What's humorous?

What's humorous? Many people will read some humorous stories online when they are unhappy, which will make people happier. Among them, there are many different types of stories on the Internet. The following is a humorous story I compiled for you.

Tell me humorously which ones are 1 1. Father: "A Guang, what should I do if I meet a cobra?" A-guang: "Break its glass before you run away."

2. The woman said, Why do you look so old-fashioned? M: If you like RMB, do you still care what year it was issued?

3. Bajie said to himself, "The moon comes first near the water tower, and the jade rabbit is by Chang 'e's side all day. Alas! "Don't worry," said Wukong, "rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests. "

4. The mother in labor asked her son: Do you want a younger brother or a younger sister? The son scratched his head and thought for a long time: if it's not too much trouble, I want a pony.

M: I am a policeman, and you are a thief, trying to catch the person you love. Woman: You're an egg, I'm Huang, and I feel like I'm in heaven.

6. "Why talk about' love triangle'?" The young man angrily questioned the girl. "It's very simple. According to geometric principles, triangles are the most stable! "

7. M: "I love you from the bottom of my heart. Love can't be expressed in words." Woman: "it's very simple, you can use gifts!" " "

8. CCTV interviewed a migrant worker: What do you think of CCTV's anti-vice campaign against Dongguan? The migrant worker took a sip of his cigarette and replied tearfully, "I haven't been to the Three Gorges yet, and the Three Gorges is flooded. What a lifelong regret! I haven't been to Shangri-La before it burned down. What a pity! I'm going to Dongguan, who knows? Alas! ..... So, there must be several trips in life. "

9. A man slipped while repairing the roof. When he fell down and flashed out of the kitchen window, he shouted to his wife, Don't cook alone's lunch today!

10, American visiting in China: Your building is too low! This is at least ten times bigger in America! China Tour Guide: I firmly believe! This is a madhouse!

1 1, Pig Bajie: I changed my name to Sai Pan An, and many beautiful women are waiting for me! The Monkey King: Unless you surf the Internet, you idiot.

12, Mom: Stupid, wash your hands before playing the piano! Dumb: Never mind! I'll play black keys!

13, wife: "We have been married for five years, and you have never told me the truth." Husband: "Nonsense! It's true that I asked you for a divorce this time. "

14, it's the Spring Festival. The young man remembered that he hadn't paid a New Year call to his girlfriend, so he wrote a love letter. At the end of the letter, he wrote: "I wish you happiness in your old age!" "

15. My wife is a bus conductor, and she is watching TV at home. When her husband came home and knocked at the door, his wife shouted, "What are you knocking at? Sit down! "

16, an old farmer went up to the second floor according to the request of the double-decker bus attendant, but immediately came down, saying: You lied to me, there is no driver on it.

17 the fire brigade received an alarm call. Where is the fire? My home. I mean, where? Kitchen. I mean, how do we get there? Don't you have a fire truck?

Do you know the four famous names? Oh, I don't know yet! Just Beijing duck eggs, Gaoyou salted eggs, Shandong goose eggs, and ... and Australian ostrich eggs!

19, son: "Dad, in ancient times, the emperor called himself a widow. What should the queen be called? " Father: "silly child, of course the queen is called a widow!" " "

20. Xiaoming: Does Dad love us? Mom: Of course. Xiao Ming: But he told the nanny yesterday that he only loved her? Mom: It's the same after five changes!

2 1, trial, sudden fart. The master ordered, "Grab this thing." For a moment, the tolerance was covered with shit and said, "That thing ran away just now, and now its family has caught it."

Tom came to see Mary and waited patiently in the living room. Mary's little brother came out angrily. "Damn guy, why do you always come to my sister? Don't you have it yourself? "

23. Girlfriend: "I have freckles all over my face. Do you really mind? " Mathematician: "Absolutely not! I was born to like dealing with decimal points. "

24. Woman: "I didn't expect Cupid to shoot me." Man: "Where is Cupid from? Tell me and I'll teach him a lesson. Dare to touch my woman ... "

25. Female: "People like you, only dogs will love you." Man: "To tell you the truth, I just inherited 10 million." Woman: "Wang! Woof! "

26. A fool in the village met a waste collector and asked him in a low voice: Do you collect iron? The garbage collector looked around and said, collect! The fool said: it's a little long! The man said: nothing, show me first! Fool said: then wait for the evening! At night, the fool took the waste collector to the railway, pointed to the tracks on the ground and said, these are the two, from Hangzhou to Xinjiang. Please make an offer!

Girl: Why do you always curse? Young man: Believe me, if I swear again, I will never see you again.

28. Xiaojun asked Zhu Xiao, "Is pig's English a pug?" Zhu Xiao said, "Pig" "Is it you or me?" "me!" “U！” "It's me ..."

29. A lady lost her key while walking on the road. A man at the back picked it up and immediately shouted, "Miss, I lost my key." After a while, the young lady turned her head angrily and scolded, "Go to hell!" " "

30. In a restaurant, a monk said to the waitress, Miss is really beautiful! The young lady asked unhappily, how can a monk say such a thing? The monk asked: can't you read a menu with meat if you are a vegetarian?

3 1. The shark looked at the windsurfer and said, "What a thoughtful reception. There is breakfast, plates and napkins. "

Judge: "Why didn't you think of your wife and daughter when you stole?" Defendant: "Yes, your honor. Unfortunately, this store only has men's wear. "

One day, Xiao Qiang had a visitor, but he still shouted, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see monkeys." His mother said, "Your uncle is here. What monkeys are you going to see in the zoo ..."

34. Zi: "What will happen to you if I get the first place in my class? Father: "Then I am really happy!" " "Son:" Dad, don't worry, I won't let you die! " "

35. "I heard that you quit that female secretary. What did she do wrong? " "I told her I love you. She typed this sentence and asked me to sign it. "

36. A beautiful woman came out of the bathroom naked after taking a shower, and the dog at home followed her all the time. The beauty thought, "Isn't it naked? As for always following? " The puppy thought, "Aren't they just two meat buns?" As for hanging so high? "

37. The exhausted salesman asked the shopkeeper for a glass of wine. After tasting it, he was shocked: "Why, isn't this a cup of boiled water?" The shopkeeper was taken aback. "Oh, I forgot to mix the wine."

38. Son: Mom, how did you give birth to me? Mom: It was born in my stomach! Son: How? Mom: It's all your father's fault. He forgot to use it and gave birth by accident!

39. Dentist: "What do you like to use to fill your cavities?" Patient: "Chocolate!"

40. Dad is chatting with the guests, and Zhang Qiang has something to say. Dad saw it and said, "Don't be so secretive. Say it out loud. " Zhang Qiang said loudly, "Mom asked me to tell you not to stay for dinner!" "

4 1, Patient: My memory has completely disappeared! Doctor: When did it begin to disappear? Patient: Last August 20th at 8 am. ..

Ruth: Since you and your boyfriend are so close, why don't you get married? Mary: Well, I don't want to marry him every time he is drunk. He is sober, but he won't marry me.

43. There are two ways to conquer a woman. First, please her mother. Second, surpass her father!

44. "You are as cunning as a fox!" "Then why are you still with me?" "I am a member of the Society for the Protection of Animals."

Shopkeeper: Sorry, your dog is licking my apple ... Customer: Feifei, don't lick it! These apples will have diarrhea if they are not washed!

46. Man: "Look, a meteor. Make a wish. I ... I hope to marry you in the future. " Woman: "Oh, I hope the meteor will kill me at once."

47. Man: "Jane, I caught a big fish. Come to my house to eat! " Jane: You want to catch me with that fish, don't you?

48. The stingy woman asked the beggar: Do you have buttons on your pants? I'll sew it on for you. The beggar said, kind lady, I have a button here. Can you sew a pair of trousers on it?

Stewardess: Smoking is not allowed on the plane, sir. Sir: Excuse me, can you open the hatch and let me go out for a smoke?

50. "Master, why did my husband cheat?" "You eat this cake first." "hmm." "Is it delicious?" "delicious." "Do you still want to eat?" "think." "Now you know why your husband cheated?" "I see. Because I am insatiable and never know how to be satisfied. " "You know a fart! Because you are too fat. "

Old John asked his future son-in-law, "When you marry my daughter, what will you give me if I give her a generous dowry?" "I'll give you a receipt."

52. One day, dad bought a cake for his son. Dad: Don't eat, son. Make sentences with "delicious"! Son: What a sweet fart!

53. Some people say that there must be at least two impulses in life, one for desperate love and the other for traveling when you leave ... as if you don't want money.

54. A stutterer drinks in a hotel. A waitress poured him wine. "Pour wine ... pour ... too much!"

55. Hello! What shark fin wonton? There is no shark fin in it! Wonton vendor: Excuse me, my name is Jia shark's fin.

56. When the high school Chinese teacher gave a poem, he said, "Stop and sit, and love the warmth of Fenglin." The teacher said, "This one loves when sitting." Everyone was shocked and burst into laughter. ...

57. Two victims were floating on the sea. One of them asked his companion, "How far are we from the land?" "About 3 kilometers!" "3 kilometers! Which side? " "Just below!"

58. A: "If you are bored, you have to fall in love when you pass the time." B: "If you are not afraid of trouble, you have to get married."

59. A foreign friend went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi, and a beautiful waitress came to ask. This foreign friend always misses an opportunity to practice Chinese: Miss, how much does it cost to sleep?

60. A young woman was crying on the bus because others said that the child in her arms was too ugly. An old woman next to her comforted, Don't cry, give this banana to your monkey!

Jack: Tom, you got two points in arithmetic. Now your father will give you a good meal, won't he? Tom: Help me clean up? On the contrary, I will go back and teach him a lesson! He did it all.

Patient: Doctor, I am most afraid of injections. It hurts! Is there any way to solve it? Doctor: "It's very simple. I'll give you an injection of painkillers first. "

63. The wife secretly put Viagra on her husband's face and gave it to him. The husband was furious: Why did this face stand up one by one? ——:)

64. "I think I drank too much," Lao Mi said to the waiter. "Bring me something to sober up!" "OK," said the waiter, "I'll pay the bill!"

A: "I heard that you taught your wife to play cards, didn't you?" B: "Yes. But I'm not a free teacher. Last Saturday night, I won back half the salary I gave her this month. "

66. A father-in-law heard that his daughter-in-law gave birth to a son by caesarean section and said angrily, "Good boy, you haven't taken the right path since you were a child!"

67. The jailer asked a criminal who was about to be executed what he wanted for breakfast. The criminal said, I want to eat peaches. Warden: You know, it's winter, and there are no peaches! The criminal said: Never mind, I can wait.

One day, Wenwen was sucking her finger, and her mother said, "Don't suck your finger. Wen Wen said, "If you don't eat your finger, why is it called your index finger?"? "

The so-called "belly-to-belly marriage" means ... pointing to your girlfriend's belly and saying to your parents, "Mom and Dad, we are getting married."

70.a: "hello, miss, the appetite here has decreased a lot recently." B: "It may be parallax, sir. Because the area of the hall has expanded. "

7 1, wife: "You are so outrageous that you didn't even lift your head when you met my mother in the street." Husband: "honey, since I married you, I haven't dared to see other women outside."

72. When the sow was not pregnant, the vet saw the doctor and said, "It seems that it is going to be artificially conceived." The pig farmer replied, "Yes, but I'm afraid it will bite me."

On the train, the standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her, "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" I saw that man was very nervous and said, "The child is not mine."

74. A beautiful girl in the class changed her screen name to Xiaolong girl. As a result, many boys changed to Yang Guo, and only one changed to Yin Zhiping.

75. Diners laughed: "When I ordered, I didn't seem to order a fly!" The waiter was very calm: "But there is no need to add extra money."

76. I worked late yesterday and took a taxi home. The driver gave me a fifty and a twenty. When I was looking for money, the driver reminded me that many fake money must be carefully checked at present. I think the driver is very enthusiastic. After repeated inspections, I found that there was no problem and got off. When I got home, I found that 20 was fake!

77. Who will be the geek Aries in12 constellation: spend money on geeks and geeks: 50%; Gemini: narcissistic geek index: 70%; Virgo: perfect geek index: 95%; Scorpio: geek collection index: 20%.

78. You have a mole on your face. It has its own characteristics. I like it ... no way! ! ! You have such a big booger!

79. Poor ghost: "With money, I will accept women." Goat: "With money, I collect women's feelings." Collector: "I can transfer them. These are the least valuable to me. "

Yesterday, the robber robbed me of a gold watch. Fortunately, I didn't call for help at that time, otherwise my three gold teeth would have disappeared.

8 1, a: "What's the difference between a girl and a cherry tree?" B: "It makes no difference. Grow, blossom and bear fruit. After growing taller, the young man climbed up. "

82, take you to know what is the standard Capricorn, nothing to love convulsions, regret after hurting people; Always struggling, not listening to advice, stubborn; Cautious in major matters, confused in minor matters, smart and introverted; Love to pretend, pretend to be strong, pretend to be deep and pretend to be mature; Be kind to the person you love, gentle as water; Like music, the music dream in my heart is extremely strong; Fantasy romance, more realistic; The heart is too soft and the will is not strong; After being angry, it's horrible.

83. My little nephew is five years old this year. Tell him to call grandpa when he eats. When I came back, I said, "I looked under the bed, but there was no grandpa."

84. Dave: You go out and take that flower dog. Do you want to show your beauty through comparison? Wife: You are so confused. Then I might as well take you out!

85. The chemist said, "I am an oxygen atom O, and you are a hydrogen atom H. Our combination is as stable as water (H2O)." Girlfriend wrote back: "Where's the other H?"

86. Fly: "Say where are you? I miss you very much! " The mosquito said, "His arm." "You changed your mind? I hate you! " "No, I can't live without him! I still love you! "

Judge: "You are about to be shot. What is your last wish? " Prisoner: "I hope to wear bulletproof vest."

Xiao Ming farted loudly in the elevator. The kitten held her nose with one hand, and pointed to the sign on the elevator door with the other hand and said, "Don't you see that it says' handle with care'?"

89. A friend asked, "Why do you always drag your boyfriend down the same tree?" Woman: "Because it is marked with 1.8 meters." Friend: "Ah."

90. A female gecko said something to a male gecko, and the male gecko fell off the wall! The female gecko said to the male gecko, "honey, I want you to hug me!" " "

9 1, the man said: You cuckold me! The woman said: Yes! I will cuckold you today, wear green clothes tomorrow, buy you a bike the day after tomorrow, and let you be a postman!

92. The passenger complained to the hotel manager: "There is a swimming pool surcharge on the bill, but there is no swimming pool here!" Manager: "Not bad. This money is used to build a swimming pool. "

93. Today, I asked a friend, "What would you do first if you won 5 million?" He took his mobile phone and said, "Call to borrow money, and borrow all the relatives and friends you know." I asked curiously, "You didn't win the lottery, so why did you borrow it from someone else?" This product gave me a sentence: "They won't lend it to me. I think they will have the face to ask me if I can borrow it! " "I was shocked in an instant!

94. Customer: "What! This perfume is not fragrant at all? " Shop assistant: "Don't you know it's called Wan Li Xiang? It takes a Wan Li to be fragrant. "

95. Woman: "Why did you buy me artificial flowers? I like flowers. " Man: "honey, when I wait for you, the flowers always wither."

96. Thief A: "How much did you rob today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

Mingming: Uncle, can I tell you a story? Uncle: OK, go ahead! Mingming: Once upon a time, there was a child telling a story, and my story was over.

98. Patient: Excuse me, doctor, can eating carrots really prevent myopia? Doctor: You doubt it! Have you ever seen a white rabbit with glasses?

99. A couple is walking in the park. Woman: "Wow! So romantic, and there are insects! " Man: "no! That's my pants zipper. "

100, today my parents called me and said, "Your cousin went home today, and his girlfriend is very beautiful. If you don't bring your girlfriend home in two days, your father and I will lose face. " I have no choice but to rent a girlfriend from the internet. When I came home today, my parents turned green: "Isn't this your cousin's girlfriend?" I'm really not afraid of God-like opponents, and I'm afraid of renting the same girlfriend!

10 1. A thief saw his partner reading a fashion magazine and asked in surprise: What, do you want to switch to fashion? No, I'm studying where this year's fashion pockets will be sewn.

Two cows are grazing. One of them said, "There is a recent epidemic of mad cow disease. We won't be infected, will we?" The other end of the phone said, "No, we are kangaroos." (already crazy! )

103. Father met his daughter and son-in-law kissing at the head of the village. The son-in-law blushed and asked, "Do you want one?" The father was puzzled and replied, "No, I have it at home."

104, my mother told me not to make irresponsible friends, so my friends are idiots!

105, the father took a test on a whim. Son: Baby, do you know what can tell the truth? The son quickly replied: weather forecast!

106, Child A: You talk nonsense! My father is richer than your father! He said he would buy the Pacific Ocean back tomorrow! Child b: if you talk nonsense again, I'll tell dad not to sell it!

107, Husband: "Wife, what about makeup? It's beautiful. " Wife: "Husband, I'm going out." Husband: "why don't you stay at home and make up when you go out?" Shouldn't you show me your makeup to make me love you more? " Wife: "Of course not. I wear makeup to make other women hate me more. "

108, in the microcomputer class, a classmate reported to the teacher: "Teacher, our row is all dead." At this time, another classmate in the same row stood up and said; "Teacher, I am still alive!"

109, A meets B. When B sees A with a beaming face, he asks, "Why are you so happy?" A said, "My wife and I do it once a year." "Then why are you so happy?" B asked. "It's today!"

1 10, son: "Dad, where do I put this manuscript?" Father: "invest where there is more money." Son: "How about China People's Bank?"

Tell me what humor is. Tell me what's funny.

1. Laugh and remember what you said to me, thinking I was just stupid.

Second, I'd rather wear muscle armor all my life than walk around with fat.

Third, if life is bad to a certain extent, it will get better, because it can't be bad anymore.

Fourth, be confident unconditionally, even if you do something wrong.

You have the right to remain silent, but I will shut you up soon.

No matter what happens in the future, it is good to be happy together now.

Seven, missed, all. If you don't miss it, you can accept it calmly.

Listen, I allow you to like me. We have no choice but to grow old together.

9. I will not let those who support me fall, and those who let me fall will never let them stand up.

Ten, give you a slap and then rub, this is the heart.

11. The person I once thought I was infatuated with was forgotten in a flash.

Wait, one day, you will be my grandson's grandmother!

Thirteen, tell me, which bowl of wine can see you and make me drink it.

Teacher, you are not beautiful. Why should we keep staring at you in class?

Fifteen, I must give you happiness, and no one wants to stop it!

16. Your gestures, smiles, words and deeds, even a look, a gesture, a back and a look back are all in my heart.

I think the biggest harm you bring is not that you don't love me, but that you have destroyed my confidence.

"I like you" is a bit heavy, so I'll put it here first. Please hold it for me.

19. Eat bitter gourd noodles every day. Are you dissatisfied with the world?

Twenty, one day the dragon will get water, and I call the Yangtze River countercurrent.

Twenty-one, not for anyone, but for yourself in the future, you can work hard without buying cheap things and looking at other people's faces.

22. Isn't there a lot of repetition that can't be sent?

When you are afraid, focus on what you have to do. If you are well prepared, you won't be afraid.

Twenty-four, with you, I want nothing, no matter how wild my heart is, I also know how to refuse.

You can see the words I typed on the screen, but you can't see the cold sweat I dropped on the keyboard.

Be more persistent than others, and you will win.

Twenty-seven, men drag, but also dump, swing in my blacklist.

Twenty-eight, these days, there are not dozens of papers that are too embarrassed to tell others that school is over.

Twenty-nine, true love, often at the beginning, is waiting for someone to cross the mountains for themselves, and then leave with the people who take the cable car.

Don't relax, your life will be visited by all kinds of smiling tigers.

Thirty-one, the traffic is always a lot at first, and it gradually disappears.

32. The most contradictory place between lovers is dreaming about each other's future, but thinking about each other's past.

33. If you take fewer detours, you will miss the scenery. Anyway, thank you for your experience.

34. Do you want to step on my head? No way! Unless you're wearing a skirt.

35. I heard that you are getting married, and I thought a lot. The most important thing is, your sister, it is not good to invite me, I have no money.

I really want to ride a roller coaster with you and unbuckle your seat belt at the highest place.

37. Without money, what can I do to maintain my feelings, stabilize my love, keep in touch with my friends and rely on my mouth? Stop it, everyone is busy.

Thirty-eight, when I was a child, my family had no money, and I kept flying kites with a rope tied to a plastic bag.

Thirty-nine, the door is red, illuminating my future.

Listen, I allow you to like me. We have no choice but to grow old together!

What you haven't picked is just a flower in spring, and the whole spring is still yours.

Forty-two, as a dress, you can't take a bath by yourself, and you want me to help you wash it. You said, you can't lose face!

Forty-three, don't pity anyone, poor people must have something hateful.

Forty-four, fat is not a crime, but God is jealous that you will be too beautiful if you lose weight.

Forty-five, the main reason why children are not tall now is that their schoolbags are too heavy!

Forty-six, night music replaced time, anesthetized everything, and I danced in my dream.

Forty-seven, never dare to take a female driver's car next time. The first time I met a driver who was about to crash without stepping on the brakes but covering his eyes!

48. Some people are destined to wait for others, while others are destined to be waited for.

Forty-nine, when I get rich, I'll buy two lollipops, one for you to see and one for you to eat.

Fifty, do not disturb during working hours, and harass during working hours.

You said you would wait for me, but you did. You found someone to wait with.

Fifty-two, regardless of other people's questioning eyes, my eyes are only ahead.

Fifty-three, counting their sweetness, I can't help feeling bitter.

Fifty-four, you never belonged to me, let alone lost.

55. A person has at least one dream and one strong reason. If the heart has no place to live, it wanders everywhere.

56. Being in a daze, well done, is called deep. Bad work ... easy to fall asleep.

The foot of my bed is shining brightly. Hey, there is a bottle of hand cream on the ground.

58. Go after your dreams while you are young. Life is only once, don't leave any regrets.

When a man starts to criticize you, it means that he wants to say goodbye to you.

Sixty, when no one helps you, stand up straight, the road is still long, and the back should be beautiful.

Sixty-one, he doesn't want to understand your amorous feelings, just want to untie your clothes.

62. Do what you are afraid of, and your fear will disappear naturally.

Think of yourself as a fool, ask if you don't understand, and learn more.

I wish you well, even if you have nothing to do with me in the future.

Sixty-five, there is one person worth remembering, and that is happiness.

Modern children's love trilogy: holding hands, kissing and making love.

Sixty-seven, forget = death+heart. Let me forget unless my heart is dead.