Humorous stories about punctuation.

1。 "Tomb-Sweeping Day" Du Mu "It rains in succession during the Qingming Festival, and pedestrians on the road want to die. Excuse me, where is the restaurant? The shepherd boy refers to Xinghua Village. " This is the masterpiece of Du Mu, a poet in the Tang Dynasty. Have you thought about it? Just punctuation marks can make it change its style. Look: "It rains a lot during the Qingming Festival, and pedestrians are on the road, trying to break their souls. Excuse me, where is the restaurant? There is a shepherd boy, which refers to Xinghua Village. " -into a long sentence. Watch it again: [It rains in the Qingming Festival] Pedestrians (trying to break their souls): "Excuse me, where is the restaurant?" Shepherd boy (pointing): "Xinghua Village!" -adapted into a script. 2. Wang Zhihuan's "Liangzhou Ci" The Yellow River is far away from the white clouds and is an isolated city, Wan Ren Mountain. Why use the elegy of willow to complain about the delay of spring, old Yumenguan, a spring breeze is not blowing! A calligrapher in the Qing Dynasty wrote this poem by Wang Zhihuan as a banner and gave it to Empress Dowager Cixi. Unexpectedly, the word "Jian" was missed, and Empress Dowager Cixi was furious. I think this is a fool of her ignorance of poetry. Calligraphers were frightened by this "crime of bullying the monarch" and used their quick wits. He said that his lyrics were based on Wang Zhihuan's poems: "The Yellow River is far away/Baiyun San/Wan Ren Mountain is a lonely city/Qiangdi why complain/Yangliuqingfeng/Yumenguan is lacking". Empress Dowager Cixi saw that he was right, so she had to give up and give wine to suppress the earthquake. Ancient game 1 Mr. Contract: According to legend, there was a rich man who was stingy by nature. Once, he asked a teacher to explain that his diet was very poor. At that time, the teacher agreed, but he said there was no evidence and asked for a certificate. The rich man readily promised. The teacher wrote a contract: "It is enough not to eat chicken, duck, fish and a dish every day." The rich man looked at the contract and looked at it carefully: "Don't eat chicken, duck and fish every day, a dish of vegetables is enough. 1。 "Tomb-Sweeping Day's" Du Mu "It rained in succession during the Qingming Festival, and pedestrians on the road wanted to die. Excuse me, where is the restaurant? The shepherd boy points to Xinghua Village. "This is the masterpiece of the Tang Dynasty poet Du Mu. Have you thought about it? Just punctuation marks can make it change its style. Look: "It rains a lot during the Qingming Festival, and pedestrians are on the road, trying to break their souls. Excuse me, where is the restaurant? There is a shepherd boy, pointing to Xinghua Village. " -into a long sentence. Watch it again: [It rains in the Qingming Festival] Pedestrians (trying to break their souls): "Excuse me, where is the restaurant?" Shepherd boy (pointing): "Xinghua Village! "-adapted into a script. 2. Wang Zhihuan's "Liangzhou Ci" The Yellow River is far away from the white clouds and is an isolated city, Wan Ren Mountain. Why use the elegy of willow to complain about the delay of spring, old Yumenguan, a spring breeze is not blowing! A calligrapher in the Qing Dynasty wrote this poem by Wang Zhihuan as a banner and gave it to Empress Dowager Cixi. Unexpectedly, the word "Jian" was missed, and Empress Dowager Cixi was furious. I think this is a fool of her ignorance of poetry. Calligraphers were frightened by this "crime of bullying the monarch" and used their quick wits. He said that his lyrics were based on Wang Zhihuan's poems: "The Yellow River is far away/Baiyun San/Wan Ren Mountain is a lonely city/Qiangdi why complain/Yangliuqingfeng/Yumenguan is lacking". Empress Dowager Cixi saw that he was right, so she had to give up and give wine to suppress the earthquake. Ancient game 1 Mr. Contract: According to legend, there was a rich man who was stingy by nature. Once, he asked a teacher to explain that his diet was very poor. At that time, the teacher agreed, but he said there was no evidence and asked for a certificate. The rich man readily promised. The teacher wrote a contract: "Don't eat chicken, duck and fish every day, don't eat a dish, that's enough." The rich man looked at the contract and read it carefully: "instead of eating chicken, duck and fish every day, a dish of vegetables is enough." "I signed the contract with pleasure. I don't know. At the first meal, the teacher shouted, "Why are all vegetables and no fish? "Didn't we agree to eat meat for every meal?" After that, I read the contract to the rich man. The rich man was speechless after hearing this. I will cook fish for this teacher every meal in the future. Please think about what the teacher thinks of this contract. (answer: daily diet: no chicken, duck is ok; Without fish, meat is ok; A plate of vegetables is enough. ) 2 Punctuation suicide note: Once upon a time, there was an old man who was too excited to have a stroke and lay in bed for five years. Before his death, he left a suicide note to his 5-year-old child and son-in-law. The suicide note reads: "A 60-year-old son gives birth to a son. People say it's not my son, but also the family property and the countryside. There is no dispute with son-in-law and outsiders. " A few years later, the youngest son came of age and separated from his brother-in-law. Who owns the real estate and the countryside? The two men argued endlessly and had to go to the yamen to file a lawsuit. The son-in-law pleaded: "The father-in-law's suicide note clearly States that the 60-year-old son has a son, and people say,' It's not my son!'" "The family property is given to the son-in-law, and outsiders are not allowed to argue." The county magistrate carefully pondered the untitled suicide note and came up with another way to break the inheritance right with his youngest son. How do county officials punctuate? (answer: I have a son at the age of 60. People are wrong, but that's my son! Give your all. A son-in-law is not allowed to argue with outsiders. There is a man who runs a restaurant, makes vinegar at the same time and raises pigs with scraps, but this man is notoriously stingy. Once, he asked a scholar to write couplets for his workshop, asking him to wish the workshop a prosperous business, a prosperous family and a wide range of financial resources. The scholar wrote a pair of couplets and a horizontal batch without punctuation, and read it to him: the wine jar is good, but the vinegar jar is sour; The pig's head is big, but only the mouse will die. Horizontal batch: more people, less illness, and wealth. The man was very happy to hear that, but refused to pay according to the agreed price, and only gave half. The scholar didn't bargain with him and left with the money. The next day, many people gathered in front of the hotel to laugh. The man went out to have a look and found that the couplet had been punctuated, but the meaning was completely reversed. He rolled his eyes in anger. Do you know how punctuation is added? (A: Vinegar is good in the wine-making jar, but the jar is sour. Raising pigs is the first big mouse, only to die. Horizontal criticism: more people are sick and less wealth. On a rainy day, a person went to a friend's house and couldn't get away, so he had to stay at a friend's house temporarily. But this friend is a very stingy person and will not be received. The friend was embarrassed to say it, so he had to write a note and put it on the table. The note reads: "Stay in rainy days and stay with me every day" without punctuation. After reading it, passers-by felt that their friends were not interesting enough, so they raised their pens and clicked on the original text, turning it into a direct inquiry. Do you know how they break sentences? Passing friend: If it rains, stay for a day, will you accompany me? Stay. It's rainy, stay? Leave me alone! Miserable friend: Stay in rainy days, but I won't stay in the sky. If you are lucky, you will always be sued. During the Chinese New Year, he told his family: "No one can go to court this year." And posted a pair of couplets, which read, "Good years, less bad luck, no lawsuits." Only without punctuation, the younger son read this couplet when he came to visit relatives, which surprised the whole family. What he read is: "This year is very unlucky, and there are many lawsuits." 6. The cunning of the matchmaker In ancient times, marriage events were all the orders of parents and the words of the matchmaker. At that time, a matchmaker pleaded for the young master of a large family and wrote a line: it is unfair to have black hair and no pockmarked feet. He also said that the girl's appearance is guaranteed to be the same as that written on the note. When the big family saw it, they were in high spirits and allowed to get married. They read this line as: black hair, unfair feet. The extended family settled accounts with the matchmaker. The matchmaker refused to admit it, saying that her note clearly stated: dark skin, hairless, pockmarked, small feet, Zhou Zheng. Modern stories 1. Who panicked? An English professor wrote the following sentence on the blackboard: "A woman is nothing without her (her) man" and asked the students to mark punctuation correctly. Male students are marked like this: "A woman, a man without her, is nothing." Female students are marked like this: "woman: without her, men are nothing." 2. Children's Diary A child wrote punctuation marks in the wrong place when writing a diary, which led to a great contradiction between his father and mother. My uncle kissed my mother and kissed me. In fact, it is really "my uncle kisses me and my mother kisses me." It is the wrong use of punctuation that causes the contradiction between mom and dad, so don't underestimate punctuation! 3. A letter from a wanderer There was a young man who went out to do business and didn't come home for half a year. His parents are particularly worried. Finally, one day, parents received a letter from their children. However, after reading it, my father was happy and my mother was sad. Do you know what is going on? The original text is as follows: My son's life is so miserable that he has no food, but he is ill and makes a lot of money (no punctuation). My father read this letter from home like this: My son's life is good and there is no pain, but he eats more and gets sick less and makes a lot of money. Look again, how does mom read it? My son's life is so painful! Without food, I got sick and made a lot of money. 4. Some slogans are posted on the car. (1) Pay attention to Xiong (2) Correct illegal parking at any time. 5. Note that pedestrians and others are not allowed to add points to this size ~ I'll give it to you. Next, everyone knows about punctuation marks, which are nothing more than symbols used in languages such as commas, periods, question marks and ellipsis. But in my home, there are living talking punctuation marks! No. 1 Name: exclamation point Mom, my mother is a very typical exclamation point. Why? Just because my "lovely" mother is like a sleeping time bomb, if the fuse is lit unfortunately, people who are "on fire" will either be dizzy, their brains will swell or their legs will be broken! Not a big mistake, a big mistake! Every criticism is followed by an exclamation point! If it's a big mistake, below the exclamation point is mom's hand, and above it is mom's "stick". As for what will happen, just think about it! Second: comma, dad, dad! It's just a comma. Whenever he comes home after 6: 30 in the evening, his mother will give her a magic skill that she has practiced for more than ten years: the roar of a lion! At this time, my father will take advantage of his thick-skinned specialty and long tongue and say endlessly, "Wife, what brand of cosmetics did you use today?" So beautiful, dignified and charming, it's really sinking fish and falling geese! ..... "Mom is angry, but which woman can stand such importune? When my mother heard this, most of her face turned better, and a thunderstorm vanished in the blink of an eye. The calm of this storm has played a great role in dad's "comma flattery" principle. Third place: ellipsis, of course, only I can count. If I do something wrong, I firmly believe that silence is golden and I won't say a word. In any case, no one will try to make me say anything unless I am wronged. If my scalp is numb, I will brew a thunderstorm to cope with it for a while. The ellipsis "..." is not only my silent resistance, but also the raindrops of my thunderstorm. Isn't it wonderful? 1。 "Tomb-Sweeping Day's" Du Mu "It rained in succession during the Qingming Festival, and pedestrians on the road wanted to die. Excuse me, where is the restaurant? The shepherd boy points to Xinghua Village. "This is the masterpiece of the Tang Dynasty poet Du Mu. Have you thought about it? Just punctuation marks can make it change its style. Look: "It rains a lot during the Qingming Festival, and pedestrians are on the road, trying to break their souls. Excuse me, where is the restaurant? There is a shepherd boy, pointing to Xinghua Village. " -into a long sentence. Watch it again: [It rains in the Qingming Festival] Pedestrians (trying to break their souls): "Excuse me, where is the restaurant?" Shepherd boy (pointing): "Xinghua Village! "-adapted into a script. 2. Wang Zhihuan's "Liangzhou Ci" The Yellow River is far away from the white clouds and is an isolated city, Wan Ren Mountain. Why use the elegy of willow to complain about the delay of spring, old Yumenguan, a spring breeze is not blowing! A calligrapher in the Qing Dynasty wrote this poem by Wang Zhihuan as a banner and gave it to Empress Dowager Cixi. Unexpectedly, the word "Jian" was missed, and Empress Dowager Cixi was furious. I think this is a fool of her ignorance of poetry. Calligraphers were frightened by this "crime of bullying the monarch" and used their quick wits. He said that his lyrics were based on Wang Zhihuan's poems: "The Yellow River is far away/Baiyun San/Wan Ren Mountain is a lonely city/Qiangdi why complain/Yangliuqingfeng/Yumenguan is lacking". Empress Dowager Cixi saw that he was right, so she had to give up and give wine to suppress the earthquake. The game of the ancients 1 Mr. Contract: According to legend, there was a rich man who was stingy by nature. Once, he asked a teacher to explain that his diet was very poor. At that time, the teacher agreed, but he said there was no evidence and asked for a certificate. The rich man readily promised. The teacher wrote a contract: "Don't eat chicken, duck and fish every day, don't eat a dish, that's enough." The rich man looked at the contract and read it carefully: "instead of eating chicken, duck and fish every day, a dish of vegetables is enough." "I signed the contract with pleasure. I don't know. At the first meal, the teacher shouted, "Why are all vegetables and no fish? "Didn't we agree to eat meat for every meal?" After that, I read the contract to the rich man. The rich man was speechless after hearing this. I will cook fish for this teacher every meal in the future. Please think about what the teacher thinks of this contract. (answer: daily diet: duck is ok without chicken; Without fish, meat is ok; A plate of vegetables is enough. ) 2 Punctuation suicide note: Once upon a time, there was an old man who was too excited to have a stroke and lay in bed for five years. Before his death, he left a suicide note to his 5-year-old child and son-in-law. The suicide note reads: "A 60-year-old son gives birth to a son. People say it's not my son, but also the family property and the countryside. There is no dispute with son-in-law and outsiders. " A few years later, the youngest son came of age and separated from his brother-in-law. Who owns the real estate and the countryside? The two men argued endlessly and had to go to the yamen to file a lawsuit. The son-in-law pleaded: "The father-in-law's suicide note clearly States that the 60-year-old son has a son, and people say,' It's not my son!'" "The family property is given to the son-in-law, and outsiders are not allowed to argue." The county magistrate carefully pondered the untitled suicide note and came up with another way to break the inheritance right with his youngest son. How do county officials punctuate? (answer: I have a son at the age of 60. People are wrong, but that's my son! Give your all. A son-in-law is not allowed to argue with outsiders. There is a man who runs a restaurant, makes vinegar at the same time and raises pigs with scraps, but this man is notoriously stingy. Once, he asked a scholar to write couplets for his workshop, asking him to wish the workshop a prosperous business, a prosperous family and a wide range of financial resources. The scholar wrote a pair of couplets and a horizontal batch without punctuation, and read it to him: the wine jar is good, but the vinegar jar is sour; The pig's head is big, but only the mouse will die. Horizontal batch: more people, less illness, and wealth. The man was very happy to hear that, but refused to pay according to the agreed price, and only gave half. The scholar didn't bargain with him and left with the money. The next day, many people gathered in front of the hotel to laugh. The man went out to have a look and found that the couplet had been punctuated, but the meaning was completely reversed. He rolled his eyes in anger. Do you know how punctuation is added? (A: Vinegar is good in the wine-making jar, but the jar is sour. Raising pigs is the first big mouse, only to die. Horizontal criticism: more people are sick and less wealth. On a rainy day, a person went to a friend's house and couldn't get away, so he had to stay at a friend's house temporarily. But this friend is a very stingy person and will not be received. The friend was embarrassed to say it, so he had to write a note and put it on the table. The note reads: "Stay in rainy days and stay with me every day" without punctuation. After reading it, passers-by felt that their friends were not interesting enough, so they raised their pens and clicked on the original text, turning it into a direct inquiry. Do you know how they break sentences? Passing friend: If it rains, stay for a day, will you accompany me? Stay. It's rainy, stay? Leave me alone! Miserable friend: Stay in rainy days, but I won't stay in the sky. If you are lucky, you will always be sued. During the Chinese New Year, he told his family: "No one can go to court this year." And posted a pair of couplets, which read, "Good years, less bad luck, no lawsuits." Only without punctuation, the younger son read this couplet when he came to visit relatives, which surprised the whole family. What he read is: "This year is very unlucky, and there are many lawsuits." 6. The cunning of the matchmaker In ancient times, marriage events were all the orders of parents and the words of the matchmaker. At that time, a matchmaker pleaded for the young master of a large family and wrote a line: it is unfair to have black hair and no pockmarked feet. He also said that the girl's appearance is guaranteed to be the same as that written on the note. When the big family saw it, they were in high spirits and allowed to get married. They read this line as: black hair, unfair feet. The extended family settled accounts with the matchmaker. The matchmaker refused to admit it, saying that her note clearly stated: dark skin, hairless, pockmarked, small feet, Zhou Zheng. Modern stories 1. Who panicked? An English professor wrote the following sentence on the blackboard: "A woman is nothing without her (her) man" and asked the students to mark punctuation correctly. Male students are marked like this: "A woman, a man without her, is nothing." Female students are marked like this: "woman: without her, men are nothing." 2. Children's Diary A child wrote punctuation marks in the wrong place when writing a diary, which led to a great contradiction between his father and mother. My uncle kissed my mother and kissed me. In fact, it is really "my uncle kisses me and my mother kisses me." It is the wrong use of punctuation that causes the contradiction between mom and dad, so don't underestimate punctuation! 3. A letter from a wanderer There was a young man who went out to do business and didn't come home for half a year. His parents are particularly worried. Finally, one day, parents received a letter from their children. However, after reading it, my father was happy and my mother was sad. Do you know what is going on? The original text is as follows: My son's life is so miserable that he has no food, but he is ill and makes a lot of money (no punctuation). My father read this letter from home like this: My son's life is good and there is no pain, but he eats more and gets sick less and makes a lot of money. Look again, how does mom read it? My son's life is so painful! Without food, I got sick and made a lot of money. 4. Some slogans are posted on the car. (1) Pay attention to Xiong (2) Correct illegal parking at any time. 5. Note that pedestrians and others are not allowed to send Hugo's Les Miserables to the publishing house after completing the manuscript. After a while, Hugo didn't see the news, so he sent a letter to the publishing house with only a question mark on it. Soon, a letter came from the publishing house with only an exclamation point on it. Soon, masterpieces appeared.