Super hilarious adult jokes

Jokes are expressed in a subtle way, making people smile in a funny way. Below are the super hilarious adult jokes I compiled for you, I hope you like them.

Appreciation of hilarious jokes for adults

1. In the past, a woman who wore less clothes was called coquettish. Nowadays, a woman who wore less clothes is called sexy. Women in the past were all virgins if they picked at random. ---Nowadays, if you want a virgin, you have to go to a kindergarten to find a woman. In the past, women could only have sex after they got married---Nowadays, women can have sex without falling in love.

2. In the past, when you gave birth to a son, you were overjoyed and looked forward to your own future. Now, when you give birth to a daughter, you are overjoyed and you are betting on the wealth of the whole family. In the past, college students were the pride of heaven and were superior to others wherever they went. Nowadays, college students are the cowards of heaven, and they bow their heads and pretend to be grandsons wherever they go.

3. In the morning, the Internet cafe just opened, and the service lady was mopping the floor. Xiao Ming is here. Xiao Ming: Can you get on now? Miss: You can get on after I finish taking off my clothes. Xiao Ming: Then let me take it off for you. Hurry up and let me get on. I’ll take off your lower body first. Come on! Lift your legs. ?

4. A nun and a monk lived next to each other. They couldn't bear their loneliness and dug a hole in the wall. Every night, the old monk put his penis into the hole and said, "The sun rises in the east." ", "Sunrise in the East"! The nun took off her pants and walked to the nurse to do it for a while. As time passed, the old monk's behavior was seen by the young monk, and the young monk also wanted to see what was inside. It happened that one day the old monk wanted to go down the mountain to practice Dharma, so he wanted to stay outside for a night and let the young monk look after the door at home. At night, the young monk, like the master, shouted at the entrance of the cave: "The sun rises in the east." He thought: There was still light, why did it turn dark? So he brought a candlestick, pulled out the candle, and inserted it into the hole. Go, only listen to the sound of "ah" inside, and there is nothing. The next day, when the old monk came back, he was unbearably lonely and called out to the entrance of the cave: "Sunrise in the East" There was no response, "Sunrise in the East" not yet In response, he called out again, "Sunrise in the East." He only heard the nun say, "B is injured," "B is injured?!" 5. A woman depressedly said to her female colleague: "I have to try my best to avoid this now." Pregnant!? The female colleague asked strangely: "To avoid pregnancy? Didn't your husband just have a vasectomy?" The woman replied in pain: "It's painful! This is why I must be very careful!"

< p>　6. A: Hahaha, I saw a joke that was so funny! B: What is it? Tell me about it! A: But it’s very pornographic. B: Just skip the yellow part! A: Skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, it’s over!

7. My husband went shopping with the female classmate he had a crush on. I met my wife face to face and just when I didn't know what to do, my wife actually said: We are a young couple going shopping. The husband was about to explain, but unexpectedly the female classmate leaned against him and replied with a peach blossom face: Well, yes, why didn’t your husband come with you? The wife said directly, my husband went to walk the dog?< /p>

8. Female: Do you like Japanese girls? Male: No. The woman slapped the man, and he was completely confused by the slap. You must all be able to see why she slapped him!

9. An old man and an old lady went to the public house together*** There was only one seat in the car. The old lady sat down. The old man stepped forward and asked the old lady: "How old are you this year?" The old lady replied: "Sixty-eight!" The old man happily said to the old lady: "Haha, I am seven. Thirteen! I’m older than you, please get up and give me a seat! Unexpectedly, the old lady smiled and said to the old man: Sorry, I’m pregnant, my second child!?

10. A The girl pointed to the newspaper and said to her boyfriend: "Look, look, the newspaper says that sperm donation will provide a subsidy of 300 yuan at a time." ?Male:?What do you want?Female:?If you can bear it, I want to buy a house within the year

11. A blind couple agreed on a secret code for sex, and the man said:?Play cards. ?The woman said: ?Start. ?The young man next door often heard cards being played and wondered how a blind man could play cards. So he peeped and saw that it was like this. One day, a young man sneaked into the blind man's house while he was out and said to the blind woman: "Play cards." ?The blind woman said: ?Start. ?So the two of them had sex. The young man has great abilities. At the climax, the blind woman repeatedly praised: "What a good card."

?At night, the blind man wanted to play cards with his wife again. The blind woman said: ?Didn’t you play once during the day? When the blind man heard this, he was anxious and angry, and exclaimed: ?No, someone stole the cards!?

12. After a ship crashed, a female passenger and ten male passengers drifted to a desert island. A month later, the woman committed suicide because she felt that what happened in the past month was too disgusting. After a month, they decided to bury her because they thought what had happened in the past month was so disgusting. After a month, they decided to dig her out because they thought what had happened in the past month was so disgusting. A month later, God resurrected the woman because he felt that what had happened in the past few months was so disgusting. Comment: What happened?

13. The car married the train, but they divorced soon after. When everyone asked why, Qi Qi said sadly: "He worries about me getting hit every day. As for me, I'm always worried about him cheating, haha." .

14. A certain warlord had a fourth concubine who liked to go to the temple to burn incense and worship Buddha. She often made seven or eight trips a month. When the warlord asked about it, he told him that it was for his future and health. Then he prayed to Buddha for blessing, and the warlord felt relieved. One day, the warlord suddenly had a whim and asked Xiao Luzi, the follower of the fourth concubine, what he did every time he went to the temple with his wife. Xiao Luzi said: "Tell the commander-in-chief that after the wife burns incense and worships the Buddha, she will follow her." The great master in the temple was eating in the Zen room. ?The warlord said: ?Oh! That must be Su Zhai. Xiao Luzi said mysteriously: "Tell me, the great master eats meat, and he only eats one soup and four dishes." The warlord was stunned and asked: "What one soup and four dishes?" Xiao Luzi said: "The young one waited too long once. Out of curiosity, he hid outside the Zen room and eavesdropped." At first I heard the master shouting "water", then I heard the sound of drinking soup, and then the lady started to shout "duck" duck. After a while, the lady said that the master's "chicken" was fat and big. After eating the chicken , the master kept shouting "roasted hooves", it seemed that he was eating pig's trotters, and then after a while, the master shouted to turn it over again, this time he was obviously eating "fish", otherwise why would he turn it over? The warlord was so angry that his face turned blue, but Xiao Luzi still didn't notice it and continued: "The dishes prepared by the master are so good and the portions are sufficient. Every time my wife eats, she shouts that it's great, it's great, it's great." She kept panting, saying that it was too much for her, and it was obviously because she was too full

15. The old wolf’s son asked his father what it meant to be burning with desire, and the old wolf told him tactfully. It means someone wants something. Once, there was no chalk in the Chinese class, and when the young female teacher happened to go to get it, the old wolf's son immediately stood up and said, "Teacher, I know you are burning with desire, so let me satisfy you~"

16. There was a new eunuch who was afraid that he would not be able to hear the emperor’s instructions when he fell asleep, and was afraid of delaying the good things of the emperor and the empress, so he hid under the bed on his own initiative. It was discovered the next morning. The emperor asked, "How long have you been under my bed, my servant?" The eunuch knelt down and replied, "To tell the emperor, my servant has been under the bed for the past five hours." "What did you hear?" At one o'clock in the morning, you and your empress were admiring paintings. "How do you say this?" Listen to you and my empress? Come and let me see your breasts.

17. Where is the second watch? "On the second watch, you seem to have fallen to the ground." "How can I say this." "Listen to the empress: Come up quickly!" Where is the third watch? You guys It's like eating crabs. How do you say this? I hear you saying: Spread your legs! What about the fourth watch? It seems that your mother-in-law is here on the fourth watch. How do you say this? The servant heard the empress shout loudly: Oh my god, oh my god! Where is the day before midnight? You and your queen are playing chess. How do you say this? The slave heard the empress say: One more shot, one more shot!

18. A big girl has a louse living in her armpit and a flea living in her vagina. They have been bounded by the navel for many years. We got along very well, but suddenly one day a flea came up very early to find the louse and said, "Lice, my brother is not good."

?The louse said: ?Brother Flea, what's wrong with you? Why did you rush here so early? The flea said: ?Don't mention it. Last night a mouse carried a baggage and got out of the hole. It got in and came out. It hurt me. Didn’t sleep all night?

19. The son asked his father: Why does it feel so comfortable during sex? The father said: It’s like picking your nose, of course it feels comfortable! The son asked again: Why do men work so hard? What? Dad said: Because when you pick your nose, what feels better is your nostrils, not your fingers. He then asked: Then why do women feel sad when they are raped? Dad said: If one day you are walking on the road and someone comes to pick your nostrils, Will you feel comfortable? He asked again: Why don't you have sex when you have your period? Dad said: If you have a nosebleed, will you still pick your nose? Finally, he asked: Why don't men like wearing condoms? Dad said. Say: Can you wear gloves to pick your nose?

20. A woman carried her baby to an obstetrics and gynecology department. The doctor asked the woman: Should the baby take breast milk or milk? Woman: Breast milk! Doctor: Please take off your clothes. Woman: Ah!? Why? Doctor: Please don’t be nervous, this is the obstetrics and gynecology department. The woman who would never infringe on you took off her shirt with hesitation. The doctor used his hands to touch up and down the woman's breasts, rubbing them on the left and right, and said to the woman : No wonder the baby is malnourished, you don’t have breast milk at all! Woman: Nonsense! Of course I don’t have breast milk; I am his aunt!

Super hilarious adult jokes

1. Preparations for the provincial conference have entered the sprint stage, and conference delegate badges have not yet been completed. Several female secretaries were busy stuffing the meeting delegate papers into plastic cards with openings on one side, and then plastic sealing them. The director walked over, picked up a piece of paper for conference delegates, and then took a plastic card, pointed it at the opening of the plastic card, but failed to insert it. The director said to the female secretary who was working on the plastic card: "Your mouth is so small, I can't get it in!" The female secretary replied: "Your thing is too big, you have to use scissors to cut it!" The whole room burst into laughter. . When the director saw that it really needed to be cut, he blushed and said hurriedly: "I'll cut it, I'll cut it!"

2. Me: If you smile so sweetly, it's not because your boyfriend has diabetes. Right? (wink) Girl: I don’t have a boyfriend. (thinking) Then he hit me with a smile?

3. One day, a boy went to a sexually transmitted disease clinic, so the boy named Guo took out his younger brother and showed it to the doctor. As a result, the doctor saw He was surprised for a while and said in surprise: "How come yours are all rolled up together!" So he shook his head and said: "I don't know how to treat, please ask someone else to do it!" As a result, one year later, Coincidentally, the two men met again in the toilet of a department store. The doctor curiously put his head over to see if his condition had improved, and it turned out that he was completely cured! The doctor asked the patient strangely: "How did you cure it?" The patient said :? Now I know that you should shake your urine after peeing, instead of squeezing it like squeezing dry clothes

4. A male colleague said: I once went to the countryside to educate rural women on contraception. Contraceptive pills should be One pill before the vagina and one pill after the vagina are effective. A woman came to them after her birth control failed and said it was ineffective. She was shocked and asked if she had taken the medicine as required. Answer: I put one in front of my house and one behind my house?

5. A pair of lovers went to register for marriage. ?Have you had a premarital check-up? Checked his house. The car is all gone. ?I mean go to the hospital. The young woman blushed and replied in a low voice: "I checked, it's a boy." ?

6. There are seven men and one woman living in a dormitory. One night, the woman was raped by one of the men. Because it is too dark, a woman cannot distinguish the man who raped her. A week later, the woman went to the police station to testify against the man. Policeman: How did you know it was him? Woman: I went to the sex clinic a week after seeing him. ?

7. ?My husband’s female penis said to her husband with some resentment, ?That day when you went out to move bricks, I was fucked by my father-in-law? The female dick's husband took a deep breath and said: "It doesn't matter, he is not my biological father." He was already a father when he married my mother. My biological father is my father, and I am my father. ?The diaosi husband took a puff of cigarette and then said:?In addition, your father is also a fake father. I am your father. ?After saying that, he gently stroked the female dick’s head, and infinite warmth enveloped the two of them.

8. One roommate was chatting with a friend. The friend said, "I am the only one in my family who is not married yet, and my grandma is worried." The second roommate replied, "Your grandma is anxious." It’s time to hold your grandson. ?The friend was speechless, ?I am the grandson, okay? . .

9. One day, my sister and I went to Hangzhou. We looked at the release pond in front of the Jing Temple. We saw a pond full of turtles swimming with only their heads exposed in the water. My sister was so excited that she exclaimed: "Wow, there are so many glans." !?I even fainted from laughing on the spot?

10. There was a sports meeting at school, and my sister sat on the grass to watch. At this time, a guy kindly borrowed a sun umbrella. When a mm saw it, she was overjoyed: "Hurry up, stick it behind me, stick it behind me!" Seeing GG's expression was different, he changed his words: "Hurry up and stick the sun umbrella behind me!" Everyone is upset?

11. When I was an undergraduate student, before taking the computer internship class, the girl who was in charge of managing the computer room asked our teacher (male) to borrow a screwdriver to dismantle a machine (in another room). As a result, we were on the computer room. When she was working, she stood at the door of the computer room and shouted to my teacher: Teacher, your thing is really hard to use!?

12. One day, when I brought my new laptop to work, a beautiful woman Colleagues came over to admire the machine. After looking at the machine and then the computer bag, she suddenly said: "Your foreskin is so soft!" While I was shocked and dumbfounded, she said again: "Let me open it and have a look." ?!

13. The general manager was taking a shower, but the female secretary rushed into the bathroom because she had important documents. The boss hurriedly covered his private parts with his hands, and the female secretary said: I will cover it for you while you review the documents! After a while, the female secretary exclaimed: Manager, hurry up and approve, I can’t cover it anymore!

14. At a literacy conference in rural areas, the teacher said: "One day is one day, one day is one day." A young man stood up and said: "Teacher, everyone can basically do it one day at a time, but it is too difficult to do it one day at a time!"< /p>

15. A woman said depressedly to her female colleague: "I have to try my best to avoid pregnancy now!" The female colleague asked strangely: "Avoid pregnancy? Didn't your husband just have a vasectomy?" The woman is in pain The answer was: It’s hard! That’s why I have to be very careful

16. My mother told me, my son, you are not young anymore, it’s time to have a child with your wife, so Only then can life be happy? I excused myself impatiently: "I'm too busy. I really don't have time." ?Not even for a minute? The biological father in the corner said silently.

17. An older unmarried man met an older unmarried woman in the park! The man immediately came up with a couplet: He has the power of an ox and has no land to cultivate. When the woman saw this, she wrote the following couplet: "I have occupied three feet of fertile land in vain, and no one will take care of it." ?An old man next to me made an impromptu comment: ?It's a shameful waste.

18. The nun took the priest’s car home at night. On the way, the lustful priest actually put his hand on the nun's snow-white thigh! The nun shyly asked the priest: "Do you remember what Article 1 of the Bible says?!" After hearing this, the priest blushed and took his hand away. After returning home, the priest hurriedly opened Article 129 of the Bible and saw that it read: "Go deeper and you will get great happiness!" After reading it, the priest shouted: "Oh God, unfamiliarity in business kills people!" /p>

19. The counselor organized our classmates who stayed in school to go out together and stay in a hotel on the mountain at night. Because boys are odd numbers, I asked for a room alone. It was really nice to stay in a hotel on the mountain. Outside the balcony It's nature. The only drawback is that there is no poultry service here, but there are three boxes of TT on the bedside table in the room. I was really busy, so I sat on the balcony to play TT in the middle of the night. After blowing a few, I went to sleep. I gave my room card to the counselor at noon. After the counselor checked out, everyone was about to leave when the damn intercom at the front desk of the lobby came with the voice of the cleaning aunt? Two boxes of TT were consumed in such and such a room. ?I was shocked. Why did the hotel still charge for TT? The whole class looked at me with very funny eyes. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to die. However, the counselor was very calm and took the initiative to pay. When I walked out of the door, the counselor asked me quietly where I found it. There were two boxes in this barren mountain. It was amazing. I'm really aggrieved. On the way back in the car, I received a text message from a girl in my class? Did you really get two messages in one night?

20. The Chinese Department of a certain university is giving a lecture on explaining Chinese characters, and today they are discussing the word "male". Professor Huang asked everyone a question: Why does the word "top" for a man mean "田"? Because men are responsible for farming!? Ah Hui answered.

?Very good? The professor nodded and continued to ask: Then why is there the word force in "below"? Ah Fang, please answer it. A Fang thought for a while, and then stammered: Can a man be called a man if he has no strength down there?

Humorous jokes for adults

1. A male corpse floated in the sea , face blurred. Can only be identified from the lower body. All the women in the village wanted to know if it was their man who went out to sea to fish. Woman A: ?Not my brother-in-law, nor my man!? Woman B: ?Not the village chief, nor the secretary? A young widow came forward, stared at the lower body of the male corpse for a long time, let out a long sigh, and said to The women waved their hands and said: Go back, you are not from our village!

2. Men have six looks: like a human being in normal times; like a thief when cheating; like a ghost when dating; and like a wolf when going to bed. Same; behave like a pig; behave like a cat in front of your lover? Women also have six looks: like a virgin in front of men; eat snacks like a mouse; fall in love and laugh like honey; go to bed like crazy; When you scream, it feels like you are dying; when you reach the climax, it feels like you are dying. Don’t laugh, and the same goes for you!

3. In junior high school, a certain bt in the class asked an innocent little girl an H riddle. What was the riddle? On the wedding night, name a historical figure. The answer is "Charlie I". Of course the little girl couldn't guess it, so she laughed wildly and proudly announced the answer. Unexpectedly, the little girl chased and chased the bt and asked: Why is it Charles I? Why? Can you explain it to me? I really don’t understand!?

4. Today, the leader asked a sharp question: When is Virgin Day? Seeing everyone's confusion, the leader added: We have repeatedly stressed that the scientific outlook on development requires the use of scientific methods to learn and think in order to cope with various problems. Question? Please remember that Virgin Day is on the month number! Because the difference between a virgin and a woman is only one day? Everyone was surprised, and then they all praised it in unison? The leader is wise!

5. Why has it come from ancient times? Today, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are always at odds? There are three reasons: First, the mother-in-law spends four or five years teaching her son how to put on pants, but the daughter-in-law can tell her son to take off his pants in less than five seconds; second, the mother-in-law uses her breasts to feed her son's life , but the daughter-in-law deceived her son for life with her milkless breasts; thirdly, when the son was tired for a day, the mother would watch her son fall asleep, but the daughter-in-law still let her son do push-ups on top of her at night?

6. Going on a business trip with a beautiful colleague , ran around all day to do business during the day, ate local snacks together in the evening, and went sightseeing at night. After returning to the hotel and just taking a shower, a beautiful colleague sent me a WeChat message saying that she had a sore back after a tiring day and asked me if I could go over and give her a squeeze on her back. I just turned off my phone. There are all these crazy people. You are not the only one running around all day. Why should you let others wait on you?

7. We went to the hotel late at the class reunion and drank until we finished booking the room. There was only one room left, and we had two classmates, a boy and a girl. The female classmate said: It’s okay to live with you, but don’t have any intentions towards me. The male student said: If you run naked across two streets, I’ll be your son. As a result, I listened to the neighbor next door at night: Son, please be gentle~

8. I have been quarreling with my girlfriend for the past two days, and I am in a cold war. When I asked my colleague if there was any way to get my girlfriend to ignore me, he said: "You go home and turn off the main water tap, drink up all the water in the water dispenser, unscrew the light bulb in the toilet, and install some in her computer." Virus. She will naturally start talking to you. ?So I went home and did it immediately. After my girlfriend came home, she found that everything in the house was broken, and she thought I was too poor. Now she insists on breaking up with me?

9. My wife is a very petite type, and she looks very small, basically. She was visually determined to be a junior high school student. When I brought her to see my dad for the first time, my dad stared at me and said, "You didn't get your child back until she was so old?"

10. I just returned to the army on vacation. , I kept talking about my partner at home! My mother called me in the evening, and my comrades were making trouble nearby, and they said to the phone: "Mom, hello?" My father called me right after, "You little bastard, Are you deliberately angry with me and your mother? If you bring a man back, see if I don’t give you a bad discount!? Me?