Jokes Collection II! ! ! !

1. A dying man made a will to his wife: "After I die, I hope you can marry our neighbor Mr. Ed." The wife was puzzled, so he explained : "Two years ago, the cow that this bastard sold me couldn't produce milk at all. Now I want to let him taste the feeling of being cheated!"

2. Dad told Yuyu that he often went hungry when he was a child. thing. After hearing this, Yuyu had tears in his eyes: "Uh, dad, did you come to our house because you had no food?"

3. A train was opened in a mountainous area, and farmers along the way came to watch the train. The last female guest had her period and she still went out of the window after changing her paper.

It flew in the face of a farmer. The farmer took it off and said: "Wow! The train is so fast, even a piece of paper can be blown away." My nose bleeds

4. My three-year-old daughter often says to me: “Dad, do you get what you sow? I said: "Yes, you will reap melons if you sow melons, and you will reap beans if you sow beans." The daughter said happily: "Then I will grow jelly. I want a lot of jelly." ”

5. The father and son had violent tempers and never let anyone else. One day, the father ordered his son to buy meat to entertain guests. When he returned, he met a man at the city gate who refused to give way. They stood opposite each other for half a day, and the father came running: "My good son, you take the meat back first, and I'll face you next!" ”

A joke may be just a phrase, or it may be a short story or a series of words that amuse the speaker and the communicator, or create a sense of humor. An action-oriented joke and spoken language The difference between action-type jokes is that action-type jokes use actions to affect people's vision and make them feel funny.

6. One day, there were many people on a bus and they were buying tickets from the conductor. While buying tickets, a person suddenly farted. Everyone on the bus felt uncomfortable breathing and cursed this uncivilized person.

At this time, the conductor shouted: "Who didn't buy a ticket?" "

A passenger replied: "The person who farted just now didn't buy a ticket! "

At this time, a person stood up and shouted: "Who said I didn't buy a ticket! ”

7. Mom asked Xiaoshuang to get up: “Get up quickly! The rooster crows several times! "

Xiaoshuang said: "What does the rooster's crow have to do with me? I'm not a hen! ”

To give a few examples:

1. Bush inspected a nursing home

One day Bush decided to visit a local nursing home in Washington.

The president entered from the lobby of the nursing home, and a little old man walked towards him. It seemed that the man had not noticed him.

Bush was not very happy, turned around and caught up with the little old man and asked, "Do you know me?" "

The little old man looked at Bush and said, "If I don't know you, you can go to the nursing station and they will tell you who you are."

2 Lawyers and Pickpockets

Question: What is the difference between a lawyer and a pickpocket?

Answer: Once you die, the pickpocket will no longer look at you

The difference between 3chance and opportunity

Teacher: ~~~, what is the difference between chance and opportunity? ~~~~

Student: ~~~~~The score for writing opportunity is higher than chance~~~~~

4 Your family is so poor. I happened to stomp out a cigarette when I entered your house, and your dad shouted: "Hey, someone turned off the heater. ? ”

5

Idiot, this is not for him.

An old couple was walking on the road, and a pigeon happened to fly by. Shit fell on the old lady's head.

The old lady said: "Quick, get some toilet paper. "

"Why? He is at least half a kilometer away from us now. "

6 Childbirth

A little boy had to complete the homework left by the teacher and write a composition about "childbirth".

He asked his mother: " How was I born? "

Mom said a little uncomfortably: "My dear, our ancestors brought you to us. "

"Oh, so how were you and dad born? "

"Well, our ancestors gave birth to us.

"

"Okay, then how were the grandparents born? "

"Okay, dear, it was the ancestors who gave birth to them. "

The little boy seemed to understand.

A few days later, the little boy handed in the composition. The teacher looked at it and couldn't understand the first sentence. "This composition It’s hard to write because no one in our family for three generations has been born naturally. ”