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I am going to write a detailed article about emotions.

I work in a shop, and a friend talked with me about emotions and put forward an opinion. He said, I don't like emotions very much. I feel very bad. I'm trying my best to keep myself away from emotions so that I can do things well.

Hearing this, my heart sank. This brother once suffered from depression.

Emotion, whether good or bad, seems to have an evaluation.

This brother feels terrible.

But why is it terrible? Where is the horror?

Some people may say that sometimes we can't think rationally when emotions come. Some people may say that when emotions come, we can't control them and bring trouble to others. Finally, others don't like to make friends with me.

So what should we do?

Before solving these problems, let's first understand what emotions are.

What exactly is emotion?

Here is a picture. As you can see, this is the structure of the brain.

Simply put, our brains are divided into reptile brain, mammal brain and logical brain.

The time of the three is also arranged in the above order.

Simply put, the reptile's brain mainly controls the muscles, balance and breathing of the body.

When something happens to you, you will take immediate action, fight or run away.

This brain is not the main content we are going to talk about today.

Let's look at the mammalian brain.

This is the main content to talk about today, because it is closely related to emotions.

The mammalian brain, also called the emotional brain, produces emotions. Most mammals have emotions and dreams.

The emotional mechanism of mammalian brain is as follows.

There is an external situation, and then the mammalian brain will have a past judgment (based on memory, images and feelings), then generate emotions and then take action.

Let me elaborate on this (past judgment).

The judgment of mammalian brain will not think and analyze the advantages and disadvantages rationally like logical brain, but will be judged according to past memories and feelings.

For example, an elephant chained as a child could not get rid of it when he was a child, and later gave up. When it grows up, even if it is very strong, this little chain can't be tied at all, but the elephant still hasn't got rid of it. If he could talk, he would say sadly, I can't get rid of it! It's impossible!

Not only elephants, but also ourselves.

Do you have the same experience? Some people don't believe it, but when something is easy to do, they dare not do it.

For example, some people can't speak their needs normally in front of leaders, but some people think it's normal to speak their needs in front of leaders or even refute them. They have no fear at all.

(Of course, it is not excluded that someone has overcome this feeling through acquired training. )

Intellectually speaking, it is normal and unnecessary to seek truth from the leader's summary, but why can't some people just do it? For example, I am such a person.

Because it is related to our past experiences, which exist in our brains (mainly in mammalian brains) in the form of images and feelings.

My father was very strict with me when I was a child. When I was a child, the feeling of fear existed in my mind. When I grow up, I look at all the leaders as if I had my father.

The important thing is that I know this is a feeling, but this feeling is too strong. Whenever I go to the leadership office, my feet are involuntarily heavy, my heart is lifted, and I am afraid.

This is influenced by emotions, because past experience and memory have produced a judgment (I think the leader will say that I am not good), so I have a very scared mood.

Most of the injuries we talk about are in this form.

Some people are afraid to expose their problems and show their bad side to others, because once exposed, those past memories and feelings will reappear, which is too uncomfortable, so they are unwilling to expose their problems.

This is why we can't always convince the elderly, because the elderly have their own experiences and feelings. Old people who suffered from famine in the past would let their children eat more, even though they are full now.

This is what the mammalian brain does to us.

Finally, briefly talk about logical brain.

We all say that thinking needs to be calm, which means that it is best not to be influenced by emotions when thinking logically.

Why does the logical brain come into being? Actually, it's very simple. At that time, people always went hunting like animals, and every time it was a new situation. Later, people thought of an idea: first simulate it in their minds. If they feel dangerous or lose many people, they won't go hunting this time, or think of a better way to outflank or trap them.

Logical brain is simulated in the brain first, which avoids a lot of energy loss, but it also has some shortcomings, that is, it just wants to have no emotion, so its motivation is not strong.

Before you have a new idea to put into action, you always have to "cheer up" and let the corresponding emotions rise. At this time, you have the motivation.

If you just think and don't mobilize your emotions, there will be many ideas but you can't.

The focus of this article is emotion. Everyone knows a lot about logical brains, so I won't say much.

002. Can I make myself completely without emotion? Can you isolate emotions with reason? )

Ok, now let's go back to the original question, because when emotions come, we will do some irrational behaviors, which have a great impact on us, so sometimes people are full of criticism of emotions.

As for what my brother said, is it possible to completely eliminate emotions with reason?

To be honest, it's quite difficult.

Mammalian brains have been produced for tens of thousands of years, while logical brains are only thousands of years old.

It is very difficult to block emotions with reason.

Emotion is like water, blocking water will only make the water surface higher and higher, and sooner or later it will burst its banks.

At this time, we will see such a situation. Some people always say that they have no emotions, but others will know that there are emotions behind them at first glance, but they just don't know it.

There are so many things affecting us in our subconscious that we think it is rational for me to do so, but in fact, there are many emotions behind it.

This is not rationality, but a rational defense.

It is difficult to completely break this emotion.

So, what should I do if I am influenced by emotions?

We can talk about feelings.

Many people refuse to talk about feelings and think it is irrational to talk about feelings?

Is it irrational to talk about feelings?

No, we talk about feelings to be more rational. ?

How do you say this?

Since we can't isolate feelings, how can we think rationally better?

There is another way for us to understand feelings and understand their influence on us. At this time, we can separate our feelings well, so as to look at the world and think about problems more rationally.

Find out what has influenced me, so that we can rule out this influence.

Therefore, we should understand feelings not more emotionally, but more rationally.

Okay, now back to the original question.

Why do you think you are in such a bad mood?

What should I do if I can't control my emotions?

There are several situations that will make you unable to control your emotions.

One situation is to suppress emotions.

What is depression? Please look at the picture below.

Simply put, emotional repression means that you have emotions, and then you don't do or express them, so you suddenly suppress them.

Emotional depression is very common, and most people have experienced it. For example, when they were bullied as children, they couldn't fight back. For example, when they are criticized by leaders at work, they will inevitably have emotions, but they can't show them immediately, so they can only suppress their emotions.

It's not good to suppress emotions. As mentioned above, emotion is water. If you seldom use them, you don't need to block them. Suppressing emotions is blocking water.

Although blocking water can't express emotions for the time being, the harm is also obvious.

On the one hand, it is unstoppable. After a long time, it will break out.

Let's meet those people who are always good people. They are always bullied by others, but suddenly one day, this nice guy broke out and jumped out and killed all the bullies with a knife.

This example is a bit extreme, but in reality, there are many good people who suppress their anger. Once it breaks out, it will break out like a flash flood.

Depressed emotions are like loaded shells. You have to find a place to hit them. You have to hit them anyway.

For example, some men are angry in the workplace, but they can't express it immediately because of face, so they run home and vent it on their wives and children.

Children and wives are innocent.

You can vent your anger, running, boxing, watching movies, whatever. Why take it out on the people closest to you?

(This is also the hope that the other party can seize their emotions and tolerate themselves. Unfortunately, the wife is not a mother. )

If you can't express your anger often, it will probably turn into anger at yourself. At this time, the attack from the outside will turn to the inside, and you will always feel that you are not good enough and attack yourself, which will lead to depression in severe cases.

Therefore, people with depression had better learn to express their anger.

On the other hand, blocking emotions will become a disease related to the body. If you are often wronged and depressed in your stomach, your immunity will decline in negative emotions for a long time, which will lead to gastric ulcer and sore throat.

Some people say that I am just the opposite. I don't suppress my emotions. I often come out when I am in a mood. I am outspoken, but I often break up with my friends and break up in discord.

What should I do?

This must not be depression, but I can't control my emotions, and I didn't hold back for a while.

Look at the picture below.

Because: from emotion to behavior, it's too fast.

Anger came. I didn't know what was going on at all. My fist went out and I regretted it after going out.

Man is a rational socialized animal. We can't hit people when we are angry, and we can't mate when we see females.

Yes, if you do it with emotion, what's the difference with animals?

There is a process between emotion and behavior, you can experience it and slow down a little.

What if I can't let it go?

How to slow down?

There are some simple methods, such as painting, such as writing, chanting, mindfulness, meditation and deep breathing. Here, we recommend a breathing method, that is, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. At this time, you can make a, ha ~, sound, and the effect is very good.

When the mood comes, take a deep breath first, calm down, do the above methods, and don't move immediately.

But this is not depression, but to find a place to concentrate your emotions first, and then vent and resolve them in a safe place or when you are alone.

(The method of exhaust and decomposition will be described in detail later)

This is a common emotional distress.

If you have any other questions, I will answer them later.

There is another important thing to say here.

That is: few people can force you to do anything unless someone puts a gun to your head and says, you must do it.

The influence of others on us is only an external situation. What really excites us is our own experience, our subconscious images and feelings, and we will take action accordingly.

Therefore, you can't blame others for what you have done, you can make other choices. It's just that the memories of the past have produced strong emotions that drive you to do only a certain type of things.

Everyone has heard that we should do something that makes us uncomfortable and often break through the comfort zone. This is a fact.

We can't be trapped by past feelings, and we shouldn't complain easily.

Sometimes this is a very difficult thing. When I meet some people, I will say: this is obviously that he didn't do well, which makes me very angry. This emotion is caused by him.

Actually, it's not like this.

This is what people call the emotional button.

Why does it explode when touched, causing great anger? Why are some people angry at a normal level?

This must be anger in your subconscious, in your past memory, which you have been unable to release, but someone just touched it, just like a fuse.

If we just pursue the responsibility of the fuse without asking where the gunpowder came from, then the fuse will be wronged.

Touch the base of your powder keg through your emotions, clean it up in one fell swoop, and then it will not be blown up.

Now let me tell an interesting story. When I came home the other day, my father told me that he had a question for me.

My dad's problem is this: The other day, I heard a truth that people who work outside should not bring their emotions home. Later, I heard another truth that they should tell their families about their emotions and let them resolve your emotions.

Speaking of which, I don't understand. One person said that emotions can't be taken home, and another said that emotions should be solved by the family. What's going on? Which one is right?

Is everyone confused about this question?

Haha, doubt is right.

In fact, it is not contradictory. They are both right.

What happened? For example.

Someone got angry at work and was criticized by the leader. Later, he was very angry, but he couldn't send it out in the company. So when he got home, he saw the children's homework dragging on, and the food cooked by his wife was a bit unpalatable.

So he didn't fight, hit the child and scolded his wife.

In normal times, this is a small matter, and you won't be too angry. More is to bring home the anger at work.

My wife and children suddenly think that this man is sick. When he gets home, he will be angry, mentally ill and the family atmosphere will get worse every day.

Ok, this is an example. Don't bring home the anger at work. Let's look at another person.

Another person was angry at work and was criticized by the leader. However, when he got home, the man did not vent his anger, but found his wife and told him about the difficulties he encountered at work. When it comes to sadness, his wife and children are full of understanding and sympathy. In this family, everyone works together with Qi Xin to solve this man's pain, which is warm and comfortable.

This is the latter, and emotion needs the warmth and tolerance of home. The difference between the two is that the latter expresses the initial emotion, sadness (primary emotion), while the former expresses the anger (secondary emotion) formed by the transformation of sadness.

Emotion can be transformed. When criticized by leaders, the first emotion is sadness and grievance, and then it turns into anger.

Anger is more like a powerful mask, but behind the mask is sadness and powerlessness.

The real feeling is the sadness and injustice in my heart after being criticized.

Expressing your initial emotions is like opening your heart and expressing it with your heart.

You may need such powerful armor to deal with all kinds of things outside, but when you get home, you need to take off your powerful armor and give the really vulnerable parts to your family to heal yourself.

This is the role of the family to resolve emotions.

When you vent your anger at home, no one will care about you, let alone understand you, and you will become more and more sad. You will wonder why this family doesn't give me a little warmth. In fact, you are wearing a barbed armor, which brings pain to your family, but you are silently sad behind the armor.

Having said that, some people must question, how can I express my vulnerability? What if this family doesn't allow me to be vulnerable? I told you, my wife said, what about you useless guy?

Yes, many people can't cry, especially men in this era. Men are always required to be strong and have to express their vulnerability.

I think it's pathetic. What is most lacking in this era is masculinity, not blindly suppressing men.

It's like pulling out the seedlings to encourage them. It looks better, but it actually has no roots. Therefore, many phenomena will appear, such as domestic violence. In order to show his masculinity, immature men will use some extreme measures to make themselves look "more manly". The arrogance at the dinner table and the oppression of authority on subordinates are so ridiculous.

Times don't allow it, which will make men less tolerant, but it doesn't mean that we can't understand ourselves.

We can see our fragile side first, learn to get along with ourselves, and learn to stay with our sadness.

Learn to be tolerant and kind to yourself.

Everyone has a weak side, and no one is born strong.

When I was a child, there were many slogans around me. What I remember most is that home is a warm harbor.

This is the home I want.

This is my understanding of the above two questions.

It involves one thing: the transformation of emotions.

Anger is obviously a transformed emotion. When you are angry, you can try to understand how you feel after being angry.

If even anger is suppressed, it will be suppressed, and then emotions will turn to the body, causing physical illness.

This involves a little emotional processing, and it is best to touch the most primitive emotions when dealing with emotions.

Anger often transforms.

Well, now that we know what emotion is, what is our attitude towards emotion?

It's this attitude:

Emotions are neither good nor bad. Allow it to exist, don't exclude it, and don't regard it as a scourge.

Don't use reason to suppress emotions, ignore emotions, you will be secretly influenced. You still don't know what happened.

Suppressing emotions will make the whole person lack energy. Emotion is a kind of psychological energy, and we need to get along with it and live a high life.

Emotion is sometimes an opportunity for you to see yourself clearly, see your inner trauma and heal it.

Sometimes the reason why emotions are not allowed to come out is that if they are suppressed for too long, they will erupt.

Choose the right way to make high-pressure emotions return to normal, and then allow the expression of subsequent emotions without blocking them.

We understand emotions, but it will make us more rational.

In our hearts, we allow all our feelings, emotions and thoughts, but in reality these thoughts don't have to be made, and you don't have to take actual responsibility for an idea that hasn't been put into action, but try to understand them and ourselves.

Finally talking about this.

As I said before, we understand emotions to be more rational when we are rational.

Because many times, we feel that we have no emotions, but in fact it is affecting us in the dark, and sometimes it is just that the parties don't know it.

A few days ago, I saw a video saying that when parents can't manage their emotions well, it is easy to release their emotions on their children, so this was originally the anxiety of parents, but the children suffered greatly, and the children lost their temper when they made a mistake.

In fact, I should say this sentence: sometimes I scold you for hitting you, not because you didn't do well, but because I didn't manage my emotions well.

When the husband vented his anger at work on his family, it was his own emotional management, not his family's incomprehension.

When you always find that you have no motivation to do something, or you have an uncomfortable feeling when doing it, we can pay attention to our emotional feelings and solve them. There must be a reason. We explore ourselves, find out the reasons and think more about it, so that the original motivation can come out.

First, you have to admit that you have emotions, so that you can see them and manage them.

Because many times we are depressed, we often don't know that we have emotions. At this time, we need to go deep into self-observation, including the changes of body reaction and breathing, and be aware of our emotions.

Sometimes it's easy to immerse yourself in beautiful feelings. At this time, it is very important to be reminded by others. You may not know it for a while, but you can do it slowly in the future.

Of course, emotions can't come out at once, but we should try not to suppress them, but find a safe place, or find someone, or trusted friends and consultants to listen to you.

There is a formula like this: you make me feel that XX is like this because of XX, and I hope XX.

If you find that you can't control your emotions as soon as they come out, I suggest you come more often. The first time you control them a little, the second time you will be better than the first time, and then you will do more meditation and meditation to increase your control.

If you are prone to depression, tell yourself that emotions are partly instinctive and partly inevitable. We can allow all emotions to come out and let these feelings come to us, so that we can think rationally without suppressing feelings.

Sometimes it's just that the pressure is too long and the mood is too big. At this time, let's take our time and come out bit by bit.

Emotional expression, such as voice, image, painting, language, body, etc.

The key is to realize and know how you feel now.

It's like a part of me is awake.

Many times, the reason why we can't release our emotions well is that we just want you to wear a smiling mask and say that you are sad. In fact, you may have a lot of sadness in your heart, but when you say it, others won't feel it at all. This is because you didn't release your emotions with your feelings.

When friends are in the mood to talk to us, we should not stop each other from expressing "Don't be unhappy" and "What's so angry", so we should talk less. More importantly, allow the other person to express this emotion.

When the other person tells an unhappy thing with a smile, the effect of emotional release is not good. You have to remind him.

Just like painting and writing, we all say that we have to express our emotions to create touching works. We also express our feelings. We can release our emotions by painting or dancing and shouting with your emotions.

So first of all, you need to know what kind of feelings you have inside. Maybe you can't name it, but let it fill you up and express it.

Many times we don't allow ourselves to express our emotions, and we don't like others to express their emotions. This is not good and it is not good for our mental health.

I see that the problem of most people is that they don't fully express their emotions.

Because emotions affect you, you don't like it. Because you don't like them, you have been holding them down. Because you keep pressing them, they become big and terrible, so you can't express them. So you hate emotions even more. It's a vicious circle, and it's getting more and more boring.

Another good way to deal with emotions is simple: do nothing, just sit there quietly, feel the emotion and allow it to flow in the body. It's not too big. It'll be all right in a minute.

For example, if I have anger, don't send it out immediately (it will hurt people), find a place where no one is sitting, and then you can imagine this scene or person that makes you angry, and then scold it or make a sound in your heart.

You can also feel this anger without making a sound. You will feel this anger slowly from your stomach to your chest, to your neck to your throat, and finally you burp out.

These are all practical methods.

This has an important feature: permission and the ability to feel emotions. If you can't feel your emotions, there is nothing you can do. Take your time.

As mentioned above, anger is mostly a secondary emotion, so after expressing anger, we may touch a kind of sadness or injustice. At this time, we know that these emotions behind anger are more primitive and closer to our true feelings.

After all, sometimes anger is to make yourself look less powerless and wronged.

As for the primary and secondary life of emotions, you may not be so experienced, so I'll just talk about my feelings.

Most of the feelings of going abroad are secondary emotions, such as the anger of outsiders, the expectation and disappointment of others, and the feeling that the other party is so bad and unfair, so sometimes we often complain about others and say that others are not good, which is essentially secondary emotions.

Ask yourself: What emotions do I feel, anger, blaming others, complaining about others, being strong and so on?

In these feelings, there are some deeper emotions. Anger is your own sadness, and resentment against others is your own grievance.

The initial emotions are mostly sadness, injustice and sadness, just like many times others attack us with words. We feel sad for the first time, and then we feel angry.

Paying more attention to the original emotions will have a better release effect, but sometimes it is necessary to release some superficial emotions to see a deeper level.

The above are the methods of emotional management.

Thinking about emotions, this is a big topic. There are many things in it, and there are many incomplete places in my writing. If you have any questions, you can discuss them.