The most appropriate joke in military training

1. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

2. A mental hospital heard that the leader would come to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the dean called the patients in the hospital for a meeting at the meeting.

The dean said: "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and all the people will meet them at the door. Zaihuan

When greeting, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate, standing neatly. As soon as I cough, everyone plays drums together.

Palm, the warmer the better; When I stamp my foot, I must stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready,

We can give you meat buns tonight. As long as one person screws up, everyone has no buns to eat. Remember.

have you finished? "The patients in the audience shouted together:" Remember! "

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the popular patient was already standing at the door.

At that time, with the cough of the hospital dean, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm. Visiting leaders

Infected by the warm atmosphere and with a smile on his face, he applauded and walked into the hospital with everyone. See the leader has entered the doctor.

When the hospital director stamped his foot, all the applause stopped and it was neat. Only this leader is still playing drums with a smile.

The dean felt very satisfied when he walked forward. Suddenly, a disease as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcome crowd.

The man strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face and shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed buns? ! ! ! "

3. A scientist went to the South Pole and met a group of penguins. He asked one of them, "What do you do every day?" Penguin said, "Eat, sleep and beat peas." Later, he met several penguins, and they all said, "Eat and sleep and fight peas." The scientist is very confused. Finally, he met a little penguin, very cute. He asked it, "What do you do every day, little friend?" The little penguin said, "Eat and sleep." The scientist was stupefied and immediately asked, "Why don't you hit peas?" The little penguin said, "Because I am a bean."

One day, Xiaohua said to her father, "I took a math exam today, and I can't solve a problem." "What's the problem?" "How much is three times seven? I thought about it for a long time. " "Did you finally figure it out?" "Anyway, I will get 15."

5. Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half a bag and throw up."

6. The head coaches of the football teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God burst into tears: I'll never see it again.

7. Lele went to the zoo one day to feed the monkeys ... threw peanuts to the monkeys ... but one monkey always put peanuts in his ass first ... and then took them out ... Lele felt sick and ran to ask the director ... why the monkey's behavior was so strange ... The director explained: because someone threw him a big peach last year ... the seeds of that big peach could not be discharged from his ass smoothly ... and he was killed.

8. There is a madhouse. One day, the dean wanted to see how many people had recovered. Ask the nurse to draw a door on the wall. I saw all the patients crashing into the wall crazily. The dean was disappointed. Suddenly he saw that only one patient was indifferent. The dean was very happy and ran to ask him, "don't you want to go out with them?" The patient replied, "these idiots, I have the key here!" " "

9. Colleagues were on a business trip, and local colleagues were hospitable. They hosted a banquet in characteristic hotel's private room that night. After sitting down, a dozen men and women have been chatting, and only one person is ordering. After ordering, I asked everyone's opinion: "The food is ready. Is there anything else to add? " In this case, in Beijing, we usually ask the young lady to quote the name of the dish she ordered. So a buddy in Beijing said, "Miss, report it." Miss saw his one eye, nothing happened. "Miss, report it!" Dude, it's a little urgent. Miss face flushed, still nothing happened. "What? Let you report that you didn't hear it? " Dude, it's really urgent. A female colleague hurriedly dozen circle field: "Miss, you should report one by one quickly, huh?" The young lady mumbled something and asked, "So, so ... is it okay to hold a woman instead of a man?" "poof!" A female colleague just took a long sip of tea and sprayed it all on the person in front. A dozen people laughed, and the young lady was at a loss.

10. The main course is served-roast leg of lamb, a big plate of meat bones and a plate of salt and pepper. A Beijing buddy loves this mouth so much that he grabbed a leg of lamb unceremoniously. Click is a bite, and he eats and drinks. The young lady looked at it and said, "Sir, this should be dipped." The elder brothers looked puzzled at the young lady and then at the local colleagues. A local colleague said, "It tastes better when dipped in it." The buddy then stood up with a leg of lamb and clicked again. The young lady hurried over and asked, "Do you need anything, sir?" "ah? No. ""Then please sit down and eat. " The buddy sat down and muttered, looking at everyone, lost. Carefully hold the leg of lamb to your mouth and take a careful bite. The young lady added, "Sir, you should dip this." Buddy stood up, waved a leg of lamb and shouted angrily, "How to eat standing and sitting?" ! ? "

1 1. The table is full and the leaders are here. The house was full of greetings. The lady next to the party is very beautiful, new, inexperienced and quite nervous. Everyone sat down, and someone called, "Miss, tea!" " Miss hurried forward and pointed her finger: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, * * * seven!" Everyone laughed, and the leader went on to say, "pour the tea!" " Miss busy "down" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7." Someone asked, "What are you counting?" The young lady hesitated and whispered, "I am a dog." Everyone was very angry and shouted, "Call your manager!" As soon as the manager came in, he put his hand down and asked with a smile, "What do you want to tell me?" The leader said, "Don't ask any more questions. Ask about the age of this young lady." The manager thought for a moment and answered according to his orders: "18 years old, a dog!" " "The leader smiled, and everyone laughed. It is not convenient for everyone to pursue the massive failure of leaders. Miss and manager are like falling into the clouds.

12. Rice and steamed bread fight in groups. If the rice is crowded, you should beat it when it is wrapped up, and let go of the steamed dumplings wrapped in sugar and meat. Zongzi was forced into the corner, and in desperation, she tore her clothes and shouted, "Look clearly, I am undercover!" " "

13. Just one week after going to work, Xiao Wu, who just put on his police uniform, decided to treat himself and go to the cinema to see a movie. There was a long queue to buy tickets, and Xiaowu breathed a sigh of relief and came to the end.

"New police, right?" Next to a person asked.

Small arms wonder, "how do you know?

"Well, how can an old policeman queue up to buy a ticket?"

"Oh." Xiao Wu understood, went straight to the ticket booth, handed in the money and said, "I'll buy a ticket."

"New police, right?" The man in the window smiled.

"How do you know?"

"How can an old policeman buy a ticket? Go inside. No one dares to stop him. "

"Oh." Xiaowu learned it again, but no one stopped him when he tried.

Entering the theater, Xiaowu went downstairs and took a seat casually. Before I could sit down, someone next to me asked, "New policeman?"

It's really weird. Xiaowu was puzzled, but his mouth was still hard: "Who said that!"

"Old policemen are watching movies upstairs, and new policemen like you are downstairs."

Xiao Wu went upstairs to have a look, didn't he? There are many policemen here.

Xiaowu picked a seat and sat down. Before long, the film began. A policeman next to him turned to look at him and said coldly, "New policeman, right?"

"How did you know I was a new policeman?"

"The old policeman didn't sit and watch movies as well as you did, just like me."

Xiaowu learned the way of an old policeman, put his feet up and put them around the necks of people in the front row. He felt much more comfortable and found some feelings of being a policeman.

Halfway through the movie, Xiao Wu was a little anxious and hurried to the bathroom. At the door of the bathroom, I was stopped by a staff member: "The new policeman?"

Xiao Wu also wondered: "I didn't write it on my forehead. How do you know? "

"The police are still here? People pee from upstairs to downstairs. You look like a new policeman. "

Xiao Wu was so ashamed that he almost threw someone to the police. He stood on the edge of the second floor, pulled out a guy and peed downstairs. ...

"Hey, it's the new policeman who pees upstairs!" Suddenly someone shouted downstairs.

"..." Xiao Wu bent down.

"You see, the old policeman is a lump of urine. How can a new policeman like you pour it on my head!"

"…? …￥#.*&…? …! @ & amp

Small five flushed, he quickly zipped up, turned around and sat down in his seat as if nothing had happened.

"New police, right?" A buddy next to me said.

"……"

"The old policeman didn't zip up quickly after urinating, and he wouldn't let the exposed guy scare the little MM for a while."

After watching the movie, I took a taxi home and took out a five-yuan bill to the driver. The driver looked at him with a big smile on his face: "Brother, the new policeman, the policeman doesn't have to pay for the ride."

Xiao Wu couldn't wait to find a gap and get into the ground. He really lost all the policemen.

When Xiaowu got off the bus, Xiaowu said, Thank you, Master! The taxi driver said, the new policeman? Old cops never say thank you! ! I'll treat you to dinner another day. Please forgive me for something in the future!

Small five said, that that? The master said, the new policeman? Old policemen are always beating their chests and beating their feet, inviting people to eat for themselves everywhere! !

Xiao Wu was depressed, so he found a young lady in a karaoke bar to warm himself up. After some groping, the young lady asked, "new policeman!" "

Xiaowu is a little dizzy. "What's the matter?"

"How can an old policeman be so polite? They are all bullies. "

After bowing to the young lady, Xiaowu decided not to embarrass the people's police, and walked away without paying the young lady's fee and the bar fee.

The boss turned to look at him and said, "New policeman?"

Xiaowu completely collapsed. He grabbed the boss by the neck and asked, "How can you see this?"

Boss: "The old policeman not only fights for nothing, but also collects protection money when he leaves!" " "

Xiao Wu thought, damn it! ! The new policeman is also a policeman!

So he said to the boss: Give me the protection money! ! !

The boss said: new policeman?

Small five: . .

Boss: The old policeman always asks us to deliver the fee to our door. How can we collect it in person?

Xiao Wu was humiliated by the boss of the karaoke bar and decided to show the dignity of the police and give the boss a little embarrassment.

Listening to the obscene sound coming from next door, Xiaowu kicked open the closed door and snapped at a naked man and woman inside: "Don't move, I'm a policeman!" " "

The woman sat up lazily, hugged the man, squinted at Xiao Wu and said, "The new policeman?"

The man also said, "He is a new policeman."

Xiaowu sharply asked the dog men and women, "How do you know that I am a new policeman?"

The woman pointed to the man around her and said, "How can an old policeman not know their director?"

Xiao Wu heard that the director turned and ran away, and ran into a man's arms when he went out. When he saw that he was a well-dressed gentleman, he quickly apologized. The man smiled. "New policeman?"

Xiaowu is about to explode. "Do you know?"

"I am the manager here, and the old police don't know me."

Xiao Wu hurried out of the karaoke room, and when he went out, he saw a man prying a bicycle under a street lamp. He ran to catch the man and then went back to the police station. The man glanced at "new policeman, right?"

"no! ! Come back with me! "

"Not yet, the old policeman doesn't care about this."

"What's the matter with the new police? The new police have a new image! "

"Oh, I heard that your director was a new policeman."

Xiao Wu drives a police car to a friend's house, which is very fast. Very pleasant. At the corner of the street, a cyclist suddenly appeared from the darkness. Xiao Wu couldn't step on the brakes, and with a bang, the bike flew out together. Xiao Wu hurriedly got off the bus and looked forward. The man's leg has been bleeding, and there is a big pool of blood on the ground.

Without further ado, Xiaowu picked up the man and walked to the car. The man snorted and asked Xiaowu, "Comrade, are you the new policeman?"

Xiao Wu wondered: Why did everyone ask me today if I was a new policeman? Did I hit an evil spirit today?

The man groaned, and then said, "No matter what hit him, the old policeman left with his flute.". It's not that you stopped to see me, which makes me so miserable now ... "Before he finished, the man fainted.

After Xiao Wu left the smoke beach with a cigarette in his mouth, he thought he had smoked in vain. He might as well find a place to change some money, so he went to a tobacco hotel

"The boss came to return these two cigarettes."

"How much do you want?"

Xiaowu thought about it, and he must not see that I am a new policeman: "One person has one thousand dollars."

Xiaowu put down his cigarette, took the money and left.

The boss said, "Are you the new policeman? Old policemen always take money without leaving cigarettes. "

Xiao Wu went home from the movie and went to the vegetable market to buy food. The vegetable seller asked, "New policeman?"

Xiao Wu asked, "How do you know?"

"The old policeman bought it himself, and we sent it. . . "

Xiaowu went to the public toilet again and got a big one. Just after washing the water, a friend next to him said coldly, "New policeman?"

Xiao Wu: "How do you all know your sufferings?" (Benshanjun accent) "Does the old policeman flush after taking a shit?"

Xiaowu went to the hair salon to wash his hair. Seeing that the shampoo girl is very beautiful, I want to ask if there is any special service. On second thought, he ordered the young lady to enter the room. Just wanted to leave after XX, the young lady said coldly, "Are you a new policeman?" "Small five dizzy:" Zha pulled again? " "How can an old policeman not work hard after XX? "

Xiaowu went to the hotel and called "chicken". As soon as the switchboard lady answered the phone, she said, "new policeman." Small five dizzy: "Zha pulled again? I haven't spoken yet. " "Come on, your deeds have been reprinted in the newspaper."

Xiao Wu came to a big hospital because his name was J and he got X disease. The doctor saw him and said, "New policeman, right?" Xiao Wu fainted this time: "What's the matter?" "The old policeman got sick and went to find a quack. How dare he come to a big hospital? "

Xiao Wu was still in bed, and the patient next to him asked, "Are you a new policeman?" Xiao Wumao: "How do you know?" The patient said, "where can an old policeman who is sick now be hospitalized?" Still looking for a lady! "

Xiaowu finally died of excessive sexual life. When he went to heaven, the angel asked, "You were a new policeman before you died, weren't you?" Xiao Wu: "How do you know Tony?"

"All the old policemen went to hell."

Six rows of six rows of infinite vitality, six rows of six rows of infinite charm!