Complete works of funny and domineering quotations

1. Behind a successful man there is a supportive woman, and behind a failed man there is a naughty woman.

2. As long as you have classes in your heart, you don't skip classes anywhere.

God, I hope my future deskmate is both a school grass and a schoolmaster.

4. Dare to curse me for eating instant noodles without seasoning packets, and I curse you for eating instant noodles with seasoning packets.

Sister Na, if you don't come to Happy Camp, you will change your name.

6. I wish all lovers in the world are long-lost brothers and sisters.

7. It's time for mosquitoes to get off the shelf.

8. The bangs in front grow fast, and the hair in the back is learning.

9. I can't sneeze if I want to, but I will shed tears.

10, I want to be a good boy, but my personality has gradually become a bad boy.

1 1, the saddest thing is that your best friend likes your boyfriend and your boyfriend's buddy likes you!

12. What is home? Home is where wifi will automatically connect.

13, why kill on an onion? I still have a forest!

14, I will pursue my ideal, otherwise I will die unsatisfied.

15, get out on your birthday or broken egg day! I'm still young, and I don't want to be so old!

16, born wrong, can't afford to die. Now the cemetery is as expensive as the house price.

17, for Bai, I have reached three standards-nothing, rich and smelly.

18, (classic quotation) It's not that I don't approach women, but that women don't approach me!

19 and 18 years old. Happy birthday to me. You can't do anything illegal in the future.

20. It only takes two steps to make a girl crazy: the first step is to take pictures of her; Step two, don't let her see the photos.

2 1. When someone sends you hello, you should return to the cool dog instead of hello.

22. No matter how good the chain is, you can't keep a running dog.

23. Life lies in tossing, and tossing can only be done.

24. The alarm clock rang, which woke up my heavy shell, but didn't wake up my sleeping heart.

25. Geography teacher: What is the outer layer of the earth? Classmate: Sweet milk tea.

Let me be your mobile phone, so that you can hold me in your hand every day.

27, don't think you have a Ximen Qing face, you can pursue elder sister, elder sister is not Pan Jinlian.

28. Whether flirting with girls at school likes to catch braids.

29. The black photo is either on the tombstone or on the buckle head.

30, commitment is like grass your mother, what you say can't be done.

3 1. If it can't be amazing, it will be ugly.

32, provoke me Logger Vick, beat you up.

I have poor cancer and only money can cure me.

I'm not lazy, I just like doing nothing.

My mother always treats handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.

Classic domineering funny quotations

First, you see, there are always so many things that make you sad: full moon and full moon, joys and sorrows, impotence and premature ejaculation.

Second, people always make mistakes, otherwise the right path will be overcrowded.

I deeply hurt the person who loves me the most. At that moment, I heard his heartbreaking voice. It was not until I turned away that I found that it was actually myself who was heartbroken. ...

Fourth, don't mess with me! Believe it or not, I fanned you on the wall and couldn't take it off.

5. Accompany the chat and provide on-site service at night. (epitaph)

6. After marriage, men are like tablecloths, which only appear when eating.

Seven, you don't skin into the meat! 1. I won't let those who support me fall, and those who let me fall will never let them stand up.

Eight, when I was down and out, you were by my side; You were by my side when I was sick and injured; When I am frustrated in love, you are still by my side ... it's bad luck to be with you.

Nine, count the money and count the cramps in your hands until you wake up naturally!

X. "Is it tight?" "Never mind!" "Can you go in a little more?" "Be careful, it should work!" "Does it hurt?" "It doesn't hurt! It feels so cool! I want this pair.

The forest is so big that I can't find a hanged tree!

Twelve, finished, you also ignore me, I became a dog ignore ~ ~!

Thirteen, come and spoil me with a woman!

Fourteen, baby, you are coquettish, and you are creative. Posing in front of a man with a girlfriend all day is not sexy at all.

Fifteen, alongside the rich-robbing the rich to help the poor is the gentlest way.

Sixteen, it is said that the cowherd and the weaver girl are the most painful, only one day a year. I said they are actually the happiest! Who are you missing for 364 days?

Seventeen, people who are willing to stay and argue with you at ordinary times are the ones who really love you!

18. Breaking my word is my style. Betraying my loved ones is my present situation, and long life is my result.

Nineteen, girls are valuable, young women are more expensive, and if there are rich women, both can be thrown away.

Twenty, two pockets of clothes are called student clothes; Clothes with three pockets are called suits; Clothes that look like pockets are called Zhongshan suits; Clothes pockets are full. If they are not fashionable, they must be beggars.

21. The head teacher came into the classroom angrily and said to the students, I will put up with it if you call me Chinese Zhang, but why do you call the new teacher Fan, who teaches politics, a political prisoner?

Twenty-two, not bad! People are forced out.

Life is like: the deaf hear the dumb say that the blind see ghosts.

24. God saw that you were thirsty and created water. God saw that you were hungry and created rice; God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me; However, he also saw that there is no idiot in this world and created you by the way.

Twenty-five, I am not a casual person, I am not a casual person …

Twenty-six, Fa Lao said: Today is the Dragon Boat Festival. I invite you to eat zongzi, which is stuffed with human flesh. Come and see the mummy …

Twenty-seven, I'm glad to find twenty cents. Pick it up and see, it is "1992" money, "this money has expired."

On Valentine's Day, I turned around and found the phone number of a girl I secretly loved in middle school, and sent her a short message: If there is only one bowl of porridge, you should drink half a bowl first, and I will put the remaining half bowl in my arms to keep you warm ... A few minutes later, she replied with a short message: Who introduced you? 400 at a time and 700 at night.

Twenty-nine, you don't even know Beckham. What qualifications do you have to dare to talk to me about basketball! 24。 At the campus singer contest, the female judge commented on me: "You have great potential, but the only drawback is that you enter the climax too slowly-"

Thirty, spacewalking is so dangerous, everything is safe, but drinking milk is so safe!

Thirty-one, Boda profoundly and concisely summed up the essential elements of being an excellent woman and an excellent man!

When I love you, I am what you say. What do you say you are when I don't love you?

There are 33 wishes in life: one is to eat, the other is to sleep, and the third is to laugh.

Thirty-four years old, he is twenty-five, premature ejaculation.

35. We have some differences: she wants me to turn dung into gold, and I want her to treat gold as dung.

Classic domineering funny quotations II

1. One day, I put my mobile phone in flight mode and threw it out of the window, but it still broke all over the floor.

If you want me, just say so. It's hard to keep it in your heart.

3. "What is the cruelest lyric you have ever heard?" "Build our flesh and blood into our new Great Wall."

We are no longer children. It's not lollipops that can coax out the minimum roots.

5. Go out with the essence of Huoxiang Zhengqi! Trustworthy! !

6. A person's heart is full of grievances. More grievances and less temper will make you happier.

7. With values, no enterprise is called a white rabbit. After a company has more rabbits, it is a disaster.

8. Honesty is definitely not a kind of sales, let alone a profound and empty concept. This is a real detail that must be completed.

9. It is difficult to change culture, but it is not impossible.

10. Create a group and lend money to friends who use iphone online, so you don't have to bother looking for it.

1 1. Everyone is more than one meter tall. What's there to ask?

12. Teacher: Talk about your attitude towards idolatry. Me: Teacher, I think idolization is very good, at least it is not puppy love.

13. pee and go to bed!

14. Director, let the wolf eat a sheep. I feel sorry for that.

15. "If I were a zombie, I wouldn't eat your brain. Oh, I'm so touched ~ but why pinch it? " "Because you have no brain."

16. The electric fan is really man's best friend. As soon as I asked him if I was ugly, he shook me solemnly all night.

17. Swallow and Wei Zi were tied up in a secret room with tears in their eyes and obeyed the Queen's orders. \ \ \' Mammy hit me! \ \ \ \' Let Mammy wait for a while answer questions shyly.

18. "I just played chess with my friend, and he ate me very handsomely. What do you want to express? " "I am so handsome."

19. We are no longer children. More than one lollipop can fool at least two.

20. Public relations is a by-product, because it will spread gradually after you solve it. This is the best public relations.

2 1. Cultural implementation is the most critical.

22. I am not afraid of anything, I am afraid that cfo will be ceo.

23. Short-lived * * is worthless, only lasting * * is profitable.

24. Cleverness is the natural enemy of the wise. Fools speak with their mouths, wise men speak with their brains, and wise men speak with their hearts.

25. Being an enterprise is not being a chivalrous person.

26. Always think strongly of your opponent, even if he is weak, you should think strongly of him.

27. Charity must be implemented in the form of business plan, so that charity can go on for a long time.

28. The core issue is to formulate your products according to the market, and the key is to listen to the voice of customers.

29. Free is the most expensive thing in the world. So try not to drift. Wait until you have money to consider free.

30. The word "* * *" emphasizes not only the pursuit of results, but also the pursuit of process, both "selling" and "operating".

Girls' domineering and funny quotations

1, who the fuck is the world when I am sad?

2. My future is a dream. What's more, I still have insomnia at the moment.

Sometimes, your weakness will make some bitches push their luck.

I don't mind you lying to me. What I care about is that your lies can't fool me.

After an English listening class, the only thing you can understand is the first few words of Chinese.

6. If you forget how to move forward, think about why you came here in the first place.

7. You are lucky to be different from others. Don't change your characteristics.

8. Smile at each other after meeting. Did you find that smile was fake?

9. Although I shout what kind of life I live every day, I turn my head and still struggle for it.

10, you win, I will accompany you. You win, I will accompany you to make a comeback.

1 1, loneliness is not because there are no friends, but no one lives in your heart.

12, I'm afraid people who have never failed have never succeeded.

13, there are some things that we didn't understand when we were young, but we are no longer young when we know them.

14, you are the sunshine that appeared after I indulged in darkness for a long time, illuminating my whole planet.

15, the day you like is the most beautiful day; The right lifestyle is the best lifestyle.

16, I pretend not to love you, just like you pretend to still love me, which is a sad shame.

17 I like you. Not because I chose you, but because you chose me.

18, I'm so good that even my chest thinks I'm an A.

19, each class has a group of people. When the test papers are sent back, they will laugh when they see their friends' scores, but their relationship will always be the strongest.

20. I forgot to take medicine today, which scared my friends.

2 1, don't say a lifetime if you are not a lifetime.

22. If you love yourself, don't let yourself please the people you hate.

23. If no one stands in front of you to take a gun for you, be a hero yourself.

24, you just take care of the wonderful, God has his own arrangements.

25. Sisters are brothers and men are clothes. You hurt my brother, and I stripped you naked.

26. You have your society and I have my team.

I don't need you to satisfy my happiness.

I won't lose my pride and bow to anyone.

29. I must appear in your household registration book. I can't be your husband and your little father.

30. I must appear in your household registration book. If I am not your wife, I am your stepmother.

Girls' domineering and funny quotations II

1, put me in your memory and ignore others.

2. Warming a person is called a warm man, and warming a bunch of people is called a radiator.

I can give you enough face and slap your mouth!

4. Girls are often so arrogant as to call themselves Lao Zi, but no boys are so arrogant as to call themselves Lao Niang.

I really don't want to pay New Year greetings everywhere. The first sentence when we met was "Oh, I'm fat", and I can't refute it. After all, I came to eat your meal today.

6. Examination results can widen our distance, but they will never change the fact that I am more handsome than you.

7. If you never loved me, then either you go or I go.

8. When school starts, I want to talk coldly, walk coldly, do my homework steadily, go to bed early and attend classes coldly. Yes, I thought so last year.

9. Why should I insult you? Why should you make me feel innocent and sad?

10, it is said that beauty sleep is very important, and I think you need a hibernation.

1 1. Don't ask me why I didn't reply to your message. I am not cold, but my hands are cold.

12, I have horns, anger, poison and thorns. Don't come near me out of curiosity.

13, why kill on an onion? I still have a forest!

14, my sister's love never gives to those who deserve it. Everyone else, please get out of the way.

15, little me, wearing everything with secular eyes.

16, are you short of light bulbs on Valentine's Day? Sitting and eating without talking is super cute. I'll leave after eating. I can really take pictures, and I can retouch your photos. So can I.

17, if you delay, I'll kick you to the South Pole and waltz with penguins.

18, the newly bought washing powder doesn't work well. My mother complained while washing. If I could start over, I would choose Li Bai.

19, since you chose to run counter to me, don't look back.

20, breaking up is nothing, I can continue to love.

Cool and domineering classic funny quotations

Cool and domineering classic funny quotations

1, in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this sentence and the first two sentences. I finished ...

2. Look at beautiful women in the street. If you look up, you will appreciate them. If you look down, you will be a hooligan.

Money treats me like dirt, and I treat money like dirt! It's all dirt. Who's afraid of who?

4, lie on your back tonight, get up early tomorrow, lie prone tomorrow night, support the day after tomorrow ... exercise, sometimes it is as simple as that.

I know I am not a handsome guy, but someone saw my full moon photo and said that my left nostril was idolized.

6. Don't call children rabbits, because from a genetic point of view, it's not good for parents.

7. Real steamed bread is omnipotent. You can eat it when you are hungry. If you want to eat cake, pat the steamed bread flat; If you want to eat noodles, comb the steamed bread with a comb; If you want a hamburger, cut the steamed bread and eat it. ...

8. The man's inner beauty refers to the inside of the bra, not the heart.

9. But I read the so-called criteria for contemporary women to choose a spouse: having a car and a house, and both parents are dead. Depressed. I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a spouse: the family property is over 100 million yuan, the beauty is the best in the world, the goodness is gentle and sexy, and the father-in-law has terminal cancer. ...

10, my father asked me what I want in life. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

1 1. All the columns are well filled except one. The column of "relationship" should be filled with "mother-in-law" instead of "nervous"

12, I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to satisfy her.

13, life is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4000 yuan from me, saying that he was going to have plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he has become.

14, I think I should go to lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.

15. If marriage is the grave of love, then the annual wedding anniversary celebration is to sweep the grave.

16, a young lady walks at night, and there is a thief in Lu Yu: "Give me the money!" The young lady replied, "No, even if you force me, I won't give it!" " "The robber looked at the young lady carefully and said," You think it is beautiful! "

17, if happiness is a cloud, if pain is a star. Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li …

18, I forgot to scold you at ordinary times, and I didn't know that I was both civil and military until I hit you.

19, every day, I draw a circle on my calendar. It was not until Sunday that I discovered that my life was an ellipsis.

20. A lover will eventually become a house slave, and a house will eventually become a wife.

2 1, galvanized coffins are certainly more durable, but wooden coffins are good for health.

22. King Kong is a fool whose head is caught in the door; Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?

23, your complex facial features can't cover up your simple IQ!

24. Once a little girl said to me upstairs: Brother, you are so handsome! I immediately replied: not handsome, not handsome, just long.

25. Hee hee and Haha are a pair of good friends, very good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead.

26. The clearest sentence in CET-4 listening today: Now, please ask the invigilator to take out the tape and turn to side B to continue listening.

Beggar: Sister-in-law, I haven't eaten for two days. Can I have some cake? Sister-in-law: Cake? I only have rice here. Beggar: Forget it if it's normal, but today is my birthday!

28. A woman asked a man, "Do I look good?" The man said: You are like Mona Lisa's sister now. The woman said: Really? Who is her sister? The man said: Janet Martha.

29. It is said that sandstorms have blown to Taiwan Province Province. Many old people took to the streets, spread out their hands, looked up at the sky at 45 degrees, burst into tears, took a deep breath and said excitedly, 60 years, 60 years, and finally smelled the soil in their hometown.

30. My brother went to a primary school to play basketball and heard a junior girl ask a junior boy, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly, "My mother gives me money from 3 yuan every day, of which 2.5 yuan is for you to buy snacks.". Do you think I love you or not?

3 1, there is a chance to add clothes before me. I don't cherish it until I catch a cold. If God gives me another chance to start over, I will not hesitate to add all my clothes.

32. W: I want to find a boyfriend. M: Let me help you. "There is a good one in our dormitory." . Woman: Aren't you distressed that I am with him? . Man: Think too much? Don't worry, I have nothing to do with him.

Xiaoming asked his father to tell him a story. Dad said do you want to listen to the long one or the short one? Xiaoming: Dragon! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly that buzzed, buzzed, buzzed, buzzed, buzzed … Xiaoming: Dad, you'd better make a long story short! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly, hum, bang!

34. In order to attract business, Hot Pot City wrote the following sentence on the billboard: "Self-help hot pot, children under the height of 1 meter, 30 yuan is free for everyone." My aunt in kindergarten was very excited after reading it. With money from 30 yuan, she led 50 children in her class to Hotpot City.

35. A child asked a rich man, Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: I had nothing like you when I was a child. My father gave me an apple, so I sold it, bought two more apples with the money I earned, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child said thoughtfully, sir, I seem to understand. Mr. millionaire said, you know your sister. Later, when my father died, I inherited all his inheritance. "

36. A loyal party member died. God didn't want to accept the soul of an atheist in heaven, so he sent him to hell. A month later, the prince came sweating and said, "Take that man away quickly. He has trained almost all my children to be young pioneers! " God accepted it, and another month later, the prince gloated and asked God, "Where is party member?" "God said," First of all, please call me Comrade ... "

37. The leaders of China and the United States are more loyal than their bodyguards. The American leader ordered the bodyguard to jump from the 10 floor, and the bodyguard knelt down and said, "Come on, I still have family." . So the president of the United States gave in. The leader of China ordered the bodyguard to jump, but the bodyguard of China jumped without saying anything. The president of the United States quickly caught him in fear. China's bodyguard said, "Come on, I have a family.

38. Three men went to the woman to propose marriage. Parents: Tell me about their respective situations. A: I have 6.5438+million; B: I have a mansion worth 20 million; The woman's parents are very satisfied and ask C, what do you have at home? C: I have nothing except one child. Now the baby is in your daughter's belly. AB is speechless and left. This case tells us a simple truth. The core competitiveness is not money and houses, but people who have their own in key positions.

39. Once upon a time, there was a cucumber. She felt that there were too many pimples on her face, so she sliced it herself and applied it to her face.

40. Who does McDull secretly love? Answer: robot cat. Because "McDull advertising song"

4 1. When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone has a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I got to the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and the damn diligent little man was killed.

42, Christmas, every blue child who is not accompanied by an aluminum child can only tighten his collar at the corner in the cold wind, and hear the sad reminder in the wind that really resounds through the city ... "Single boy! ~ single boy! ~ single all the way! ~~~"

43. The most useless sentence in the world: 1. Police: Don't run! 2. National Football Team: Win! 3. Teacher: Students, don't sleep! Patient: Doctor, please be gentle! 5. female: no. 6. Parents: Stop it, son. 7. Criminals: I am wronged! 8. The sentence "Smoking is harmful to health" on the cigarette case is 10, and "God will bless you" is 1 1. I'm sorry when we broke up.

44. Xiaoming was not good at math and was transferred to a missionary school by his parents. Six months later, I got straight A's in math. Mother asked, "Is the nun teaching well? Is it a good textbook? Is it a prayer? " "Neither," Xiao Ming said. "On the first day of school, I saw a person nailed to the plus sign, and I knew ... they were serious."

45. KINOMOTO SAKURA said to Xiao Qiang, "I kicked you in the exam today. You have to show me." During the exam, Ruth kicked Xiao Qiang, and Xiao Qiang replied: Meow.

46. A sculpture was completed in the new building of a university: a girl held a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. Outside the school, students were publicly named, and as a result, many people's slogans coincided-reading is the best use!

47. The depreciation rate of women is alarming. It only takes one night to change from a' new' mother to an' old' woman.

48, the effect of contraception: unsuccessful, it will become a' person'.

49. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

50. The road we walked together and the promises we made together should be quiet after separation.