How do parents communicate effectively with adolescent children?

Parents should learn some communication skills with adolescent children.

Listening is the best language for communication.

Communication is the best language when listening, but many of our parents often don't listen, because most parents don't listen to their parents when they are young, so parents don't listen to their children, which is the main reason why children don't listen. We like to educate our children in the traditional way, but today's children are not what we were yesterday.

Every time Xiao Jian talks with his parents, his parents always interrupt him before listening to him. They will even guess and fabricate many things that are not meant by Xiao Jian, and impose them on Xiao Jian at once, and then give suggestions on how to deal with them. Often at this time, Xiao Jian wanted to cry, and it was useless to explain. Therefore, Xiao Jian is often very upset about this. This situation has intensified recently. Xiao Jian felt that this family was becoming more and more strange to him, so he didn't want to go home after school and wandered around the community alone.

2. Respect is the secret of successful communication.

Adolescent children very much want to be respected by others, especially parents, teachers and classmates at home, but our parents always regard them as children who don't grow up, and they can feel at ease only when everything is arranged for them, thinking that children can suffer a lot less. In fact, children have not grown up as they expected.

I have consulted such a senior three boy, whose father is the boss of a private enterprise and has good economic conditions. The child is very clever, and he often takes the first place in the class in elementary school mathematics. In junior high school, in order to let children enjoy the best educational resources, the father transferred his son for many times and changed to three schools in the third year. All the decisions were made by the father alone, and the son's opposition to his father was completely ignored. The total score of my son's college entrance examination is only 170. He is becoming more and more introverted and doesn't talk to anyone. At this time, parents are really anxious to find psychological counseling.

With the deepening of the negotiation, the boy wrote this passage:

When I was a child, I was a very happy child. Although my family was not rich at that time, I was loved by everyone, happy and naive. I don't know when I started, I gradually changed, became silent, became realistic, became disappointed with reality, became disappointed with my family, and became less trusting. I began to be lonely, helpless, always lonely, afraid to contact others, because I was afraid of suddenly losing contact after becoming friends. This happened several times, because I listened to my parents and kept transferring schools. Although my parents made it for me, it has completely changed. In recent years, my life has been so depressed that sometimes my emotions get out of control, but I can't help it. I can't help it My heart is saturated and I can't bear it. I want to change, but I can't. At night alone, I just want to cry. ...

3. Help children clear Qian Qian's mind.

When children enter adolescence, they will have more troubles. They don't know what to do with it themselves. If parents can help their children untie Qian Qian's knot, they will be happy to communicate with you. If you help them become more and more confused, children will not have the desire to communicate with their parents on their own initiative.

One day, the psychological counselor came to a special high school girl. Her father said that her daughter hardly talks to her mother now, and she can barely communicate with him. The daughter's room is next to her parents' room, but she communicates with her father by SMS.

When she sat in front of me, her eyes were full of expectation. She slowly opened a notebook, and all the questions were presented to me, writing three pages. She said that these are problems that bother her every day. She thinks it's hard to be a man! Parents can't answer these questions, let alone solve them, so she doesn't want to communicate with them.

4. Moderately communicate some "taboo" topics with children.

Shanghai Family Planning Publicity and Education Center conducted an adolescent survey of 1700 junior and senior high school students in five schools in this city. Nearly 60% of middle school students express "letting nature take its course" in intimate communication with the opposite sex, which accounts for 89.32% of high school girls, many of whom have already had sex. The reasons for the attraction of the opposite sex in adolescence may be: physiological and emotional needs, the need to get rid of loneliness and depression, alleviating the pressure of study, satisfying the psychology of comparison and curiosity.

I question the word "puppy love" Children's emotional attachment to both sexes is a natural thing and the result of backwardness. "Puppy love" is an excuse that we adults impose on our children, and our love for our children is helpless and powerless to stop it. In fact, 63% students want classroom education to let them know about some physiological, psychological and emotional changes in adolescence, and don't hide their faces in education, so that children will pay a heavy price in exploration.

There is such a boss who is very smart, unique and effective in dealing with children's love problems. My son, a sophomore, began to fall in love, and my mother's nagging every day didn't work at all. One night at ten o'clock, the boss left the Audi car in the garage and let his son follow. Two tandem don't talk to each other, the air is a little nervous. After walking for nearly two hours, he came to a closed factory. The boss told his son about his years of hard work here, and his son was puzzled. The boss walked with his son for more than an hour, came to the listed company he is now running, and told his son about the pressure and responsibility of being a boss. At three o'clock in the morning, the two dragged their tired bodies home, and the boss let their son sleep. The next day, my son seemed to be a different person. His attitude towards his mother has improved and his academic performance has gradually improved. Now the child has been admitted to an ideal prestigious university and has a very good relationship with his girlfriend.

Our parents should make it clear to their children who are in love or about to fall in love that love is beautiful and responsible. If the child understands the concern between this feeling and the corresponding responsibility, I believe the child will treat it rationally.

5. Go into the heart to see the children's events.

One day, I walked into the counseling room and saw a girl crying. I look very distressed. Only after consulting did I know that the boys at the same table of girls often said that they could do nothing but study. It's really good that she made a series of mistakes in the exam recently, which ruined her chances of participating in the competition and walking. Parents think the boy's sentence is nothing, just ignore him, but the girl just can't get rid of it. That sentence has been stinging her heart and she feels a lot of pressure.

Small things that we adults think are often big things that adolescent children can't let go of, especially the views of peers, which children of this age care about. We must help them solve these major problems and try our best to solve them. Parents should put themselves in their children's shoes to understand and experience, so as to find the language of communication.

6. Starting from the heart can reach the deep heart.

The premise of communication is to let go of right and wrong. If parents can do this, they will first create an equal family communication atmosphere, and children will be willing to communicate. When communicating, you must be sincere and true, and communicate with people. Only the truth can move people, and communication with children is no exception.

7. Communication can't compare children with others.

Our parents always like to compare their children with others' children. Our starting point may be to stimulate children's learning enthusiasm and consciousness through comparison, but the result of comparison is often counterproductive-losing children's self-confidence and self-esteem.

Noel, an American poet, wrote a philosophical poem about the richest man: children who grow up picky learn to be harsh; Children who grow up in hostility learn to fight; Children who grow up in irony learn to be shy; Children who grow up in humiliation learn to feel guilty; Children who grow up in tolerance learn to be patient; Encourage growing children to learn to be confident; Children who grow up in praise learn to admire themselves; Children who grow up in fairness learn integrity; Support children to grow up and learn to trust; Children who grow up with identity learn to love themselves; Children who grow up in love learn to care.

Streams are no exception.

7. Communication can't compare children with others.

Our parents always like to compare their children with others' children. Our starting point may be to stimulate children's learning enthusiasm and consciousness through comparison, but the result of comparison is often counterproductive-losing children's self-confidence and self-esteem.

Noel, an American poet, wrote a philosophical poem about the richest man: children who grow up picky learn to be harsh; Children who grow up in hostility learn to fight; Children who grow up in irony learn to be shy; Children who grow up in humiliation learn to feel guilty; Children who grow up in tolerance learn to be patient; Encourage growing children to learn to be confident; Children who grow up in praise learn to admire themselves; Children who grow up in fairness learn integrity; Support children to grow up and learn to trust; Children who grow up with identity learn to love themselves; Children who grow up in love learn to care.