Jokes in everyday relaxed moments

A relaxed and instant joke every day is still common in our lives. Many people like to listen to jokes. In fact, jokes not only bring us a moment of joy, but also have certain significance to our lives. Here are some jokes that have relaxing moments every day.

1 1, I was riding a tram in an alley here just now, and there came a big brother riding a bicycle opposite. It's getting closer and closer and it's about to hit. Just then, the witty eldest brother shouted, you go right and I go left, and then … we climbed for a long time before we got up!

At noon, when the boss inspected his construction site, he found a man reading a comic book in the corner. The boss asked, "What's your monthly salary?" The man replied, "A thousand." The boss took out his wallet, counted out 1000 yuan and shouted, "Your salary this month, leave at once!" "After the man left happily, Yunu's boss asked the workers next to him," Which department is he from? "The staff whispered," he is here to deliver fast food. "

3. A student took part in an impromptu speech, and the topic was "My sister". His opening remarks immediately attracted everyone: when my sister saw the food, she began to say "earth-shattering". When she was lovelorn, she found something "earth-shattering" and called me for money. Now she is finally married, which is really "thank goodness".

4. I was deeply poisoned by martial arts movies when I was a child. I thought I had to spray a mouthful of wine before dressing the wound. Finally, my hand was cut. What a big cut. I decisively found white wine and poured it on it without hesitation ... you can't imagine how painful it was. Dude, it's the first time I've jumped around in pain in my life. Suddenly I remembered that the hero on TV always put the wine in his mouth first, and then sprayed it on the wound ... and then I danced for a long time.

One day, I quarreled with my girlfriend. She turned off her cell phone and went home. I chased her downstairs. I wanted to call her name, but I was afraid that her mother would hear me, so I called her name downstairs for two hours.

6. My wife and I have been married for more than ten years, and the romantic age has been a long time! This morning, I suddenly said to my wife on a whim, "Let's talk about love again and pretend you don't know me." My wife said,' OK', so I said to her,' Hi! Little bitch, "Who knows this product slapped me as soon as it raised its hand, and swore:" Dare to harass my aunt, I'm tired of talking to you! "

7. A man quarreled with his girlfriend. When he called to apologize, the phone rang for a long time and finally got through ... Female: "I'm sorry" Male: (extremely excited but pretending to be calm): "You finally know you are wrong" Female: "The line you dialed is busy." Man: " ...

When I was in primary school, I liked to sleep in class. I wrote a composition with the theme (if I were a spider) for the homework assigned by the Chinese teacher. I asked my classmates after class. I racked my brains at home at night and wrote an article (if I were a pig). Then I got angry at school.

Relax and laugh every day. Humor joke 2

1. A patient who had an operation for the first time said to the doctor anxiously, "I'm scared. This is my first operation. " The doctor said I was more afraid: "This is my first operation, too." .

Xiao Ming saw a lump of poop on the ground, so he went up and smelled it, which seemed to be poop. Put a little in your hand and taste it in your mouth. It seems to be poop. He said happily, "It's a good thing I didn't step on it."

The centipede was bitten by a snake and sent to the hospital for rescue. After diagnosis, the doctor said: for the spread of anti-virus liquid, it must be amputated! The centipede thought: fortunately, I have many legs! The doctor consoled: relax, brother, you will be an earthworm in the future.

4. Wife: "Why do you go to the balcony every time I sing?" Husband: "I want everyone to know that I am not hitting you."

The patient is worried about his head. After the X-ray examination, he asked the doctor, "Is there anything in my head?" Doctor: "Nothing." Patient: "Ah, is it really so serious?"

6. When crossing the road, I met a red light. My friend wants to move on. I stopped him: "light, wait for light!" " My friend turned to me with disdain and said, "Only you have Intel!"

7. Young doctor: I will be listed for business tomorrow. Can you teach me some experience? Middle-aged doctor: the bill should be written clearly and the prescription should be scribbled.

8.w: Tomorrow is my birthday. What gift will you give me? M: Same as last year. W: What did you give me last year? M: The same as the year before last. W: When was the year before last? Man: I didn't know you the year before last, so I didn't send anything.

Chatting with a classmate who works in a foreign company, she said that there are many foreigners in the company. I asked her: Did you teach them to speak Chinese? She: Of course, the first sentence I taught was: I pay the bill!

10, the most painful thing on the day of work is to know? I just got off work and haven't finished my work yet. The most painful thing is: I haven't finished my work after work. The most painful thing is: I didn't live at work, but I came to live after work. ...

Relax and laugh every day. Humor joke 3

1. A fat man and a thin man are driving through the mountains. The car broke down and no one came to repair it until this afternoon. Two hungry people climbed two mountains and finally found a remote town. There is a small restaurant in the town, but they walked into one, came out, walked into another and came out again ... Finally, they were so hungry that the thin man begged: "Director, no invoice, no invoice!" "

Xiao Li of the hospital came to the dean with a sad face. Xiao Li said, "Dean, I want to resign. I can't stand it. "

Dean: "What's the matter, young man? You did a good job in the urine test department. Why did you resign? "

Xiao Li: "As you know, I just changed my job, and my previous professional habits made me unsuitable for a urine test!" " "

Dean: "What did you do?"

Xiao Li: "wine taster"

Dean: "Ouch ~"

3. Talk to my colleagues. The photos taken before were beautiful, but now they are getting uglier and uglier. Colleagues simply said: Now the pixels are getting higher and higher.

Water has been cut off for several days, and everyone can only use bottled water for everything. A female colleague thought bottled water was expensive and useless, and said, "I just opened a bucket to wash my face, and there was only half a bucket left!" " Another colleague said, "water is still very useful, but your face is big!" " "

5. Me: "Waiter, the steak I ordered has been over half an hour, and it's not ready yet? It's already midnight 1 1 point! "

Attendant: "Don't worry, sir. Our store is open 24 hours a day. "

I ...

I went to the bank to withdraw money. After a limited operation time, my bank card was swallowed. I was in a state of ignorance at that time. The staff told me: beauty, you can just go to the counter tomorrow ... I said: it swallowed my card and there is not much money in it. I'll wait, maybe it will dislike having no money and spit it out for me. ...

The staff said: it has a good appetite and is not picky about food. It tastes great! Don't worry, you can never eat too little meat!

7. In high school, my deskmate was a beautiful sister paper, and my hands were frostbitten and festered in winter. At that time, the school brought its own lunch box to cook and washed it after eating. I think her hands are poor. I washed her lunch boxes for two winters.

One night when she was studying by herself, she whispered in my ear, "Would you like to wash my lunch box for life?" As soon as I heard it, I got angry: "It was agreed that I would wash it in winter, you would wash it in summer, and you would wash it? Still want to lie to me to wash for a lifetime, dreaming!

8. Before Mulan joined the army for her father, she bought horses in Dongshi, saddles in Xishi, reins in Heather and whips in Beishi. Hearing this, the general asked, "Mulan, are you disguised as a man?" Mulan asked in surprise, "How does the general know?" The general said, "Men don't go to four markets in a row to buy this."

9. When I came back from the night shift and stopped at the first floor, I heard a child crying in the room, and his mother lied to him that there was a ghost outside. In the spirit of helping others, I screamed in horror and both of them cried.

10, Male A: My blood type is B, so is my wife's blood type, and I gave birth to a baby. Man b: the child won't be type 2 b.

I want to live in your heart, but I didn't expect it to be a neighborhood with many neighbors.

Second, my money is really wet, because I have been crying when I spend it.

Third, what is really terrible is not playing the lute to a cow, but the cow is playing the lute to you.

Fourth, I hope you will have wine, meat and girls in the future, and girls will be ugly.

5. How can bangs grow so fast?

I am very principled, and my principle is to follow your mood.

Seven, I am single because no one can easily deserve me as the successor of the proletariat.

I wanted to give life a kiss, but reality gave me two slaps.

Nine, Alipay wants to socialize simply, as long as it is a function of "rich people nearby".

Ten, I just want to turn gracefully, but I unexpectedly hit the wall.

Eleven, lazy, doing well is called enjoyment; Persistence in doing well is called persistence; Playing the fool, if you do it well, is it called playing the fool? Don't play tricks on me, or I'll play along.

If money is dirt, then I am dung beetles.

Thirteen, the old vines faint, air-conditioned WiFi watermelon, Ge You sofa with the same paragraph, the sun sets, I put it aside.

Fourteen, take the initiative to ask you to open a strange woman, not miss or fairy jump.

Fifteen, I am dead, and the only thing I can't worry about is my Q.

16. Don't envy that we have no homework during the holiday. Do you know how tired it is to play all day?

I know I have a bad temper. If you can't bear it, you must reflect on yourself and why others can.

Give you something you have to cherish, especially your face.

Nineteen, I want to kiss you when I am happy, and I want to be kissed when I am unhappy.

Twenty, we agreed to grow old together, so dye it as a putty.

Even if my love is cheap, I won't give you a discount.

Twenty-two, dreams still have to be there, otherwise you will tell people when you drink too much.

Twenty-three, after you get married, the marriage partner is not me, I will move to your house next door and be a quiet old king.

You always say that dreams are out of reach, but you never go to bed early and get up early.

Twenty-five, you are fat and ugly. We are friends.

Twenty-six, prettier than your girlfriend, and I'm sorry about that, too.

Twenty-seven, life will make you suffer for a while, and then let you suffer for a lifetime after you get used to it.

I don't know how others turn pressure into motivation. Anyway, I will only turn stress into appetite.

Twenty-nine, everyone is so young, why should I spoil you?

I advise you to like me early.

Beggars don't envy millionaires, but they envy beggars who mix better than themselves.

Thirty-two, if you don't come to sleep with me, you care what time I sleep.

Find a fortune teller, you and I are destined to be together.

Thirty-four, strange women who take the initiative to invite you to dinner, 100% are wine trays.

35. Blame me me for being so handsome and shocking that so many people in single dog have been displaced.

Never bow your head, the double chin is too obvious.

For going to work, a considerable number of people's main job is to "pretend to be busy".

Thirty-eight, "How do you feel about the avalanche of homework?" "You got my man, but you didn't get my heart."

Thirty-nine, on WeChat, 1. A strange woman who actively adds you as a friend is either your wife or WeChat business.

Forty, the same age as a flower, has grown into a fleshy one.

I want to see you, so I'm running.

42. Smart people don't tell lies. Come to me when you have time.

Forty-three, when others are holding hands, I will hold my dog to see who is not happy to bite.

I suggest that you like me. I will reply to the message in a few seconds.

Forty-five, your date is not me, you might as well be single.

Forty-six, the lovely me has long since disappeared, replaced by a more lovely me.

I'm telling you, it's foolish of you to refuse a lovely girl like me.

48. Every time someone attacks me, I feel that there is something wrong with this person. In the face of such a lovely me, he can still lose his temper and be speechless.

49. Everything must come to an end, but if you invite me, I can eat more with you.

Fifty, those nights that stay up late will eventually be repaid with a morning that can't get up.

Remember to burn me a handsome boyfriend if I die.

Fifty-two, everyone loves life, and flowers are beautiful, so happy.

Fifty-three, everyone is "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm different." I'm "I don't know where the money went, and I'm broke." "

Fifty-four, take the initiative to tell you the above, not a liar or cheated.

55. What should I do if I don't like the slow reply of the object message? I'll be back soon.

56. Now I only need three steps to do a math problem: look at the problem, write the solution, and start crying.

Fifty-seven, this summer, not going out feels like a waste of life, and going out feels like life is worse than death.

58. Silence is golden. Don't talk to me. I want to save money.

Fifty-nine, when I don't want to talk to you, it's no use trying to coax me. At this time, you should give me a red envelope.

Daily relaxed moments joke 3 joke short message

1. Once upon a time, a man named Shuang died. On the day of the funeral, his family cried in pain. They cried and screamed at his grave. Shuang Shuang … Shuang Shuang … At this moment, passers-by asked, what are you admiring? Shuang Jia replied with tears: we are so cool …

This short message is brief and to the point. No advertising, no nonsense. Sweet words are just bubbling. Just be happy and know yourself. Happiness can't run away, so I won't say what I think. I wish you success: Happy New Year!

3. New Year's Day is coming, it is too routine to give gifts, and there is no trick to bless. I only hope that my dear friends will be harassed by the God of Wealth every day, always illuminated by Maitreya, make big money, laugh happily and run happily.

This new year message came in the heat wave that swept through! May you have Buffett's financial resources, Furong's compact figure, the social status of the five bars, the enthusiasm of grabbing the salt tide, the wealth of the imperial city, and the same happiness as the longer the house price!

One day, a death row prisoner was being shot, but because of the quality of the bullet, the bailiff missed the first shot, the second shot and the third shot. When the bailiff was about to fire the fourth shot, the prisoner suddenly turned around and hugged the bailiff's leg, crying, Brother, you can strangle me, which is really fucking scary …

6, train students to nourish the eight-character decision, saying: Voss is going to become a monk, is going to become a monk. Read aloud five times on the balcony every morning, and you will be alert and have an appetite. For the sake of your health, you must persist!

7. I wish you a "super guerrilla" in the new year: you can survive when you encounter difficulties. The longer you grow, the more you look like a white-faced scholar. Your speech can be full of fun. Worry makes it barren. Happiness makes it this life. Wish you a happy life!

8. This sincere, sincere message, one in a hundred, trudged all the way from thousands of miles away and finally got into your mobile phone, bringing you my deep affection-Happy New Year's Day! Don't forget, my friend

9. When buying clothes, the shop assistant (contemptuously): This dress is very expensive. Don't touch it unless you buy it. Jane Doyle: It seems that you are rich? Don't sell it if you have money!

10, Spring Festival, Tang Priest added a cotton gown, Wukong added cotton trousers, Friar Sand added a cotton cap, Bajie, your little hand, don't just play with your mobile phone to read text messages, remember to buy a small glove.

1 1. Laugh happily every day, live happily, feel better, and good luck will come. Happiness will naturally knock on the door, so the mentality is the most important. In the new year, I will send a short message to make you laugh happily!

12, Fengtian Freight, the emperor said: Mindful of Ai Qing's loyalty and hard work, I specially gave Ai Qing the right to shop for free. How to get it: Take this short message to a nearby shopping mall and choose whatever you need. It would be nice if he gave you everything. If he doesn't pick it up, he will run. Qin this! Note: The final interpretation right of this message belongs to me.

13, I made a wish on New Year's Day: I want to wash my feet for good luck, rub my back for good luck, bring me tea for happiness, and pour me water for good luck. The best part is that I don't know the east, the west and the north. Finally, I wish this person who reads the information as dizzy as me a happy New Year!

14 How are you? I think you ... have always dreamed of walking with you on that grass recently. If there is still a chance, just say weakly: only eat grass, not defecate anywhere!

15, an ugly monkey went to a matchmaking agency to find someone, and the boss said it was expensive. The ugly monkey said it was cheap and the boss said it was stupid. The ugly monkey said it doesn't matter, so the boss shouted at the window → Fool, don't read the message, come out on a blind date.

16 I will send a short message worth 10 RMB to all the handsome and beautiful brothers and sisters who have a certain position in my heart. I'll invite you to a five-star hotel tomorrow ... and watch others eat! Please bring your own napkin so as not to get wet with saliva. I wish you all a happy face and a good journey!

17, life is your welfare home, relaxation is your massage room, happiness is your base camp, happiness is that you meet Uncle Benshan every day, work is someone else's work, you get the money, and the surprise is my message to wish you a happy New Year!

18. Yesterday, I was lucky enough to meet this old gentleman in the palace and gave me an elixir. Now I'm in a hurry, but something terrible happened immediately: I can see many monsters every day, and the important thing is that I actually found you ... slacker.

19, I am a kind person and keep a low profile. New Year's Day is coming, and I'm afraid I can't squeeze into the fast lane of blessing you, so I wish you a happy New Year!

Forgive me for keeping silent at this inappropriate moment. Apart from harassment, I may really be unable to dig out any deep meaning. If you wake up accidentally, remind you to cover the quilt and turn off your cell phone when you sleep again!

2 1, Ling has been back in Jinggangshan for a long time. Birds are singing and dancing everywhere, and monkeys are climbing trees. A closer look shows that orangutans can dance. Watch it again: Dude, I finally found you, so I stole food here!

22. Want to "miss": One day, after three boring Chinese classes in a row, the teacher refused to leave. Finally Bao couldn't help shouting, "I have to pee!" " The teacher was furious: How dare you shamelessly ask for "Miss" in my class!

23. My colleague: You have so many pimples on your face that the tractor will roll over when it is driven! Me: If the pimples on my face are as few as the hair on your head, I will be satisfied!

24. streaking is an outdoor sport that improvises courage, speed and figure, regardless of venue and gender. This sport originated in Europe and the United States, and has generated many fans in China in recent years. Recently, boys in Hangzhou streaked to protest against the school power failure, and photos were printed on T-shirts for sale, making them as famous as Zeng Ge and leading the new fashion of streaking. Weak asked: Today, did you run naked?

25. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you may have to eat at least one pair of whales. ...

26. One day, Xiao Qiang ate too much and walked too fast, and met a beautiful girl. Xiao Qiang was about to apologize, but his stomach was complaining and spit out a thread. The beautiful girl looked at Xiao Qiang and asked angrily, Am I so disgusting?

27. When New Year's Day arrives, I will give you a grapefruit, a durian and a banana. I wish all the immortals bless you in the new year, and good luck will never leave durian to you. The horizon of happiness will always be with your banana!

28. Sorry, my dear friend. I want to send you a long and sensational holiday blessing, but I can't sleep all night, racking my brains and being utterly confused ... I still think my blessing to you can't be expressed in words. That's it. Please treat me to dinner on New Year's Day. Let me tell you something!

29. It is said that texting has four states: emotional catharsis; Make a mountain out of a molehill; Idle harassment; Sincere blessing. I am the last one, I wish you happiness, health, peace and happiness in the new year!

30.20 14 years of life "new requirements": clothes should be new, vegetables should be fresh, lovers should be trendy, houses should be built, and wishes should be new. May you feel happy and happy every day!

3 1, distance is not a problem, height does not matter, beauty and ugliness never care. No matter where you hide, I will depend on you to pester you. My name is happiness, and my nickname is peace. Happy new year!

32. When is the final exam? When will the test results come out after the exam? What grade is this school year? Did you find a good job? How much is the year-end bonus? Do you have a girlfriend? Did mom force you to have a blind date? Have you weighed yourself? Oh, honey. All right. Stop talking. Happy new year!

33. Life becomes uncomfortable without you. I hate that hateful third party for taking you away. Do you have a new relationship with him? I really want you to come back to me-wallet.

34. I don't usually send text messages to people easily. The person who received my message must be someone who is in conflict with * *, or someone who loves each other. So, kowtow three times, and stand up after three hooves! The New Year in China is coming, so I wish you a happy New Year. Nothing else, just miss you. Please stand down!

35. New Year's Day is coming. I hope you will say to your troubles in the new year: Go; Heart to heart: stay; Say to bad luck: get out; Say to good luck: come; Say to failure: bah; Say to success: top; Wish you 20 15, great!