How can you make others feel important?

William James said: "The most profound driving force in human nature is the desire to be important. The most ardent need in human nature is the desire to be recognized by others."

In real life, the reason why some people have communication difficulties is because they do not understand or forget a very important principle - making others feel important. They like to express themselves and brag about themselves. Once something is successful, the first thing they show is how much credit they have and how much contribution they have made. Doesn't this show others that you are indeed not that important? Invisibly, they hurt others. ‘One day I was waiting in line at the post office on Thirty-second Street and Eighth Avenue in New York City to send a registered letter. The clerk behind the counter was clearly bored with the job - weighing people, getting stamps, giving change, and writing receipts were the same monotonous tasks year after year. So I said to myself, "I'm going to make that clerk like me. And to make him like me, I have to say something nice—not about myself, but about him." I asked myself, "What about him?" What's there to compliment me on?" Sometimes, this can be a real problem, especially when the person is a stranger. However, I didn't seem to feel embarrassed about praising the clerk in front of me. I immediately found something to praise him for.

When he weighed my letter, I said to him very fervently: "I really wish I could have hair like yours."

He raised his head, He looked at me half-surprised, with a smile on his face. "Ah, it's not as good as it used to be!" he replied modestly. I told him that while it might not have its original beauty, it was still in excellent condition. He was very happy, talked to me for a while, and finally said: "A lot of people have complimented me on my hair."

I can guarantee that this gentleman will have a spring in his step when he goes out to lunch; and when he comes home in the evening When I was a child, I would definitely tell my wife about it, and I would definitely look in the mirror and say to myself: "How beautiful this hair is!"

One time I mentioned this matter during a speech, and someone said to me afterwards Ask me: "What do you want from that person?"

What do I want from that person? What do I want from that person!

If we are really so selfish and don't express any appreciation or sincere gratitude to others once we don't get any benefit from others - if our souls are not much bigger than wild sour apples, our hearts How poor it will become.

Yes, I hope to get something from that gentleman. But that thing has no price, and I've got it. I got the joy of helping people, and this feeling will always remain in my memory after everything goes wrong.

There is an extremely important rule in human behavior, and this rule is to make others feel important at all times. If we follow this rule, we'll probably stay out of trouble and find a lot of friendship and everlasting happiness. However, if we break this rule, we will inevitably have endless troubles. We mentioned earlier what the famous philosopher John Dewey said: "The most profound driving force in human nature is the desire to be important." There is also what the famous Harvard psychologist William James said: " The most ardent need in human nature is the desire to be recognized by others. "I have also pointed out that it is this need that distinguishes humans from other animals; it is also this need that has produced rich human culture.

For thousands of years, many philosophers have thought deeply about this issue. And they came to only one conclusion. This law is not new. It can be said to be as old as history. 2,500 years ago, Zoroaster taught his disciples this principle in Persia; 2,400 years ago, Confucius in China also earnestly advised his disciples; 2,500 years ago, Laozi, the founder of Taoism, also said this at Hangu Pass. 500 years before the birth of Christ, the Buddha taught all living beings by the sacred Ganges River; even Hindu scriptures record this... This is probably the most important rule in the world: "How you want others to treat you, you must first How to treat others.

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You want to be recognized by your friends and need others to know your value; you want to have a sense of deep importance in your own life world. You don’t like cheap, insincere compliments, but long for them. Come from a genuine compliment. You like your friends. Just like Charlie Schaib said: "Compliment others sincerely and generously." "We all like that.

So let us heartily follow this eternal law - treat others as you would have them treat you.

So, when should we do it? Where should we do it? The answer is: anytime, anywhere. For example, if you order French fries in a restaurant, And when the waitress brings you the potatoes, let's say, "Sorry to bother you, but I prefer French fries. The waitress might reply: "No, it's not a problem at all." "And she will happily exchange the potatoes. Because we have shown respect to her.

In addition, we can also use many daily expressions to eliminate the monotony and busyness of daily life, such as " Sorry to trouble you...", "Can you please...", "Would you like to...", "Do you mind...", "Thank you", etc.

Let us Let’s look at another example.

Ronald Rowland was our instructor in California and also taught art class. He once told the story of Chris, a student in the junior craft class.

"Chris is a quiet, shy boy who lacks self-confidence and rarely attracts attention in class. One day, I saw him studying at his desk, so I walked over and talked to him. There seemed to be an invisible fire deep in his heart. When I asked him if he liked the class, the expression on this shy 14-year-old boy's face changed dramatically. I could tell he was having a lot of mood swings and was trying to hold back the tears.

"'You mean, I didn't do a good enough job, Mr. Rowland?'"

"'Ah, no! Chris, you did a good job.'"

"That day, when I walked out of the classroom after class, Chris looked at me with his bright blue eyes and said firmly and forcefully: 'Thank you, Mr. Rowland!'"

"Chris taught me a lesson I will never forget - the self-esteem deep within us. In order to prevent myself from forgetting, I hung a sign in front of the classroom: 'You are important'. This way not only does everyone Every student can see it, and it reminds me at any time: Every student I face is equally important."

Almost everyone you meet thinks that they are better than you in some way. Excellent, this is a fact without any exaggeration. So the best way to reach their hearts is to subtly show that you sincerely think they are important.

Donald McMahon is the manager of a New York landscaping design and maintenance company. He told me such an incident:

“Once, I was doing garden design on behalf of a famous connoisseur. The owner of the house came over and made some explanations, telling me where he wanted to build the garden. Plant a patch of heather and rhododendrons.

“‘Sir, I know you have a hobby, which is to raise many beautiful dogs. I heard that you win several Blue Ribbon Awards every year at the Madison Square Garden exhibition. ’”

This small compliment has a huge impact.

“The connoisseur answered me: ‘Yes, I get a lot of pleasure from keeping dogs. Do you want to see them? ’”

“He spent almost an hour taking me to see all kinds of dogs and prizes, and even explained to me how bloodlines affect a dog’s appearance and intelligence.

"Later, he turned to me and asked: 'Do you have any children?'"

"'Yes.' I replied, 'I have a son.'"

“‘Well, does he want a puppy?’ he asked.

“‘Of course, he will be very happy. ’”

“‘Then, I’m going to give him a puppy. ’ declares the connoisseur.

"He told me how to raise a puppy, but he stopped halfway through the story. 'You probably won't be able to write it down easily. I'm going to write you an explanation.' So he walked into the house, He gave me a pedigree and breeding instructions. Not only did he give me a puppy worth hundreds of dollars, he also gave me 75 minutes of his busy schedule, all because I sincerely praised his quirks. Disraeli, who once ruled the British Empire, said: "Tell people about themselves and they will listen for hours." So, if you want to impress others. If you like you, please remember the twelfth principle:

“Make others feel important—and do it sincerely.”