Couples who quarrel last longer.

The problem of hiding ideas is more important.

A couple had a fierce quarrel in the street in the twilight. Boys yell at girls. Why do you do so many things for me? The girl cried and said that this is the way she loves him. As a result, the boy replied coldly, "It's not like this to love someone." Tired of the noise, the two decided to break up. When two people who love each other come together, they have different ideas, different feelings, and even different ways of showing their love, which will lead to quarrels.

For example, Xiaoyu and her fiance had a hard time. She lives with her fiance, whose income is less than her, so Xiaoyu bears most of the living expenses without complaint. One day, she accidentally discovered that her fiance often lent money to lazy friends. She was very angry and had a big fight with her fiance.

Xiaoyu said angrily: "I worked hard to earn money to support my family. Not only did you not share it with me, but you also lent money to your friends. Have you considered my feelings when you do this? " The fiance retorted, "My friend has no money, so it is right to borrow money. Besides, not much. What are you angry about? "

Xiaoyu slammed the door with anger and left. The two began a cold war, and the original wedding was forced to be postponed. The two seem to quarrel over money, but in fact it is a dispute of ideas. Money is the superficial problem that leads to quarrel, and behind it is the problem of values and security. In Xiaoyu's view, her fiance lends money to others at will, ignores her hard work and does not bear the financial responsibility of her family, which makes Xiaoyu feel neglected and insecure.

The fiance thinks there is nothing wrong with lending money to a friend, and there is no need for the fiancee to be so angry about it. To the essence behind the quarrel, meaningless quarrel is the black hand to kill intimate relationship. Behind the quarrel is an unsatisfied desire. Mr. and Mrs. Wright once quarreled over a pair of slippers for four years.

Every time Bob goes home to change his shoes, he can't find slippers in the shoe cupboard by the door. Cleaners always put slippers in the bedroom. Bob and his wife Judith repeatedly asked the cleaner to put his slippers by the door instead of in the bedroom. Judith doesn't think so. Just a pair of slippers. Why is Bob so unhappy?

Until one time, Bob solemnly told her that some things mean different things to everyone. When he came home, he couldn't find his slippers in front of the door. He is like a guest who can't open the door. This made Bob very frustrated and felt that his position in the family was not important.

When he saw his slippers neatly placed at the door, he felt completely different: he felt that he was the master of this family, and this sense of belonging was very important to him. After listening to these words, Judith finally understood her husband's mind, and the dispute over slippers was over.

Sometimes, what you think is very small actually belongs to others. This is because we ignore the real needs of others hidden in small things. As the Wright couple wrote in the book, quarreling is the normal state in interpersonal relationships, and behind all quarrels, there are unsatisfied desires. Only by understanding this, can we transcend ordinary quarrels, from fear of quarreling to courage; From noisy to noisy.

Use every quarrel to find the unsatisfied desire of the other party to solve it, and quarrel will become the basis of intimacy and satisfaction between husband and wife. This is the correct mode of quarreling. If a couple are so noisy, they will be noisier and more loving. A good quarrel can bring a virtuous circle of feelings. Finding problems and resolving differences through quarreling will make feelings more stable, and quarreling well is also a kind of love.

Turn conflict into happiness, find needs, and follow your heart. For example, the wife wanted her husband to give her a gift on the wedding anniversary, but the husband forgot this day without warning. The wife is very angry and unfriendly to her husband. Unknown so's husband also aroused anger, and they quarreled.

At this time, the wife's correct approach is to tell her husband in a frank and gentle tone what kind of gift she is eager to receive. Today is her wedding anniversary. Tell her husband. This gift will make her feel her husband's love, and through this move, she can feel gratified and satisfied. Clearly state your real needs and tell your husband what you want him to do. You will be very happy, and he will meet your needs according to your requirements next anniversary.

Interact closely and get along actively. In daily life, couples always quarrel over various trifles. At this time, we should learn to interact closely, actively listen to each other's ideas, don't defend ourselves blindly, and don't concentrate on winning a quarrel. For example, when a wife and a husband disagree because of the division of housework.

You can try to ask the other party how TA intends to divide the work and why. Actively exchange ideas with each other, constantly adjust the mode of getting along with each other, and maintain close interaction: it is not a cold war-style silence, but listening to each other's opinions and finding a comfortable way of division of labor.

As close lovers, we should not only satisfy our own needs, but also acknowledge and satisfy each other's desires. Such a relationship can last for a long time and become more harmonious. Expose problems and stick to actions. Sometimes, when we express our desires and interact closely with each other, the results may not be satisfactory.

We still have to face many unexpected situations: why are you still not satisfied after all I have done? Why does your behavior irritate me? Are these your own problems or hidden "unsolved knots"? At this time, take out these questions and communicate frankly with each other. Just like peeling bamboo shoots, the core problems will be exposed layer by layer. Find it and solve it, so as not to continue to cause quarrels.

It is true that the process of exposing problems will not be smooth sailing, nor will it happen overnight, so be more patient and stick to it. After all, only by sticking to the end will we win. Love itself is full of contradictions and conflicts, and quarrels are inevitable. Admit and accept this reality, argue if you want, let the problem be seen, and let the desire be satisfied. In the process of conflict resolution, we will experience real intimacy.