[Zhihu likes] How can you and your ex-boyfriend never get back together?

I tried my best to get him back from his new lover, but I regretted it.

The following is the real experience of a young lady in the group:

……

He said that once, there would be no mistress between him and me, and even if there was, it would be our daughter.

Once, he made a photo album of the tickets and round-trip tickets of the scenic spots we had been to together.

Once, he said he would break 999 hearts and make me a confession jar.

However, when I was still planning the future with him, he broke up with me and I was tired.

I always thought he wouldn't leave. I was dumbfounded. Four years of love, just break it? Is there anything I haven't done well enough? Can I change it?

Everything in the past comes to my mind. He is very kind to me. He used to hold me in his hand. He once tolerated all my little emotions, but ...

The sentence "You love me a thousand times, then I love you a thousand times." Just talking, right?

Looking back, I didn't take care of his emotions, and occasionally I did, but I didn't expect to be sentenced to death for it.

I want to get back together by all means. At first, he told me that he was getting along with friends, but the result became colder and colder. Until finally I passed out.

I still smell something unusual.

Sure enough, within two weeks, he was with another beautiful girl.

Further investigation, he and her various clues on social software. It turned out that before breaking up with me, two people had been dating for three months. It was officially announced, but I was kept in the dark!

Can you really cheat like this? Are you really so indifferent to my feelings?

No, I want to save him, I want to save him, I want to save his breath!

I'm starting to freak out. I usually find various recovery agencies and spend a lot of money. As they say, writing love letters should be sweet and coquettish ... then, eggs are useless.

I almost read all the saved posts in Zhihu, thinking about them day and night, and even summing them up on the way. Finally, I touched on some rules:

Yes, I called him, wrote a love letter and spoiled him in the early stage, all of which had side effects. The best way is to disconnect.

Why? When people talk to their new lover, my old love has only one function: to show his loyalty.

I later learned that he blackmailed me because his girlfriend was angry when she saw me sending him a message. He hacked me directly to please his girlfriend!

How hateful!

At that time, people were really delivered every day, and every afternoon was very good. I was caring and attentive, and people didn't answer a word. I really should say:

So don't sell yourself short! I don't need you at this time! The more rushed, the more rejected; The more you are rejected, the more you feel inferior!

At that time, I felt that I was not as good as his new lover, and even felt that I was not worthy of him!

It was not until one day that I looked in the mirror and saw that I had no intention of making up, was unkempt and faded like a lost dog, that I suddenly realized that I was once a proud person! How did I get myself into this! I don't want him like this, and I don't want him myself!

Disconnect! I don't want to appear in front of him like this again! Go heal yourself! Have fun and find him again! If it doesn't become beautiful, how can we get him back!

I used to be the princess in his hand, and I can't be rejected by him!

So I haven't contacted him since we broke up three weeks ago. Disappeared, clean!

I only had one belief at that time, and I couldn't let him see me like this.

Thanks to the girlfriends around me at that time, they encouraged me to take beautiful photos every day, buy them together at buy buy, and get drunk with me. Of course, now it seems that it was the stupidest time. It's really not worth getting drunk and having a bad headache in the morning for a man.

I also thank the sisters in the group for pressing my hand again and again to contact him.

Gradually, I also accepted the fact that he left. It is painful to lose someone who loves me, but he is not the only one for me. Men can find another one.

However, every night, I can't swallow a breath. I'm worse than his new lover! ?

Later, my weight dropped from 120 to 106.

I started doing what many people do when they break up:

He once said that if I did, I would read books and learn how to improve my emotional intelligence and get along with others.

He said I was immature, so I changed my dressing style, and even imitated his new love, with a mature charm!

At that time, I also signed up for many classes to learn these things.

But my heart is still empty, and I always feel that no matter how beautiful I am, I still don't deserve him. At the thought of meeting him, I was a little worried, afraid of being rejected by him again.

Later, I finally figured out what was wrong: I have been changing myself for him!

Yes, that's it. I have been chasing his approval, so I have been changing myself according to his requirements.

But no matter how beautiful I am, I can't change the status of beggars.

This is not what I want. I don't want to be a courtier. I want him back to get back together!

And if you want him to come back and get back together, you must be the one he can touch on tiptoe, the one who brings him freshness!

Let him see a different me, not the original enhanced version of me

So, I stopped thinking about his preferences and began to think about what I like and what kind of person I want to be.

Therefore, the focus of this stage is one word, break! Go back to your self-confidence and self-esteem and tell yourself that I am not that bad!

Accept the fact that he has gone, and let him go!

Don't chase after his approval, because it will definitely make you depressed forever, and think clearly about what you want! Then go, my little fairy daughter!

In the past, recycling agencies always told me to improve myself! He won't come back until he says he is getting better.

This statement makes me constantly find reasons for myself and constantly change myself according to his preferences. At the same time, I have always fantasized that one day, he will come back.

However, this is not right. When I want him back, my position is always very low.

I have been fantasizing about his coming back, but I am disappointed again and again.

This disappointment is eroding my confidence, as if telling me again and again that I can't!

This goes against my original intention in the first stage, to pull back my self-esteem and self-confidence. The more you want it, the less you can get it. This is Murphy's law in psychology. I have to say, psychology is amazing.

Later, when I stopped paying attention to his every move, no longer felt that he was the only one for me and no longer expected him to come back, my confidence began to slowly return.

Why did I get promoted? Is it to meet his requirements?

Don't!

We did it for ourselves! Let yourself live a good life, let yourself live a good life, let yourself live the thickness of others' three lives, instead of becoming a man's accessory as soon as you fall in love.

From then on, you can stop indulging in dependence and learn to be the master of life.

So, I signed up for yoga and swimming classes, from dry ducks to one kilometer twice a week. Yoga makes my body light, and my posture and temperament are better than I didn't know before!

I began to put all my energy into my work, and overtime became a very common thing. But I also found that I can control more when I concentrate on my work.

I started writing, from writing my own story to writing other people's stories, and my income was from sporadic to higher than my original work income. Since then, writing has become my second career.

Writing has forced me to read many professional books, thinking more and more deeply, and seeing problems in a few more latitudes than before.

That summer, I also took a long vacation and spent 26 days traveling to five Southeast Asian countries, which was completely free.

& lt picture title & gt I have also been to Japan once and talked with a doctor's sister about the network operation in Japan and Asia.

The journey made me think a lot. I recalled my past in this relationship. Did he really leave me because I was not good enough?

Just like the people in the comment area, someone is saying, why not promote himself when he is gone? What's the use of a promotion after a breakup?

At first, this question also puzzled me. Because if this problem is not solved, I will feel that no matter who I am with, I have a sense of panic about my feelings, for fear that my feelings will break because I am not good enough.

Yes, I could have been a little nicer to him and managed with my heart. But if I change myself for him, is that really the feeling I want?

If a relationship can't make me be myself all my life, aren't you tired?

Really healthy feelings are two-way and positive, and there is no way to maintain them by one person's management.

To put it bluntly, is it my fault that he cheated?

I once knelt down to save him from losing himself. Now I want to slap me at that time.

I began to appreciate everything in the past. If he doesn't leave, I may stop at 9: 00 to 5: 00. I may change from a junior migrant worker to a senior migrant worker step by step. I can't have a second income or a third income.

It is even more impossible to meet a group of girls who live very clearly, become their own masters like them, and make their own way.

And this kind of me is the one whose attraction and charm return!

Three months after breaking up, I once remembered that I had left my book with him, so I called him and asked him to mail it to me, or I could get it.

He said to mail it to me, so he added WeChat and sent him an address.

No more contact.

However, in my circle of friends, he gradually began to appear. Occasionally comment a few words.

This is a screenshot when he commented on my circle of friends last year.

My deer runs around. Hey! It's a little dark. Hey!

After all, I want him back so badly!

But on second thought, I was excited again: What am I excited about? Just a comment. What's so exciting?

At first, I was wondering how to reply to him.

Then the sisters in the group hit my head! : reply? This is just a statement. Is it necessary to reply? ! Ignore him!

Yeah, he's not coming back. I am so excited.

From then on, I was basically in a good mood before replying to one of his comments.

Slowly, I'm not so cold about him.

There are new suitors around. I don't feel it. Choose slowly.

I always remember,

My frame,

I am a screener;

I don't seek others' approval;

When the other person doesn't meet my requirements, I won't be around him.

Knock on the blackboard, these are the three familiar frameworks in our group! Very easy to use!

In addition, I don't want to use another relationship to heal, which is unfair to the newcomers and is not conducive to me to examine myself.

Later, my circle of friends was still running beautifully.

I find some small things in my life every day and send them to me. At first, I wanted to make myself happy. Later, I felt that I had the ability to discover beauty!

I will find the beauty in some small things in life and praise them sincerely, which makes me gain many new friends! Yes, it's an ability to find the good in each other.

I picked up the piano and painting and practiced cooking.

In short, my life is extremely full, every day is precious, and every minute is reluctant to waste!

I haven't watched TV series or played games for a long time. I spend all my time reading, writing and reviewing my fitness.

I'm completely different from the old me.

I have no urgent need for a relationship with him. I have many suitors around me, and I don't lack him.

Later, my life continued like this. The circle of friends has been updated according to my life.

My manuscript, books I read, my parties, places I have been to, I was lucky to find it.

Once after I sent photos of my trip, he contacted me on his own initiative.

At this time, it is already the fourth month of breaking up. When I saw the news, I suddenly had a feeling that I didn't like him.

Who do you think you are? What makes me think I should be like your video?

Those suitors around me have been invited many times, so I can take time to have dinner with them. His ex-boyfriend wants to video with me?

His face is so big!

So, I gorgeously ignored him.

But he seems to have a lot of perseverance and always wants to ask me out.

The little fairy's daughter is so busy that she doesn't even have time to hit the back of the head every day. How can she be free to accompany him? I might as well go swimming and have dinner with him.

But in my circle of friends, he danced desperately and was the first to like it almost every time. Occasionally, I will show a little injustice and feel how special I am.

Sorry, I don't want to wait.

Knocking on the blackboard: my predecessor has finally turned back. Don't be silly, he is very enthusiastic. He's just testing, whether you're still there, and whether you miss him. If you kneel as before, he will immediately think that you are in fall in price!

Only when you are different from before and find yourself is the most attractive.

So, don't be disturbed by him, remember, you have your own things to do!

Six months after breaking up, one day, he appeared downstairs with a big bouquet of roses in his hand.

I happened to see him when I came back from work.

He saw me coming and said to me, you finally came back. I have been waiting for you for two hours. Can you, can you listen to me for a second?

I think he has been wronged. Tell him patiently, what do you want to say?

He said, honey, I know you are hurt. I hurt you. I'm sorry I broke up with that woman a long time ago. I'm not suitable for her. More and more I find that I still love you. Can we get together again?

Do you know how I feel?

I really want to laugh! Love rat is always the same?

When it hurts me so much, can a bunch of flowers pass by?

Just, don't need a theory. I didn't ask for flowers. I simply said: It's over. Sorry, I have a boyfriend.

Yes, I turned him down directly, and there was no room at all.

Because I really despise him.

The hymn comment area questioned how I had so much energy to do so many things. Just like the sentence "Have you seen Los Angeles at four in the morning?" In the past year or two, I slept for six hours every day.

I have no time to play Tik Tok's plays and games. I divide my time by 15 minutes every day.

So, do you know the purpose of my writing this article?

As long as it can save a deeply hurt person and cheer them up and stop being confused, it is worthwhile for me to stay up late and write down this answer.

Thank you for meeting Sister Si and the sisters in the group, spending the darkest and most painful time with me, encouraging and warming each other. Their life is more exciting than mine, and I will continue to work hard to achieve a better life.

I believe I can meet better people.

This is the true story of a sister from Sister Si's side. I hope you can understand from this story:

Love yourself before you love others, so that you will not waste your life.

Many people in the comment area are telling lies and even making personal attacks. Actually, I don't care about this. The answer is to tell girls not to take love as everything.

Our women's lives don't have to revolve around men, but they can also have a heavy life resume, which has been wonderful for decades.

It is worthwhile to make even one person feel the following.

Over the years, Sister Si has saved countless women who committed suicide for love.

The moment I was abandoned, I really wanted to die There is really no point in living. How can I cheer up? ? www.zhihu.com

I read many stories about silly girls, just want to give them some warning.