What do you mean by idle people? Would you please tell me?

1. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. Then he shouted to the sky, "I have made up my mind, God help me!" " "

I saw a voice falling from the sky as soon as the light came on: "Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and hit the leader." So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and hit the chief hard, just hitting the chief. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really settled."

2. Three ghosts came to God and said with one voice, "I feel very wronged and should go to heaven!" God: "I only let the most unjust people go to heaven." Let me talk about you first. "

A: "I am a cleaner. One day, I was sweeping the floor on the top of an old building without an anti-theft net and accidentally fell down. I grabbed a sewer pipe, but the sewer pipe was knocked down by some bastard. I didn't fall because the building was short. As a result, a refrigerator fell on it and hit me. "

B: "I went to someone else's wife's house to have an affair. As a result, her husband came home and I hid in the refrigerator. As a result, it seems that the refrigerator fell from the window without a security net. I didn't because of the protection of the refrigerator. As soon as I came out, someone fell from above and hit me. "

C: "When I came home, I saw my wife with another man from my window. When I got home, I was very angry. I knocked down the sewer pipe, threw away the refrigerator and made a scene with my wife. As a result, I accidentally fell from the window and hit my head on someone else's head. "

God: "you are all wronged, go to heaven!" "

3. That's the smell-

Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, when his wife died, he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. -

But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. -

She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! " -

4. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment?

X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there?"

? "X's colleague replied," He is no longer in the personnel department. "Friend:" Huh? When did he ... "Colleague:"

Last week. Friend: "I don't know anything about it." ... I didn't give him a ride ... "Colleague:" Never mind, go down and find him.

Isn't that great? "

Friend: Ah, you are really joking.

Colleague: I'm not kidding. When he left, he said that if anyone missed him, he was always welcome to visit below.

Friend:. . . . This is inconvenient. . . .

Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day. I'll ask him to come to you at night! !

6. I got up in the morning and saw a Netease comment.

First floor: Everybody calm down. Come and listen to the fifth floor.

Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable.

The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people.

Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice!

Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! !

7. Anonymous quarreled with her husband and felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was asleep, I squatted on his head and farted to let him smell Japanese. I didn't expect that I pulled too hard and shit on his face. (Very funny, but also disgusting)

8. Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy.

As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up and slapped him in the past. ...

9. Once upon a time, Americans visited Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 』

10, I had a drink with some friends one night, and several people drank too much. One of them fell asleep on the side of the road, so we couldn't lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him so as not to catch cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that he woke up the next day and found three bicycles on him.

Funny sentences and comments series:

Monday, February 30th is fine.

It's too bad the sun didn't shine all day today. Father bought two goldfish and kept one in the water tank. I am sad.

Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. I've lived so long that I've never met anyone on February 30! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that will flood.

1. Subject: When ...

The child wrote: He took off his clothes and put on his trousers.

Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

2. Title: Among them

Children write: My left foot is hurt.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. Title: One by one

The child wrote: After work, my father went home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

4. Theme: Sadness

The child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, so sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

5. Title: Again ... Again ...

Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comments; Is your mother a deformed diamond?

6. Title: Look.

The child wrote: What are you looking at? I haven't seen

Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it.

7. title: prosperity

Children write: bustling confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

8. Title: Delicious

Children write: delicious fart.

Teacher's comment: Some things are inedible.

9. Title: Innocence

The child wrote: It's really hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

10. Title: Sure enough

Children write: I ate fruit yesterday and then drank cold water.

Teacher's comment: Yes

1 1. theme: ... first, then ... example: eat first, then take a bath.

Children write: goodbye, sir!

Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth.

12. Title: In addition,

The child wrote: a train passed by, besides, besides, besides.

Teacher's comment: I forget it.

Storm recovery series

1:

Landlord: I like a girl who is 6 years younger than me and is still in junior high school. This is a sin.

Violent reply: it is really sinful to remove the word like.

2:

Landlord: I hit my dog! He did not tell me about the earthquake. During the earthquake just now, he usually slept in his nest screaming happily as if nothing had happened!

Reply: Well, after all, it's not your own. ...

4:

Landlord: Give me a woman and I will create a country!

Well, if I give you a sow, the price of meat will go down next year.

6:

Landlord: Please describe China National Seismological Station in one sentence.

Answer: wise after the event, like a pig beforehand!

7:

Landlord: Tell a story that starts with KB, is funny in the middle and has a tragic ending. For example, once upon a time there was a ghost who farted and died.

I met Sister Furong, fell in love with Sister Furong and married Sister Furong. ...

8:

Landlord ya: chatting with those idiots who go to work every day makes me feel that my future is very bleak. ...

Be happy ~ because it's not terrible to play the piano for cows. What's terrible is that a group of cows play the piano for you every day!

10:

Landlord: Actually, Newton was just lucky to discover the law of gravity. If I had been born 300 years earlier, I could have done it!

Answer: He was really lucky, because it was an apple that hit his head, and it was either durian or coconut that hit the poor landlord's head. ...

12:

Landlord: Urban management adds new weapons to catch stray dogs!

Violent reply: the same root is born, so I want to fry too fast.

13:

Landlord: Why do more and more people don't want children?

Violent reply: Senior officials sent by Beijing said they should start with dolls.

14:

Landlord: I saw a male netizen today, and the other party has been hinting at going to bed. I want to ask: is it because netizens go to bed when they meet now?

Violent reply: don't netizens go to bed when they meet? Are you kidding? Everyone is busy.

15:

Landlord: A student, with the lowest grade every year, often fights with others. According to the leader's request, the teacher wants to give students better final comments. How to write?

Violent reply: The student has stable grades and strong hands-on ability.

16:

Landlord: Through the incident of drinking people with mineral water in Hainan, we can see that food safety in China is worrying, and mineral water can also drink people. Is there no sign of QS?

Violent reply: weak, is QS leaving?

17:

Landlord: Dude, do you want Chris Lee or Zhang Ziyi?

Violent reply: neither a rooster nor a pheasant.

18:

Landlord: Which is more economical, dogs or people?

Violent reply: Auntie, even if you can treat men as dogs, do you dare to treat dogs as men?

19:

Landlord: Chris Lee and Sister Furong fell into the water at the same time. You have a brick in your hand. Who did you hit?

Violent reply: who saves who.

20:

Landlord of the forum: I have1000000, and I want to buy a car. Please give me some advice.

Forum reply: You can sell 30 QQ cars and drive in teams, with S-type cars and B-type cars for a while.

2 1:

Wang married Chen. Please comment in four words.

Forum reply: You are getting better!

22:

Landlord: Do you think I look like Wu Bai?

Forum reply: Only half like it! (250! ! )

23:

Landlord of the Forum: Last night, when walking the dog, our big Tibetan mastiff and a bald wild dog on the edge of the grove bit each other. Fuck! Unexpectedly, the Tibetan mastiff was defeated by a grass dog! ! !

Forum sofa: * * *, before I went bald, they all called me a lion!

24:

Forum landlord: Guess which country I am a mixed-race _

Forum reply: China people+deformed steel!

25:

Landlord of the forum: My girlfriend always says that she has small breasts, which I think is ok. Ask GG from the forum to help me identify it ~

Forum sofa: There are two pimples on the back!

26:

Landlord: If I have 100 million RMB, I can get a loan to buy a house in Tomson Yipin!

Forum reply: Yes, but you have to borrow money to pay the property fee first ~

27:

Landlord of the forum: He vowed today that I am a part of his life and I am a part of his body. He can't live without me ~

Forum sofa: That's what my ex-boyfriend said. Later, I learned that I am as dispensable as his appendix, ears and six fingers!

28:

Landlord: I am so rich, what kind of car should I buy for the nanny?

Forum reply: that depends on what relationship she has developed with your husband ~

29:

Landlord of the forum: The barber shop cut my head! Let's do some bad actions, and ask that the bigger the injury, the better, and the smaller the action, the better, because I am going alone.

Forum basement: Late at night, the dark wind is high, quietly and gently, hanging alone in front of the barber shop. ...

30:

Forum landlord: What should I do if I lose my memory?

Forum reply: Isn't this cool? I wake up every morning and find different women sleeping beside me ~

3 1:

Landlord of the forum: When you were a child, did you imagine what kind of scene would make you show off in front of everyone when you grew up?

Forum bench: Pick a cart of dung and go to the street to see who is not pleasing to the eye and throw it at him head-on!

32:

Landlord of the forum: Why does pol.ice sound a siren when catching bad guys? Aren't you afraid that horrible bosses will hear you and run away?

Forum sofa: Generally, the superior unit will inform the subordinate unit in advance before coming to check ~

33:

Landlord of the forum: Why do children born have the same surname as their fathers?

Forum sofa: Because the money spit out by ATM belongs to the cardholder.

34:

Landlord of the forum: Handsome is useless-it is not eaten by a chess piece in the end!

Forum reply: Handsome guys have companies, guns, horses, cars and unrequited love ... What's wrong with handsome men? ! !

35:

Landlord of the forum: collect one of the most malicious and unspoken swearing words.

Forum reply 3 1: Did your mother throw people away and raise the placenta when she gave birth to you?

36:

Forum Leader: Why did President Hu's visit to Japan leave the Japanese side cold, and didn't even hang the welcome slogan at the airport?

Forum sofa: How to hang it? Warmly welcome old Japanese friends to China?

37:

Landlord: Isn't it hot for you women to wear bras in summer?

Forum reply: We will be hot without you. ...

38:

Landlord: I bought a new manor. How scared are you? I drove for two and a half hours! ! !

Forum sofa: well, I used to have such a broken car ~