Engagement custom in Linyi, Shandong Province

Linyi engagement is also called Chuanqi. In the local area, especially in the countryside, people think that engagement is engagement. Although its legal efficiency is different from that of getting a marriage certificate, it has become an established rule. Engagement means that lifelong events are certain, and the social recognition of a region is very high. Without special circumstances, neither party shall breach the contract. Otherwise, it is regarded as immoral and even condemned by the public.

Therefore, the engagement between men and women is very cautious and the form is relatively grand. In some places in the past, men chose an auspicious day, and the matchmaker would come forward and give a woman a "box". Put a white goose on the "box", and put the betrothal gifts such as cloth, betrothal gifts and snacks in the box, as well as the man's commemorative card (with the young man's birthday, year and year written on it, etc. ). The woman returned to Four Treasures of the Study with her own Geng Tie.

Men and women exchange Geng stickers, commonly known as "changing posts", which means engagement, and Geng stickers are engagement letters. Now is usually a good day to hold a ceremony at the man's house or hotel. Most people attending the ceremony are mothers, aunts, aunts, aunts and sisters of both men and women, plus matchmakers. In some places, parents of both men and women also went together. Hosted by the matchmaker and drinking engagement wine, through this form, relatives of both sides meet and get to know each other, and some future brides take this opportunity to kowtow to their parents-in-law and call their parents for the first time.

At the same time, the two sides give each other clothes or other supplies. The man submits bride price money to the woman, which is also called bride price. The bride price is equivalent to deposit, and the amount of gift money (including gift money) is determined according to the wealth of the family on the one hand and the trend and fashion at that time on the other.

In the past, there was a very important trend here. The more difficult the man's family is, the more brothers there are, or the worse the man looks, the more bride price the woman wants. Because of the bad conditions, the man wants more from the woman in the marriage. He was afraid that if the marriage broke down, the man would not hesitate to pay back the money.

In addition, there is a very important custom here. All debts owed at the time of marriage are paid by parents. If many brothers find a daughter-in-law, the woman naturally needs a little more bride price. I didn't return it anyway. Don't do it for nothing. Now most of them are only children, and this tendency has faded.

Choose auspicious numbers as dowry. With the changes of the times and the improvement of material living standards, the gift money has gradually increased in these years. Such as: 66 yuan, 666 yuan, 6666 yuan means 666 Dashun; 99 yuan, 999 yuan and 9999 yuan mean long-term and long-term; 10 1 yuan, 100 1 yuan, 1000 1 yuan means one in a hundred, one in a thousand and one in a thousand. Gift money is generally determined by both men and women through consultation, and the amount is not uniform. Some amounts are very small, just for luck, hundreds or hundreds of yuan, and some don't accept gifts.

After the engagement, the man will go to the woman's house to send farewell gifts on important festivals such as Spring Festival and Mid-Autumn Festival. At the same time, according to the season, the man needs to buy some seasonal clothes for the woman or pay for them himself. The woman will also walk around the man's house and do some housework for him.

Extended data:

Marriage custom in Linyi

Since ancient times, China has formed a marriage etiquette with six rituals (accepting gifts, asking names, honoring filial piety, accepting levies, inviting guests and welcoming relatives) as its important links. Influenced by these traditional customs, Linyi was deeply influenced by Qi culture and Lu culture, especially by Confucius and Mencius, and formed a marriage etiquette with local characteristics. In China, there is almost no difference in the custom of marriage between counties and districts. Generally speaking, it consists of more than a dozen important links, such as proposing relatives, wedding year, dating, setting real angle, sending date, helping a meal (filling a box), sending a reminder, wedding, visiting a happy grave, and returning to the door. Performing these procedures marks that a new family will live independently from now on.

First, propose.

Also known as "matchmaking". When it's time for men and women to talk about marriage, as marriage matchmakers, they stand up and propose. There are two situations here, one is that the matchmaker takes the initiative to propose marriage to the man or woman's house; The other is that the man or woman asks the matchmaker to propose marriage. Proposing marriage is simply to introduce the family, appearance, figure and other aspects to both men and women, so that they can have a general understanding of each other. If both sides are interested, they will continue, but they have no intention of stopping there.

In the old society, the marriage of men and women inherited the traditional habit of "parents' orders and matchmakers' words". The matchmaker came forward, and the parents made the final decision and arranged the marriage. Many of them waited outside the door and entered the bridal chamber to meet and get to know each other. After the founding of New China, this traditional habit was gradually broken and the freedom of marriage was realized. Free love has become the mainstream.

In the past, marriage proposals generally focused on matching men and women. There used to be a saying in the local area that "good is good, lai is lai, and machetes cut vegetables at the ladle". Generally speaking, the matchmaker first puts forward a suggestion to one party, introduces the general situation of the other party, and if it is approved, asks for the opinion of the other party. Where to go first, there is an agreed rule in the countryside. Whoever has better comprehensive conditions will go first, and the good side agrees, which means that the poor side will not have any big problems.

In cities, relatives, friends, classmates and colleagues come forward to propose marriage, or propose marriage through marriage agencies and online newspapers. The matchmaker not only took the lead in proposing marriage, but also handled some other things in the whole marriage. Some people even go to the matchmaker for mediation after some contradictions occur between husband and wife after marriage.

In addition to marriage agencies and online newspapers and periodicals, matchmakers in rural areas don't charge for marriage proposal, and some places give them some gifts, such as food and pork, to show their gratitude. After the matchmaker puts forward the marriage, if neither side expresses opposition or discusses it, the marriage will have a beginning.

After a period of time, the two sides "asked" and "listened" to each other, which was actually an unannounced visit. Generally speaking, both men and women know each other's situation from different aspects through relatives and friends or trusted people, and some even "snoop" their parents themselves.

Listen to each other's content, and the man should have a general understanding of the woman: is she a virtuous, honest girl who can live, what does she look like, whether she is physically disabled, whether she can read, how her family reputation is, and how she intends to handle this marriage.

Generally speaking, women should know this man: this boy is his duty, his temper, his bad habits, his earning ability, his family's financial situation, whether he can live a good life after returning home, his average height, whether he is strong, whether he has any special diseases, his brother, his unmarried sister-in-law and so on.

In the past, when information was underdeveloped and men and women had little contact, this kind of listening was necessary and played a role in understanding the situation. Listening in this way no longer exists, and the means of communication are modern. After proposing marriage, both men and women call and send messages to communicate, and often you come and go and meet directly. In the long process of love, they deepened their understanding, enhanced their feelings, and got to know each other before entering the marriage hall.

Second, the annual life

The so-called "marriage" is to let people check the birth dates of men and women, and calculate whether they are consistent according to the zodiac and Jin Mu's five elements. If they don't break taboos, they will consider confirming their marriage. In some places, in this link, by the way, matchmaking was carried out.

But in most places, this is done after marriage proposal. After the matchmaker's words, both men and women think that they can get married, so they should ask someone to "test their horoscope" and "match their life". At present, many cities only verify the birthdays of relatives after proposing marriage, so as to obtain similar ages, instead of "measuring eight characters" and "matching years".

But in most rural areas, we still attach great importance to this link. The fate of this year mainly depends on whether the zodiac is compatible. If you agree with the other person, it means that you can't get married, commonly known as "can't do it." If you don't agree with the other person's point of view, commonly known as "Zuo", you can discuss pro. There are taboos such as "since ancient times, chickens and dogs have heard about each other, white horses are afraid of green cows, snakes see tigers like knives, wild boars are afraid of apes, and two dragons can't sleep together". This belief in fate has hurt many young men and women, so that a good marriage often breaks down because of the incompatibility between time and fate.

Generally speaking, the matchmaker will give the birthdays and horoscopes of both men and women to each other. Some men and women will ask Mr. Yin and Yang to calculate, others will ask Mr. Yin and Yang to calculate, and the calculation results will be informed to each other through the matchmaker. Mr. Yin and Yang charge a certain fee or gift for calculating birthdays and horoscopes.

This old custom, which has lasted for thousands of years, is undoubtedly a feudal superstition and needs to be banned. However, it is impossible to ban living in some places for a short time at present. We should vigorously publicize materialism, scientific world outlook and outlook on life, and actively guide the masses to consciously get rid of Xu's superstition, advocate science and get out of the misunderstanding of destiny.

Third, blind date

That is, meeting. If both men and women "agree" after the end of the year, and the two sides have no objection, they will determine the blind date. In the past, the matchmaker took the woman to let the man's parents (or aunts) take a look at each other; Take the man to let the woman's parents (or brothers and sisters) see each other; Men and women don't meet. Don't agree to meet before the parents of both men and women look at each other.

Since liberation, the matchmaker agreed that parents or aunts of both men and women would meet under the guidance of the matchmaker. In the sixties and seventies, most rural people chose the market in order to find a place suitable for men and women to meet and talk. This kind of meeting can only be seen from each other's clothes, whether they stutter, whether it is convenient to walk and how their family is.

In recent years, relatives and friends of both men and women are generally selected. The process and time of blind date are very short. The matchmaker briefly introduced the situation of both parties and the identity of the people present. The two sides greet each other and say some short words from their parents. In some places, when dating, parents or aunts and matchmakers are together, and men and women on blind dates are alone, meeting and chatting. When dating, it is difficult for both men and women to express their views in person, and then the matchmaker will pass on the message.

Fourth, fix the angle.

It is also called "Xiaoding" or "Chuan Xiao Qi". After the blind date, both men and women felt a good impression and hit it off. The man asked the matchmaker or sent someone to send some clothes and other gifts to the woman, indicating that the marriage was preliminarily decided. There is no ceremony to fix the real corner. Neither men nor women hold banquets or entertain guests. If there happens to be a dinner, you can eat normally, and the woman does not return the gift. In some places, men and women eat with their parents, and the parents of the man give the woman a small amount of clothes or money, which means engagement, but this is not a formal ceremony, but it just shows that marriage is almost possible.

Verb (short for verb) dating

Also called enlightenment. In the local area, especially in the countryside, people think that engagement is engagement. Although its legal efficiency is different from that of getting a marriage certificate, it has become an established rule. Engagement means that lifelong events are certain, and the social recognition of a region is very high. Without special circumstances, neither party shall breach the contract. Otherwise, it is regarded as immoral and even condemned by the public. Therefore, the engagement between men and women is very cautious and the form is relatively grand. In some places in the past, men chose an auspicious day, and the matchmaker would come forward and give a woman a "box". Put a white goose on the "box", and put the betrothal gifts such as cloth, betrothal gifts and snacks in the box, as well as the man's commemorative card (with the young man's birthday, year and year written on it, etc. ). The woman returned to Four Treasures of the Study with her own Geng Tie. Men and women exchange Geng stickers, commonly known as "changing posts", which means engagement, and Geng stickers are engagement letters. Now is usually a good day to hold a ceremony at the man's house or hotel. Most people attending the ceremony are mothers, aunts, aunts, aunts and sisters of both men and women, plus matchmakers. In some places, parents of both men and women also went together. Hosted by the matchmaker and drinking engagement wine, through this form, relatives of both sides meet and get to know each other, and some future brides take this opportunity to kowtow to their parents-in-law and call their parents for the first time.

At the same time, the two sides give each other clothes or other supplies. The man submits bride price money to the woman, which is also called bride price. The bride price is equivalent to deposit, and the amount of gift money (including gift money) is determined according to the wealth of the family on the one hand and the trend and fashion at that time on the other. In the past, there was a very important trend here. The more difficult the man's family is, the more brothers there are, or the worse the man looks, the more bride price the woman wants. Because of the bad conditions, the man wants more from the woman in the marriage. He was afraid that if the marriage broke down, the man would not hesitate to pay back the money.

In addition, there is a very important custom here. All debts owed at the time of marriage are paid by parents. If many brothers find a daughter-in-law, the woman naturally needs a little more bride price. I didn't return it anyway. Don't do it for nothing. Now most of them are only children, and this tendency has faded.

Choose auspicious numbers as dowry. With the changes of the times and the improvement of material living standards, the gift money has gradually increased in these years. Such as: 66 yuan, 666 yuan, 6666 yuan means 666 Dashun; 99 yuan, 999 yuan and 9999 yuan mean long-term and long-term; 10 1 yuan, 100 1 yuan, 1000 1 yuan means one in a hundred, one in a thousand and one in a thousand. Gift money is generally determined by both men and women through consultation, and the amount is not uniform. Some amounts are very small, just for luck, hundreds or hundreds of yuan, and some don't accept gifts.

After the engagement, the man will go to the woman's house to send farewell gifts on important festivals such as Spring Festival and Mid-Autumn Festival. At the same time, according to the season, the man needs to buy some seasonal clothes for the woman or pay for them himself. The woman will also walk around the man's house and do some housework for him.

Sixth, the delivery date

In the local area, the so-called fixed marriage date. In fact, it is a self-agreement between a man and a woman's family, which has not fulfilled legal procedures and has no legal effect. Therefore, after the engagement, you must apply for a marriage certificate. In previous years, Murakami opened a letter of introduction and went to the township to handle it. In these years, you need to go to the county civil affairs bureau to get it. Before sending the date, you need to check the date, which is usually handled by the man's family. Mr. Erzhi determined the specific wedding date according to the birth dates of both men and women, and wrote it on a piece of red paper together with the precautions. After that, the man went to the woman's house for a day.

The delivery day mainly does two things, one year is to send invitations. The contents of the invitation include the wedding date, the specific wedding time, the direction of getting on and off the bus, the animal signs of the men and women in the wedding procession, the number of guests, the direction the bride faces when sitting on the bill, etc. All these are explained clearly.

The other is a gift. Generally, there are six-color gifts, that is, two chickens, two fish and one knife of meat (mostly pig hind legs, locally called pig back seat, weighing ten to fifteen pounds). Some vermicelli, two pieces of cloth and some snacks are tied with red lines and sent to the woman's home by the matchmaker. This is called sending off leave or "the next day". Some also give gifts in six colors, eight colors and ten colors. However, no matter how many gifts there are, there must be meat, chicken, fish, snacks, vermicelli and so on. Because meat means meat (marriage). Chickens are auspicious. Fish have eyes, which means more than one year. Fans have the meaning of constantly stretching. Dim sum means a sweet marriage. Fenpi means perfect. Generally, gifts sent by the man's family, except meat, should be returned to the man's family in half, indicating that the happy event should be divided in half. Meat can't be returned, because "meat" means "meat", and both "marriage" and "returning meat" are suspected of breaking off marriage.

Seven, invite guests

The man asked for food aid and the woman asked for a box. In the local area, distinguished guests are regarded as important events in the past and now. When a man and a woman set a wedding date, they will inform their relatives and friends. Generally, about half a month before marriage, families of both men and women will choose auspicious days, treat each other and gather guests in the countryside. Relatives, friends and family members of both sides attended, trying to be cheerful and noisy, and some even took their children with them.

There are usually dozens of tables, dozens or even hundreds of tables. Most rural people hold banquets at home, while cities are in hotels. In the past, important guests would bring gifts such as pork, white phosphorus fish, steamed bread and vermicelli, while most ordinary guests would bring steamed bread and vermicelli or vermicelli. Why there is a local custom of bringing steamed bread is determined by material conditions.

At present, most people no longer bring such gifts, but only cash gifts, which are about 65,438+000 yuan in rural areas and about 200 yuan in cities, to express congratulations and help. After the guests were full of wine and food, the families of both men and women gave each guest a red envelope with cigarettes, candy, biscuits and peanuts to show their gratitude.

Eight, make up.

The day before the wedding, the man sent someone to send the woman a red cotton-padded jacket, red cotton trousers, "hooded Hong Haier" and other wedding clothes to show that when the wedding day came, he urged her to get married. By the way, in exchange for the woman's "marriage list", it says the number of people to get married, all the things to fill in, taboos and so on. The woman will also give the man a hat, a belt and a pair of shoes. At the same time, further discuss the matters needing attention when getting married the next day in case of omission.

On this day, the man decorated the new house, hung lottery tickets, posted Spring Festival couplets and asked the chef to prepare the wedding banquet. The woman "opened her heart" to her soon-to-be-married daughter, twisted the hair off her face with thread and trimmed her sideburns. Pack up the dowry in the evening, and put clothes, reunion cakes, shoes, money for cabinets, condolences and other items into the furniture. This move is called "packing cabinet".

Now there are procedures for promoting makeup in rural areas, but some contents are gone. For example, "opening a face" is not on this day, but at the same time as the wedding in the morning. When people in the city get married, there is generally no makeup procedure, but on the first night of their wedding, they will exchange air with each other and discuss and coordinate the specific matters of getting married the next day.

Nine, get married

Before the wedding, the bride took a group photo with her family, except the whole family, and took a group photo with her family alone, indicating that she would leave the last group photo with her family when she was a girl.

The wedding is in the morning. In the countryside, when the whole day is off, men will find someone to confirm. In the city, it is decided according to the distance between the woman's house and the man's house, usually between 7: 00 and 9: 00.

In some rural areas, the bride will wear her father's shoes upside down before getting on the sedan chair, and then put on her own shoes after getting on the bus, which means that her daughter will not take her mother's soil with her when she gets married. In some places, the bride sits in a chair and is carried to the front of a sedan chair or car. Her feet can't land. When getting married locally, the bride usually wears red shoes, but in some places, she wears green shoes and wears red shoes when she returns home. There is a proverb here, "Green shoes wear red shoes, and a scholar leaves home."

In some places, after the bride gets on the bus, her family will spill a basin of water prepared in advance on the ground, which means "water spilled by the married daughter", expecting her daughter to live safely in her husband's house.

Sending a happy event is also called sending a happy event, which is all suitable for Fujian. Seeing off guests includes big guests, small guests and bridesmaids. Male guests were photographed by the bride's uncle, uncle and current village cadres, while female guests were photographed by the bride's aunt and aunt. Both men and women have their own choices. They should not marry the bride, but should have husband and wife and children. Small guests are the same generation or the next generation of the bride, and bridesmaids are usually sisters or friends of the bride.

X. wedding

In the past, the wedding ceremonies of wealthy families were more complicated and bigger, while ordinary people were simpler. In the TV series Yimeng, the wedding of Li Jicheng and Tian Xin is the epitome of the wedding of local civilians. Their wedding was held in their own yard. Presided over by the master of ceremonies in Murakami, first worship heaven and earth, then worship Gaotang, and finally the husband and wife worship each other.

After that, the master of ceremonies introduced relatives and friends at home to the bride, and then the bride and groom entered the bridal chamber. This custom has been used in the early days of liberation. After that, especially during the Cultural Revolution, in many rural areas, wedding ceremonies such as worshipping heaven and earth were no longer held.

Most people who work in government agencies are attended by the leaders and comrades of their own units. They hold simple weddings in the conference room, eat wedding candy, smoke wedding cigarettes and drink wedding wine in the form of tea parties to congratulate the bride and groom. Nowadays, more and more wedding customs in cities are integrated into western customs, such as giving wedding rings, the bride wearing a white wedding dress and the groom wearing a suit, holding a group wedding, holding wedding dances, traveling and getting married. This makes the wedding custom more and more adapt to the requirements of modern life, showing more freedom, liveliness, individuality and romantic charm.

After welcoming the wedding procession, the wedding ceremony followed. The countryside is held in the yard of the groom's house. Some cities are in front of the groom's house, some are in hotels, and many of them ask wedding companies to arrange full service.

After the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom enter the bridal chamber. In the past, it was usually the groom who led the bride into the bridal chamber with red ribbons. Nowadays, it is more common for the groom to hold or carry the bride into the bridal chamber. Some brides and grooms walk into the bridal chamber hand in hand.

After entering the bridal chamber, there is a very important local custom called "touching chestnuts and dates". The groom put many chestnuts, peanuts and dates under the couple's bedding in advance, and some of them were sewn in the corner of the bedding.

When the bride and groom enter the bridal chamber, the groom's peers or junior boys and girls flock to the bridal chamber together. After the bride sat down on the bed, these boys and girls rushed together and robbed the "chestnuts and dates" on the couple's bed, making a scene. Then the bride and groom will drink heart-to-heart wine, eat noodles and red eggs. When eating eggs, the superior will ask, "Are you alive?" Both the bride and groom want to be "born!" The moral is to have a baby next year. In the past, the bride had to "sit on the bed" or "sit on the account" and could not leave the new house for three days. Later, she sat in the account for a day, which meant putting up with sex.

Now, brides in rural and urban areas no longer "sit on the ground and start at a price". Wedding night and day, known as the "ever-burning lamp". All men, women and children can visit the bride in the bridal chamber, ask for cigarettes and candy, and make fun of the bride and groom in various ways, some of which are called "disturbing the bridal chamber" or "disturbing the bridal chamber" until late at night. ?

Xi。 Shangxi tomb

On the second or third day after marriage, the bride and groom will go to the grave to worship their ancestors, commonly known as "Shangxi grave". Shangxi Tomb is usually accompanied by parents or the groom's brother, and the scope of ancestor worship is the groom's family, grandparents' home, and some even go to the father's grandparents' home. Generally speaking, you should bring plates and yellow paper when you go to the upper stream to sweep the grave, and go to the "graveyard" to place tributes, burn yellow paper and worship your ancestors. At the same time, there is a piece of red paper on each grave, which shows that there is new fragrance and fragrance.

Twelve, Huimen

Some places are called music, and some places are called short trips. This custom is still popular in rural areas. Going back to the bride's family is the first time the bride has returned to her family after marriage. Some places are arranged on the second day after marriage, some on the third day, and some on the sixth day. When you go back to your mother's house, the groom's house can't see you off, but the bride's brother or younger brother will pick you up.

In my home, some places go and return on the same day, but I can't stay overnight, and some places stay for a few days the next day. When I return to my in-laws' house, my parents will send me away, but not the groom's house. The end of the round trip marks the beginning and end of wedding etiquette.

In the local area, some songs or narrative poems praising love, celebrating marriage and wishing happiness are also formed in the process of marriage for the wedding. The lyrics are simple, popular, elegant and interesting, which enhances the festive atmosphere, conveys good wishes and spreads warm persuasion. Tancheng's "hi song" is the most typical and representative. It has a long history, comes from the people, serves the people and has a profound cultural accumulation. Although these joyful songs are no longer popular at weddings, they are still worth reading as folk cultural heritage at weddings.

References:

China Linyi Net: Linyi Marriage Customs