What are the classic funny sentences in classical Chinese?

In the extreme cold in the north, a woman urinated on the wall, but her urine was frozen after drowning, and even her pubic hair was tied to a stone. Call her husband and tell him yourself. If the husband is short-sighted and careless, he will not melt, even the gas will turn into ice, and his hair will freeze and be confused. But he ordered his servant to cut it open, and said, "Look at the chisel carefully, it is wool connected with a straight seam;" Attached to the horizontal seam is a beard. "

Two brothers went to the river to take a bath. The brother's penis was bitten by a water snake and could not be pulled out. My brother tried to cut with a knife. My brother said, "Look at the knife carefully! Two eyes are snakeheads; The one-eyed one is a scorpion. "

A maid accidentally farted in front of her master, who was very angry and wanted to scold her. Seeing that her ass was white, she didn't feel hot, so she not only excused herself, but also made a scene with her. Tomorrow, God was in his study when he heard a knock at the door. He opened the door and took a look. It was yesterday's maid. Asked why he came, he replied, "I farted again just now."

Some people have never been near a woman in their lives. I don't know what Yin is. Ask others and they will say, "It's like an eye standing upright." This man keeps it in mind. One day, I suddenly had sex with a prostitute. I don't know where the prostitute's home is, so I ran to the street and saw an eye sign with a few eyes painted on it, which was accidentally placed horizontally, so I would go to the prostitute's home for this reason. The doctor went into the inner path to achieve his goal, and he was furious and scolded his sons one by one. The man said, "Since it's not a prostitute house, how can you put so many samples outside?" .

A person is good at divination and likes humor. When a pregnant man or woman came to ask, she congratulated her and said, "This is an egg catcher." . This man is so happy that he is undoubtedly pregnant. And production, but it's a woman. Because in the past, fortune tellers said, "Only men have eggs, only women have eggs, and people who have eggs are not women."

The couple can do some things, but they are not asleep because they have two sons. So let's give it a try. Between two sons, they shouldn't, knowing that they want to do this. And its mother is extremely happy, and it is almost called death. The son burst into laughter, and the mother was ashamed. Another Confucius said, "Well played, well played. When her mother died, she didn't cry, but smiled. " .

An unmarried woman secretly asked her sister-in-law, "Are you quite happy about this?" ? Sister-in-law said, "What is the honor? Just make lovers' ears for Duke Zhou's gift. "After marrying my daughter, I will go back to Ning. When she saw her sister-in-law, she said, "What a liar. ".

On the bride's first night, the groom was not very good at it, so he put his penis in without moving. The woman moaned, "Oh, no, it hurts!" ! The husband said, "Take it out"? The woman groaned again and said, "Oh, no, it hurts!" " ! The husband said, "What do you want?" ? The woman said, "Take it in and then take it out." .

A woman stays awake during the day and plays with eggplant alone in a bowl. A woman thinks that when she sees eggplant, she knows that she has been bullied, but she cursed. The neighbor said, "This is ugly. Please mind your mouth, madam. " . The woman said, "That's not what I said. I won't scold eggplant this time, and melons and gourds will come together in the future. "

After marriage, women are rich and men are poor, and men are worried about their dependence on marriage, which leads everyone to rob relatives and take their young aunt out by mistake. The female family shouted: "I was robbed!" Aunt said on her back, "Not bad! Come on, don't believe him. "

Wedding night, farewell dinner. The next day, the chef checked the desktop and didn't see the sugar man. Asking questions everywhere, the couple suddenly laughed. Xi Niang asked, "What are you laughing at?" The woman replied, "No wonder a person's tongue was sweet last night."

When a man met two boats, he reached out of the window sill and hurt a finger. He complained to his wife. His wife told him in horror: "Remember not to pee when you meet two boats in the future."

Yong Dong is very filial, and God arranged for a fairy to marry him. When the fairies saw them off, they all said, "Go below. If there are more filial people, please write. "

A woman complained to Guan Yun, "Someone got dirty from behind when drawing water from the well." The official said, "Then why don't you stand up?" Answer: "If you stand up, you may lose your ears."

And those who remarry, have sex for the first time, and then they don't feel it. Ask her husband, "Are you going in?" He said, "Go in." The woman went on to say, "Well, I have a little pain."