Funny jokes

Funny jokes, jokes can help us to enliven our emotions and make our mood better, so in ordinary life, there are some fun to enrich our spiritual world. Here are some interesting jokes to share with you.

Funny joke Daquan 1 1 A pupil watched the phenomenon of group fighting in society several times and asked the teacher, "Why do you always take off your coat when you fight in groups?" The teacher smiled and explained, "If you take off your lower body clothes, it will give you a handle." . Won't it be strange? "

After the final exam, the teacher criticized me for my poor performance in class. He said, "XXX, how did you get such a small score?" When the whole class averaged, you seriously delayed our class. " I was puzzled after listening, so I raised my hand and asked, "Teacher, our class is not a pig, but also divided into front and rear legs?"

In the past, the senior high school entrance examination was closed, which happened to be my first open-book exam. I remember, during the history and political examination in the examination room of the senior high school entrance examination, a buddy put the book on the table to read. Then the invigilator came up to him and said, "You can put the book on the table." I was shocked by my classmate's answer: "Teacher, I am used to watching below."

When the teacher was in class, a student who was sleeping soundly rang his mobile phone, and he didn't answer the phone when he woke up. Teacher: Answer it! Student: My arm is numb! Teacher: Get out! The student hesitated for a long time: his legs are numb!

5. The dormitory has a floor-mounted electronic scale. I'll weigh the stool when it comes back. I was puzzled and said to my roommate, "I saved the stool for five days and finally pulled it out." Why didn't I lose weight? " Roommate: "Did you pull your pants? ! "

6. A classmate in the dormitory went to the toilet and accidentally dropped his mobile phone. Then, I went back and got a pair of chopsticks and took them out. Just as he was about to fish with chopsticks, a buddy went into the toilet. Seeing this scene, the man asked with concern, "Dude, haven't you eaten yet?"

7. Summer is coming, and there are mosquitoes in the dormitory. The mosquitoes on the first floor to the fifth floor are getting worse. Social friends named them. It is now announced as follows: the first floor: flies; The second floor: the brave among mosquitoes; The third floor: the warrior in the mosquito; Fourth floor: mosquito elite; Fifth floor: the highest among mosquitoes; Sixth floor: Supreme (there is no sixth floor in our dormitory).

8. In Chinese class, the teacher asked the students, "Whoever dies dies dies with a smile." A classmate said, "When a fish dies, it will laugh in the grave. Fish can't live without water." Classmate B said, "People who are thirsty will laugh to death."

9, LZ high school teacher, today's class forced the children to pretend to be naive to ask, teacher, teacher, we are going to have a holiday on June 1, I told him very seriously, Children's Day holiday depends on age, not IQ. Then, the whole class laughed, and I thought he was all broken.

10, I remember there was an exam in junior high school, and I passed the math exam. The weather is cold, I accidentally fell asleep and dreamed! The invigilator told me, "wake up, students, there is still half an hour to hand in the papers." Let your paper dry. It's too wet to tie. " The whole examination room focused on me, including the goddess in my heart at that time.

1 1. In class, the teacher talked about acacia and the students were listening. After the teacher finished, he finally added, "There is one next to the toilet in our school." At this time, a male classmate raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I want to go out." Teacher: "I'm in class. Where are you going? " The classmate said, "Under the acacia tree."

12, reading novels in class, found that all the students were reading. Then I put my finger on his screen and smiled at him. As a result, the goods looked at me and said, "I don't have a touch screen." . . . .

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14. In Chinese class, the teacher asked, "What kind of person do you want to be?" Secco said to the deskmate Huahua, "I want to be a candle that burns silently and dedicates myself." Huahua said, "When you just fell asleep, you dropped a lot of wax oil!"

15. In primary school, the teacher asked us to write a composition. I wrote about my ankle, and our second-grade math teacher carried me across the river. The Chinese teacher was angry and asked me in front of the whole class, "How many times did your math teacher recite you?"

16. When I felt that I couldn't pass Band 4, I asked a graduate student for advice. Chatting and chatting, I blew away. How can I copy the next thing tomorrow? She just laughed without saying a word. On the day of the exam, I walked into the examination room and saw my senior sister. There is a card on her chest that says "invigilator" ...

17, teacher: "How is your English now?" Classmate: "My Japanese level is the same." Teacher: "Do you still speak Japanese?" Classmate: "No" Teacher: "..."

18, our high school gives the top ten students a bonus of 1000 yuan every semester. A cow, from the last semester of senior one to the last semester of senior two, took a bonus, saved 5 thousand, and bought an iPhone in the next semester. Later, the college entrance examination failed. ...

19. Every time I go to the school for a general cleaning, the class teacher says, "The school is my home, so we should clean it carefully." But once you are late, the class teacher said, "You think school is your home, so come if you want to be late?"

20. When the primary school is in class, the teacher asks the students to remember a knowledge point and often asks, "Can you remember it? ! "Then everyone shouted in unison:" Yes! " One day, the teacher finished a knowledge point and asked, "Can you forget?" ? ! "Then, the students answered in a conditioned way: Yes!

Funny jokes Daquan 2 Campus hilarious humor jokes broken belly +0

1. My deskmate is so annoying that I can't calm down in my seat for a while.

Helpless, I drew a 38th parallel on the table and said to him: Those who crossed the line are all mine.

As a result, he sat on my desk shamelessly.

2. A class chooses a class flower. A dinosaur-level girl said: If I am elected as a class flower, you can tell your husband in a few years that I was more beautiful than the class flower in the department when I was in college. You deserve to marry me. As a result, this woman was chosen as the class flower.

3. The Chinese teacher in senior high school gave a poem saying, "Stop and sit in the maple grove late", and the teacher said, "This is sitting in love", and everyone burst into laughter …

4. A classmate is very confused. I lost my watch last month, and the QQ signature was changed to: The watch went to find a thief; I lost my mobile phone on the bus this month, and the QQ signature was changed to: mobile phone to find a watch; Today, I got lost in the street. Later, the QQ signature was changed to: I'll find my mobile phone. ...

College girls hate three things most: one is that they are not spicy enough, the other is that they have never been with handsome guys, and the third is that a bunch of words all look alike.

6. When I first went to college, I missed classes every day. One day, I went to class on a whim and happened to meet the teacher who called the roll. After all the points, my name no longer exists. I stood up in anger and asked the teacher, "Look down on people!" " Why don't you call me by my name! "

My deskmate pulled me and said, "classmate, you may be in the wrong classroom!" " "

7. I was unlucky these days, so I wore a bracelet. My roommate saw it and said, "Hey, it was bought for ten dollars!" "

Me: "Go away, I will personally climb Mount Tai to invite you!" " "

Roommate: "How much is it?"

Me: "Ten dollars."

8. Once in class, a classmate was very hungry and made instant noodles. In order not to let the teacher find out, he put away the book and buried his head, but the heat still came out.

The teacher said calmly, "Who is this classmate who is obsessed with reading?"

Campus hilarious humor jokes hurt the stomach 2

1, since entering the examination room, it has won the favor of the test paper. I told the test paper that it must have been soaked in rain and dew. But if you don't listen to the paper ~ I won't ~ I won't ~

2. A tall boy passed me with a bowl of soup in the school canteen. It was very crowded, so I was close to the bowl. I was afraid the soup would spill on me, so I took a sip.

3. A junior high school student's English is poor. When you are in a good state, 26 English words will be calculated into 28. I didn't understand, so I asked why. He said he used his hand to index. I saw his fingers follow the sound of "stretch, no, slide" when he recited W, and finally there were 28!

The teacher says that you are all flowers of the motherland, so throw the hornet's nest into the classroom and lock it up.

When I went to look for a job after graduation, the interviewer said to me, "At your age, even if I give you 5000 yuan a month, you can't save it. Just like spending money indiscriminately, 2500 yuan a month is enough." I was speechless

Campus hilarious humor jokes hurt the stomach 3

1. When the bell rang, the teacher said angrily, "Why do you go to the canteen like hungry ghosts after class?" I am late. There is no food in the canteen? Nobody is allowed to run today. "

The students looked at the teacher and shouted, "teacher, please run slowly." You haven't called to stand up after class! " "

When I failed in the exam, I apologized to the teacher (female): "I'm sorry, I was wrong."

The teacher snorted: "What's wrong with you? You are absolutely right. How can you be wrong! "

3. A boy is in a daze in class. The teacher asked, "What are you thinking? Don't concentrate on listening in class. "

The boy replied, "I miss you."

The teacher stayed for a while and replied shyly, "You are good or bad!" "

4. Remember that there is chemistry class in junior high school. No matter what the teacher does, the class is still noisy. At this time, I heard the chemistry teacher holding a test tube and shouting, "Don't be quiet, believe it or not, I'll kill you all!" "

The class was quiet for a while, and then no one dared to make trouble in chemistry class.

5, hospital intern, just bought some cold medicine, no money. I'm going to borrow 30 yuan from my teacher, so I asked her, Teacher, do you have 30 yuan?

As a result, she said, "Guess?"

Suddenly I was speechless … I saw her smile and say, "I'm 32 this year …"

The so-called good man is not allowed to be cool with his wife, not to make her jealous, not to make concessions in quarrels, and not to be beaten.

Second, I was always looking forward to dropping out of school when I was at school, but I didn't know until I graduated that there was an assignment called overtime, a self-study called further study, and a score called salary.

Third, I just saw a handsome guy riding a big motorcycle, rumbling, with long hair and big sunglasses, shuttling through the streets at eight o'clock in the evening. So fast, so handsome! It's just a little ugly when you get in the ambulance. ...

Fourth, I understand all the reasons, but I can't help looking back after hearing others say that I am handsome.

My mother-in-law gave this cookbook to her daughter-in-law, with the intention of letting her learn to cook. As a result, the daughter-in-law was very shy and said to her mother-in-law: Mom, that's very kind of you. You are so tired every day, and you ask me to order for me. This is inappropriate!

Six, go to the hospital, line up on the bench, suddenly want to fart, but many people are not too embarrassed. So I took out my mobile phone and opened Tom Cat, and the voice was turned up to fart. Just when I was secretly glad that no one had found out. A buddy at the back looked back at me and said, "Brother, what brand of smart phone do you use? I can smell it when it farts. "

After dinner with my girlfriend in the evening, I said, "Wash the dishes later." She said, "Why are you talking to yourself so loudly?"

Eight, I did something that made people speechless today. I accidentally fell asleep at the regular meeting of the unit. When I woke up, I saw the workshop director clapping for me. My colleague next to me told me that the director applauded to make everyone quiet. ...

Nine, send a message to the goddess and don't return. When the buddy heard this, he said to let him come. Then send a message to the goddess: You are one of the three beauties in the school, but I only like you. In less than 30 seconds, the goddess replied: Who are the other two? Why do you only like me?

Ten, briefly introduce yourself, no quality, playing game dishes, bad voice, slow reply to messages, that is, people look good.

Eleven, just saw a couple quarreling under the street lamp, and the boy actually knelt for more than ten minutes to save his heart. I have no backbone. I'm so fucking cowardly. I was so strong that I knelt all night!

12. I talked about a girlfriend recently. Her family doesn't agree, so I'll try to solve it. I hit her chimney with a slingshot during the day and hit her glass with bricks at night. Finally, her father and her brother beat me up. She didn't leave the hospital until the village chief came forward and asked her mother to promise to marry her daughter to me. Don't call me shameless. The risks handed down by ancestors are still quite useful.

Thirteen, go get the money. It's finally my turn. I said to the teller: I withdraw money, and the teller's words almost killed me: don't mention money to me, it hurts my feelings, and if you do, go to the ATM outside, it has no feelings!

At the age of fourteen, my father has been cooking at home. One day, my mother wanted to cook. After reading the teaching, she made up her mind that no matter what the taste is, she must eat it clean and encourage her! When I reached out my chopsticks to a crab, the crab suddenly took the initiative to clamp my chopsticks! I suddenly feel strange. ...

Fifteen, I met a father and daughter on the road. The daughter sat in the back seat of her father's battery car and cried and said, "Dad, I am so ugly. He doesn't like me. " Dad said, "No, no matter how ugly you are, you are dad's daughter!" " "Suddenly, I felt all kinds of smells in my heart, took out my mobile phone and sent a short message to my father, saying," Dad, I am so ugly! " "As a result, my father replied," Nothing, my father is ugly ... "