How do female civil servants correctly deal with hidden rules in the workplace?

A female netizen in Zhihu asked: After rejecting the hidden rules of officialdom, how should female civil servants stand in the company?

The following are four netizens' answers to this topic. Every answer has a different opinion. If you are experiencing this, I hope these answers can help you.

Ask questions:

Introduce yourself. I am a female, a civil servant in a third-tier city, 26 years old and unmarried. I am introverted. I don't know why, I was targeted by the head of the unit (department level). The unit organized a speech contest, harassed me frequently for this reason, and sent me a WeChat at night, saying that she missed me and so on.

I have to obey the rules. I didn't mind if he sent me some funny videos occasionally before. Later, it developed into sending some ambiguous WeChat every night. Later, I was really scared and ignored it. Now it is obvious that the atmosphere of the unit has changed. Some colleagues who used to kiss my ass are not enthusiastic about me now. I wonder what the leader told them.

In short, I feel uncomfortable at work. I don't think I did anything wrong, but the future is too difficult to estimate (promotion is too difficult). It's not enough to fire me, but I don't want to live such a mediocre life in the future! Ask comrades with mixed system to give directions! How can female civil servants advance without losing their self-esteem! Thank you!

The following are the answers of four netizens:

I clear voice way:

Let me tell two stories. Too big to say, afraid to check the water meter. Believe it or not, you can help yourself.

A mediocre-looking departmental cadre. A leader hinted many times and didn't take it. Later, I arranged business trips or went abroad three times and five times, with obvious intentions. Every time A finds an excuse to refuse, because of poor health, sudden injury, inconvenient movement and so on. Once there was no way, he simply deliberately wrote the wrong passport number, which led to a problem with a certain program and naturally escaped. Later, he was sent to a prefecture-level city, which was sent out and separated from his family, but he was also happy.

B, in his early 30 s, has worked hard for many years, and his colleagues get along well and have a good relationship. The husband has been away for a long time, and the direct leadership has been caring and attentive to him. They have repeatedly hinted that it is not easy for you to be a girl and you want to be a friend in life. It also means that you will care more about helping her in her career. After explicitly refusing, of course, I suffered a lot. Fortunately, she has a deep foundation and has maintained good relations with higher-level leaders for many years. Her image among leaders and colleagues is very positive. Leading colleagues at all levels know her very well, and believe that her professional level and character have a steelyard in every leading colleague's heart. So despite some minor troubles, it has no practical impact. At present, I have changed my position and got a promotion.

In fact, this is a typical trap, and it is a trap of breaking even:

First, after entering this circle for a few years, you will find that promotion is more often determined by some complicated resource exchange and background support, and no one can guarantee you. One promises one chest swelling, and many times there will be no result.

Secondly, there is really no windtight wall, good things don't go out, bad things spread thousands of miles, and crotch spreads faster than anything else. Once the reputation stinks, it becomes a peach joke and nothing can make up for it.

Third, one's family and lover will be greatly impacted, and tragedies of family breakdown, family separation and discredit will occur from time to time.

To sum up, even if you can take one or two more steps, what should you do next? After all, you'll be around for decades, and your family will stay with you all your life, so this is definitely a self-paid business.

As for how to stand on your feet, I'll give you four suggestions:

First, no desire is just. When you are motivated, I think you know what I mean. You don't have such great expectations. Maybe many things will be much easier and won't feel wronged. Besides, there are thousands of ways to make progress. Why confine yourself to the present world?

The second is to pretend to be confused and understand. In this circle, there are almost no confused people, and there is never a shortage of smart people, but the most powerful people are not those who are always smart and not confused, but those who pretend to understand. As I mentioned in the above example, the passport number must be wrong.

You can also act like a pig: I don't understand, what are you talking about?

Looking around, he;

No reply, slow reply;

Often sick, often no signal, often bad signal can not be received, the phone is disconnected;

Sleeping on weekends, too many things, too crazy to play with friends;

Too sleepy, too tired to sleep;

Have dinner with my boyfriend and the leader of his unit (suggesting that my boyfriend is a person within the system, usually within the system, and there will be some scruples, because I don't know the depth, and I don't know if I can afford it)

I don't know why I refused anyway. I just don't take it, but I'm sure I can't hit my face.

The third is the core point: constantly strengthen yourself and show your strength. The reason why he accosted you, to put it bluntly, was to bully you and think you are easy to bully. Usually a female colleague will say: She is too weak. The other party will say: this woman is not easy to mess with. Why?

Do your job well and let more leaders and colleagues know that your ability is no problem and your business is impeccable.

Maintain good relationship with other leaders. Talk to the leaders more and ask more questions about life confusion, work problems, literature and health care, mainly to deepen the impression and establish a good image.

In particular, it is necessary to get close to the leaders at the same level or higher levels and report more on their work, or write articles and work materials to report. If you get along well with leaders at the same level or higher, you will generally be safe. No one is stupid enough to invade other people's territory.

If you have the same hobbies, this is a good starting point. Even if men are not interested in the same thing, they will have a lot to talk to women.

Communicate with colleagues more and manage interpersonal relationships well. A good mass base is very important. Be generous and show your positive sunshine image. Word of mouth does spread.

Fourth, don't be a bad person. Everyone loves to pick up soft persimmons and should have a temper. It doesn't mean to swallow everything and not offend leading colleagues, such as unreasonable work arrangements, unreasonable people and poor work of subordinate units. You should express your dissatisfaction in time, and you should lose your temper, mainly to establish the image that you have a temper and are not easy to bully.

In short, you show that your life is very good, I have everything, there is no need to exchange anything;

First, there is no shortage of money and no need for materials;

Second, the business is strong. I don't need anyone to give me shelter. It doesn't matter whether you decide whether I will be promoted or not.

The third popularity is good; Leaders and colleagues know what kind of person I am. If you talk nonsense, others will not believe me, and the leaders will think you are puzzling.

Fourth, I have a temper. I respect you very much.

The bone that can't be chewed is a dog, so we have to give up.

Finally, I want to add one point in particular. Don't take the road of reporting unless you have to. Who likes to report the people they lead if they want to mix in this circle? At this point, no one will think that you have to, but that you are incompetent and a fool who can only do it. Never, never.

Dao Mingjun:

Tell two stories and talk about some opinions.

Story 1: In Na Yue that year, a group of new civil servants came to work. One of them is a woman, and her hometown belongs to one of the birthplaces of beauty in China. She is very beautiful (I seldom praise people for being beautiful), petite, with delicate facial features, especially with charming eyes. Many colleagues think that her eyes can charm many men. The news that a beautiful young woman came to work spread like wildfire. Next, some leaders changed their ways to take this beautiful woman to various dinners. According to the beauties at that time, there were no male tickets, so they had nothing to do in their spare time. Colleagues in the unit are willing to participate in dinner and KTV, so they quickly integrated into the unit, which of course attracted the jealousy of other female colleagues.

At first, this beautiful colleague and I were assigned to an office, and they were also my apprentices. Originally, she and I worked in the same room (there was another person), but later the leader arranged her in the office next door to me, which puzzled me.

Then the trouble of beauty came, and many unmarried men pursued her, not only in this unit, but also in another unit; What is even more annoying is that individual leaders are interested in her, and leaders hope to progress from inviting dinner to private dating. I thought she was simple, but I guess she will soon degenerate.

However, the fact is unexpected. This beautiful woman has a firm attitude and won't be a third party without talking about her boyfriend. Anything that interested her was rejected, and even many unmarried men were embarrassed. It seems that beauty is also poison, haha. What I didn't understand at that time was that some men had very good conditions. Why did this woman refuse? The point is that she doesn't have a male ticket.

Later, once, a friend met the woman who visited the leader in a luxurious residential area in the city center. It is said that she is related by blood, so it is difficult to tell whether it is true or false. However, it turned out that the woman was transferred from the township to the urban area after the probation period (there was no five-year service period at that time). Later, I married a man from Gao Fushuai. ...

Story 2: This story is told by a friend, but it is also true. Describe it briefly. Female civil servant, looks ordinary, but has a good figure. This woman got married soon after she was admitted to the civil service. The couple live in different places and have a general family background. The point is that this woman is very frank and vain. Because she lived a husband-and-wife life on weekends, she had other ideas over time.

A year after marriage, she got pregnant. When others congratulated her, she was just pregnant, but her husband divorced. Just when others thought it was incredible, something even more incredible happened. It didn't take her long to get married (divorced) with the head of the unit, which really surprised people. The child she is pregnant with is the supreme leader. Others judged that the man was forced to get married, perhaps thinking of the hidden rules but being led by the nose in turn. After marriage, the man immediately transferred the woman to another unit for the sake of avoiding employment.

After the two stories are finished, it is worth thinking about how to control herself in the workplace within the system as a female civil servant. Suggest three points:

First, if you enter the system to stabilize your job, I suggest you don't forget your original intention, and don't lose yourself by a temporary desire, otherwise there is no turning back. Some people are immersed in a big dye vat and their ambitions are getting bigger and bigger. In order to get promoted, it is inevitable to be drowned voluntarily. At present, the discipline inspection department is still lenient. Generally speaking, women who commit adultery will not publish the list to the public, nor will they inform their families of the case. However, there is a list in them. If it involves promotion, ask the Commission for Discipline Inspection, and the people on the list will definitely be affected. It is estimated that these adultery affairs will be handled together in the future.

Second, no one will be your leader and iron-fisted official all his life. Don't treat those leaders as "gods". If the other party has hidden rules, we must resolutely refuse. Of course, the way to refuse can save face for the other party, unless it is bad in nature, it will not be torn. For example, once the other person wants to ask you out alone, he should find reasons to refuse and continue to refuse the second date. If the shameless person asks you out for the third time, he will continue to refuse. Just three things, so don't feel offended or embarrassed. Don't do anything, don't bow to arrogance, especially in the current high pressure situation, you don't have to be afraid of anyone at all.

Third, after work, manage your family well, instead of focusing on the unit all day and taking the leader as the father. Only when a person's family is well managed can he win in life.

Qin Chuge:

My suggestion is simple:

First, I am the same as many answers and suggestions. If I meet such a leader unfortunately, I don't want to be exposed. In areas and units with bad political ecology, doing so is tantamount to ruining my future career. Of course, this is not to persuade the subject to appease compromise and submit to humiliation.

Second, the leader is still a man after all. In view of his status, it is the best way for him to "predict what he can't do, and then retreat after knowing the difficulties". The following parts are all out of my advice to a female civil servant friend who is troubled by this problem like you. She used to work in the confidential department and often submitted documents. Before the eight regulations came out, she also worked in the reception section of the general office, and accompanied the leaders to participate in official entertainment more often.

1. In any case, after entering the office, leave the door open, but don't close it.

If you receive an ambiguous message, you should reply to it as much as possible. You are very tired from work today, please pay more attention to rest. "Thank you for your concern for me. I will definitely turn your concern into the driving force of my work. " Wait for these tai chi methods to reply. Don't reply to any messages after 10 in the evening. I told the leader yesterday that I would go to bed early in the future.

3. Accompany the leaders for entertainment in the evening. Upon arrival, you can leave your seat and wait in the waiting area outside the box. Don't just sit there. I believe that the subject's age will not be middle, and it doesn't matter whether there is a scene or not. If the leader really uses drunkenness to send text messages or other behaviors, he will look concerned and say, "Are you a little uncomfortable after drinking?" Hurry back and rest. "

Avoid all contact between two people except work when traveling, and all the excuses for refusing are-physical discomfort and stomachache.

If there is some physical contact, such as patting the shoulder and waist, don't have an attack. You can pretend to be scared and hit a little.

6. In the face of the situation that you are required to meet alone, you will be rejected on the grounds of agreeing to your elders' blind date, wedding anniversary, husband's birthday, mother-in-law's birthday, and father-in-law's birthday. That means you care about your family.

I can't remember the rest for the time being. I'll add it when I think about it. In short, the above practices can basically be done, leaving no room, breaking thinking, not hurting self-esteem and not compressing the soft environment in the workplace. In the face of such soft nails, most people basically quit, let alone more proud leaders. The leader certainly knows that you are shirking, but what can you do?

What seems weak can be face and attitude, but not character and position. Finally, I hope the subject is a person with a strong heart. No matter how bad the environment is, you just need to know that in a unit, you will definitely get rid of it when you are young. What you are facing is just an experience you don't want to encounter in your career.

Grassroots civil servants:

As a female civil servant who has worked for more than ten years, I want to talk about my views.

I don't agree with the suggestion that the subject report. Since the subject refused, that is to say, nothing happened, then what did you report? Report him for sending you inappropriate information? Unless it causes adverse effects, it is possible to have substantial punishment for him, that is, public opinion (refer to the recruitment incident of Hainan Airlines). In order to report him, he put himself in the whirlpool of public opinion. Do you want to be an online celebrity? The pressure of public opinion is no less than that of you now Besides, do you think that just posting a post on the Internet can make you angry? Without big V forwarding, the media will follow these standards. Can it be popular?

Reporting is a matter of killing one thousand enemies, so we have to do it. Therefore, in order to grasp conclusive evidence and grasp his illegal and criminal behavior, you must seal your throat with a sword. Only in this way can we have a weak chance of winning. Don't go to war by yourself, you only make him half dead, and you yourself become cannon fodder. Larger foe is not our ultimate goal. The main problem is to satisfy both sides.

Let's talk about countermeasures first, in short. First, don't be afraid; Second, if he is your direct leader and holds the power of life and death and realizes that he is harmful to you, then try to leave. Of course, he may leave before you, so there is no need to spend time with him. I have no time.

Tell me again why.

Many people doubt the truth of this question, so do I, but this topic is also worth discussing. It is not non-existent for women to get ahead through hidden rules, but the risk is too great and the uncertainty of income is too high.

You know all the risks. In case he is investigated, you will be the first person he recruits. Why? He doesn't know what the commission for discipline inspection has found. Of course, he vomited bit by bit, and first began to vomit the lightest plot, that is adultery. How to punish adultery? It is very important to stay in the party for observation. Of course, he won't spit out his bribery of hundreds of millions from the beginning.

There are two aspects of income uncertainty. First, paying may not be rewarded, but you paid and his promise to you was not fulfilled. What can you do with him? Second, the disturbing things between you and him are well known, and you, perhaps only raised one and a half levels, want to change leadership, and dare not use you to avoid suspicion. Don't think that others won't know that the people around you are sharp-eyed.

There are many hidden rules, and those who have done business once or twice may only be prostitutes. Only those who have not kept proper relationship for a long time can be called mistresses. The real beneficiary may be Xiao San. After all, everyone is not a fool.

Even if you do meet a "good leader" who is willing to cover for you once, you should consider whether it is good or bad for you in the longer term. After all, he won't protect you forever. Of course, you can find a "good leader" to protect you everywhere, but the risks are superimposed. If you are capable and willing to make a whore, I will not stop you.

Besides, routines are obviously implied by direct text messages and belong to the lowest and most tasteless. First, he is not afraid of being caught by others. He sent so much evidence on WeChat, which shows that this person is bold and stupid. This kind of person will be like this in other aspects besides being a womanizer, so he is more likely to have financial problems and be caught because he is not prepared and not too careful. The second is the grass beside the nest, which is blatant. In fact, I have seen such people many years ago, but in recent years, under this high-pressure situation, such people have converged a lot and rarely become so rampant. But it can't be said that there is no one at all. He dared to commit crimes against the wind, and the risk factor increased geometrically. Third, although he may not be bad for you, it is enough that you don't promote you. Of course, he will leave one day, but can you afford it? Let's find a chance to go.

Higher levels don't pick up girls like that at all. With the contact information, he may send you a message to share the spirit of an important speech, or share his arty works such as articles, photography and calligraphy, and shape a refined leader. It looks like a mass email, but it doesn't seem to be. Then the little girl began to think, alas, the leader actually talked to me, which is very close to the people. He really remembers me. Is this mass mailing? Still have feelings for me? Can we become friends who have forgotten the past year? Then he is waiting for you to get up the courage to find him, and whoever wants to take the bait will take the bait. How can he expose his animal purpose so bluntly? Those in the back are old men coaxing little girls. You ask an old man how to coax a little girl? This is another question. In fact, it means taking you to places you have never been, giving you things you don't have and telling you things you don't know. In fact, when you grow up to be an old woman, you can go to all these places, and you will have all these things, even you know about going to Zhihu. But if you insist on "happiness thirty years earlier", I won't stop you.

Whether it is a low-ranking leader or a high-ranking leader, as long as you have no intention, that is, you don't have to be afraid of anything. It is normal for government agencies, state-owned enterprises, foreign enterprises and private enterprises to encounter such a situation. After all, we can't ask everyone to feel ashamed. But the little girl should be calm, there is no need to panic. This is a big event, and there are many roads. Adhere to one principle: play dumb and don't understand, there is no need to play hardball. There's nothing he can do about you, especially your high-ranking leader. He's just casting a net. As long as you have no further meaning, he doesn't remember you at all.

Whenever you have the slightest idea of taking advantage, you lose, and finally you lose. For example, I want to chat with him, become an old friend, or even be ambiguous, and want to get some benefits in the future. It's childish to think so. He has given you such a hint. He has a strong purpose, and he wants to take advantage of it if he can't achieve it. I'm not here to make friends with you, okay? He is not short of friends. Originally, he hinted that it would be nothing if you didn't take it. You have an affair with him, but in the end you won't give in and want to take advantage. Do you think he is a fool? If you are angry, you will know that you are wrong.

If you really appreciate the leader of the opposite sex who wants to make friends with you, it will never give you an ambiguous feeling. It must be aboveboard, and even he will properly avoid suspicion and grasp the discretion. For example, I don't eat alone with you. Apart from talking about work and simply greeting my family, I never talk about feelings, only in the office, and I don't talk about private affairs on WeChat after work. Even private dinners are attended by many friends, even family members of both sides. This is a kind of etiquette and a normal relationship between superiors and subordinates. It is normal to avoid suspicion properly, and you should be vigilant if you are not afraid. People in this industry are very concerned about their personal image. As leaders, they especially cherish feathers. Even if it is aboveboard, I don't want others to make irresponsible remarks, so I will still pay great attention to avoiding it. A private meeting alone is a signal. Even if you really appreciate it and want to talk to you about past lives, can't you find a friend to accompany you? Do we have to meet alone?

I've been working for more than ten years, and I've never met such an invitation from the leader of Wobian Grass. Don't be afraid if you are the leader of another unit or a higher level unit. He can't do anything to you. Because it costs money to hurt a person, and he hurts you across a mountain. Is he that stupid? And it is easy for others to guess why he did it, and he will have scruples. It's not so easy for a direct leader to hurt you.

I work at the county level, which is the most common kind. Absolutely unpleasant, but not the slowest. Not surprisingly, I will be able to mix a place pair place in my life. It's not impossible to be lucky, it's just a little difficult. The possibility of deputy or above is negative. At the grassroots level, this is the ceiling, so I can't help it. Therefore, I also advise young people that if they have lofty goals, they should be admitted to institutions above the provincial level, especially core departments. I have no background, no hidden rules, and I groped it out step by step. I have been frustrated for a long time, suffered a lot, not the best, but my ability is not very bad. After working for more than ten years, I feel that I have just entered the door and gradually understand some doorways. Maybe my understanding is low and my growth is slow.

In fact, after a few years, you will know what you can mix in this circle in your life. If you accept the result, what's your hurry? Just wait with peace of mind. If you are not satisfied with this result, find another way out. Everyone has his own way, so it's ok to take exams, and it's not bad to go out and make a break. Don't think that you have no way out, as long as you persist in accumulating your own abilities, the road is wide. I thought about quitting last year. A middle-aged woman also got an offer for middle management positions in a Fortune 500 company and a private boss company. What are young people afraid of?

What should a person who doesn't want to kiss up and be a little eunuch, but wants to be a mayor? Well, it's good for you. I really don't know how to be a mayor, and I know a little about how to be a section chief. First of all, you have to be talented. This is a broad sense, not just talent, but your value to the leader. For example, you are good at writing poems, and you have published poems, which are even very popular, but if your talents are not translated into value for leaders, I think you may not be appreciated. And this value must be universal, not to say that this leader especially likes you, and that leader especially hates you. This avoids "following the leader", which is also a risky thing. This is another topic, so I won't elaborate here. You get the appreciation of some leaders, don't these leaders become your relationship? This relationship is equivalent exchange. Do you think knowing each other can be called love? What you did for him was your exchange. If you don't do much for him because you are his subordinate, can you establish a relationship between you? What makes you? I have experienced four leaders, two men and two women. Everyone likes me, but some are willing to help others, some are unwilling to help others, some can help others, and some are unable to help others. As long as a leader is capable and willing to help you, you can make progress.

It's more or less like watching the weather, but this industry is a bit like this, isn't it? But only if you are appreciated by others. If you don't want to kiss up and eat and drink with you, you can only work, but if you don't work hard, your value will be highlighted. You have to do this. The leader gave you this job, and he was very relieved, worry-free and dignified. How can I put it? Being able to complete the task beyond the expectation of the leader can give him a satisfactory result without his supervision and worry. Not only does he not go wrong, but he always takes the first place in his peer units, and his superiors often praise him for his good work. There is also a condition that everything you do is highly valued by him or his political achievements. Is it easy to lead like this? Do you like such subordinates very much? When my conscience finds out, I will also think that this comrade is good, has done a lot of work and contributed to my political achievements. I must help him when I have the chance. But to be a man, you must have principles. Did you break the law about what the leader asked you to do? I won't do it, and I won't stop you if you do it.

Actually, nothing I say is useless. Those who want to accept the unspoken rules will still go, and those who want to break the law will still go. Because you didn't realize that idea, in fact you didn't listen to me. Some words, people have to be mature enough, or have not experienced anything, to understand. The reason seems simple, and everyone knows it. The key is whether you really feel it. For example, a leader told me a long time ago that "one step is slow, one step is slow". If it weren't for my nine-year experience as a section chief as a minor subject, I wouldn't have understood this sentence so deeply and I wouldn't be deeply afraid of this loneliness. Later, many good opportunities I faced were missed because of the nine-year delay, so this sentence can hit my heart directly. Of course, it is precisely because of these nine years of training that I have tasted the taste of workplace life.

Article source: Zhihu