Selected Funny SMS Blessings

1. Legend has it that tonight, the ghost is lingering, the dead light appears again, and the ghost is wandering around! May the ghost hear my call and come to celebrate your birthday in the middle of the night, with a pale face, green eyes, and dry hands touching your face, and say to you on my behalf: Good night!

2. The Shit Beetle was working hard to push the shit ball, and the fly said: "You are so stupid, why don't you eat fresh shit!" The Shit Beetle said: "I just love rolling the shit ball." The fly said He said with disdain: "You are not an athlete! At best you are a excrement collector." The Shit Beetle said: "I am proud, I am a excrement driver."

3. There is an old farmer While we were hoeing in the field, a crow flew by and dropped its feces on the old farmer's face. The old farmer raised his head and cursed: "CAO, your mother! You don't even know how to wear underpants when you go out!" The crow said, "CAO! What a bastard!" You’re wearing underpants!”

4. Three rolls of toilet paper = 9 yuan for a visit, two packs for daily use = 15 yuan, one pack for night use = 9 yuan, half a pack of pads = 2.5 yuan, a pack of red dates to nourish the body = 5 yuan, a pack of brown sugar = 5 yuan, two cups of hot milk tea = 6 yuan, a small one of 100 yuan is gone again... I can’t afford it once a month... Prices are like this The price is so high that my aunt can’t even afford it.

5. When I was in middle school, I was expelled from the school for fighting. A girl from the same class chased me to my house and said to me, "What should I do if you leave?" My mother was anxious at the time and asked me: "What's the relationship between you two?" I was also puzzled and said, "Nothing at all?!" Then the girl said, "If you leave, won't I be the last one!!"

6. When a fresh graduate applied for a job, his boss asked him: "What kind of working environment do you want?" He replied: "A monthly salary of 100,000 yuan, including accommodation, and 30 days abroad at public expense every year." Boss: "I will give you a monthly salary of 200,000 yuan. Yuan, I’ll give you a house and go abroad for 60 days every year at my own expense.” He said in surprise: “That’s so good!” Boss: “You were the one who joked with me first.”

7. Great news: I was shocked to hear that the price of train tickets has been reduced, and the price reduction is as high as 0.5-1.5 yuan, the highest in history! People across the country are rejoicing. Some citizens said: This price reduction is like cracking an egg in the Yangtze River. Since then, people across the country have been drinking egg soup and are very happy.

8. Wife’s Quotes: You are allowed to get drunk and you are allowed to hook up with girls, but you must return to my team at night. If you dare to break my heart or hurt my lungs, I will definitely give you the third sentence The legs will be crippled and your bird will be dozed off forever.

9. I just saw a girl driving a Q7 in the parking lot. She couldn’t park no matter how hard I parked the car. I parked the car and went over to help, but she refused to let me go. I said you saw my parking skills just now. No, I won't rub it against you. She simply closed the window and refused to listen to me. Alas, in this society, why is the level of mutual trust between people so low? I got in the car angrily and left. I was so angry that I even kicked off the chain of the car! ! !

10. In the freezer compartment of the refrigerator, a dumpling found a new customer. "Hi - Tangyuan, when did you come? What kind of stuffing do you make in Tangyuan?" "Hi, Tangyuan, is Yuanxiao your brother?" "You look so white in Tangyuan." "Why don't you say anything in Tangyuan?" " Hey, Tangyuan, are you feeling cold?" Tangyuan finally couldn't stand it anymore, glanced at the dumplings, and said coldly: "Food can't talk.

11. Play with WeChat drift bottles and pick them up. When I reached a bottle, I kept silent for 20 seconds. In the last second, I just said: sb, are you still listening?

12. My friend asked me how the bat fell. Married to a mouse, the bat's eyes were full of tears, which meant a lot: Alas! He took Viagra that day, and his firepower increased, so he jumped up to the ceiling and succeeded.

13. Xiao Ming told his mother that guests are coming today. When we were playing at home, my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair, and I saw it. My mother said, "Then how did you do it?" "Xiao Ming said: "I stood aside, and when the guest was about to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him. ”

14. A pair of lovers were caught by savages in the mountains and said: If you eat each other’s poop, they will let you go.

The lover did it, and the woman burst into tears on the way back. The man asked why, and the woman sadly said: You don't love me, otherwise you wouldn't poop so much!

15. A group of ants climbed onto the elephant's back, but were shaken off. Only one ant held on to the elephant's neck tightly. The ants below shouted: strangle him to death. Choke him to death, little boy, and you fucking did it the other way!

16. There are many standards for assessing life, not only length and width, but also thickness and depth. Well, the most important thing is the length and depth, and by the way, there is also the hardness...

17. The sky is blue and the sea is deep. None of what a man says is true; love is Eternal, the blood is bright red, and a man cannot survive without fighting; if a man is rich, he is destined to be with everyone, and if he is reliable, pigs can climb trees.

18. Two old couples had a sudden idea while having dinner one day: eat naked! Find the feeling you had before! After taking off her clothes, the old woman said: I still have a reaction! My breasts are still as hot as when I was young! The old man glanced sideways and said: It drooped into the soup!

19. A man forgot to bring money when he was eating, so after finishing his meal, he put the bill on the counter and walked out. The cashier took the bill and shouted: Sir, your bill! The man looked back and smiled: It's your bill.