Laughing classic humorous stories in the workplace

1. Staff: "Other companies have heating fees in winter and cooling fees in summer, but here we have neither cold protection benefits nor cooling performance." Manager: "This is a good sign!"

Staff: "What does this mean?"

Manager: "Our company is like spring all year round!"

2. Changing jobs is like getting a divorce. Job-hopping when you are young is like a young man who got married early and breaks up if there is a slight disagreement; but when you are older, you are too lazy to jump as long as the relationship is about the same, just like an old married couple.

In the words of Zhao Benshan: "How can we leave?"

3. Zhuge Liang borrowed arrows from a straw boat, borrowed the east wind, and used an empty city strategy. He was extremely clever. Got it! Our boss actually said this was opportunistic.

4. One day, a modern lady wearing a super short miniskirt walked into a laundry shop. The young owner of the shop stared at her. At this time, the young lady waved to the young boss very proudly and said: "Young man, go do your job!"

The young boss said seriously: "Miss, your skirt It must have shrunk in our store."

5. One day, Lao Wang angrily went to the laundry owner. After meeting, he said angrily: "Come and see your masterpiece!" , he threw a thick rope on the table. The boss looked at it and said, "Sir, this thick rope is very good." Lao Wang yelled, "What I'm delivering for washing is a sheet."

6. Yesterday, when I was having dinner at the company, the manager came over and looked at the girl opposite me and said: "You have eaten so much that the company is poor. I don't think you need to work here anymore."

The girl stood up and said, "Didn't I just see you watching porn at work? What about that?"

7. There are two beauties in the office. Neither of them is convinced by each other and they often quarrel over trivial matters. The manager has a headache. This morning, as soon as the manager entered the office, he saw two people arguing.

The manager was very angry: "It's outrageous to have a quarrel so early in the morning! If you two don't explain the reason clearly to me, I will punish you both."

When the two beauties heard this, they started arguing again.

"I'll talk first..."

"I'll talk first..."

Seeing this, the manager angrily said: "The fat one talks first." ."

Suddenly, both of them fell silent. Classic humorous stories in the workplace

8. There are two girls in the office. One of them is fat and the other is thin. Maybe because of this, I always like to quarrel.

One day, an old employee said to the two of them: "We are all colleagues, what's the point of arguing! You must cooperate with each other like two wheels on a bicycle!"

After hearing this, the thin one said: "Does she look like a bicycle tire to you? It's clearly a tractor tire!" Then the whole office became even more "lively". . .

9. An employee ran into the office in a hurry. The boss asked: "Why are you late?"

She explained: "I just saw a car accident on the road. A man He was thrown out of the car, his leg was injured, his head was scratched, and he bled a lot. Fortunately, I learned surgical first aid."

Boss: "Then how did you deal with it?"

She said in horror: "I sat on the ground with my head on my knees to prevent me from fainting."

10. The female company secretary is often late for work, but she always There is a reason: her watch is slow.

One day, she was late again, and the boss yelled angrily: "If you don't change your watch, I will change my secretary."

11. Two people alone When farmers entered the job fair for the first time, they saw the red slogan "Equality and Voluntariness, Two-way Choice." A: "Tell me, what is two-way selection?"

B: "You are too ignorant, haven't you heard of? Both talents and appearance? Ah? Two-way selection means to choose those who already have A talented and beautiful college student. ”

12. Work is like stealing food.

Stealing food is a kind of struggling, getting up early and being greedy at night, not afraid of hardship, not afraid of tiredness, and moving people to tears;

Stealing food is a kind of tenacious struggle with vicious dogs Fight without fear of bloodshed or sacrifice, and have the fearless spirit to get up wherever you fall;

Stealing food is a way to formulate an action plan, make good time arrangements, and strictly implement it every second. The awe-inspiring professionalism...

13. A female colleague has a more manly personality and has never been able to find a boyfriend.

I heard that I recently got a boyfriend and was praised by another colleague for his feminine charm.

I asked: "Where can you tell?"

"You used to call yourself me, but recently you became my mother."

14. In the office There was a female supervisor who was extremely strict, loved to lecture, and claimed to be a sharp-tongued person. Colleagues all know that she is not only cruel, but also cruel.

One day, a new employee was scolded by her and felt very depressed. Everyone quickly comforted the new employee and told him to be careful in the future.

He said innocently: "It's nothing. In fact, I also know that the supervisor is doing it for my own good. She has a sharp tongue and a soft heart." An old employee patted him on the shoulder and said, "Frozen tofu is also tofu. Ah."

15. The section chief was preparing to go to a meeting. He bent down to look for information in the drawer of the office and accidentally bumped his head on the table. The section chief walked into the meeting holding the swollen forehead. The room was still muttering: Let’s just have a meeting, why don’t we have a meeting without notice!

16. I work at a bank. Today, a man came to my window, stretched out two fingers (V-shaped gesture), and said to me: "I will take one thousand and one."

17. One day, a customer went to the bank to open an account. Because the photo on the second-generation ID card did not look very similar to the person, the bank staff looked at it several times. Then the man suddenly came. "That was taken when I was a kid, but it looks better now"!

18. The barber shop owner ordered takeout. After opening the lunch box, he started shouting: Can your fried vegetables be eaten? Look for yourself, the originally green vegetable leaves have all turned yellow and wilted.

Food delivery waiter: They just permed and dyed their hair.

19. Customer: Why are there ants in this plate of fried vermicelli? How can we eat it?

Hotel Manager: I'm really sorry. The chef may not have paid attention and turned the fried vermicelli into "ants climbing a tree", but we don't charge extra.

20. Customer: Boss, why is this roast duck missing a leg?

Manager: Oh, this duck was in a car accident and had one of its legs crushed. Customer: Please give me another one that didn’t cause an accident!

Manager: You are too unloving! It’s fine if we don’t care for “people” with disabilities. How can we discriminate against them?

21. Customer: What kind of dumplings are you cooking? The dumpling fillings "broke out" from the dumpling wrappers. Hotel Manager: I'm really sorry, there are some emotional problems with the dumpling fillings and dumpling wrappers, and they are getting divorced.

22. Interviewer: What diploma?

Man: I don’t understand, but I have a lot of beer bottles at home.

Interviewer: Do you have any special skills?

Man: I don’t understand, but my legs are very long.

Interviewer: Can you do accounting?

Man: I owe a lot of debts.

Interviewer: How did you deal with it?

Man: I never pay it back.

Interviewer: Okay, you have been accepted for the accounting position. You can go to work tomorrow.

23. Interviewer: Are you married?

Applicant: Got it.

Interviewer: Men should have a job first and then get married.

Applicant: To start a family, should you start a family first and then start a career?

Interviewer: Do you have many friends?

Applicant: What kind of friend?

Interviewer: How should I say it? Are friends just friends?

Applicant: If you can’t even tell what kind of friend you are, why are you an interviewer? Interviewer: Should you interview me or should I interview you?

Candidate: You don’t even know what you are doing. I feel so sorry for you.