Do you expect not to reply to text messages? How to deal with an inconsiderate husband?

If there is one thing that can make you fall into the cold bottom instantly, it must be "he won't return my messages." I admit, I'm going to hurt my brain because of the quiet conversation page at noon. I'm not going to do anything, and I'm worried about two classic questions over and over again: does he not love me? Did I do something bad? How to deal with an inconsiderate husband? How to deal with her husband's indifference?

After all, it is too easy to arouse insecurity and unloving anxiety. Even if you don't reply to text messages, do you have expectations for your feelings? Let's first listen to the possible meaning behind silence.

"I need a safe indoor space in case of injury."

Sometimes things are much simpler than you think. For example, he didn't reply to the message because he was really busy, reported his work, or accidentally forgot. But if his "busy" is a long time, day and night, it mainly has the following performances:

The track is dense, the mentality is ups and downs, and it is hot and cold; Every time you want to talk about an emotional topic, he quickly evades or breaks out immediately; It is stipulated that you need to be more and more alone and don't have to stick to him; Defamation, criticism and evaluation of you are the root of Jude's problems; Inadvertently pulled away from you.

How to deal with an inconsiderate husband? Well, he probably belongs to the design style of avoidant attachment.

He has a hard shield, independent from the outside world, safe and controllable, and the slightest risk belongs to him alone.

In order to maintain a positive sense of security, it is necessary to minimize the interconnection with others, especially the deep interconnection in feelings. Fortunately, for boys, solitude is also an inspired quality of happiness, which makes sense.

Boys like that, even if you two are close at hand and embrace each other warmly, there is a wall between you. Even if the sea is rotten, it can't stand.

My heart is so tired.

Manny spent eight years trying to break down that wall. As far as marriage is concerned, she thinks it is successful.

Who knows, even if we live under the same roof, we can still get along coldly. And the cold violence is probably just because she half-jokingly praised her best friend's husband at a friend's dinner, which made him learn and cultivate the excellent qualities of romance and intimacy of others.

He suddenly turned cold: "What is the future of that kind of boy? Only a shallow woman like you will like it!" " "Before she finished the sentence," but you are not as good as others, "he had assumed a cold and arrogant posture. In the next few days, I was on a business trip, and the circle of WeChat friends was very diligent, but I never returned to her mobile phone WeChat.

People who are avoidant and attached to design style are deeply afraid of hacking and destruction. Because it brings their experience, it is equivalent to being alone in the forest, surrounded by a group of unarmed leos.

His instinct to guard against consciousness trumps his desire for emotional interconnection.

I would rather not reply, I would rather disconnect from each other than feel the pain of being hurt again. Even if the pain is really insignificant to others, even if you think you are.

Her joking words carried him to his childhood. Mom and dad are both primary school teachers. As a teacher's child, he is always taken care of on campus, and his every move is reported to his parents by the teacher. And mom and dad have always said: you are not doing well enough, you should learn to train some students.

Slowly, he also "implanted" a pair of strict parents in his heart, supervising him day after day for decades, and tirelessly repeating the same sentence: be extreme and be better than others.

If others emphasize what they are not doing well enough, the essential parents will turn up the noise and play it in a loop, which makes him feel ashamed.

Then, he instinctively fled to his safe indoor space in case he showed a more sensitive side. The more she tried to pursue the initiative, the more he commented that she had come to attack Tuita.

I'm not really unwilling to reply, I'm afraid. Just like when I didn't do well in the exam when I was a child, I was homesick but timid, so I ran away and took refuge temporarily.

"You don't love me anymore. Is there anything to talk about? "

The divorced boyfriend was really nice to her before.

When he first got together, he gradually made an overall plan for the future, so refined that he wanted to buy a house and have many babies. He can be more sensitive to her needs and come out at midnight to buy her a snack. She has a little problem sometimes. He is more anxious than her parents.

He put her first and made all the rules for her. He is also very concerned about her experience and will seriously ask: am I the best person for you? Better than your ex-boyfriend, right

What's the matter, making such a good man become more and more indifferent without warning? I don't understand separation.

_ There was an argument, _ There was a third party. The fuse was that she took him home to meet his parents last month. After her father asked him about his work and family, he looked blank.

"Yes, I am an ordinary female white-collar worker, and there is nothing at home. Your father naturally looks down on me! " However, she doesn't care about this at all.

Even if he is still angry, give them a reason. I didn't expect to be blacked out without taking the initiative to contact for three days. I've been calling all night, and every time I press it, I press it within one click.

From then on, the mobile phone game of hide-and-seek began. One minute, she was dragged out of the credit blacklist to have a heart-to-heart talk, the next minute, she disappeared completely, and the next second, she might suddenly scold her for being indifferent or ask her if she wanted to break up.

Divorced boyfriends are the standard design style of anxiety and attachment.

They will try their best to put money into a relationship and spend a lot of time and energy to study each other scientifically. They are afraid of two things: refusal and reply.

Because they are afraid of being rejected, when there is a contradiction, they would rather avoid it than "explore", waiting for the other party to realize the existing problems and take the initiative to admit their mistakes; Because I am afraid of a reply, I am unwilling to actively solve the contradiction even if I am extremely worried.

The trouble for emotional couples is to devote themselves wholeheartedly when they are dissatisfied: I care about you diligently and meet your requirements. Why can't you find out with your conscience and help me with reciprocal interests? Why don't you understand me and recognize me?

Care too much about each other, and subconsciously believe that you can't get unconditional love. Therefore, once differences break out, many problems will interact, and the final impact point will always be: you just don't love me enough.

The mentality of leaving his father, the "indifference" after leaving his father, is like throwing him into the lonely Gobi, being mercilessly left behind, without attachments.

"Work" is not a woman's patent. If a person can't create a sense of belonging and a suitable self-boundary, then _, "work" becomes the only way to enhance the boundary and keep close contact with each other.

Get rid of fear and rebuild love.

Love and fear are two basic motivations of human beings.

When he doesn't reply to the message, when the relationship falls into a long deep silence, you can instinctively enter fear and panic, and it seems like a year has passed. Attack, doubt, objection, guilt, stalking, asking questions? This is all out of fear and defensive countermeasures.

In information consultation, some people often can't wait to ask: how can I break the deadlock if he ignores me?

Our advice is, don't worry, the key now is to take care of your own experience. If you act rashly with fear, you will often make mistakes again and again.

Because I understand that your ultimate idealization is not a "harmonious" way, but to escape from fear, return to love, and feel the happy feeling of being connected again.

How to guarantee? Learn to comfort yourself first and return to love.

Women who are overwhelmed by the difficulty of "he doesn't reply to messages" mostly focus on the design style of anxious accessories:

Must have a high emotional viscosity, must have a positive sense of belonging, spend a lot of time studying his thoughts scientifically, don't believe in his deep love, don't believe that miracles will last for a long time, and don't believe in his singleness? If he replies immediately, it's like being left behind by the whole world.

If you go through this painful experience again, don't contact him in a hurry, wait for yourself first and see the busy mentality in your heart. Just be gentle and tolerant, don't migrate, don't oppress, don't be rational, for example, "I know it's bad to be angry, but who made him make me angry?"

Then, feel the human body and mentality patiently. Do you feel blocked, stuffy and want to cry in your stomach, chest and throat?

Imagine that there is a little girl living in your heart who is about three years old and has gone through your current state of mind. Hug her, helpless and wronged, give her relief and application like mom and dad comforting their children.

You can also try to write down your experiences, including your mentality, thoughts and all your purposeful or subconscious self-confidence. You don't need to pursue perfect logic or evaluate, just write it down honestly according to your experience.

When my mind recovers a little, I will look back at the written words and start my own dialogue to identify these unscientific self-confidence.

For example, from "I can't love deeply" to "He once loved me, and everyone successfully entered the relationship. With a happy relationship, it shows that I can love deeply".

Everyone can always find objective facts and refute these self-confidence with absolute and disastrous colors. This will help you put your focus back on yourself and gradually adjust the speed from "fear" to "love".

How to deal with her husband's indifference? Whether you are an avoidant or anxious emotional type, if you return to the situation of love, the essential kinetic energy will be more and more sufficient, and you will no longer subconsciously attack yourself and each other, and communication will tend to be smooth.