The Civil Affairs Bureau said that the number of divorce quotas is almost full every month. Why is the divorce rate so high?

The changes that the epidemic has brought to people's relationships with each other have penetrated into our days and nights (illustration by Fan Wei)

What long-term impact will an epidemic have on us? It may promote the reform of the public health system, improve the social governance system, and may also profoundly change the global economic climate. There is another impact that is not grand and intuitive, but it has penetrated into our days and nights in detail, and that is the change in people's relationships with each other due to the epidemic.

In the past two months or so, we have heard many stories. After civil affairs bureaus across the country resumed accepting marriage and divorce registrations, from Xi'an to Guangzhou, from big cities like Shanghai to small cities like Dazhou, Sichuan, you can see the news that divorce appointments are full and the divorce rate has increased sharply year-on-year. On social networks, people lament that the two generations are completely dissatisfied with each other in terms of living habits, entertainment aesthetics, worldview, and values. There was some bad news outside the family, too. During the epidemic, some people were forced to live on the streets due to evictions and reports, and some built high walls between their neighborhoods. As the domestic epidemic gradually subsides, incidents of discrimination against recovered COVID-19 patients have begun to appear in the press. These trivial, oppressive, and useless daily routines will be the reality we will face for a long time.

How to understand these phenomena? A typical stressful event like the epidemic puts us in a collective state of stress. Stress penetrates and expresses itself in various forms, affecting every aspect of daily life. The first thing that bears the brunt of this is our family relationships. We were forced to accept a long vacation, and quarantine packed us and our families into one space around the clock. Suddenly, we lost our jobs, our social interactions, and only our family roles were dramatically enlarged. For many, this is an unprecedented experience. At the same time, the epidemic has broken the daily "isolated" state of individuals and families: in the past, a neighbor was just a house number. Now, the maintenance and operation of your life may be related to the community, and your neighbor's whereabouts and health status are even more important. Directly related to your safety.

More fundamentally, the epidemic has forced each of us to face the heavy topic of the finiteness of life, making us face "death", the most fundamental anxiety and fear of human beings, forcing us to We take action.

Can human emotions and connections not withstand the test of disaster? The facts are not all doom and gloom. We have recorded the emotional experiences of many individuals during the epidemic: the originally estranged father and daughter dramatically regained the family relationship that had slowly faded in the past 20 years; the mother and daughter whose relationship was originally "extremely tense" suddenly saw each other's true needs and concerns. , trying to get along like never before. In some communities, some people are competing for supplies, some want to take the opportunity to make a fortune from their neighbors, and some are holding together to keep each other warm, helping each other and helping each other in the same boat. When we lament the cowardice and selfishness of human nature, we should not forget that human nature is far more complex and powerful than we imagine. Existential psychology believes that being aware of death is beneficial and allows us to "live a truly worthwhile life, full of compassion for others and true love for everything around us." "How are you living?" "How else do you want to live?" The epidemic has brought about these soul tortures that were originally conducted in the consulting room or at certain moments in life.

In the interview, I asked Zhang Ya, associate professor at the School of Psychology and Cognitive Science at East China Normal University: Since the impact of fear of death is so great, how can we overcome it? "Fear can never be overcome," Zhang Ya said. "You can only live with this fear more fully, live out your meaning and value, and live out your joy and tears."

During the epidemic, Wu Shangzhe, a 26-year-old Wuhan girl, had a new name - "the girl who went to Huoshenshan to accompany her grandma." In the "square cabin" hospital, Wu Shangzhe received a call from his mother. My mother said that my grandmother’s condition in Huoshenshan Hospital was not good. The doctor said that if there were family members to accompany her, things might turn around. However, only confirmed patients could enter "Huoshenshan". Neither mother nor father met the conditions. "I'll go!" Wu Shangzhe did not hesitate. She once thought "very utilitarian" that it was "not worth it" to spend her young life to save an old man. But when this question was really put in front of her, she understood that "there is no measure in family affection, and there is no value." .

On the Internet, many people think Wu Shangzhe is brave, strong and optimistic. On the day she was diagnosed, she announced her diagnosis in her circle of friends with a photo of herself in a swimsuit from the past.

Most of her records are heart-warming, touching, and interesting things between doctors and nurses and patients. For example, the aunt in the next bed helped her mend the hospital gown, and she took photos with the doctors and nurses in various poses, making fun of their clothes. The protective clothing is like a "Teletubbies".

But Wu Shangzhe told me that she felt that she was not strong and she would be afraid. On the night of February 10, she couldn't sleep at home. She imagined that she would lose all her family members, so she cried bitterly. On the day she went to "Huoshen Mountain", because she was afraid of being infected by other viruses and bacteria, she tried every means to protect herself. "Wear a hat and cover everything you can. If you don't have extra gloves, just put your hands in your sleeves. If there is a broken skin on your face, put a layer of toothpaste on it."

In " Huoshenshan", she accompanied her grandmother through the last stage of her life, witnessing and sharing her fears and insecurities. On the night of the last day of February, my grandmother suddenly lost her sight and kept crying and shaking her head. Wu Shangzhe climbed onto his grandmother's hospital bed, curled up with her, and held her hand. Grandma rubbed her fingers repeatedly with her thumb. Grandma passed away at 3 a.m. on March 6. Wu Shangzhe collapsed alone in the corridor of the hospital. "At that moment, I felt extremely lonely, as if there was no one around, it was an empty space."

In fact, in the "fangcang", Wu Shangzhe could hear people crying every day. "Everyone has illness, and behind them there is a torn-down family." She handed a tissue to a crying mother. Her husband was also in isolation, and her 7-year-old child had no one to take care of her. Several fellow patients sat together to come up with ideas. Comfort her. An older sister whose condition had worsened lived in the bed next to her. The two of them were chatting heartily the first day, but when Wu Shangzhe opened his eyes the next morning, there was already an empty bed there. But when she was filming "Square Dance", the people in the camera were extremely happy. She burst into tears while filming: "This group of people who have experienced so much grief are still dancing so positively."

Wu Shangzhe did not expect that after coming out of "Vulcan Mountain", would there be any A young writer contacted her and wanted to write her story. Some middle school students left messages online, saying they wanted to be like her. What is so touching about Wu Shangzhe’s story? Just because of filial piety, or optimism?

I think that during the epidemic, no matter where we are, whether we are fighting the disease or not, we are all victims. In the face of death, we are forced to isolate and press the pause button on life. Faced with huge uncertainty, everything seems to be out of our control. This is our same situation. What Wu Shangzhe saw, heard, experienced and recorded reminded us that no matter how fear and pain rage, people can still hold on to and sublimate the emotions we cherish, and can still reach out to each other in difficulties. This is what we The most powerful counterattack. This kind of counterattack can happen to every ordinary person and in ordinary homes. As Romain Rolland said, there is only one kind of heroism in the world, which is to see the truth of life clearly but still love life.