Village head ribbon-cutting joke daquan

Village head: dressed in clothes from the northwest countryside, speaking dialects, in his forties.

Village head: Now roll call: members of the juice factory team! Gong and drum team! Yangko team! Iron cannon team! Flower team! Eight old people! Take your team and stand forward! Hey, hey, you worry too much! What are you doing with a spoon, dog, kitchen knife and rolling pin? Are you going to the battlefield? I'm afraid to eat when I go back to business. As the leader said several times before, Cao cut the ribbon like a married man! Hey! It's a mess It's a mess Isn't it the first time Murakami cut the ribbon! Since the rural development poverty alleviation policy has completed two projects: tractor ploughing road and drinking water for people and livestock, have more than a dozen stalls, large and small, been set up? Open every month! The first one listed is the "seven Jin and a half Guo kui steamed stuffed bun" processing center! The mayor cut the ribbon; "eighteen peddlers" logistics service company, the county magistrate cut the ribbon; Leaders of alfalfa processing plant cut the ribbon. In August this year, ten pig farmers jointly established the pig industry shares, and also wanted to ask the governor to cut the ribbon! Why not invite the central leadership to cut the ribbon? Ten pig heads came to talk to me. The village party secretary, village head and central leaders are busy opening the Olympic site. What are the central leaders busy with, and how about their leisure time? A pair of scissors has been installed for three months. Do you have a village head in your eyes? I'm not complaining. Everybody stand still! Dog, why are you sitting in the back? Yeah, yeah. Look at your head (face). Just like the local products dug up in Tiri, you are still in front there! Are you afraid that the city leaders will not talk about your local flavor? Now, let's make a comprehensive exposition of the significance of the opening of the juice factory:

Xiawazi Juice Factory leaders attach great importance to it! Offer to cut the ribbon for the students! Speaking of it, many people in the village went to work a few years ago, and many places were idle. Nobody! City leaders mobilized Cao and said, Yes, why should we use the favorable conditions of returning farmland to forests to plant Australian green apples and produce juice later? Some people just can't move! Cold ass on a hot kang, take advantage (stay long)! Why, I didn't understand it at first, and it was too expensive! Why, the government is subsidizing and sending experts to guide. You see, in a few years, all the fruit trees in the mountains and plains have grown tall. In foreign words, (Mandarin) "plant fruit trees, run factories and squeeze juice! Aware of this-the transition from junior high school products to high school products, Ha honestly Deng the industrial chain of modern agriculture! "

What are you laughing at? Why are you smiling? Why don't you come up as the village head and let you be the village head? When you run time in your house, you will be caught in a whirlwind. When you work for the village, you are in trouble! Why, you see, your time has improved in recent years. There is someone in the building, and the double rows of seats are open! Pig farms are thriving! Look at your madness, ah, your tail is higher than the back of your house. ("village head, come here, village head, see how to add! What about pig farms? The United States imports original breeding pigs! The head is big, the waist is thin and the ditch is round (ass)! Very sexy. " ) Well, it's sexy, even sexier than your wife. Dog, you think it's your skill? This is a good policy. Your mother brought you up! In 75, your grandfather raised three pigs and smuggled them to the black market, hoping to sell them at a good price and let the commune know that pigs would be confiscated and people would be criticized. Oh, there is also a Cui's name (charge), called cutting the tail of capitalism! Ah, I scared your grandfather. Roar like a lion charmer! "Pig don't pull the ground! Don't pull the pig! You just said to cut the tail, not pull the pig! Why not cut off the pig's tail, cut off the capitalist pig's tail and leave the socialist pig to each other! " . Dog, you ask three, eight old people are pinching in front, you ask three. Thirty years ago! Look at the current department, as long as it is not illegal, anything can be done! Oh, I won't let you do anything! Why can Cao run a well-off life in this village and why can he run so many stalls! Admittedly, this is the party's rural policy. This place is nice! Were you still running a pig farm before you left? Cut the ribbon? You cut the pig's tail!

Don't make so much noise Where's Ida? How could I forget? Oh, running a factory. Two big families in the village took the lead, and every household joined the stock market with fruit trees! Every family is a shareholder in the juice factory. The doll is paid monthly as a worker in the juice factory, and the land can pay dividends every year! It is equivalent to saying that a radish and a knife are cut at both ends. The land is not idle, and farmers' income has increased! What's this called? This is called land circulation! It was affirmed at the Third Plenary Session of the Seventeenth Central Committee! Cao (we) can't help walking in front of the policy! Did you make money by your two acres of land? An acre of land is 800 Jin, 88,640 yuan. Besides agricultural fertilizers and seeds, there are still some money left. The eyes can read, and the mouse's tail is swollen and not strong.

Time is running out! Why hasn't the leader come yet? One more point: among the groups that appeared, the yangko team performed the worst! Yangko team, look at the way you dance Yangko, your faces are really buzzing! Dog, who owes you money? Does the municipal government owe Kazakhstan or does the village head owe Kazakhstan? Look! Anything that can be exempted is exempted! All kinds of subsidies go directly to your card, and you can't deduct them if you want! No seams left in each one! Someone laughs behind his back, won't he laugh in front of others? It will be a little bigger. What? What? Who are you kidding? Dancing yangko for 30 years! I haven't heard anyone's disc herniation is a yangko twist! Even if the yangko twisted your intervertebral disc, now the "new rural cooperative medical system" will reimburse you! Angry, stop it.

Chairman! Send some people to have a look! Take a look at the village chief. The leader hasn't come yet. Ah, what, call? Everyone knows the phone number! Oh, wait a little longer. Hey, speaking of this phone call, everyone thinks of one thing. You say how convenient the mobile phone is now. Oh, the land hasn't been packed for a year. Get up in the morning, take the donkey up the mountain to cut the land, pass by the brigade and listen to the old branch secretary. He is on the phone. (shaking hands) Commune ... Commune, Geng Chuansa (talking), Commune, Commune,,. Until noon, everyone came from the mountain and listened to each other. The old man was still fighting in Hotan: commune, commune! I'll call you ancestor, and you'll be relieved! hahaha. Everyone is in the outside world (outside), and everyone says, old branch secretary, your private line phone is not running as fast as every foot, so why do you have something to convey to you? After shouting all morning, an old man came out with his hands on the wall! Okay, hey! Look! what are you reading? There is a sparrow on the wire. what are you reading? Guess what he said? Oh, I've been calling all morning, but I can't get through. You see, I kept so many words in Wow. Such a big bun can still squeeze out silk! hahaha. Whose cell phone is ringing! Turn it off! Oh, every one. Hey, hey, (Answer the phone: Hello, leaders, you are village heads. Oh, have you reached Ada? Not coming? Ah,,, this is, the leader,, the county has something to pinch? Look at the leaders, you personally turned Xiawazi Village Juice Factory from returning farmland to forests, planting trees and building factories, and cultivating talents! Now you have helped us by dragging Lu Chu halfway up the mountain. Do you really think we can't come? (Disappointed) It's over. The leader won't come. Tell me to cut it myself. What should I do? They are all out of breath. Wang coldly said, you usually talk the most, so you can't get it out. Have you ever been kicked by a donkey for a while? What, you recommend every one! Hey hey, this, this thing can't be done. This,,, everyone also oh,,, oh,, everyone agrees. Oh, what a nice wound. ,,,, Stop! I'll cut each one open! Beat gongs and drums! Iron cannon, release it! Yangko, dancing, come on, come with me. Sing and twist! Spring in the countryside will never change; The weather is sunny, the rain is steady, and the wind twists and the rain falls! We haven't cut the ribbon yet (Cut the ribbon) Xiawazi Village Juice Co., Ltd. has opened!