Humorous classic sentences

1。 I hate two kinds of people most: one is racist and the other is black.

It should be a classic.

2。 When the millionaire drove past a village in a luxurious extended Lincoln, he saw two beggars pulling grass by the roadside and stopped immediately.

"Why do you eat grass?"

"We really have no money ..." A beggar replied.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house."

"I have a wife and two children at home ..." A beggar muttered.

"Call 1 and the rich man points to another beggar." And you, call your family, too. "

"My family has a large population. Besides my wife, there are five children. " Another beggar said.

"It doesn't matter, all call, go to 1.

In this way, two beggars and their families got on the bus, but fortunately it was an extended bus. On the way to exercise, a beggar's wife said gratefully, "Boss, it's very kind of you to invite even poor people like us to our home."

The millionaire replied, "Nothing, I just came back from abroad, and my house has been neglected.". The lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high and you can eat enough. "

Xiao Ming saw that someone bought a box of flat fruit and gave him a fruit knife. He said to the fruit seller, How thoughtful! The fruit buyer said, yes, it's rotten.

The 4-year-old boy kissed the 3-year-old girl, and the 3-year-old girl said, "You are responsible for me." The 4-year-old boy smiled and said, "Don't worry, we are not 1 and 2-year-old children."

My mobile phone is from Nokia, and the ringing function can't be set to vibrate when receiving short messages, which is very fatal, especially during exams.

On the eve of the final exam, most people have the answer. Of course, I know why they are not worried. Their mobile phone information can vibrate and receive information without anyone knowing. Unlike this unlucky Noah in my hand, the invigilator in the corridor can be summoned with a beep. The so-called people are not as good as the sky.

The final exam began, and the examination room of our class was arranged in the East Ladder Classroom. As soon as all mobile phones enter the examination room, the information index is zero immediately! Only my Nuojiya, the information index is still displayed as two squares. I quietly hinted that a few anxious friends around me should be calm and calm, and everything is under my control.

The first class is English, and we have arranged for the master to be in other examination rooms, saying that she will send the answers on her mobile phone as soon as she finishes. An hour after the exam, the "beep" in my pocket rang, and I suddenly felt refreshed. The distress message is coming! The text message for help came, and the deadly invigilator was also listening. I generously took out a portable alarm clock from another pocket and put it on the desk. The teacher came to ask me what happened. I pointed to the alarm clock. "Well, teacher, I lost my watch two days ago." This trick was learned from China's War of Liberation, and it is called "Don't fight an unprepared battle".

At the moment when the teacher turned around, the answers to 20 multiple-choice questions were copied out.

Less than 10 minutes, the mobile phone rang again. I pretended as if nothing had happened. When the teacher approached, I picked up the alarm clock and turned it on face to face. I took off the battery, unscrewed the back cover and took a look. Strange to say, why? It keeps ringing. Maybe it's broken? The teacher knocked on my desk to get my attention. There is still 1/3 blank in the multiple-choice questions on the paper. I guess I'll do it again.

As soon as the mobile phone rang this time, the invigilator's old lady got angry and ran towards me angrily. I didn't wait for her to come. I grabbed the alarm clock and slammed it on the table. "What a broken alarm clock! Endless! "When the old lady comes over, I will send the alarm clock directly." Teacher, please take the alarm clock away, or it will disturb the silence of the examination room too much. "The old lady breathed a sigh of relief, took the alarm clock and whispered," there are more than forty minutes. Please answer the questions well. "

At this time, my scrolls showed a bumper harvest, and I began to pass notes to my brothers and sisters around me. In the busy tone, the phone rang again! The teacher's eyes swept away here, and my cold sweat immediately came down! At this time, except a roll of toilet paper, I can't even touch the coins in my pocket. It was the same old lady who whispered a few words to another invigilator and got serious again. I used my quick wits, looked up at the people around me and asked, "Do you have an alarm clock, too?" The buddies around me are very cooperative and look innocent: "No", I wonder, "What's that noise?" The old lady came over and exclaimed, "Don't talk!" I took the opportunity to get up quickly and said that the teacher had handed in my paper.

In a few minutes, comrades came out one after another and gave each other high-fives outside the examination room, symbolizing the great success of the revolution. At this time, someone asked me, who sent the last message? I took out my mobile phone and looked at the information. Under the green background light, seven clear little black words: wrong answer! Don't copy!

I won't know until I work. An air-conditioned office is not as good as a noisy classroom.

Only after work did I know that love was a game in college, but now it is a transaction.

I won't know until I work. Sometimes it is a need to eat 1000 yuan for a meal.

Only after work do I know that students pretend to be rich, while real rich people pretend to be poor.

I didn't know until I worked that all the people dressed as chickens were students.

I won't know until I work. What I wear depends not on my taste, but on the occasion.

I didn't know until I worked. Now I draw a line at school.

I didn't know until I worked. Buying a house is also a lofty ideal.

I didn't know until I worked that the chances of becoming a social elite were the same as winning the lottery.

I won't know until I work. It turns out that the elimination of exploitation is just a legend.

Only when you work do you know that the price of self-reliance is to lose more freedom.

I won't know until I work. Computer people don't need a grade certificate at all. If you don't engage in computers, the grade certificates are all waste paper.

Only after work did I know that foreign companies in China use Chinese more.

I won't know until I work. The difference between graduate students and us is that they get 200 yuan more every month when they first join the work.

I won't know until I work. All certificates are stepping stones, and no one reads them when I knock.

I won't know until I work. People who are really good at English are self-taught after work.

Only after work did I know that the social status of school teachers is much higher than that of general business leaders.

I won't know until I work. Those engaged in human resources in China can only judge the authenticity of the diploma.

I didn't know until I worked that I went to college for nothing.

I won't know until I work. I can't have a job without going to college.

I won't know until I work. It turns out that most people just live to live.

Just sort out the jokes of the giants and publish them (I can easily score) and enjoy the good things.

Firefly was detained for hooliganism. Fireflies refused to accept: Who discharged? Who streaked? Who has an exhibitionist? I'm not allowed to order the toilet when it's dark?

A robber in new york, USA, said a wise saying when robbing a bank: "Don't move, money belongs to the country, and life is your own!"

An electrician walked into the operating room and said to a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask, hello! Listen, take a deep breath, I need a power outage for five minutes!

One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost!

A patient was lying in bed singing and began to sing face up. After a while, he sang on his back. The dean was puzzled and asked why. He replied: silly, it was side A just now, and now it is side B!

One day, a lion and a bear were in the orchard. . A few days later, the trees near Lion db are longer than those near Bear db. So the bear said a very philosophical sentence: lion shit is better than bear shit ~! ~!

I told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your health, but you always said meaningfully: It's warm, so I won't roll more dung balls. What shall I eat in winter? !

A group of thieves robbed a bank and were photographed. The thief said: Brother, our movie dream has finally come true! The boss angrily said, idiot! Why don't you use your brain? Put on the mask, who knows which wrist we are.

Four-year "trophy" exhibition in university canteen: (Chairman C)

(1) An earthworm, lying at the bottom of spinach soup, has turned white and swollen like a little finger;

(2) A ladybug, seven stars, I counted them carefully;

(3) Strawberry is a (good thing), but I don't know why it appears in the bean bag;

(4) I made a meat dish and saw a big piece of meat in it (as big as a mouse, everyone around me envied it). As a result, I turned it over and saw that it was half a pig's chest, black and hairy! ! !

(5) steamed bread, the first bite has not been eaten, and the second bite has been bitten;

(6) Tofu, after eating it for the first time, always goes to the canteen to steal a few bricks before each fight;

(7) Others: porridge can take a bath, rice can shoot birds, and steamed bread flies to Taiwan Province Island. ...

Summary: The canteen is a place that can always surprise us: Today, you think you have the most difficult food to swallow in the world, but tomorrow, you can always find yourself wrong.

My lover is a stunning beauty. One day she will marry me on a fire-breathing dinosaur, but I saw her riding a horse, but I didn't see its owner. ...

A buddy said gloomily, "* * *, I was rejected by MM!" " "

The other said, "You figured it out like this. After being rejected, MM's sisters told me. " The buddy next to him said, "You are so lucky. The news that I was rejected was transmitted to the boys' dormitory through the girls' dormitory, and then my buddy told me. "

The last one said, "Ah, bah, I saw the news that I was rejected on the' Top Ten Today' in our school BBS! ! "

In class, the two boys in the back row:

A: "I curse that your future girlfriend is from our Jiaotong University!" "

B: "I curse your future girlfriend in our class! ! ! "

Freshman: I found a bug and the whole bowl of rice fell down;

Sophomore: I found a bug and picked it out to continue eating;

Junior year: I found a bug and ate it like there was no bug;

Senior: I found no bugs, protested, how can I eat without bugs!

When I was in graduate school, I found a bug, sighing, it was too simple.

When I was reading my PhD, I found that there were only bugs, and I felt that the school food had improved. ...

God, there are six "Xiao Qiang" in 4 Liang rice! ! !

Gentle, I can no longer restrain my pent-up anger. In a huff, I came to the rice window and slammed a kilo of 820 iron lunch box on the windowsill. In an instant, the noisy canteen quieted down, and more than a thousand pairs of eyes stared at Master Liu, who was cooking, and calmly pushed out my lunch box: "How many times have I said that it takes seven cockroaches to change a bean bag!" Everyone turned over. ...

The last question in the professional course exam: Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote Newton. As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. It turns out that everyone wrote the name of the tutor ... X, what a world!

Yesterday morning, I was watching the scenery on the balcony, and I found a beautiful girl in the opposite girl's dormitory waving to me with a handkerchief, and I waved to her. Then she ran to another window and waved to me, and I waved to her; Then she left again, and I didn't realize it until she waved to me at the third window. It turned out that she was cleaning the window. ...

MM looked for Tsinghua and got lost. Fortunately, I met a gentle professor with some thick books in his arms. "Excuse me, how can I get to Tsinghua University?" The professor pondered for a while and said earnestly, "Study, you can only go to Tsinghua if you continue to study hard."

A student in Tsinghua squats in a corner of the zoo with a broken bottle every day to watch bears. His mother went to the hospital to ask if there was anything wrong with the child's nerves. The doctor said that to judge whether he is ill, we must start with knowing him. So the doctor took a bottle to see the bear every day, and the two of them squatted for a month without saying a word. Finally, one day, he said, "Excuse me, are you, are you going to throw sulfuric acid at the bear?"

The only girl in the department came to watch the basketball game. Suddenly, the MM skirt was blown by the strong wind, and the foreign boy shouted, "God, spring is missing!" " "The boy in the department said with a calm face," Please, this is dirty clothes! "

I saw another one that day:

When a man got married, he swore to God that he would be faithful to the marriage, but soon after the marriage, he cheated. After a few days, he found that there was no retribution, and he forgot.

Until one day, he was sailing by boat and was caught in a storm. He suddenly realized that this was God's punishment, so he quickly knelt down and prayed: Please forgive him for other innocent people.

At this moment, I heard a deep voice in the sky: Do you think I am free these years? Can I easily fill this boat? I ...