What are young people worried about in the face of marriage? Investigation on young people's willingness to marry and love.

Mid-Autumn Festival and National Day, two consecutive festivals, 26-year-old Xiao Gu was urged to get married by her mother: "Why don't you fall in love?" People your age are in love and married, and some children can play soy sauce, so you can rest assured. Don't be picky. In the end, I can only pick the rest of others. "Xiao Gu's good mood for the holidays plummeted and she quarreled with her mother:" Do you have to make me so miserable? "Many people around me, like me, are not in love. It is my freedom to fall in love and get married whenever I want. Don't rush me again! "

This kind of urging marriage is staged in many families and has become a major theme of the conflict between the two generations. This also reflects that with the changes of the times, young people's attitudes towards marriage and love have changed greatly. 1995-2009 Young people, as an "Internet generation", what is their view on marriage and love? What are they worried about in the face of marriage?

On May 20th, 20021year, many couples made a special trip to the sweet love road, which is known as the sweetest road in Shanghai. Wang Gang Photography/Bright Pictures

1. The willingness to love has become a major feature of young people's views on marriage and love.

"In the matter of getting married, my parents are more anxious than me and have been urging me to move out."

"I haven't enjoyed being single enough. I want to do my job well first, then buy my own house, and then talk about marriage later. "

"I don't want to make do, but it's hard to find the right person to get married."

"I haven't seriously talked about an object. TV dramas and social media have a great influence on my concept of mate selection. "

Marriage is a major event in life, and "when a man is older, when a woman is older" is our traditional marriage value. In recent years, more and more young people are wandering outside the marriage hall. The delay of marriage age and the low willingness of young people to fall in love and get married (they don't want to fall in love/get married, and they are not sure whether they will fall in love/get married) have become the worries of the whole society.

In the survey, 12.8% of young people chose not to fall in love with the question "Will they fall in love in the future?". . 26.3% of the respondents expressed uncertainty. For "Will you get married in the future?" 25. 1% of young people choose "uncertainty" and 8.9% choose "not to get married", that is, 34% of young people no longer take marriage for granted. In addition, nearly 30% of the young people interviewed have never been in love.

It is found that, as the main force of marriage in the future 10 year, the marriage will of "Generation Z" youth is on the decline. According to the world marriage data released by the United Nations Population Division, by 2030, the proportion of married people aged 20-29 in China will be 69.2%, which will be 8 percentage points lower than that in 20 13.

Further analysis shows that women's willingness to get married is significantly lower than that of men. 43.92% of women said "they will not get married" and "they are not sure whether they will get married", more than men 19.29%. Women are more hesitant about marriage. However, this gender difference was not found in the survey of love attitude. This shows that women are more cautious about marriage.

The proportion of young people in economically developed areas who choose not to get married is 14.4%, which is 7.7 percentage points higher than that in small cities. This shows that the more developed the economy, the more people choose to be single. According to a statistical data, the provinces with the lowest marriage rate in China are economically developed Shanghai and Zhejiang. With the improvement of economic development, the number of young people with low willingness to marry and love may continue to increase.

2. Young people who are willing to get married and fall in love, what are they thinking?

A "worried family" trapped by practical obstacles. An interviewed youth said: "In big cities, there are only two kinds of young people, those with houses and those without houses. How can a person without a house have good love? " This self-mockery represents some psychology of "marriage anxiety". These young people are worried and helpless because of the high cost of marriage and childbirth in reality, and their willingness to get married is suppressed invisibly. People in China have been pursuing to live and work in peace and contentment, and the marriage room has become the standard of marriage in some people's eyes. The pressure of real estate has become a major obstacle for young people to choose marriage. A survey of young people in Beijing by China Youth Research Association shows that 64.62% of unmarried young people who are in love have no real estate. This survey shows that 46% of the young people choose "the economic cost of marriage is too high" among the reasons that affect their willingness to get married. In addition, 56.2% people choose "the cost of raising children is too high", ranking second among the factors that affect their willingness to get married. Concerns about the cost of childbirth make many young people reluctant to get married. "get married? I have to think about bride price, banquet, house, car and children. These eight words stumped me. " The joking remarks of netizens revealed the hidden worries of these "marriage worries".

A "lazy marriage family" with a "Buddhist" attitude towards marriage. There are also a group of young people who are not exclusive to love and marriage, but they do not make special efforts to find the "other half", but adopt a carefree attitude. Xiao Li said, "I won't go on a blind date to get married." Maybe I will meet the right person in the future and step into the marriage hall hand in hand, but if I can't find it, I can live alone. "High-pressure work and study and fast-paced lifestyle consume a lot of energy for young people. They have no time and patience to invest in love and marriage. In the survey, 34.5% people chose "I don't think I have time and energy to get married". In addition, 60.8% of young people choose "it is difficult to find the right person", ranking first among the reasons that affect their willingness to get married. Without time, the probability of success is low, and many young people choose the "Buddhist" marriage attitude. There are still some young people who are immersed in the protection of their families, and the ease of their existing life stifles their motivation to pursue a happy marriage. The netizen silently said: "I have been living under the care of my parents and brothers since I was a child. I think it is good to stay at home. They advised me to go out more and take the initiative to meet some opposite sex, but I was too lazy to go. "

3. What makes young people linger in front of the marriage hall?

Based on the values of individualism, some young people pay too much attention to the pursuit of personal value. The biggest sign of individualism is the expectation of "living for yourself". Generation Z youth are deeply influenced by individualism. They pay attention to their emotional cognition, psychological experience, spiritual needs and value realization. They not only have distinct personalities, but also have prominent self-awareness and stronger independence. Under the guidance of individualistic values, these young people have a stronger sense of independence in marriage and love, and pay attention to self-feeling and independent choice. If marriage cannot improve their quality of life or affect the realization of personal self-worth, they are unwilling to accept and choose marriage.

Due to the squeeze of time and space in modern life, some young people feel powerless when looking for an ideal partner. In today's society with increasingly fierce competition and increasing work pressure, high-intensity work constantly squeezes the personal life of young people, leading to the tension between work and mate selection. White plus black 996.

007 "has become the normal working life of some young people. They often sigh "tired and not in love" and just want to lie quietly after work. In addition, the interpersonal circle is small, the network meets most of the communication needs, the actual social needs are reduced, the information about marriage and love is asymmetric, and the credibility of the commercial marriage and love service platform is insufficient, which increases the difficulty of finding a desirable partner and prolongs the search time. Multiple objective factors lead to some young people's low willingness to get married and forced to choose single.

Based on the concept of mate selection, some young people have high expectations for marriage matching. The difficulty in choosing a spouse is the primary reason why young people are "not sure" whether to get married or not. In addition to the above objective reasons, the high expectation of a desirable spouse is the internal subjective factor of young people's low willingness to marry and love. Many young people hold an idealistic attitude towards mate selection. When there is a gap between expectations and reality, they will sigh: "It is too difficult to find the right one!" They not only pay attention to "the right match", but also pay attention to "internal matching"; It needs both the material foundation and the combination of the three views; "Beautiful women" and "interesting minds" are both necessary. This concept of "Que Ning does not abuse" leads them to be too idealistic about their partners, which may lead them to miss the best time to fall in love and get married.

Due to the high cost of marriage and childbearing, some young people take a rational evasive attitude towards marriage risks. With the improvement of social consumption level and the general attention to children, "can't afford to love", "can't afford to marry" and "can't afford to raise" have become three big mountains in the life of "Z generation" youth. A survey on Valentine's Day found that 10.77% of the post-95 generation had borrowed money from their lovers. Marriage customs such as sky-high wedding rooms, sky-high bride price and extravagant weddings cost young people hundreds of thousands to millions of yuan. The pressure brought by the refinement of raising children and the high investment in educating children have made young people shout "dare not live" and have a fear of education. The attitude of "Generation Z" youth towards marriage is more rational and pragmatic, and the balance of "cost-benefit" has become an important factor in marriage decision-making. If they think that the cost of marriage is higher than their income, in order to avoid the risks that they may face after marriage, such as "unhappy marriage", "getting married will bring a lot of trouble" and "unable to raise children", reducing and suppressing their willingness to get married has become their choice.

Based on the "punishment of motherhood", some women have resistance and hesitation about marriage. With the process of urbanization and marketization, women are also facing fierce competition in the workplace. However, the family-oriented parenting model and the imperfect social public service system make women have to face the "maternal culture" and the "maternal punishment" brought by occupational discrimination. "Motherhood punishment" refers to the negative influence that women encounter in job hunting, job evaluation, salary and promotion opportunities because of their mother role. The survey found that the primary reason why women don't want to get married is "don't want to have children" (68.83%), and the hesitation of giving birth has become an objective obstacle for women not to get married. In addition, with the continuous manifestation of subjectivity, many young women gradually break through the barriers of traditional gender culture and redefine the significance of gender roles in the times in order to remain single to show their resistance to traditional gender roles and "mother roles".

4. How to make young people "love", "want to get married" and "dare to get married"

Improve personal marriage and love accomplishment, so that people who have "unrequited love" can "fall in love". For the "lazy marriage family", it is necessary not only to achieve economic independence, but also to "wean" psychologically, get out of the comfort zone and make room for seeking intimacy, thus activating the motivation to enter love and marriage. At the same time, actively explore interpersonal circles, enrich spare time, and actively learn the skills of communication with the opposite sex. For the "fear of marriage people", we should treat the direct or indirect negative experience of marriage and love rationally, analyze the specific problems, sum up the failed experience, change the thinking and cognition of "extremely bad" marriage, and eliminate the fear. For those who are worried about marriage, we should set reasonable self-expectation and mate selection criteria, not follow the trend, not keep up with the joneses, be calm in mind, be based on reality, attach importance to the value of marriage to the spiritual nourishment of both parties, such as the consistency of values, the similarity of hobbies and personalities, and bravely pursue their own beautiful love.

On the basis of systematic marriage and love education, let the fear of marriage be "fearless". Establish a trinity of school, family and community education system for young people's love and marriage. First, it is suggested that the education department organize experts in love and marriage to design courses, incorporate love and marriage education into the ideological and political education system, and offer related courses in junior high schools, senior high schools and universities from three aspects: values, knowledge and ability. Colleges and universities should combine classroom teaching with extracurricular activities, online and offline, so that teenagers can form values that attach importance to marriage and family; Popularize the knowledge of gender relations, dispel the fragmented cognition of the internet with systematic education, and correct the irrational concept and disastrous thinking about marriage and childbirth. Second, families should play an active role in the emotional harbor, advocate excellent family education methods of harmony between husband and wife, equality between men and women and emotional harmony, enhance teenagers' positive experience of marriage and love, and stimulate their yearning for emotional experiences such as love and marriage. Thirdly, it is suggested that the community should unite with professional social organizations and marriage experts to set up youth marriage classes, marriage counseling and other activities to improve the accessibility of marriage education and enhance the emotional management ability of young people.

Build a "marriage-friendly" environment so that everyone who wants to get married can get married. First, the Propaganda Department organizes propaganda media, literary and art societies and cultural companies. Create positive cultural products of marriage and love families, organize selection activities for the most beautiful families and couples, visualize the pictures of beautiful love and happy families, and arouse the positive emotional experience of teenagers based on marriage and family happiness. In addition, the civilized and simple "new marriage custom" is vigorously advocated in the whole society, so that love marriage can get rid of utilitarian color and bad customs, so that the whole society is ashamed of "concluding marriage = economic needs", so that young people can get rid of the internal and external pressure that "people who have no house are not qualified to fall in love" and return to the beautiful picture of "two people working together and starting from scratch".

The second is to give full play to the advantages of group organizations, integrate platform resources such as civil affairs departments, market institutions and social non-profit organizations, establish and improve a big data platform for dating information, explore and develop a mobile Internet dating platform that integrates information collection, scientific matching and other functions, and create a number of public service brands with low cost, strong accessibility and high trust, and provide professional and accurate dating services.

Third, the government should strengthen the system design with the aim of "making friends through marriage" and formulate preferential policies for marriageable young people to rent public housing and buy houses; Enterprises and institutions should strictly protect the labor rights and interests of workers, oppose the culture of excessive overtime work in the workplace, and protect the rights of workers to rest and leisure space; Unit trade unions and Communist Youth League organizations can actively organize youth networking activities to enrich the amateur cultural life of young people.

With the supporting policies and services of childbearing as the guarantee, people who are afraid of life will "dare to get married". The first is to provide "affordable", "affordable" and "safe" universal care services. It is suggested that the central level should strengthen the top-level design, issue a list of policy support, and build a diversified and multi-level inclusive care service system by integrating child care, social organization, employer operation and embedding into the community. Systematic training is provided for the employees of baby nurses to provide high-quality talent support for the service of baby nurses. The government and industry associations should do a good job in training employees and constantly improve their professional identity. Relevant departments should strengthen the perfection and implementation of the qualification identification and filing management system, information disclosure system, quality supervision and evaluation system of nursery service institutions.

The second is to improve the fertility support policy with the purpose of "female friendliness". Improve the legislation related to marriage and childbearing, extend male paternity leave, set up flexible and enforceable paid parental leave for both parents, and guide men to assume more parental responsibilities. Change the existing "employer responsibility system" maternity insurance burden model, strengthen the overall planning of the government on the basis of all employers paying maternity insurance premiums, and promote the social burden of maternity insurance costs, thus reducing the burden of maternity insurance for employers and alleviating gender discrimination in the workplace.

The third is to promote family education guidance and shape a scientific and reasonable concept of parenting education. Through publicity and education, parents' classes, etc. We should actively publicize the new concept of talents and the new concept of family education, oppose over-refined and comparison-oriented education, put an end to the phenomenon of "rushing to run" in education, and reduce the cost of childcare and educational anxiety.

(Members of the research group: Yan Xiaoyan, Jiang Zhenhua, Li Yanping)

Guangming Daily (202 1 10 08 07 Edition)

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