspapers, weekly magazines and books you just read, or listening to others' chats, chatting with friends, giving speeches, taking the subway or going to the grocery store from radio, TV, WeChat and blogs can all be the sources of reserved topics. Prepare a series of conversation topics such as people, activities and questions that you are interested in in in advance. Maybe you don't need them in conversation, but you can use them when necessary to deal with this situation.

Calm and confident in conversation is essential. To be calm, decent and confident, we must adhere to the following three principles: 1. People will look at you from your self-evaluation, and your attitude towards yourself will be reflected by what others think of you. In short, what you think you are is what others think you are. People will feel your emotions and reflect them. If you are enthusiastic, they will be enthusiastic; You are boring, and they are more boring. People will act according to your expectations. If you think people are unfriendly and arrogant, then they may really treat you like this.

Many people have unnecessary body language in conversation. I wonder if you were shot.

What kind of movement is the most appropriate body movement? The best action is a sincere smile and an occasional meaningful nod.

When introducing two people, one is to introduce their full names and the other is to add an objective identity description. If two people have different status, they should first introduce the lower status to the higher status.

The above three aspects are the most difficult "breaking ice" to start a successful conversation, and used here is how to successfully strike up a conversation with people.

When starting a conversation, keep in mind three principles: know each other, talk about yourself and find common ground. These three principles can make your conversation go smoothly without embarrassment. Communication skills in conversation include manipulating conversations, learning to ask and answer questions, telling jokes, solving difficulties in chatting, praising others and listening effectively. In addition, the sense of rhythm is very important, especially for those who make you nervous, pay more attention to the rhythm. It is also very skillful to compliment each other in conversation. Short, sincere and unique compliments are impressive compliments.

Here are some examples I appreciate in the book:

Learn how to answer questions-the beauty of closed and open questions and answers

"Do you like Paris?" (Like/dislike) "What do you like about Paris?"

"Do you like reading?" (Like/dislike) "What book have you read recently?"

In terms of telling jokes-never deliberately tell jokes, especially cold jokes.

A: "We went to the ballet last night, and I still think the way they danced on tiptoe is amazing."

B: "Why don't they just find a taller dancer?"

Answer: "I found three better shells, which can be put in my collection cabinet."

B: "I also collect shells, but I scatter them on beaches all over the world."

What happens if people don't understand your jokes?

"I really don't understand. I can't tell jokes, so why should I tell them? "

"Sorry, I think I put my foot in my mouth. I have to go home and ask my brother in detail. "

"I must take back the joke. This is the second time I have been humiliated by this joke. "

Chatting on the road-in many ways, just a few small examples.

1, forget the other person's name

"I must have put it in my right brain, and now I am using my left brain."

"My brain suddenly got stuck."

"My mother told me that this will definitely happen today."

2. Unintentionally hurting or revealing secrets.

"Can I delete the last scene?"

"Am I blushing?"

"I must have put my foot in my mouth. Sorry. "

"I don't blame you for being angry-I would be angry, too."

"I am really, really, really sorry."

The other party is speaking ill of others.

Do you really believe these things?

"God, I feel like I'm in sixth grade again."

"I have no patience with rumors, and rumors are simply unreliable."

"I can ask him about it. Maybe he has another story. "

"That's interesting, because he mentioned that you always have only good words of praise."

Step 4 ask inappropriate questions

"Do you need to know this?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I kind of want to know if there are any bears around here? "

"You idiot, how can you ask this question?"

"I promised my mother that I would never say anything."

I met the Tang priest.

"God, I forgot to take medicine an hour ago. Sorry, I have to take the medicine right away. "

"My cell phone is ringing, so I have to answer it."

"Let's talk about it another day. I have to go now. "

..... There are many other scenes, so I won't repeat them one by one.

During the conversation.-Are you bored? One person monopolizes the whole conversation? Interrupt others? How can you continue when someone interrupts you? Are there any buzzwords? Should we generalize? Is there room for speech? Is the statement too much? Are you telling a secret? Top secret? Do you gossip? Are you better than John? Are you complaining? Will you hurt others? Are you hurting yourself? Did you choose the wrong word? Did you end the conversation in a questioning tone? Can't you finish it? Do you chat gracefully? ……

Bad news-"Did you hear about Lisa?" "You won't believe what I heard about Dennis."

Good gossip-"Good news, Jenny is married, and the man is very good."

End of conversation-a very safe way to keep the drink in your glass at a quarter position all the time, so that you can find an excuse to add more drinks or talk. The best way is to interrupt yourself, not the other person.

"Our new product is about to start operating until ... oh, no! I should have gone somewhere else ten minutes ago, sorry. "

The author also cited many examples of different people's ways of speaking (chatting with the goddess, chatting with family members, chatting with sad people) and different occasions (chatting with colleagues, talking at meetings, talking about business, making phone calls), so I won't elaborate here.

The hardest feeling in the world is just right. As a person, the purpose of language communication is to make people comfortable. It's neither awkward nor pretentious, nor overly enthusiastic or sarcastic. In fact, this is the least kindness to people, and it can be regarded as the art of speaking.

It is true that everyone will not be liked and accepted by everyone, because we will be influenced by our own inherent attitude towards people and things, but we are fully capable and necessary to control our mouths so as not to hurt others, at least we should not be bored by being outspoken.

The true nature we flaunt should be calm and generous, generous and personable. When we open our mouth, we say "don't blame me for speaking straight" and then shut up, because that is a sign of low emotional intelligence. Only on the premise of respect and goodwill can we talk about honesty and frankness.

I know someone who I admire to this day. He always greets people and talks with a smile. He will certainly praise each other in small details, which will not make him feel deliberately unnatural, but will easily narrow the distance. Never be aggressive when you encounter something, but resolve all hostility in a gentle and calm place.

When you get along with such people, you feel peaceful, comfortable, calm and calm. No one can but like such a person.

Think twice before you speak, think about the result and do one more thing, think twice before you speak, think twice before you speak. Only children can be unscrupulous. When you are old, you should be a polite teenager, a young man who takes care of the overall situation, and a middle-aged man who pushes himself and others.

"Good words are warm in three winters, and bad words hurt people in June." There are three things to say, the one with skill is the best. Cai Kangyong, a famous host, said that people's life may not change, and their appearance may not determine their charm, but-talking can! May our future life and speech be artistic!