Collect a large number of jokes as long as they are jokes, don't joke about websites, and don't reprint them.

Father and son saw a very luxurious imported car.

son: people who ride this kind of car must have no knowledge in their stomachs!

Father: People who say such things must have no money in their pockets!

After supper, mother and daughter wash dishes together in the kitchen.

Father and son are watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking dishes in the kitchen, and then there was silence.

son: mom must have broken it!

father: how do you know?

son: she didn't swear!

Students who are also in primary school but in grade, their future wish is to be clowns.

Miss China: No ambition! You can't teach a boy!

Foreign teacher: May you bring laughter to the whole world!

My wife is cooking in the kitchen. The husband caught one beside her: slow down and be careful! The fire is too big. . . . Hurry up and turn it around, there is too much oil!

wife: I know how to cook.

husband: I just want you to know how I feel when you are chattering around while I am driving. . . .

a bus full of passengers is moving fast down the hill, and a man is chasing the bus closely behind. A passenger stuck his head out of the window and the person chasing the car said, dude! Forget it! You can't catch up!

The man replied, I must catch up with it. I am the driver of this car! !

a: the new neighbor is so hateful that he came and knocked on my door at midnight last night.

b: did you call the police immediately?

a: no. I think they are crazy and continue to play my trumpet.

Zhang San was driving on a mountain path. While he was enjoying the beautiful scenery leisurely, suddenly the truck driver who came face to face rolled down the window and shouted, Pig!

The angrier Zhang Sanyue thought, she rolled down the window and shouted: You are the pig!

As soon as he finished cursing, he ran head-on into a group of pigs crossing the road!

Little boy: A father always knows more than a son.

father: of course!

little boy: who invented the electric light?

father: Edison!

Little boy: Then why didn't Edison's father invent the electric light?

1. Math class

Teacher Song QQ: "Li Xiaocong, recite the Pythagorean formula."

Onion: "A square +b square =c square"

Teacher Song: "Very good, but do you have any evidence to prove this theory?"

Onion: "Because this is the Pythagorean theorem formula!"

Song Shi: "-||||"

2. Math class

Song Shi: "Li Xiao-cong, come up and do the first problem."

Cong: "Oh."

After a while, I finished it.

Song Shi looked at it and said, "Why is there only an answer?"

Onion looks innocent: "Isn't it a short answer ..."

3. Math class

An Onion didn't listen to the teacher's advice many times and ate a lollipop in class

Teacher Song: "Onion, I told you not to eat lollipops in class. Why do you always go in one ear and out the other? Can't you remember my words?"

Onion: "Teacher, I will take measures occasionally."

The next day, Song Shi: "Li Xiaocong, why do you put so much cotton in your right ear?"

Onion: "Block your right ear, and what you say won't go out through it."

4. Biology class

Biology teacher: "Li Xiaocong, please tell me what will happen if people lose their hearing?"

Onion: "..."

Teacher: "For example, what would you do if you were deaf for a while now?"

Onion: "Then I can't hear your question, so I don't have to answer it." Then I sat down.

Teacher: "T.T "

5. Speaking of Four Great Classical Novels's Journey to the West in Chinese class,

He Laoshi:" Li Xiaocong, which character do you like best? Why? "

Onion: "I like the Monkey King best! Because the Monkey King has a hundred and eight thousand somersaults a kilometer! "

He Laoshi: "..."

6. Chemistry test paper, the topic is as follows: "When heating the test tube containing copper oxide, the test tube burst, and analyze the reasons.

Onion smiled and answered:" Inferior test tube! "

7. Chemistry lecture volume, titled: Na2O2 mixed with enough NaHCO3 ...

Onion:" Because there is enough NaHCO3, we come to a conclusion that there are a lot of NaHCO3. "

8. A classmate translated" The crowing of mulberry trees ":"The crowing of chickens made the mulberry trees tremble. "

"

A chicken crows on the top of a mulberry tree

9. History lesson

Teacher:" Mr. Onion, why did Britain become the first country to have an industrial revolution? "

Onion:" There are two reasons why Britain can be the first country to have an industrial revolution. One is that Britain has such preconditions and conditions, and the other is that other countries don't. "

The whole class falls down.

1. Psychological test: What do you do with an old man in the car?

onion: "let's sit together! "

11. In English class, expand the vocabulary.

A word in Chinese is a suspect. Ask the students to take notes.

The English teacher walks up to the onion and sees that the onion's note says, XXX---- salty rice

So the English teacher says it again, XXX Chinese is a suspect.

Look at the onion again and the onion takes notes. "

shallot:" Where where! "

13. Between classes.

A classmate said to the onion," Look, my eyes are bigger than yours! "

Onion:" It's as big as sesame. "

14. Onion comes back wet.

Learn together:" Onion, is that sweat or water? "

Onion:" Sweat! "

15. Physics class.

Physics teacher:" Students, like charges repel each other, but different charges attract each other. Remember that. "

Onion:" Charge is really a guy who values color over friends. "

16. During recess.

The rice ball tells jokes to everyone.

Rice ball: "

Onion:" Ok, I'll do you the honor of seeing your bear-posture-"

18. Physics class.

Teacher:" A classmate can absorb a lot of dandruff by rubbing his hair with a pen. What does this mean? "

Onion:" It means that the classmate hasn't washed his hair for a long time. "

Teacher:" =. ||| "

19. Math class.

A super complicated geometry problem requires proving the relationship between the line segment BF and GF.

Onion:" There is no doubt that BF and GF are lovers! "

2. Math class.

An onion is obsessed with sugar. The math teacher is talking on it.

" Li Xiaocong! Please come and ask for x! "

The onion woke up from the sugar dream, stood up and said," F4? Oh! Is that the meteor garden? There are four people, male. Thank you! "

The whole class fell ...

21. Between classes.

A classmate couldn't do a problem, so he asked the young onion. The young onion said enthusiastically," Oh! This! Copy the topic into your notebook first, then draw a picture and verify it again. "

A classmate:" ... "

22. Chinese class.

Exam.

There is a question:" Please draw up an eye-catching slogan for the entrance of a certain community, and the theme is self-determined. "

Onion thought carefully and wrote this sentence seriously: Come on, wake up ~-

24. Have a cold class.

During recess.

Just finished the exam.

A classmate asked the onion, "What do you think of the exam?"

The onion said seriously, "The lowest score is , and the highest score is 1!"

1.

There is a penguin whose home is very far from the polar bear's. If you walk, it will take 2 years to get there. One day, Penguin stayed at home and was very bored. He was going to play with the polar bear, so he went out, but halfway through the road, he found that he forgot to lock the door. It had been 1 years since he left, but the door still had to be locked, so Penguin went home to lock it. After locking the door, the penguin set out to look for the polar bear again, which means it took him 4 years to get to the polar bear's house ... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin is looking for you to play!" "

As a result, after the polar bear opened the door, guess what he said? ..... "Let's go to your house to play ~"

2. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

boss: "Oh, I'm sorry, there aren't that many"

"I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

boss: "I'm sorry, but there isn't."

"I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ！”

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll take two!" "

3. A child cried, and his father said, "Be a good boy and stop crying for a while."

4. Jiao Yulu went to see a doctor, and the doctor said that you were seriously ill and could not share a room. Jiao A: My house is small, so it is impossible to share a room. The doctor said, "I mean you can't * * * *". Jiao asked even more confusedly, "My ancestors were all named Jiao for eight generations." Why can't my last name be Jiao?

5. A bear came prepared (Bear came)

6. The eleventh book is incredible (book11)

7. The sheep stopped breathing and held their heads high (the sheep didn't breathe)

8. The school has established the Tibetan and Cat Club

for three years

They also.

A: people!

Q: then one day, the chief was ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. what did he eat?

A: vegetable eater! ~~

1. In Hong Kong, a girl passed a fortune-telling stall.

The fortune-teller grabbed the girl and said to him, "You have a bad omen, it will be bad for you."

The girl said, "It's good to get rid of it." Then she turned to leave.

The fortune-teller said to the girl, "Even if you escape, you can't escape from the two big waves of life."

11. An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it turned into a preserved egg. One egg ran to Shandong and turned into a Lu (halogen) egg; One egg was homeless, and as a result, it became a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, which turned into a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and turned into an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb. One egg got sick and turned into a bad egg. An egg got married and turned into an asshole; An egg swam in the river and turned into a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and turned into a Hua Dan. There is an egg riding a horse and holding a knife. It turns out that he is peking opera blues. One egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg as a result; One egg is male, and his wife is adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes a bastard; There is an egg ......

12. Stretch four fingers, what is it? FOUR,

bend four fingers, what is it?

WONDERFUL~！

13. Asun and appa have nothing to chat about, and time and tide wait for no man.

A Song: "Recalling my childhood, I enjoyed Children's Day the most. "

appa:" Youth Day is in ten years. "

A Song:" Father's Day is in ten years. "

appa:" In a few decades, it will be the Festival for the Elderly. "

A Song:" In a few decades. "

A Bo:". Tomb-Sweeping Day. "

14

When the millionaire drove a luxurious extended Lincoln car through a village, he saw two beggars pulling weeds by the roadside and stopped immediately.

"why do you eat grass? "

" We really don't have money ... "A beggar replied.

"Really, get on the bus and go to my house. "

" I have a wife and two children at home ..... "A beggar grumbled.

"Call them. The rich man pointed to another beggar. "And you, call your family. "

" My family has a large population. Besides my wife, there are five children. "Said another beggar.

"It doesn't matter. Call everyone and go quickly.

In this way, the two beggars and their families got on the bus, but fortunately it was a long bus. On the way to exercise, a beggar's wife said gratefully, "Boss, it's very kind of you to invite a poor person like us home."

The millionaire replied, "Nothing, I just came back from abroad, and my house has never been looked after. The lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high, so you can eat enough.

15. When my friend Li Shansi and I just moved, we were at home. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then the two pretend that they have a remote control and can change the channel. This son of a bitch kept changing channels. I told him, but he didn't listen. Then we started fighting.

16

Soldiers: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place once, and I remember that there is a Meilin nearby. It's only a short walk away.

All the soldiers: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh!" The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao:" Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? At last, there is water to drink. "

Soldiers:" If you don't go ... you must find Plum ... "

17

A girls' school is haunted.

I was met by Xiaohong one day.

the ghost said: junior. . . Look. . . I have no feet. . . I have no feet. . .

Xiaohong: That's nothing. Look, senior, I don't have breasts. I don't have breasts.

18. Why are silkworm babies rich? Because ..... silkworms can cocoon (frugality)

19. Which historical figures are the most embarrassed? Su Wu, because: Su Wu herded sheep by the North Sea (was beaten by the sea)

2. Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiaoming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Crying, crying. . He flew. .

21. The diver's movements are very difficult. He made a twist for three weeks, followed by a forward somersault for three and a half weeks, followed by a back air.