Three humorous sentences about the Year of the Dog

Chapter 1

1. There is a kind of persistence called paranoia, and there is a kind of blessing called gaining weight! May my dearest friend have a good appetite every day and become a little pig soon!

2. I generally don’t send text messages to people easily. Anyone who receives my text messages must be someone who is in trouble or struggling with each other. Therefore, you should kowtow three times and say long live for three times before you become free! It’s nothing, I just miss you, please step back!

3. A smile will make your worries run away, a second smile will dissipate your anger, a third smile will make you regretful, a fourth smile will make you escape from illness, a five-smile will never grow old, a six-smile will make you happy and carefree, smile often, and your life span will be as long as the southern mountains.

4. You are my CPU, leading my thoughts to stay only for you. You are my bedside lamp, giving me light in the dark night. You are my clothes hanger, and you pay all my monthly salary. You are my big horse spoon, if you don't see me for a while, I will get angry.

5. On a cold winter morning, you paddled hard in the pool, breaststroke, backstroke, butterfly stroke, freestyle, and the amazing diving! The old man on the shore was anxious: "Hey! You drank up the cesspool and stopped me from farming!

6. Have you ever heard of it: It takes five hundred looks back at the past life to exchange for the chance to rub shoulders in this life. But friends like us did nothing in our previous lives and just looked back.

7. A farmer raised a pig and found one missing one, and he couldn’t find it after searching for a long time. , and finally found that the pig was hiding in the corner reading text messages on the phone!

8. You were so naughty when you were young! In order to prevent fires, a forest put up a sign: "Don't leave any kindling!" "The next day, the smoker was emboldened, but the young couple ran away happily when they saw each other. It turned out that you removed the two points of the word "fire"!

9. After reading the story of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl, Only after reading the story of the three sworn brothers in Taoyuan did I know what it means to be a brother; only after seeing the photo of you and the orangutan did I know what a perfect match is!

10. Notice: The boss will come down to inspect the work tomorrow. Colleagues please dress uniformly as required. Men: suit, tie, shorts and slippers; women: swimsuit, trousers and leather shoes!

11. After the English test, English The teacher said to the class representative: Let the students without PASS stay. As a result, the class representative wrote on the blackboard: After school, those who are not afraid of death will stay.

12. This text message is very effective. I received it. Happy laughter, good luck reading, save to prevent colds, forward and reply, the phone bill is a dime, but you can pick up treasures, if you delete it, you will never see it again

13. There are two sentences! I have always wanted to say to you, and today I finally got the courage: the first sentence, I love you, I like you so much; the second sentence, don’t take the first sentence seriously! Haha, remember to be happy!

14. Lao Li is frugal. His problem is his stuttering and the number of times he has been in love. Lao Li’s girlfriend is even more frugal. Once on the phone, Lao Li stuttered nervously. Lao Li’s girlfriend said anxiously: Speak quickly, wait a minute.

15. A harmonious society requires that the family should not be dissolved, lovers should not make trouble, colleagues should be perfect, find a beautiful woman without causing trouble, leaders should not glare when they criticize, talk long and short when meeting friends, and make the wife laugh. Kaiyan.

16. What happened? When I called your cell phone, it said: The other party is running, please wait. I couldn’t believe it! The user who called has gone out of the service area, please wait and call again.

17. Xigua air conditioner, sleeping computer, mobile phone, full WIFI, cold beer, a friend who can call you on a hot day = a person who loves you. Summer. With my blessing, it will be a complete and comfortable summer. I wish you a good mood in summer! 18. People often don’t cherish what they get. When I have been pursuing someone for a long time but cannot get it, I feel his mystery, and when I can’t see his embarrassment, I always have a perfect image in my heart, so I feel cherished and precious.

19. A: Me. My wife lost her credit card! B: Why don’t you notify the bank quickly? A: It’s okay. That thief spent much less money than my wife.

20. Someone said that you are a stupid donkey. I seriously criticized him for being outrageous! You can't just tell someone what they look like!

Chapter 2

1. You are eating steamed buns without meat! You take one bite and you don’t get the meat. You take another bite and you still don’t get the meat. Then you take the third bite and you get the meat! Why do you say?

2. The little pig cried sadly. Mom asked: Why are you crying? Piggy said: I feel stupid. His mother comforted him: Son, don’t cry, XXX is stupider than you!

3. The one who makes furniture is wood, the one who understands poetry is scholar, the one who sends messages is genius, the one who receives messages is fool. Look, you idiot!

4. These days, for a man to be well-off is to have a decent little house, a fashionable car, a small sum of money for food and drink, a wife who cares about the family, and a useful little "cannon". ", there is a group of Xiaomi who just rubbish the cannon!

5. We spent the good times together, and you were with us in the happy moments. You didn’t say hello to me when you left, and you just left a puddle of dog shit on the ground!

6. If you feel mentally cold and cold, please call my cell phone! If you want to talk about work, please press, if you want to talk about relationships, please press, if you want to talk about life, please press #, if you want to introduce someone to me, please press #, if you want to invite me to dinner, just say so, if you want to borrow money, please hang up!

7. You have an appearance as rich as a peony, a quality as tough as a plum blossom, a heart as pure as a lotus, a smile as sweet as a peach blossom, and a sassy demeanor like a sunflower. I look left and right, and you look just right. Just a nympho!

8. I have no other intention in sending you a text message. I am not asking you for anything, nor am I bored to death, nor am I asking you to treat me to guests to deepen our friendship. I just want to give you a small reminder: I am physically and mentally exhausted after a week of hard work. , rest like a pig on the weekend!

9. National Day is celebrated by everyone, with singing and dancing birds singing and laughing everywhere. I really want to take you to enjoy the liveliness and joy of the festival. I really want you to jump around freely and shout happily, but there are stickers everywhere: No dogs allowed during the festival!

10. Someone said to me, you can’t do anything but eat. I beat him up severely for actually slandering you like this. I don’t know about others, but I don’t know about you. ? In addition to eating, you can at least sleep, run, and grind!

11. Are you happy? Please purse your lips and smile; are you happy? Give your lover a hug; are you moved? Howl with tears; are you free and easy? A hop around the workplace; finished reading the text message? Well, please stop messing around!

12. I dreamed of you last night. You were swimming in boiling water. When I saw you, I became very anxious and shouted to you: Come up quickly! Unexpectedly, you didn't even dump me, but actually raised your head and glared at me: "Why are you yelling? I've never seen a dead pig that's not afraid of boiling water!"

13. Some people say: The loose lace of the left shoe means that I miss you, and the loose lace of the right shoe means that you miss me! I tied the left shoelace tightly and loosened the right shoelace, but the left shoelace still came loose. It turns out that I can't help but miss you!

14. Friends who are stuck in traffic occasionally are called "Duzu", friends who are stuck in traffic every day are called "Dusheng", and friends who are always stuck in traffic jams are called "Dugshen". If you are in cities such as Beijing and Shanghai, congratulations on coming to "Block City"!

15. I give you the heaviest gift since you had feces. You will definitely eat a pound. If it is not enough, please help yourself.

16. Dung beetle and mosquito fall in love. Lang: What is your occupation? Mosquito: Nurse, give me the injection, how about you? The dung beetle smiled and said: It's fate, colleagues, I am a pill maker in a Chinese medicine bureau.

17. Over the years, we have had joys and sorrows, walked across the road, walked around the mountains, had meals together, drank soup together. Although you never reply to my text messages, you still remind me as a teacher. You: Bajie, it’s cold, put on a cassock when you go out!

18. The fog is not fog, and the flowers are not flowers. Friends come to offer flowers to you: a piece of marijuana flower can make people die; a bowl of tofu flower can make people happy; and a bundle of big fireworks can make people happy. You'll be dazzled; a little sparkle will blow you up into popcorn!

19. A miracle happened: ducks came on the shelves; fish flew into the sky; cats and dogs became in-laws, and mice became neighbors with them; strange, why didn’t I see you in the tree? Could it be that...the pig still hasn't changed?

20. You have red enthusiasm, orange liveliness, black calmness, blue melancholy, green vitality, gray peace, purple romance, white elegance, and yellow heart. No wonder people Give me the title "Little Pervert"!

Chapter 3

1. Just buy headphones for my dad, then issue a receipt and ask for money, just say I want them. Thank you!

2. In order to enter the house, the drunkard would take off his clothes at the door, so his wife had no choice but to open the door. One day, the drunk man got very drunk again. He went to the door and took off his clothes as usual and started knocking on the door. The door opened and a voice came out: Next stop, Fuxing Road.

3. It is said that money cannot buy time. Well, today I will risk everything. I will sell you all my time in exchange for all your money. Don't refuse, I am doing this voluntarily, prepare the money, I will take my time to find you in the afternoon!

4. After receiving the newly printed business card, a professional consultant called the manufacturer*: My business card was printed as "Professional Customer Service", but there was one opening missing! A few days later I received a new business card with the words "Professional door care" printed on it.

5. Another chance encounter. Your big watery eyes looked at me affectionately. I tried to avoid your sight in panic, but you chased after me. I understand your mood. So I ran and shouted: Whose dog is not tied up?

6. Just smile, even if your front teeth are exposed, just smile, even if the cramps are disguised, just smile, even if you are deprived of oxygen and your eyesight, just smile, I only wish you that everything will be happy .

7. I call your name. In the dark night, I feel that your name has never been so far away. More distant than any stars, sadder than drizzle. Bajie, why did you raise the price again?

8. Special news: In the mobile phone endurance competition, starting immediately, the switch will automatically start timing and continuously report weather forecasts. The user who keeps the switch on for the longest time will receive 100 minutes of free talk time.

9. I think about you every day until I shed tears. I dream about you every day until my heart breaks. I never give up my pursuit of you. When can I get you? Lottery five million!

10. Warm reminder: The weather is changeable, so dress carefully! The light rain means that I miss you, the shower means that my heart will not waver, the wind means that I send my heart to you, the cloudy day means that I am thinking about you, the sunny day means that we are not separated, and the cloudy day means that there are surprises! If it snows, you didn’t wake up!

11. Men have nine fears: first, they are afraid that their lover will get pregnant, second, they are afraid that their mistress will become a regular wife, third, they are afraid that the young lady will be sick, fourth, they are afraid that their daughter-in-law will fight for their lives, fifth, they are afraid that their lover will be exploited, sixth, they are afraid that their wife will be cheated, and seventh, they are afraid that their property will be stolen. When it comes to stealing, eight people are afraid of being sued by the masses, and nine are afraid that they will still be arrested after the robbery is done.

12. Xiao Ming suffered a fracture and was hospitalized. His mother cooked him a large bowl of pork bone soup and told him: Eat whatever you want to make up for it. Eat more, and your illness will soon be cured. Xiao Ming said thoughtfully: So that's it. I asked why the neighbor's second dog was so stupid. It turned out that his mother made him drink pig brain soup.

13. National football joke: The national football team welcomes you, and impresses you with the goal difference. You earn enough points, and we will be eliminated. The national football team welcomes you, and meeting China is a blessing. Amateur teams can also advance.

14. The paratroopers were practicing skydiving. The coach told him to open the parachute immediately after jumping out of the plane and counting to 10. Dean followed it and fell and was injured. The coach called him a fool. A soldier said: Coach, Dean It's a stutter!

15. Moored at the pier where I left yesterday, there are so many layers of dreams that are layered and mottled. I will miss you with a gentle mood throughout my life!

16. Say you are kind, bah, fickle and unscrupulous; say you are virtuous, damn, you can’t do anything at home; say you have temperament, damn, childish and neurotic; say you are the same as always, ugh , looks old.

17. Do you have a TV there? Look at the CCTV. The White House in the United States was bombed. The entire building collapsed. The police have cordoned off the entire Washington. People are dead, injured and missing. People are deceived!

18. I pray to the Buddha every day for a rose that will bloom for a long time. When there are nine hundred and ninety-nine roses, I will give them to you and say emotionally: You little boy, I don’t believe that the bees you attract can’t help you. Sting you!

19. A certain man was anxious while driving and peed in an empty Sprite bottle. I ran out of the car during a traffic jam and tried to throw the bottle into the trash can, but was stopped by a dedicated patrol officer. What was in the bottle? If you have leftover Sprite, take a sip and show it to me!

20. You are very elegant. You walked over from a distance step by step. Your bright smile, healthy skin, and gentle heart make people envious of you for having a pair of holy wings. I'm dizzy~ In this world, even pigs become angels~*.