How to start a chat after a breakup, use these ten topics to chat

Why do some people break up as soon as they say they are done, and why do some relationships end when they say they are done with? It is because there is no explanation when there is a misunderstanding, and there is no communication because there are conflicts. As time goes by, the distance between our hearts becomes far away, and our hearts become distant. , people have changed. The same goes for redeeming love. You must have sincerity, trust, and most importantly, communication. Without communication, conflicts will remain buried there.

Recently, many people have asked me: Teacher Jin Kun, I feel that I can’t communicate or chat with my ex. I don’t know what topics to talk about. Either I often chat to death, or I am the other person. I often don't reply. Is there any way to help? Today I will tell you in detail, what should you pay attention to when chatting with your ex after breaking up?

From a psychological perspective, human memory is divided into "explicit memory" and "implicit memory". Explicit memory is what we usually understand as memory, and there are traces to follow; while implicit memory records a large amount of information, especially bad emotional memories, without the person noticing, and then affects a person's life unknowingly. Behavior. There would be some minor conflicts in the relationship, but neither of them took it to heart at the time.

But the actual situation is: you are one hour late for the date, and he enthusiastically carries your bag after seeing you. He says it’s okay, but his implicit memory has already recorded the little emotions he had because he was waiting for you. , after a lot of times, he will feel: Well, you have no sense of time and don't care about other people's feelings, so it will be tiring to get along with you.

Slowly, his little emotion will be recorded in his implicit memory, and this piece of information will subtly affect his whole person and make him feel that he doesn't love you. Because implicit memory is uncontrollable, a big problem in recovery arises: distrust.

Since you don’t trust, you will be defensive. Therefore, no matter what you say or do, he will only think that you are pestering him to win him back. Therefore, it’s not that he didn’t see the message you sent him, but he responded selectively or even didn’t reply at all. On the other hand, as long as you resolve his distrust of you and remove his defensiveness, the problem of him not replying to you will be solved. The conventional approach is to start with his hobbies, which can be food, sports, or the latest movies he watched.

First of all, let’s talk about some of the ways exes least like to chat.

1. Use old relationships to get closer. You may think that even if you break up, you can still maintain friendship, but bringing up old relationships with your ex will only have the opposite effect. Of course, when two people talk about their past relationships, Everyone will feel something and even cry, but this time is different from the previous fake breakups. If you still retain the understanding of the past breakups, the two of you are not on the same channel, and it will be annoying to talk too much.

2. The same opening statement. After being together for a long time, you only need to start some words, and the other party will know what you want to say next. There is nothing wrong with this in itself, but after all, you are trying to recover. If you still Without opening a word, the other party guessed the intention. If it were you, you would treat the chat as entanglement.

3. There is nothing to talk about except love and love. If you chat with your ex and there is no other topic except I miss you, I love you, do you miss me... It can be said that you know too little about him. No matter how sweet the couple is, they will get tired of having sex with each other all day long, not to mention that they have broken up now. So if you send him something like this, he will definitely not be interested and will only find it greasy and boring.

4. A forced tone. You have to understand that it is difficult to feel happy in a forced relationship. For example, say you really want to see your ex, and then you text him, "Can I wait for you downstairs in your company after work? You must come, I want to see you so much."

If someone said this to you and you were not very willing, would you pretend not to know and just not reply?

5. Lack of self-awareness. For example, sometimes when meeting an ex, he talks more than before. Some people think that they have encountered a window, so they forget about it. In fact, the ex is just perfunctory, or has no words. If you express your impatience and continue chatting without self-awareness, he will really not be willing to chat with you next time. Seizing the opportunity must be based on correct emotional perception.

6. The words do not express what you mean, especially when chatting online. If the words you say do not express your wishes correctly, it is easy for your ex to misunderstand. Then it is better not to say anything. If you are not good at expressing, don’t express it. .

Secondly, how should you chat with your ex? Don’t worry, I have summarized ten chat topics below. I hope you can use them flexibly according to your own situation to take your relationship to a higher level.

Help:

1. Excuses for traveling: You can just say, are you busy? Did it bother you? That’s it. I plan to go to Guilin with my friends recently. I found a lot of guides on the Internet, but my friend felt that the route arrangement was not reasonable. I remember that you have been to Guilin before. Can you give me some suggestions or recommend some interesting attractions or delicious places?

2. Excuses for learning to drive: You can say, are you busy? I won’t bother you. It’s like this. I want to sign up for a driving school because I don’t understand it very well the first time I learn to drive. , I don’t know where to sign up, and I don’t know much about the fees. I remember that you recently got your driver’s license. Do you know anyone in this field? Can you recommend it to me, or tell me about it.

3. Computer’s excuse: You can say this: Are you busy? I found that all the icons on my computer desktop were gone. I didn’t know what I pressed wrongly, and I couldn’t fix it myself. I feel a bit stupid, can you help me check it out?

4. An excuse for studying: You can say, are you busy? That’s right. I was just doing a math test paper. I thought about a question for half an hour but couldn’t figure out how to do it. I also searched online. I can't find the answer. I remember that you seem to be quite good at mathematics. Can you help me answer it?

There are many excuses to help, so the teacher will not give examples one by one. It is best to give them based on your situation. Find what works best for you, don’t just apply it. If the other party doesn't understand these aspects at all, and you continue to talk forcefully, no one will get any good enthusiastic feedback.

One thing to note is: if he replies, just say thank you politely and then leave. If he continues to reply, just chat for four or five rounds with a normal attitude.

If he doesn't reply to you at all, ugh. It's already been so bad, are you sure you still want to redeem yourself? Also note that no matter what the topic is, you must be polite and friendly, and don't be harsh. Then discuss the matter and leave after talking!! (After all, it is not possible to get back together after just one or two chats. If getting back together was that easy, you wouldn’t be broken up)

Gift:

5. Excuse for small items: "I have something here that I bought for you before. Let me give it to you." Show that your motives are pure and you really just want to give him something. Then look at his attitude. If he is determined not to do it, stop it in time. If he wants it, he can ask if he wants it delivered by mail or in person.

6. Excuses for online shopping: You can deliberately buy something online and then send it to the wrong place. You can say: I’m busy. This is it. I bought a facial cleanser online yesterday. I accidentally chose the default address and sent it to you. If you are free, sign for it for me. I will pick it up another day or you can send it to me, or you can refuse to sign for it and let him go the same way. Go back, trouble.

7. Excuses for repaying money: If the other party bought you something valuable not long before the breakup, or you borrowed the other party's money and have not paid it back, you can say this: Are you busy? , it’s like this, I remember you bought something for me before, but I haven’t given you the money yet, but today I just paid my salary, so I’ll transfer it to you, whether it’s Alipay or WeChat.

8. Excuse for giving gifts: For example, you went out to make cookies today. If you are currently in a good relationship, you can say this: Send two photos of you making cookies, and then say: It’s my first time. You are in luck with the biscuits made by yourself. Do you want to try the biscuits made by this girl? I will send you some.

Hobbies:

9. Music excuse: You can share a song that you or he likes more, and then say this: By the way, I found a song today, it’s very nice. I think you will also like the song, and I will make sure that you will not get enough of it after listening to it.

If he likes Jay Chou very much, check when there will be a Jay Chou concert and invite him: If you want him to pay some money, you can say this, by the way, my friend has two Jay Chou concerts. Tickets for his performances are on sale at a 40% discount. I see that you like to listen to his songs. Would you like to book them for you? By the way, take me to see him.

10. Funny video excuse: If he usually likes to watch some funny videos, you can collect one or two and then send them to him and say: I found a very interesting video today and it made me laugh. for one day.

Finally, what I want to say is: don’t regard him as your ex. Since he didn’t take the initiative to delete you after the breakup, it means that as long as you avoid the misunderstanding of being blocked by him, nothing will lead to it. In more serious cases, when looking for him, you are not limited to text, but can also use pictures.

Trust and secondary attraction and elimination of negative perceptions are a cumulative process that require your long-term subtle influence, so your mentality is particularly important.

Don’t make him the center of your activities, as this will easily make him think you are doing it deliberately. No matter what you do, he feels that you are trying to save him, then you should do the opposite. It is the most appropriate way to be mysterious and reveal some sense of need at the same time. Your ex thinks you are trying to win him back, but in fact you are just inadvertently showing some neediness.