I’m looking for a funny video I’ve seen on Youku before

01. The blind man was riding a bicycle with the lame man. The lame man was looking at the road. Suddenly he saw a deep ditch and exclaimed: Ditch, ditch, ditch! The blind man looked back and sang: Ole Ole Ole! So the two fell into the ditch!

02. I miss those days very much. You walked coquettishly in front of me on the country road with your head lowered. When the villagers saw you, we all praised you: Hey, you are beautiful and clean! Praise me too. : What a good boy, he comes out to herd pigs at such a young age!

03. Another chance encounter, your big watery eyes looked at you affectionately, and I tried to avoid your sight in panic. , but you were chasing after me. I understand your mood, so I shouted while running: Whose dog is not tied up?

04. You are on TV, I saw you, you are really eye-catching, very photogenic, you look so handsome, so cute, so confident, so perfect in the advertisement, I just said Well, any advertisement for pig feed will be fine with you as the model!

05. The nature class teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Doesn't anyone know? At this time, a classmate stood up and said: That's because the mind is naturally cool.

06. I have always been by your side and worried about you again and again. Have you had enough to eat today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I have always known that you just can't take care of yourself. Whenever I walk away, you will jump out of the pig pen.

07. During a military drill, a cannonball strayed far away. The soldiers sent to investigate found that artillery shells had fallen in the farmland. You were standing in the field, your clothes were torn and your face was dark. You said with tears in your eyes: Is it worth using shelling to steal a cabbage?

08. There was an old man who stayed at an old friend's house because his daughter-in-law was giving birth. My friend asked why? Answer: "Don't mention it! My daughter-in-law gave birth to a child and squeezed me out."

09. You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Being ugly is not your original intention, but God sent it. With a little temper, you have to live bravely. Without you, who can bring out the beauty of the world.

10. One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest. He came up to talk to him and said: I am Hong Tao Liu. The foreign guest said: I am still the Seven of Diamonds!

11. Not every flower can represent love, but roses can; not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplars can; not every pig can read short messages, But you did it. congratulations!

12. In the vast sea of ??people, when you receive this sincere blessing, please bang your head against the wall with all your strength - do you see it? The countless stars in front of your eyes are my infinite love!

13. I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind; I wrote your name on the beach, but it was taken away by the waves; so I wrote your name in every corner of the street Write your name... Holy shit, I got taken away by the police!

14. Dear user: Your phone bill balance is less than 0.1 yuan. Please sell your son, daughter, rice, pot, iron, blood, house, land, wife, etc. Hand it in. Thank you for your cooperation! China Telecom.

15. Don’t be crazy with me! Easy to die! Don't pretend to be like me! Easily injured! You have no one to gang fight with! I can't challenge you alone! I'll beat you into Zhang Haidi at worst! Or I'll beat you into a mummy! Give you some face! Beat you until you can't take care of yourself.

16. Because of thirst, God created water; because of darkness, God created fire; because I need friends, God let you come to me, and God lost the bucket!

17.Are you lonely? If so, then go downstairs and buy a rope and a stick, tie the rope to the stick, and go to the top of the building to swing the stick when the wind blows. Others will ask you: What are you doing? Just say: I have convulsions!

18. After the ringtone rings, the phone prompts: The other party is running naked, please wait and call again. I can't believe it! When I called again, it said: Sorry, the user you dialed has left the service area, please wait and call again.

19. Your smile can make wolves hang themselves, your bark can make chickens and dogs jump, your stand can cause stench, and your sweat can cause lice disaster. If you don’t dress up, you are like a ghost. It's ugly. When you dress up, you will be paralyzed by ghosts

20. Standing under the tall building, I felt sad inside and my face was wet, with a salty smell. Is it rain or tears? Looking up at the sky: Damn, who is peeing upstairs!

21. Four ideals in life: 1. Tile the Great Wall.

2. Decorate the equator with gold. 3. Put railings on the Pacific Ocean. 4. Install an elevator on Mount Everest

22. Four small ideals in life: 1. Put gloves on flies. 2. Wear a mask on mosquitoes. 3. Put shackles on the mouse. 4. Educate cockroaches to wear condoms.

23. The sea is all fucking water, the spiders are all fucking legs, the peppers are so fucking spicy, I don’t regret knowing you. I wish you happiness and smile from ear to ear every day!

24. If you blink your eyes, I will die. If you blink again, I will come to life. If your eyes keep blinking, I will live and die!

25. You are handsome, you are handsome, you are the most handsome in the world. You have a nest of cabbage on your head, a sack on your body, and a piece of kelp around your waist. You think you are the Invincible of the East, but in fact you are the second generation fool. .

26. Do you still remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students: "The first row counts!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly: "Count!" So, you turned around reluctantly and hugged the tree!

27. My love is empty and my love is empty, and I am wandering in the street; my life is empty and my money is empty, and I am single and working hard; my career is empty and my career is empty, and I go crazy thinking about it; my mobile phone is empty and I have no money to recharge, and life is not easy under pressure. ------In short, all four are empty.

28. I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly reached out to the barcode scanner and saw the screen display: Pig's trotters 8 yuan. You thought the machine was broken, but you turned your face over and looked at it. The screen showed pork head meat for 5 yuan!

29. A college student accidentally entered a terrorist camp and was arrested. The terrorists asked: Where did you come from? Tell me quickly, or I will electrocute you. The student answered: I am from TV University~~~

30. You and I are both angels with one wing. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I came to this world just to find you. After going through all the troubles to find you, I found: TMD! Our wings are aligned!

31. Late at night, Bush saw Bin Laden standing in front of his bed, his hair disheveled. Bush was shocked and said: You are so bold, you dare to break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-length beard, smiled sinisterly, and said: Rejoice, you are so confident!

32. A bean fell down and became discouraged and depressed. This bean is me, what can encourage it to stand up? The answer is you! Because there is something called *pig encouraging beans*.

33. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I have diarrhea when I eat, cucumbers and watermelons. How can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

34. Do you know why we are destined? We met as early as a thousand years ago. It was autumn. You ran with me in the wind and left tooth marks on my body. This has become an eternal legend. At that time, my name was Lu Dongbin.

35. Let’s talk about a bus driver. There was a passenger who stuck his head out the window. The driver said: “That guy who stuck his head out, stick his head back. Your head can’t fit in such a big car.” Ah."

36. When a police dog saw an ordinary dog ??coming on the road, he ran to it fiercely and asked: I am a police dog, what are you? Ordinary dogs would look at it with disdain and say: Idiot, look clearly, I am a plainclothes man!

37. I have a request: treat me to dinner. I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I will write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front: Apply for a certificate. You also want to treat me to a good meal, or write: Marriage, both men and women are welcome, no conditions are required.

38. A cannibal father and son were hunting. The son captured a skinny man. The father said: Let him go, there is no meat! His son captured another fat man, and his father said: "Let go, it's too greasy!" His son captured another beautiful woman, and his father said, "Take her home and eat your mother at night!"

39. One day we went to a wishing well. I bent down and made a wish and threw a coin into the well. You also wanted to make a wish, but you accidentally fell into the well when you bent down. I was stunned and murmured to myself: It’s really amazing!

40. A four-year-old boy kissed a three-year-old girl. The girl said to the boy: You must be responsible for me if you kiss me. The boy patted the girl's shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not children of one or two years old anymore!

41. The monkey picked up a card. He wanted to see clearly what the card was, so he climbed to the branch to look. At this time, a lightning struck him.

The monkey cried and said: It turns out to be an IP card!

42. Zheng Xiding’s daughter-in-law didn’t see her husband, so she went to her father-in-law’s house to look for him. Seeing my father-in-law washing his face, he asked: Dad, where is Xiding? The father-in-law was displeased and continued to wash his face. The daughter-in-law was angry and asked again: Dad, where is Zheng Xiding? The father-in-law was furious: Wash your face!

43. A man and woman had to sleep in the same room at night. The woman drew a line and warned the man: Anyone who crosses the line is an animal! The next day, the woman found out that the man really didn't pass the line, and immediately slapped the man: I didn't expect you to be worse than a beast!

44. A lot of people are buying "welfare lottery coupons" on the street, and the lottery will be drawn on the spot. Anyone with an animal pattern printed on it is the winner. The larger the animal on the pattern, the bigger the prize. The more valuable the prize. After someone carefully opened a piece of paper and saw that he had won the first prize, he couldn't help but shout, "I am a donkey! I am a donkey!" Someone next to him repeatedly missed the prize and said angrily: "What are you shouting for?" As long as it's an animal, there's a prize!"

45. One day, I picked up my two-year-old son from kindergarten and came home. The child was sitting on the back seat of a bicycle and it was boring, so I said, "Hey , Son, if I come up with a word, can you make a sentence for dad? "Okay, you tell me," he said. "It's delicious," I said. "It tastes like shit!" ", he blurted out right after my words?

46. My uncle came to the house as a guest, but Xiaowen said to his mother: "Mom, I want to go to the zoo to see monkeys." Her mother immediately shouted angrily: " What monkeys are you looking at? Your uncle is here, why are you going to the zoo!"

47. There was a little boy who asked his mother after school one day: "Mom, where did I come from? "The mother felt that this question was difficult to answer, but she should take this opportunity to educate her children. She took cats and dogs as examples and talked about the reproductive process in a serious manner. After hearing this, the son said in confusion: "How could this happen? My classmates said he was from Shanxi. "

48. A family of three moved into a new house. Seeing that the husband and son did not pay much attention to hygiene, the wife wrote a slogan at home: "Everyone is responsible for paying attention to hygiene. "My son came home from school, saw the slogan, took out a pen and changed the slogan to: "It is the responsibility of adults to pay attention to hygiene. The next day, when my husband saw me, he also took out a pen and changed the slogan to: "It is the wife's responsibility to pay attention to hygiene." ”

49. A farmer raised a pig and fed it chaff every day. The Animal Protection Association found out and fined it 10,000 yuan. The farmer switched to feeding orchids and roses, and was fined 10,000 yuan by the Plant Protection Association. One day Someone came to inspect and asked him what to feed the pig. The farmer said: I don’t know what to feed the pig, so I have to give it 100 yuan every day and let it go out to eat by itself.

50. I went to work this morning**. *The car had already started when we arrived at the platform, so I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me!" Master, wait for me! "At this time, a passenger stuck his head out of the car window and said to me: "Wukong, please stop chasing me. ”