The most classic funny sentences About the most classic funny sentences

A selection of the most classic funny sentences

1) My big name is God, my nickname is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata.

2) I am the princess who kills thorns and dragons on the road, travels across rivers and climbs to the top of the tower, and is responsible for kissing you awake.

3) When I take off my clothes, I am a beast, but when I put on clothes, I am a beast!

4) The story of Meng’s mother moving three times actually shows that she had a good son. It’s no use to me even if I move a hundred times!

5) The only difference between a marriage certificate and a production license is that it is not hung on the wall.

6) I don’t know whose wife is in my bed, and my wife doesn’t know whose bed she is in!

7) The Internet is like a prison. I got in by stealing a wallet. , I learned everything when I went out.

8) My ID is fake, please don’t believe that I am a liar.

9) After my brother and his girlfriend received the production license, they were busy producing every day.

10) When I was in school, I thought about vacation every day. Now that I have a complete vacation, I want to go to school again!

A collection of the most classic funny sentences

1 , A woman’s wrinkles are called old age, and a man’s wrinkles are called vicissitudes of life.

2. After living for more than 20 years, I have been unable to do anything for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about this, I feel heartbroken.

3. He has a big head, a thick neck, and moves as stupidly as a pig!

4. Living is to make leaps and bounds.

5. What is your lung capacity? How can you boast so much?

6. Confucius said: When three people are walking together, there must be my wife. Choose the pretty one and marry her.

7. In fact, I have never left the rivers and lakes. I have only been diving under the rivers and lakes for a long time.

8. The beefy appearance hides a sexy heart

9. In the season when black stockings are rampant, how can those of us with thick legs be embarrassed?

10. You dress dangerously, but you look safe.

11. It’s good to know what you are.

12. Romance is always priceless, otherwise I would have been worth millions long ago

13. You are a very kind person, especially when you feel sorry for others

14. When will the bright moon come? Ask Yi Zhongtian!

15. Your serious appearance cannot hide your sultry heart!

16. Your love rival has fallen into the water. , we can only pee.

17. When you fall down and only have one bar of health left, call Brother Xin Zeng three times and you will be resurrected on the spot.

18. The three things I fear most in life are: first, fear of death, second, fear of getting sick, and third, fear of dying when sick.

19. I would rather have a prince riding a pig than a prince pig riding a white horse.

20. Being able to mix so many bad habits of human beings so perfectly, I believe that if you go out on the street in the rain, Thor will feel sorry if he can’t touch you

21. The reason why you are so tolerant. The reason why I can tolerate you because it is too fine is because I used a net to catch big fish and let the small fish slip through

22 , Buying a computer but not having broadband is like having all the food and wine prepared but becoming a monk before eating.

23. Every morning when I get up, I read the Forbes list of richest people. If my name is not on it, I go to work.

25. Youth is like toilet paper. There is a lot of it, but it is not enough after using it.

26. There are always a few pictures of Mao Zedong every month. His face is composed of Red turned to green, from green to yellow, then to blue, then to purple, then to blue, and finally left me.

27. Your new love is not someone else’s broken shoe.

28. There are so many beauties in the country, which attract countless mistresses to commit coquettish acts.

29. Cows are ordinary people, and cow organs are literati.

30. You are gold and I am coal. You will shine and I will generate heat.

Don't make me angry, or I'll melt you.

31. The flowery radish encounters the watery little poplar. This will be a heavyweight confrontation in the sexual turmoil.

32. When I turn into a swan, you are still a bastard.

33. The alarm clock only wakes up my body, but cannot wake up my sleeping heart.

34. Take out your complaints and bask in the sun every day, and your mood will not be lacking in calcium.

35. How are you doing now? If you are not doing well, I will feel relieved.

36. You, you, you, you, if you force me again, I will feed you Sanlu.

37. Looking at the way he eats, it’s hard to believe that humans will become extinct one day

38. Cow dung is cow dung. No matter how delicious you are, flowers will still be I won't insert it into you, because it would be degrading to your beauty.

39. People don't have sex in vain! It's not comfortable without a cat!

40. Damn, I've been waiting for you for a long time. News, the result was just a haha, you thought I was telling a fucking joke. The most classic and funny sentences

The most classic and funny sentences

1. If the son is disobedient, he can be beaten appropriately, otherwise he will not show his majesty. This is the case with the Taiwan issue.

2. When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's cassock...

3. The garden is full of spring scenery and I can't contain it, so I lure Hongxing out of the wall Come

4. I once wanted to be a troubled boy, but I have lived by the rules for so many years.

5. When it rains, don’t forget to hold an umbrella. If you get wet, gonorrhea will cause trouble!

6. The hair is gone and dandruff is better!

7. A fat man actually claimed that he was not a rough man.

8. Use your 2B pencil to draw your life.

9. No matter how ugly you are, you still have to fall in love and talk about the world being filled with love.

10. I envy you for getting to know me at such a young age.

11. Since I turned into a piece of shit, no one dares to step on my head.

12. Sitting on the title of big breasts, enjoy the treatment of mistress!

13. Other people’s money is my personal belongings.

14. Others are pretending to be serious, so I can only pretend to be unserious.

15. We are all farsighted, blurring the happiness closest to us.

16. I will definitely not feel anything if I drink a pound of liquor, because I will be dead after drinking half a pound of liquor.

17. When I’m drunk, I won’t obey anyone, so I’ll hold on to the wall.

18. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

19. I fought against fat and almost lost my life.

20. When I take off my clothes, I am a beast; when I put on clothes, I am a beast!

21. Since ancient times, no one has shǐ in life, and no one uses paper in the toilet.

22. If you are lying on the ground and looking up at others, you can't blame them for standing upright and looking down at you.

23. Money is not the problem, the problem is lack of money.

24. Please don’t regard my tolerance of you as your shameless capital.

25. I am not a customer service staff. You have no right to ask her to answer this or that.

26. Driving is not difficult, just worry about new people.

27. The sexiness of the soul is the real sexiness in the bones.

28. I have never seen such a disgusting school - the midterm exam is scheduled for May 8th!

29. Have you been thrown up three times since you were born, but only caught twice?

30. Think about the salary comparison, forget it, I don’t want to live anymore.

31. I am still young and need guidance. However, I don’t need you to point fingers at me...

32. Girl, your bed is always so busy with people coming and going. .

33. Friends around me, please become famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well...

34. Give me a fulcrum, and I will take my neighbor’s The boy's car tilted into the ditch to prevent him from honking the horn when he saw me.

35. House prices are getting higher and higher, so there are fewer and fewer good men... Appreciation of the most classic funny sentences

Appreciation of the most classic funny sentences

1 , When I was a child, I liked to play hide and seek. After my friends were all hidden, I would sneak home.

2. How many times have I told you, don’t always use cactus thorns as toothpicks.

3. There are only two days in a year that I dislike the most, which are sunny days and rainy days.

4. I finally had time to stretch, but my abdominal muscles were strained.

5. This year’s high school entrance examination is actually very simple, but I can’t do it, and I can’t do it.

6. The problems that Confucius could not solve are simple, I can help you solve them.

7. I don’t know if the rose symbolizes love because of its petals or its thorns.

8. Being beautiful with makeup is nothing. If you have the ability to remove makeup, show us.

9. Did you say that you came into this world and never thought about our feelings?

10. Xiaomo once said: A person cannot be judged by his appearance, and a mistress cannot be judged by comparison.

11. When we were young, my mother always liked to coax us to say that we picked it up from the hut.

12. I am not toilet paper, and I cannot do it every girl needs it every day.

13. Girls care about happiness in the second half of their lives, while boys only care about the comfort of the lower body.

14. The most painful thing in life is that the price of instant noodles that you eat every day has increased.

15. Friendship in this society is like a vase, it will break when someone messes with it.

16. I wanted to make an elegant turn, but unexpectedly I hit the wall gorgeously.

17. When happiness suddenly knocks on the door, I hesitate to turn left or right.

18. Demo, if I couldn’t beat you, I would have fallen out with you long ago.

19. Remember, if anyone dares to mess with you in the future, just show your shoulders and say: Pinru, come out.

20. Hey, women always don’t want to go to work for 30 days every month.

21. I think it’s time to go back to Mars. It seems that the earth is not suitable for me.

22. You deleted my QQ directly. Thank you for your decision for me.

23. If I die one day, I will definitely die of boredom.

24. Travel to China, do I think it will work? If you don't pay the phone bill, I'll see if you can do it.

25. Three camel poops were flowing down the river, but it was a pity that I didn’t have any paper with me!

26. As the saying goes, women like bad-looking men, not bad-looking men.

27. When I get old, I will dye my hair white and perm it to become a fashionable old woman.

28. If a man is not willing to put you in a wedding dress, just give him a cassock.

29. Your sister is like Mona Lisa, smiling at everyone every day.

30. If you have the ability, let’s compare who is shorter. Let’s see, I will definitely lose.

31. I am the prince Tang Seng riding the white horse in your heart!

32. The process of our meeting is as follows: love at first sight, then decline, and then exhaustion.

33. In this weather, I want to lock myself in the refrigerator and not come out.

34. Many years from now, you will walk on your red carpet and I will cross mine on the zebra crossing.

35. Guarantee. Guarantee. Isn’t the guarantee just a guarantee not to study in the future?

36. I will give you any diamond you want, but now I only have a brick.

37. My ideal is to have a cat that can be taken out for a walk.

38. Others say you are ugly, but I feel that your ugliness is not directly related to your face.

The funniest sentences

1. I am a poor person, please do not rob tombs!

2. I thought that as long as I was as tan as coal, no one would recognize me, but I was wrong, I was completely wrong, now I am already as dark as a gleaming black.

3. If there weren’t too many scammers, I would have sold my kidney long ago!

4. You join a foreign company and I will be a worker, because that day is the day when the invigilator has a lot of work - he can’t move in front of me! Damn it!

5. I received a text message on my mobile phone. There was a monkey in the zoo that was so ugly that everyone vomited. One day I went there and I vomited. One day you went there and the monkey vomited.

6. I drew a coffin with you and her lying inside. How kind I am, I let you die together

7. Foreign girls who don’t go to our school don’t know that they are just little birds. No wonder Zhao Chuan was so sad when he sang this song

< p> 8. Work is so interesting! Especially watching others work

9. Girls are like Mid-Autumn Festival moon cakes, they are worthless after the fifteenth night!

10. Say goodbye to masturbation and find love. Exercise your JJ and enjoy it every day.

11. Don’t think that just because a girl is beautiful, she can seduce me. At least she must be stupid enough!

12. Today’s hospitals can eat up money as fast as ATM machines. The funniest sentences

13. We should keep quiet when listening to sermons in church. It is very impolite to disturb others' sleep.

14. Today, the invigilator said: I will hand out the papers quickly and you should finish them quickly. After finishing, everyone will go back to their homes to find their respective mothers.

15. Why haven’t the old man’s rags come yet?

16. Don’t let your skin penetrate your flesh!

17. Czechoslovakia! My name is JACK, and my wife always complains about me. (JACKSLOWFUCK)

18. Does everyone know one or more people like Xinwen Lianbo, who live their daily lives by lying and bragging?

19. For a long time, no one has mentioned The bragging is so refreshing.

20. Love is a luxury product. Just like the fox fur coat in the Paris window, it is so dazzling and charming, but the price tag on it will make people sober. Love is also a luxury product, you can only watch it from a distance, don't imagine or touch it because it requires the right time, the right person meeting at the right place, both are indispensable.

21. Reduce the number of boys behind each girl to 6!

22. My wife is a big tree and my lover is a small grass. Plant a big tree to enjoy the shade and raise a piece of grass to let the birds walk. This is a harmonious society and a green environment.

23. Mentally insane lunatics are not scary. Horrible is a sane lunatic.

24. When I was a child, my teacher told me: There is a diligent person and a lazy person in every person. When you hesitate, they will fight. In elementary school, the diligent guy often defeated the lazy guy. In junior high school, it was a tie. In high school, the lazy guy often won. But when I got to college, I suddenly discovered that they stopped fighting, and the damn hard-working guy was beaten to death.

25. Momentary impulse, crisis for descendants! A collection of the funniest sentences

26. When everyone is drunk, I am sober. I am not serious!

27. When a man is fined for illegal parking, he will quarrel with the police, and the woman will try to persuade him; when a woman is fined for illegal parking, she will quarrel with the man next to her, and the police will try to persuade her.

28. Is money really that important to you? I talked for more than 3 hours without losing a penny.

29. Get up every morning and yell: Fuck little Japan. This is not only good for your health, but also cultivates patriotism and moral sentiments!

30. Your mother hung a bone for you when you were a child. At least you had a dog to play with!

31. What did you look like before the car crash?

32. From heaven to hell, I passed through the world!

33. I would rather sacrifice the last virgin in China than leave any virgin in Japan!

34. If you don’t have medical insurance or life insurance, don’t act bravely after dark.

35. It is much more difficult to capture brain cells than to capture egg cells.

36. It was the woman who was not given to him at first, but it was the woman who was eager to get it later!

37. Two women lie in a row, take off their clothes and roll over them to see how many they can get.

38. If a woman’s employer pays a thousand yuan, she will tell the man that the company paid a thousand yuan, and her friends will tell her that the company paid a thousand yuan; if a man’s company pays a thousand yuan, he will tell The woman received five hundred and told her friend that she received one thousand and fifty.

39. Don’t be like a trash can, keep pretending and pretending. The latest and funniest sentences

40. The party membership activity in the mathematics department actually forced girls to clean boys’ dormitories. The behavior is truly outrageous!

41. The similarities between me and my father are different.

42. A man walked into the library and asked to borrow a copy of "Suicide Guide". The librarian shouted: Get out! You definitely won’t return it or borrow it!

43. When the sky falls, you hold it up and I hold it up, haha

44. Look at the konjac flower from a distance, the king flower up close, and the piranha flower carefully

< p> 45. Adults are expired children, and the elderly are expired adults.

46. Praising a female classmate in person: You are really a hibiscus from clear water!

47. I research professional academic issues such as Tyrannosaurus rex feed, eunuch reproduction, how much start-up capital is needed to engage in real estate on Mars, etc.

48. Lovers will eventually become house slaves, and those who own houses will eventually become married.

49. Master, just obey me! After a long, long time, Master, please spare me!

50. Your complex facial features cannot hide your simple IQ.

51. Use your excess to fill her emptiness!

52. When you are broken up in love, even if you see two straight railway tracks, you will involuntarily imagine them as two lines of tears, flowing to the horizon

53. Do 100 things with the leader It is better to do a bad thing with the leader than to do a good thing.

54. Oh my God! My clothes are slimming again.

55. Don’t seek to be a good match, just seek to feel qualified.

56. In order to cooperate with the successful completion of China's family planning work this year, I have decided not to have contact with friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

57. Not long ago, my name participated in a small military training. One day when I just came home, Xiaoming’s mother asked Xiaoming to count whether all the chickens had entered the nest. Xiaoming walked to the chicken coop and said to the chickens: Count them!

58. When I see someone pretending to be B, I always lower my head. It’s not that I’m well-educated, it’s that I’m looking for bricks.

59. I remember that when we first entered junior high school, none of us were familiar with the teacher. Once in a math class, the teacher wanted a classmate to go up to the blackboard to do a problem, but he forgot his name. It happened that the classmate was very fat. Our teacher pointed at the child and said something shocking: Come over and do this with the ball. question.

60. Female: I want to find a boyfriend. Man: Let me help you. There is a pretty good one in our dormitory. Woman: Don’t you feel bad when I’m with him? . Man: Are you thinking too much? Don't worry, I have nothing to do with him.

61. While cooking, a crab pushed out the lid of the pot and said to me: It’s so hot! I told it: If you want to be popular, you can bear it.

62. If my boss doesn’t give me a salary increase next month, I will resign. Before resigning, I will give him two Chinese coins and beat him to death.

63. The plug is inserted into the hole, and the socket is inserted into the hole!

64. I don’t like to go to bed with just one woman many times, but I like to go to bed with many women only once.

65. Don’t think that if you are younger than me, you can dance for a few more days. The coffin contains the dead, not the old!

66. The farthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but that I am on Sina Weibo and you are on Tencent Weibo.

67. I felt heartbroken when I saw the skinny African refugees on TV, but my grandma said: Baby, don’t be deceived by today’s TV. If they don’t have money to eat, then their mother will Take them to get a perm!

68. If you have time to learn Feng Shui, occupying a good tomb after your death can make up for the regret of not being able to afford a good house during your lifetime.

69. Only women and English are difficult to find, only wives and jobs are difficult to find!

70. Being humble is a universal truth, and you and I are just one of them.