Joke Collection Website - Blessing messages - Heping street short message

Heping street short message

1: There is an ugly girl who has never been married and wants to be kidnapped. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnapper thought she was ugly and sent her back to her original place. The woman insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and said, Let's go. . No car! ! !

Spiders love ants deeply, but they are rejected when they express their love. Spider roar: Why? Why is all this? The ant said timidly: My mother said that people who surf the Internet all day are not good people!

3 your happiness, I will build it; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer. (To be continued)

If you want to invite me to dinner, if you don't meet my requirements, I will write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it: apply for a certificate.

Last night, I had a dream, and the Lord said that one of my wishes could come true. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace! The Lord said it was too difficult! I took out your photo and said, make this person beautiful! God sweated and said, "Bring me the globe and let me have a look! “

Do you want to get rich? Do you want to get lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to be young forever? Do you want people all over the world to be crazy about you? ——————————— Stop dreaming, wash your feet and go to bed!

7 rainy days, wet, so wet ... every night, you just stare at the cold window and stare at it. I came up to you and said gently, "Wang Cai, go in. The bone delivery man won't come today.

This may be the last time I send you a text message. I hesitate to tell you. I'm going to America in the near future, and all the formalities have been completed. I can't help it, really Bush said he couldn't handle Saddam without me.

One day, I went to the zoo to see orangutans, and I threw up. Another day, you went to the zoo to see the orangutan, and the orangutan vomited! The same person, why is the gap so big? (To be continued)

10, monkey hunting apocalypse: I lost a furry little monkey. Features: dirty, covered with nose, carrying a mobile phone, and reading text messages. I like monkeys and reading short messages. Write back to my master quickly! Master misses you so much!

1 1. When I heard that you were trafficked, I was really scared. Although you have dementia since childhood, you are harmless to society. Who is so bold as to dare to sell you? I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell it!

12, I told my mother: I like you! After spending so much time with you, I feel I can't live without you. I want you to come to my house every day to accompany me! But my mother didn't agree. She said: Dogs are not allowed at home!

13, I changed my job, and now I work in a bank, not far from you. Come to me when you have time, call my name at the bank, and I will know! I changed my name. That's too vulgar. I'll call sister Qiang first.

14. Yesterday I saw that the mobile phone you used had extremely high radiation. I was shocked. I just want to inform you that it doesn't work for people with IQ below 50. I felt a sort of surge of relief. Don't worry, keep using it.

Top Secret Document of the 16th National Congress 15: In order to improve the quality of our population, the state has decided to eliminate a group of retarded and ugly children who look like Sun Guo. Please pack your bags and leave quietly! Don't thank me! Be safe! (End)

Remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly, "Count off!" " "So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree!

The latest news: The main transmission route of SARS is currency in circulation. For the health of you and your family, please clean up all your cash and seal it in plastic bags. I will collect it at home and charge a small fee.

On the journey of our friendship, sometimes you can't see me by your side. It's not that I forgot you, much less. But I choose to walk behind you. When you accidentally fall down, I will run and step on it!

Shall we go on a date on Saturday Please grant my sincere request! Because I really want to go to the seaside with you and listen to the sound of the sea. I will take you to climb the highest stone near Shanghai and kick you down!

Yesterday, I dreamed of you. Really, the sky is so quiet, the sun is so bright, the sea is so boundless, and you are standing on the blue seaside. I stabbed you with a stick. Hey, this little bastard has a hard shell.

Love is empty, love is empty, I wander in the street; People and money are empty, and single bad karma is troublesome; Things are empty and business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; The mobile phone is empty and has no money to charge, so life is not easy; In short, all four are empty.

When I turned away, you cried helplessly behind me, and the heartbreaking pain made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: this pig is not for sale.

I saw you in the supermarket the other day! You quietly put your hand on the bar code scanner, and the screen shows: Fast 8 yuan. Do you think the machine is broken? Looking from your face, the screen shows 5 yuan, pig head!

When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig! ! ! !

Are you lonely? If so, why do people ask you when you go downstairs to buy a rope and a stick, tie the rope to the stick, and wave the stick on the roof when it is windy? Just say: I have a seizure. . .

People are really tired when they are alive! Standing thinking about sleeping, waiting in line when getting on the bus, unrequited love is really painful, eating is tasteless, drinking is easy to get drunk, working is particularly tired, robbery is not enough, and taxes are needed to make money, alas! Even texting pigs costs money!

Just a gust of wind, so eternal, just a dream, so real, you bow your head and say nothing, but I can't calm down. I finally can't help telling you, please let me know the next time you fart!

One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver is also furious: I don't see where the fuck you can afford it!

Dear users, your phone bill is less than 0. 1 yuan. Please pay the phone bill in the near future: selling children, women, rice, iron, blood, land, house and wife. Thank you for your cooperation! China Telecom

Valentine's Day promotional gifts: Dear male customers, during Valentine's Day, you will buy a set of home brand moisturizing underwear for your lover and give your wife a set of ordinary home brand colored cotton underwear, and only the colored cotton underwear and the full price will be reflected on the credit card. Jiahui underwear zhuangui

I wrote your name all over the sky, but it was taken away by the clouds. I wrote your name all over the mountain, but it was taken away by the wind. I wrote your name all over the street, Gao, and then I was taken away by the police.

In Chinese class, the teacher asked a sleepy classmate to answer questions. That classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything ... The teacher said, "Will you?"? I won't scream too! " Classmate: "cheep"

Dear users, because most of your short messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has caused a very bad impact on society, we have suspended your short message function. Please bring your own bench tomorrow and go to the nearest police station to learn stylistic knowledge!

Yesterday, I dreamed of God, who said he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change it. I took out your photo and said I hope this person is beautiful. He thought about it and said that I would take another look at the globe.

You go! Find someone worthy of your love … I don't know you and your feelings well enough. I know that some things can't be forced and some distances can't be crossed. Just like yesterday, I really can't believe you left for a bone.

I can't think of what you think; Wear clothes without styling; I can't get along with anyone; No matter where you go, you are not welcome; I can't catch up with Lenin when I think about problems; Don't steal if your heart is fine; Pneumonia is atypical!

Monkey finding notice: I lost a hairy monkey. Features: dirty, full of snot, holding a mobile phone, I can read text messages. I love monkeys. Write back to my master as soon as possible! Master misses you very much now.

6 When I met 9, I said: Take two steps and practice handstand. 0 meets 8 and says: If you are fat, you will be fat. Why should you wear a belt? 7 meet 2 and say: come on, don't kneel down again, I won't marry you; 2 met 5 and said: I haven't seen breast augmentation for several days!

One day, I met a foreign guest. He said, "My name is Hong," and the foreign guest said, "I'm still a Fang Qi!"

Not every flower can represent love, but roses can; Not every tree can resist thirst, but poplar can; Not every pig can read text messages, but you did. Congratulations!

You are the sun in my heart, but it rains; You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has bloomed; You are Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first. ...

What's going on here? I called your mobile phone just now. After the bell rang, the phone prompted a voice saying: The other party is streaking, please redial later. I can't believe it! Dial again and say: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is out of service area, please redial later.

In my eyes, you always look so carefree, eat with relish and sleep soundly. . . I really envy you. Sometimes I think it's good to be a pig.

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: depend, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:38 reply to this speech.

2 Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny short messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

2. I am distressed that I haven't heard from you for a long time.

I thought of death. I cut the pulse with potato chips, hit my head with tofu and jump upstairs with a parachute.

Noodles can be inked to death.

Invite me to dinner and die.

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

3 Reply: There are 48 funny messages in my mobile phone, and I can't help deleting them. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce someone to me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

Reply: 48 funny short messages that I can't bear to delete from my mobile phone, some of which you may have seen, but there are definitely.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live this jumping life again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

5 reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny text messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

5. The fish said, "I kept my eyes open in order to leave by your side." The water said, "I flow tirelessly all day long in order to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

6 reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny text messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant happened to pass by. It looked up at the misty mountain peak and couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:39 reply to this speech.

7 reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny text messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stewing vermicelli.

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

8 reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny text messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

8. When you are near the railway, please don't worry if you don't bring paper. The train will remind you: wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

9 reply: I hate deleting 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

9. Money can buy a house but not a home, marriage but not love, clocks but not time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

Author: 2 10.83. 17. Please reply to this statement.

Two interesting pieces of information

10 reply: I couldn't bear to delete 48 funny messages on my mobile phone. You may have seen some of them, but they are definitely.

10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work is so annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that you can't eat chopsticks or swallow a bowl!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

1 1 Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you as smart as a mouse, as strong as an ox, as bold as a tiger, as lovely as a rabbit, as confident as a dragon, as charming as a snake, as romantic as a horse, as gentle as a sheep, as naughty as a monkey, as beautiful as a chicken, as loyal as a dog and as beautiful as a pig!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:40 reply to this speech.

12 reply: There are 48 funny messages in my mobile phone, and I can't bear to delete them. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

12. This chimpanzee accidentally stepped on a bench pulled by a gibbon. After the gibbon was gently and carefully cleaned, they fell in love. Others asked how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

13 reply: There are 48 funny messages in my mobile phone, and I can't bear to delete them. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

13, the lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his stool was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion shit is better than bear shit!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

Reply 14: I hate to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. You may have seen some of them, but they are definitely.

14, think of a number in your head, add 52.8, multiply it by 5, then subtract 3.9343, divide it by 0.5, and finally subtract ten times the number in your head. The answer is romantic!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

15 reply: There are 48 funny messages in my mobile phone, and I can't bear to delete them. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

15, you always fart in the office, and your colleagues can't help asking if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shivering and asked what you were doing, and you replied that I was shivering!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

Reply 16: I hate to delete 48 funny messages from my mobile phone. You may have seen some of them, but they are definitely.

16, Dear God, please bless those friends who don't call me, send me text messages or miss me: May God drop their mobile phones into the toilet, amen!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5-1219: 41reply to this speech.

17 reply: There are 48 funny messages in my mobile phone, and I can't bear to delete them. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

17, it is said that you are cruel. You have occupied four seats opposite the theater. When someone wakes you up, you only hum twice. The security guard came over and said that friends are really cruel. Where are you? You gritted your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:42 reply to this speech.

Reply 18: I am reluctant to delete 48 funny short messages from my mobile phone. Some of them may have been seen, but they are definitely there.

18, miss you, miss you, find a painter to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water all day and watch you-are you happy? Pour a cup of boiling water and burn you to death!

Author: 2 10.83. 17. Please reply to this statement.

3 interesting short messages

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:42 reply to this speech.

19 reply: There are 48 funny messages in my mobile phone, and I can't bear to delete them. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

19, dear users, at this time, we have deducted 20 yuan from your phone bill for Palestinian national liberation. Therefore, the Palestinian self-government has decided to give you a lofty title in the name of the whole Arab world: Ben Shalebaki!

Author: Xiaolong 2005-5- 12 19:42 reply to this speech.

Reply: I can't bear to delete 48 funny messages in my mobile phone. Maybe you've seen some of them, but definitely.

20. The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in her stupidity without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.