Humorous short message of husband and wife

1. Ask your husband: What should I do if I meet a female pervert?

Husband: How can I have such good luck? .....

2. Husband: "You are so hateful! Why don't you cut your hair short without consulting me? "

Wife: "Didn't you go bald without consulting me?"

3. Wife: Help me see if I broke my palm.

Dave: Don't look, you must have it!

Wife: What do you mean?

Husband: Otherwise, how could my life be ruined by you? !

Wife: You used to send me a bunch of roses every day. Why don't you even send one now

Husband: "I ask you, after a fisherman catches a fish, will he continue to feed it?"

5. The wife asked her husband: Do you like my gentleness and cuteness or my cleverness and beauty?

Husband: I like your sense of humor!

6. Under the starry sky on Tanabata, I asked my husband affectionately: If you are an Altair, what am I?

Husband without thinking: morning glory.

You are my heart, my liver, my 34, my intestine, my stomach, the rose in my heart, your mouth is like a banana, and your smile is like bread.

Dear: On this special day, I can only think of you silently and love you. I just want to tell you: I love you forever, and everything about you is affecting me.

Dear baby, Valentine's Day is coming. In this warm and romantic festival, I wish you eternal youth and sweet love. I love you!

10, I must make you the second happiest person in the world-because of you, I am already the happiest person!

1 1, the sky is not blue without you! Without your flowers, it is not gorgeous! Without your meal, it doesn't smell good! Sleep without you is not sweet! Honey, why don't you come back?

12. If you get my message, will you page me? The most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old with you. When we are too old to go anywhere, I still regard you as my treasure.

13, husband, husband, always work for the public. How many glasses of wine have I drunk, and I want to go home and relax! At least do it at will, my wife will miss you in minutes! ! !

14. The rooster and hen are husband and wife, and they are busy incubating chickens all day. Chickens are mentally ill. They don't eat, drink or rest. The rooster and hen are in a hurry, so they hide to see the chicken. Silly chickens are secretly looking at their mobile phones.

15, I think of your smile when I get up, and I smell you when I wash my face. You are my need before going to bed. Really can't leave you, my dear-monkey barrel!

16, the prospective son-in-law visits her parents-in-law. The prospective father-in-law: You must ... The prospective son-in-law is excited: I will take good care of her! The prospective father-in-law shook his head: I mean, you must take good care of yourself after marriage!

17, do you know why we are predestined friends? We knew each other as early as 1000 years ago. It was autumn, and you ran with me in the wind, leaving your teeth marks on me. This has become an eternal story. At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin.

18, husband and wife fight. Later, my husband gave in, stretched out his arm and said righteously, bite me if you are not angry! The wife said angrily, Bite you? I'm afraid of swine flu!

19, once I asked my mother what her previous occupation was. Where I came from, my mother simply solved another problem. Her answer: I have sold children before. You are too cute to sell. Keep it for yourself. . .

20. Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I'll call the police!

2 1. It's the first time a man sells popsicles in the market, and he is embarrassed to sell them. A man next to him was shouting: Popsicle seller, so he had to shout: Me too.

22. Due to the poor skills of traders, the first round was not in place, the second round was not in place, and the third round was not in place, but it was still not in place. At this time, the retail investor cried, holding the thigh of the chairman of the CSRC and saying, Brother, you confiscated my money! I don't want it. It's so fucking scary ...

23. One morning, my wife said to her husband in the mirror: You said that if you come back from work to cook and wash clothes every day, I would do nothing but go to work. The husband walked up to his wife, shook her arm and said, wife, wake up, wake up, it's getting late. Stop dreaming.

24. A woman wearing a miniskirt is followed by a silk thread. As soon as the woman stops the silk thread, she squats down to tie her shoelaces. Repeatedly, the woman is anxious: What are you doing? * * * Silk: Tie your shoelaces. The woman asked: Where did you get your slippers?

25. A man called the doctor: Doctor, my wife has been having a stomachache recently, like appendicitis. Doctor: I remember having your wife's cecum removed two years ago. I've never seen a man with two caecum. This humanity: haven't you heard that a man may have two wives?

26. A man and a woman had an affair, and her husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away, naked, walking in the street to watch. The man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: Cao, an alien with chicken feathers.

27. A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

28. Foreigners who have learned some Mandarin. Say hello to your secretary in the morning, will you? The young lady stared at him, and he was stunned. He immediately said to her, hello, mom!

29. In the blind date, Xiao Wang said: I am a very clean person! Unexpectedly, when the woman heard this, Jing flew into a rage and scolded, Then go find her. What do you have to do with me? Psycho.

30. I have a lot on my mind, and I am full of worries. I just put it into the sea. I have a word for a pig: the moon knows, you don't know, and the sea knows, so you are numb. My mobile phone is almost in arrears. Please charge the battery for me!

3 1. I dragged my husband for a walk at night and saw many people walking their dogs. My husband said, I have been thinking about it. What's the difference between me and a dog walker?

32. Colleagues had a dinner party and ordered braised fish. One side is finished, ready to eat the other side. A male colleague asked his sister paper to flip the fish together: Come on, let's flip it. I saw the sister paper say shyly, no, I like this posture. . .

33. Hearing the news that his wife was pregnant, the husband put on an apron and said, Great, go ahead, what would you like to eat? The wife moved, and the husband said: I used to cooperate with you to lose weight, and I put up with eating vegetables every day, but from today on, if you want to starve my children, I can be anxious with you.

34. I especially like a sister paper. One day, I finally managed to invite her to dinner. I was so nervous that I lost my appetite, but my sister paper had an excellent appetite and wolfed it down. At this time, Ben Diao wanted to seize the opportunity, so he pretended to be calm and asked her: Are you alone? Sister paper looked up at me: you are not alone! Then he left, leaving Ben floating in the wind and messy. . .

35. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Go home and hug the cat!

When we sleep, we both like to sleep outside the bed. Because the angle of watching TV is good, every day my husband will ask, sleep inside and sleep outside. One day, I blurted out and slept under it. My husband fell asleep in it.

37. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is blacker! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier.

38, half-hearted, guilty, single-minded, too tired, sincere is hard to find, insincere and disgusting, heartless and hateful, heartbroken and hateful, life is helpless, it is best to let nature take its course, I wish you happiness!

39. If a drop of water falls from the sky, it will be a tear I miss you; If two drops of water fall from the sky, it is that I love you and am ecstatic; If there are countless water drops in the sky, it is … stop dreaming, it's raining!

40. If there were no flowers, spring would be lonely. Without * * *, the four seasons would be mediocre. Without me, you will lose someone who cares about you the most! Without you, the rabbit will ask: Who should I race with? Make a girl happy.

4 1, life is just a box of instant noodles: jealous taste, hot and sour shredded pork noodles, sweet taste, tomato beef brisket noodles, angry taste, Chili fried beef noodles, what else is in your box?

42. The wife thinks that the meat bought by her husband is expensive. Husband: No matter how expensive it is, it is not as expensive as your meat! The wife is puzzled. Husband: You went to the gym to buy diet pills again. Spent more than two thousand yuan and lost less than three pounds! How much is a catty on average?

43. Wife: You can't go out to socialize if you stay at home reading and surfing the Internet all day? Husband: You used to like my honesty. Isn't it good to be an otaku? Wife: I'm talking about the mansion man, aren't you?

44. My boyfriend drove to the gas station to refuel, and his hat was blown away by the wind. He said to his girlfriend, you help me cheer, and I'll take off my hat. Just after her boyfriend ran away, she heard her girlfriend shouting behind her: Come on! Come on!

45. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him. The naked man was furious and shouted: * * * I have never seen a naked man! The female driver is also furious: I see where * * * pays!

46. The leader praised the chef: You are a good cook. The chef replied: everywhere, even turtles like to eat.

47. Two spoiled brats got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes!

Finishing: zhl20 16 12