Save your boyfriend's best text messages. What message can be sent to save each other?

I don't know if you have such distress:

You broke up. You really want to send him a message and tell him what you think, but you are afraid that the other person will be bored, so you have been thinking, "Can I send him a message?"

In view of this problem, I can tell you for sure-

You can send it! Of course, you can send messages after breaking up. You can even hug each other or even get back together, but only if you know how to convey information and how to achieve your goals step by step.

Sending a message is not as simple as opening a dialog box and typing a few words.

This is a mutual game of "skill VS mentality VS demand grasp". If you can't handle the relationship between the three, then the message you send will eventually push your relationship to an irreparable situation step by step.

It's like, there's always a little friend leaving me a message:

"I asked him to apologize and kept asking him, analyzing each other's problems and deciding to correct them. Why doesn't he believe me? Also said that I am pestering him? "

Even if you really change and improve, the other party still refuses to believe it and thinks it's just your deception in disgust.

Why is this happening?

This is because you want the other party to see your changes and improve you, so you send a message to the other party with such a strong purpose. And the stronger the purpose, the more you will find that your emotions are unstable and you will unconsciously tell each other:

"Don't leave me"

"Don't do this to me."

"I know I was wrong."

What is the biggest problem with these words?

The problem is that the information you send has changed when it reaches the other person's brain. The other person's understanding and your meaning are not in the same dimension.

In his view, your words put the blame on him, imposed an attitude of "you must be responsible for me" on him, and at the same time passed on unstable negative emotions to him.

This sentence pattern with "turning point" and "negation" and your hidden anxiety are nothing to you, but in the other person's interpretation:

"Don't leave me"-you must stay with me.

"Don't do this to me"-you must give me a good response.

"I know I was wrong"-I know I was wrong. You must forgive me.

Is there a strong sense of oppression?

If you are him and he is you, can you accept this kind of communication?

You should know that the subconscious of the brain reacts directly and simply to information, and it is difficult to suppress negative thoughts, and the subconscious can't recognize negative words.

Don't understand? Then let me make a very simple analogy:

"Never think of a pink elephant."

Come on, now tell me, what are you thinking?

Is it a pink elephant?

Similarly, "Don't think about a black leaf" and "Don't think about the person you want to save now". Seeing such a request, do you subconsciously have "black leaves" and "people who want to save"?

Let me tell you, this is called "powder image effect" in psychology, and it is about the subconscious and suggestion of the human brain. Just like the hint I just gave you, there are some hints you didn't mean to send him.

The less you want the other person to have a bad attitude, the less they will give you a good attitude.

The less you want the other person not to reply to your message, the more "pink" the other person will not reply to your message.

So, despite what you said above, you want to express from the side that you want the other person to be with you, be good to you and forgive you.

However, when you convey it to him in a negative way, his brain will react and receive the intention of the other party-you are responsible for me, what I want is a good response, and you must pay attention to me.

So you can't blame him, but your brain can't reflect the meaning expressed under your "turning point" and "negation" from the side.

Not only that, the transmission of information will also change with the change of mood. When you send a message, you send not only the content of the message, but also your emotions.

Because the subconscious also receives emotions and information. The emotions you convey are anxious and depressed, and the other party receives them. The emotions you convey are positive and relaxed, and what the other party receives is also positive and relaxed.

If you don't handle your emotions properly after breaking up, then any message you send to the other party hides your emotions, and then it is reflected in the other party's brain in the process of information transmission.

Therefore, all your promises are "on paper", because your emotions will seriously betray you.

When you are hurting spring and sorrowing autumn, you pass on your emotions to each other, which is hurting spring and sorrowing autumn. As for the real reason behind hurting spring and mourning autumn, is it because I love him and care about him, or something else? I'm sorry, he's in a bad mood.

Therefore, I hope you can keep in mind the "psychological effect of pink elephants", stop taking negative emotions, and stop putting pressure on each other with negative and turning expressions.

Once the message you send puts pressure on the other party, it will be difficult for the other party to continue chatting with you. He will only think that you are pushing him and pestering him. The message that caused you to send was either "returned" by him-"Don't tell me this! We have broken up! " Or he just deleted it and blackened it.

You see, the communication channels that were rarely established during the rescue were ruined in vain because of the immature communication skills.

So I hope everyone must learn to express themselves correctly and convey their emotions correctly before sending messages. This is an effective communication foundation and can create a comfortable and balanced communication environment.

How?

As I mentioned at the beginning, the chat during redemption is, in the final analysis, a game between each other and a process of establishing effective communication.

And the misstatement I mentioned above is actually ineffective communication. No matter how many messages you send, it will only push the other person further and further and ruin the communication opportunity. And effective communication will bring us closer and make our communication comfortable and balanced.

And if you want to communicate effectively, you can start from the following three aspects:

Based on the "psychological effect" I mentioned above, you can use less negative and turning words such as "don't" and "but don't" when sending information.

Some positive mood auxiliary words can be used to strengthen positive feelings, such as "wow" and "ya"; If you can use overlapping words, don't use single words. For example, you will say "mm-hmm", don't just send "mm-hmm" and "oh-oh", you can even send some "expression packs" to express positive meaning.

Emotionally, express your positive thoughts, show your happy and energetic side, make him feel that you have not been affected by the breakup, and let him realize your positive changes from your words and deeds, instead of forcibly instilling them in him.

For example, you can show your passionate life from time to time, eat something delicious, play and make friends. When showing these positive and enthusiastic States, he will feel that breaking up seems unimportant to you, and then his guard against you will be released.

When he lets his guard down, you can play a little joke with him from time to time to liven up the atmosphere. You can also ask him for help, ask some questions he is good at, and then take the opportunity to praise him, praise him and provide him with emotional value.

In short, you should make him feel that chatting with you is relaxed, not oppressive and imperative. This is a direct manifestation of communication skills.

Many friends controlled their emotions when they were rescued. The result is that when they send messages to each other, they will collapse when they have a bad attitude.

For example, a little friend came to me and said that she had done psychological construction for a long time and her mood had calmed down. However, when chatting with each other, I still can't help but get excited. Why? How can we really control our emotions?

This little friend is a typical "mentality affects emotional expression".

Because, when your mind is unstable, the mood and rhythm when you send messages are easily taken away by the other party.

Originally, you have done a good job of emotional control, trying to communicate with each other and convey your original meaning. As a result, when the other person is impatient with you, gives you a cold shoulder and refuses to chat with you, you become anxious and "superior". When you are in a hurry, you forget what you are going to say and start incoherent again.

Therefore, I hope you can establish a cognition that emotions cannot be completely controlled. Many people often say "please control your emotions" in redemption, and the "control" here is more repression and suppression.

Can depression and depression make emotions disappear? Not really! These emotions are just hidden by you and buried in your heart. If you encounter something similar next time, your hidden emotions will still be "activated" and then "exploded".

Therefore, in the process of recovery, it is not important whether emotions can be controlled. It is important to keep a steady mind. Only when your mind is stable can your mood be truly stable and not influenced by the other party.

How to stabilize the mentality?

You can try to rationalize your communication status, for example, don't treat him as a "saved person" but as an "ordinary friend".

When you firmly lock yourself in the identity of "ordinary friend", the message you send him is no longer that you seek his "peace", but an ordinary chat.

In this way, you won't have "unrealistic expectations" for him, and he won't return your messages. As "ordinary friends", don't care. When you don't care so much, your mind will stabilize and won't be affected by his reaction.

When you are not influenced by him, you can face his bad attitude more reasonably and Doby him as an "ordinary friend" to make the chat atmosphere less depressing.

For example, in the example I just cited, this little friend can make a joke as an "ordinary friend" when facing the "unnecessary" response from the other party:

"What's the matter? Don't want to be friends with me? That's ... do you want to be a couple? "

Then, before he answered, he quipped, "No, I don't want it!" " To strengthen your "ordinary friend" design.

You see, if you have a steady mind, you will be hard to speak, and the other party will not feel oppressed by orders.

More importantly, when your mind is stable, you can give full play to the communication skills just mentioned.

In the process of recovery, you will have various requirements for him, such as:

You hope he will reply to your message, be kind to you, believe in your change, love you as always, and get back together. ...

You send him a message, there are so many needs, not to mention one or two sentences to express clearly. Even if the expression is clear, how do you want the other party to satisfy you?

Don't forget, you are breaking up.

So, grasp your own needs, and when you send him a message, think from his point of view: if you are him, will you feel pressure when you see such news? Can you accept it? Do you want to reply?

Therefore, at the beginning of communication, you can only set yourself a "small requirement", such as asking him to reply your information first;

Then when he can reply to your message well, you can continue to make a "small request", such as asking him to send you a message on his own initiative;

When he sends you a message on his own initiative, you can continue to create the next "small demand", such as making your chat ambiguous. ...

To move forward slowly.

If a "small demand" is not met in this process, you can continue to pave the way and rationalize this demand through your own "rationalization mentality".

In this process, there should be no other needs. Only by breaking down a huge demand (such as getting back together with him) into small demands bit by bit, and then stabilizing step by step, can your relationship be gradually promoted.

You should know that "you can't eat a big fat man in one bite", which exposed your strong need to "save" as soon as it came up. Can we not scare each other away?

So, having said that, I just want to tell you if I can send a message when I save it. Don't ask-don't send a message, what can we talk about?

You just need to know, what news is useful to save? What message will the other party hack you? Only by establishing such a rational judgment can you send a message to help you recover.

Finally, I hope you can understand that both redemption and chatting are a process of abandoning intense negative emotions, regaining rationality, rebuilding a stable mentality and rationalizing needs. This process can pull you back from the "anxious lovelorn state" to a "normal state", which is the most positive significance of your recovery.

Psychological test: test the probability of getting back together after breaking up.

Have you ever thought about the possibility of getting back together after two people break up? This set of test questions helps you test the probability of getting back together after breaking up. Let's try it together.

Do you still have your ex's contact information in your mobile phone?

It's five points.

No, all 0 points have been deleted.

What is the reason why you broke up?

Due to objective reasons, the family disagreed with 1.

Long-distance love, no future 2 points.

TA thinks I have a bad temper and our personalities are incompatible. Three points

There is a third party involved in our relationship.

After our quarrel, no one would bow their heads and broke up in a rage.

I think TA has a bad temper, always complaining, and was dumped by TA for 6 points.

Of the following four statements, if you had to choose one statement that you agree with most, which one would you choose?

If a person loves another person, he should love all of TA, regardless of its advantages or disadvantages. Otherwise, it is not true love. He likes 2 points at most.

Although feelings are what you want, but it depends on people's efforts, the other person's love can also be controlled, as long as it can meet the other person's psychological needs, love can guide 4 points.

Twisted melons are not sweet. If TA doesn't want to get back together, I respect the idea of TA 1 minute.

The emotional world can never be equal, and those who want to get back together must not be stingy with their 6 points.

When you express one thing, you value it more.

The accuracy of verbal expression is 2 points.

Talking to the other person gives the other person a strong impression of 1.

Are the people around you comfortable with what you said? 6 points

The ultimate goal that words can achieve is 4 points.

What do you think are your basic emotional characteristics?

Emotional, often unable to control his temper 0 points.

Self-control ability is strong, the surface is calm, but the inner mood fluctuates greatly, and it is difficult to calm down 2 points in case of contusion.

Everything is a cloud, and it is not easy to get angry by nature. My friend praised me for my good temper by six points.

Feelings are not slow and direct, but once they are unstable, they are easily excited and angry. Three points

Did you save your ex?

I saved it, but it was rejected. I didn't save four points.

No, I don't know what the other person is thinking, so I dare not say 2 points.

I saved it several times, but the other party was very exclusive, Lahei, and I don't want to see my zero again.

I tried to talk, but the other party thought we were not suitable. Hope to find happiness 6 points.

The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.

I'm koi fish, a relationship counselor. There is no one I can't analyze. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.