Let's tell some funny jokes. ....

1. A doctor just bought fish at the market and went home. A woman stopped him. He said, "My daughter is seriously ill at home. Please go at once."

Living in the woman's house, I came to the little girl's boudoir on the second floor.

When the doctor was treating, he suddenly remembered the fresh fish bought downstairs. Then he asked, "Is there a cat down there?"

This woman is very shy. Woman's Day: "I don't hide my illness from the doctor, but it doesn't hurt to say it."

The daughter said, "Only a few.

The wedding night is unforgettable for the bride. After one night, I will start a new life. What will brides around the world say to their husbands on this new morning?

German bride: "Hans, are you asleep?"

French bride: "Dear, am I beautiful?"

Japanese bride: "I'm really sorry, please forgive my poor service."

American bride: "How about it? How much is a spring night worth in an instant? . Daughter? Are you talking about dollars or gold? "

English bride: "Come on, our child, do you want him to go to Cambridge or Oxford?"

Italian bride: "Gino! Are you still alive? "

China bride: "Officer, I still want it."

3. One day the teacher said to Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming … Do you have a brother?"

Xiaoming suddenly looked down at his crotch …

Then he frowned and said to the teacher, "Teacher … I can't kiss!" " "

4. A newly married soldier wrote to his wife and said:

Come and see me next week if you can. Physical needs and lack of money, please bring one hundred dollars.

Ps: If you can't come, send me 200 yuan.

It is said that a sailor stayed at sea for several months and just landed. I rushed to a porn hotel. He told the porter that he wanted to find a girl to work for, but there was no money in his pocket. The concierge said it would cost 40 yuan to fuck a girl. See the sex show (humor show), 20 yuan. But this guy gambled all his money on the boat, leaving only five dollars. "Please, brother. I am at sea. It hasn't been released for months. Try to help! Please "the sailor kept begging. The porter thought about it, took the money, took the sailor to a room upstairs and left. Entering the room, the sailor looked around except for a rooster (real chicken! ), nothing. It was the last straw, and the sailor persuaded himself to climb on the ground and dry a "chicken", which solved the temporary fire. Then leave quietly! Two weeks later, the sailor came back. "What can 20 yuan do here?" . This time, he won some money and the porter took it. Without saying anything, he led the water upstairs again. But came to the door of another room. Pushing open the door, the sailor saw a large group of people in front of the one-way mirror on the wall, watching two women playing with each other through the mirror. "How fucking beautiful!" The sailor was so fascinated that he couldn't help commenting on the people standing by. "This is nothing to see!" The man replied without looking back, "If you had come two weeks earlier, you would have seen a boy fucking a rooster there."

6. Lao Zhao gambled with a tour group in subic bay and won $600. He happily found a call girl to play with. When they finished, Lao Zhao generously paid her 100 dollars. The call girl said excitedly, "Wow! Great! You are really good at it. Can you do it again? This rabbit fee. " "Really? Great! " Then, Lao Zhao cheered up again and appreciated each other again. "You are too capable, please try again! I'll pay you one hundred dollars this time. " The girl asked. Hearing this, Lao Zhao wanted to cheer up and do it again, but he was so tired that he looked at his useless things and hung them there softly. He said helplessly, "useless things are fierce when they pay, but they look like cowards when they earn money."

7. One day, a young man walked into a roast duck restaurant. Miss, do you sell roast duck? . The shopkeeper is a young girl. Yes! And Beijing roast duck and Nanjing dried salted duck! What flavor would you like, sir? Hmm. What is the difference? . Okay ... okay! You come with me. Say that finish, the girl took her husband to the kitchen. Look! As she spoke, the girl grabbed a duck in a cage and put her hand into the duck's anus. Gaga. ㄚㄚ! Ducks are fighting. Did you hear that? The girl said with a smile, this sound is the cry of Nanjing salted duck. Oh ... the young man then asked, how about Beijing roast duck? The girl then grabbed the duck in another cage and stuck it again with her hand. ㄍㄧㄚㄚ! Hey! This is Beijing roast duck! What kind do you want, sir? Ok, then I'll buy a Nanjing salted duck. After that, the girl wrapped him a dried salted duck. Thank you for your patronage! The girl said with a smile. You're welcome. The young man replied with a smile and turned away. Oh! By the way, miss, where are you from? . . The young man asked with a smile. The girl smiled shyly and said, would you like to try the toilet with me?

8. During the Iran-Iraq war, a captain was transferred to the front line of Iran as a company commander. When he arrived, he asked the messenger, "There are no women in this desert army. How do you solve your basic needs? The messenger pointed to the camel tied outside the tent and said, "That's all!" The company commander said with a puzzled face, "rely on it?" Command nodded. The company commander felt incredible. After more than a month, the company commander couldn't stand his physiological needs, so he called the messenger and said, "Bring the camel to my room!" " The messenger asked strangely, "Take the camel to your room?" The company commander replied, "Don't bother, just bring it in. "After about 30 minutes, the company commander came out wearily and said," It's really difficult to repair! " The herald asked incredulously, "What did the company commander put the camel in the room for?" The company commander said, "Of course! You too. " The messenger replied, "company commander, I mean, we all rely on this camel to get us to the city to find women!"

9. Man: "You take it off first, and I'll take it off when you're finished. Woman: I take it off slowly. You'd better take it off first. " Man: "That's it! Save time. Let's take it off together. " Woman: "How dare you?" Man: "Never mind, one of our own." Woman: "That was fast! Stuff it all in, look out! Don't get your clothes dirty! " Man: "well ... it's much more convenient with this dehydrator." 」

10. A family married the bride, all the guests left, and the new couple entered the bridal chamber.

In-laws need to rest and listen to the bride's voice shouting in the bridal chamber.

The mother-in-law had no choice but to pull her father-in-law to the door of the bridal chamber: "Wife! Wedding night is inevitable, so make do with it!

Unexpectedly, the bride was furious and said a super classic sentence: how can there be such a stupid son! He ... He ... He ... He just can't stand it! I can't stand it!