Who can tell me some funny jokes about the Spring Festival?

A man called the radio station to order songs and said, "I am a foreigner, and now I can't buy a ticket to go home. I want to spend the New Year in Beijing." I want to order a song. "

The host asked him, "Who do you want to order songs for?"

He said, "I ordered a song by Jordan chan," You are so cruel ",and gave it to the ticket sellers at all stations in Beijing."

2. Reunion dinner

When the company was having a reunion dinner, the manager got drunk and threw up in the toilet. It happened that a male employee was peeing. The manager said angrily, "How can I pour wine if I don't drink it?" When the man heard the sound of emergency stop, he didn't expect to hold his breath. The manager was furious: "Shit! Who opened another bottle? "

3 Jie Jin vs Spring Festival couplets

Jie Jin was a good writer since he was a child. This year's Spring Festival, he posted a pair of Spring Festival couplets at the back door: "The door is against a thousand bamboo poles, and the family hides thousands of books." The staff across the hall was very unhappy, thinking that only a family like me deserved to post this couplet, so they ordered the servants to cut down the bamboo. Soon, the family came to report that Jie Jin's Spring Festival couplets were changed to: "The door is as short as a thousand bamboo poles, and parents save thousands of books." Mr. Yuan was very angry after hearing this, and let people dig out the bamboo roots. Unexpectedly, Xie Jia's Spring Festival couplets were changed to: "The door is short of bamboo, and there is thousands of books at home."

4 Shi Chunlian

Ji Xiaolan was a college student in the Qing Dynasty. Once, he went home to visit relatives during the Spring Festival, and a family of three brothers in the village asked him to write Spring Festival couplets. He wrote a pair of "earth-shattering, one of the best" Spring Festival couplets and criticized "acting first". This is a terrible mistake. He was accused of cheating the monarch in the name of "offending". When Emperor Qianlong learned of this incident, he immediately called Ji Xiaolan back to Beijing to ask. Ji Xiaolan replied, "I wrote Spring Festival couplets correctly! Isn't this boss selling firecrackers an "earth-shattering portal"? The second child is in charge of the fair fight. Isn't screaming all day one of the best families? The third is to sell roast chicken, isn't it' cut first and then play'? " The words were dry, and the dragon smiled.

The whole family writes couplets together.

In ancient times, there was a family who was very superstitious and wanted to make good luck in everything. On New Year's Eve, my father's two sons discussed and said, "Put up a new Spring Festival couplets in the class. Now let's each say a few auspicious words and make a pair of Spring Festival couplets. " The two sons nodded in agreement. Father stroked his beard and read, "What a good year!" The eldest son thought about it and read, "Less bad luck." The second son then read: "No lawsuit!" Everyone was full of praise after reading it, so my father wrote a long article without punctuation and posted it in the middle of the room. The next day, the neighbors came to pay New Year's greetings. As soon as I entered the door, I saw the Spring Festival couplets and read aloud: "This year is so unlucky, I have to go to court!"

6 young master writes Spring Festival couplets

Once upon a time, there was a young master who used to eat, drink, and be merry and idle. He spent all his father's inheritance, and near the end of the year, there was no firewood. On New Year's Eve, the poor young master wrote a couplet to laugh at himself and posted it at the door: "Live frugally and spend the indifferent year." An old pedant in the village sighed after reading it, and added a sentence to the couplet, which became: "Do frugal things early and avoid being indifferent."

7 An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road, fell to the ground and became a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and became a bad guy. An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became a Hua Dan. There is an egg riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; There is an egg. ......

Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, telling each other that time waits for no man.

A song: "Recalling my childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "In a few decades, it will be the Day of the Elderly."

A song: "In a few decades."

Appa: ". Tomb-Sweeping Day. "

When a millionaire drove a luxury extended "Lincoln" car through a village, he saw two beggars pulling grass at the roadside to eat, and the millionaire stopped at once.

"Why do you eat grass?"

"We really have no money ..." A beggar replied.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house."

"I have a wife and two children at home ..." A beggar complained.

"Call 1, and the rich man points to another beggar." And you, call your family. "

"My family has a large population. Besides my wife, there are five children. " Another beggar said.

"It doesn't matter, all called, let's go.

In this way, two beggars and their families got on the bus, but fortunately it was an extended bus. On the way to exercise, a beggar's wife said gratefully, "Boss, it's very kind of you to invite even poor people like us to our home."

The millionaire replied, "Nothing, I just came back from abroad, and my house has been neglected.". The lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high and you can eat enough. "

10 soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. I can walk for a while.

Can you get there? "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."