Please provide some talk show material (jokes)

During the break, I saw a classmate touching his abdomen with one hand, covering his forehead with the other, and closing his eyes like a thinker ... There was a math book on the desk ... I was curious at that time, so I looked at it carefully. Who knows that classmate said to me, "Brother, can I borrow a toilet paper?"

One night, I missed my boyfriend so much that my cell phone was turned off, so I sent a short message to his roommate. Me: Is my boyfriend there? The roommate replied: He fell asleep. Me: Oh, then do me a favor and slap him on the left and right face and say good night for me, okay? Soon, my boyfriend called me, and I was curious: First, why did you wake up? Boyfriend: My dormitory is very obedient and slapped me in the face. ...

My girlfriend went to school in Guangzhou and came back two days ago. She went to her house to play. On a whim, I cooked three dishes for her family at noon. That dish blackened me, but my kind uncle and aunt ate it anyway, and she encouraged me to ask for ok. I didn't finish eating, and I fed the leftover bibimbap to the dog at night. Soon my second-rate daughter-in-law asked her father, "How much did the dog eat?" The father-in-law said calmly, "The dog ... may not be hungry tonight." ...

Cousin 10 years old, one day I went shopping with her. Go to the vegetable market and ask how much is a catty of vegetables. My aunt said 2 yuan. Cousin's counter-offer is cheaper, 1.9. Aunt agreed and just weighed a catty. When paying, my cousin took out 2 yuan money and told my aunt to keep the change. I was just stupid. I forgot to take pictures at that time. I gave it to my aunt.

I met a joke at work today ... cut, cut, cut ... I'll give a manuscript to the manager. As a result, the manager was not here, so I asked my colleagues next to me. Idiot said: "the manager went to prostitute, and he didn't take me today." Fuck it. " Everyone in the office laughed wickedly at that time.