Cold joke. collect

1. Why does the silkworm baby have money? = => Because it will cocoon (frugal)

2. Why didn't the white rabbit marry the zebra? = => Because mother rabbit says tattoos are not good children.

3. When will X be unified? = => When buying instant noodles (unified instant noodles)

4. What line does the monkey dislike? = => parallel lines (because they don't intersect)

5. Chocolate and tomatoes fight. Why does chocolate win? = => Because of chocolate bars.

6. What happens when sharks eat mung beans? = => turned into green bean paste.

7. After the match burned, it went to the hospital. What has it become? = => Cotton swab

8. How did Lin Daiyu die? = => Fall to death (a sister Lin fell from the sky)

9. A pig smashed a dish after saying "Come on"? = => Chocolate

10. The potato stabbed the steamed stuffed bun with a deadly knife. What happened? = => has become a bean paste (killing) bag.

1 1. What animals like to stick on the wall? = => Seal (newspaper)

12. Why do foxes often fall down? = => Because foxes are cunning (slippery)

13.4 people are playing mahjong in the house. Why did the police come and take away five people = => Because the people they played were called "Mahjong".

14. When do you like soda? = => When you are lonely (when you are lonely, you will want soda)

15. An egg goes to the teahouse for tea. What happened afterwards? = => It turned out to be a tea egg.

16. There is a male deer. He walks faster and faster. What happened in the end? = => It became an expressway.

17. One day Mung Bean committed suicide and jumped from the fifth floor, bleeding a lot. What happened? = => has become a red bean.

18. Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high? = => Because the stars will twinkle.

19. Corn wanted to pursue fashion and got a perm. What was the result? = => turned into popcorn.

20. What mouse walks on two feet? = => Mickey Mouse

2 1. What duck walks on two feet? = => All ducks walk on two legs.

22. Miss, business is not good now. Why? = => Highly pathogenic avian influenza (HPAI)

23. What kind of people can't work in a gas station? = => A smooth talker (oil gun slips)

24. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl? = => Boys because jiaozi has a foreskin.

25. People in gold clothes = => Shocking (golden) people.

26. A bee stung on the calendar = = > Wind (bee) and sunshine (calendar)

27. A bear is coming. Come prepared (bear comes)

28. The mobile phone can't fall into the toilet = => It's now or never.

29. There are ten sheep, and nine are squatting in the sheepfold = => cadence (one sheep squats wrong)

30. How to make the sparrow quiet? = => Give it a pressure (silence)

3 1. What is a transparent sword? = => Invisibility (Sword)

32. What do African cannibals eat? A: If they eat people, should the chief be a vegetarian? = => Vegetable eater

33. Why are there no dinosaurs now? = => The dinosaur went to make a movie.

34. Xiao Bai looks like his brother. Do you know why? = => It's really like Dabai.

35. How about an egg swimming in Songhua River? = => turned into a preserved egg

36. What about an egg that went to Shandong? = => turned into a (salted) egg.

37. How about homeless eggs? = => became a wild egg.

38. What if an egg accidentally falls on the road and falls to the ground? = => It became an inverted (guided) bomb.

39. An egg fell into the flower. How's it going? = => became Hua Dan.

40. How about an egg swimming in the Dead Sea? = => has become a salted egg superman.

4 1. Xiaoming and Xiaohua go to the seaside to tell jokes. He died after telling jokes. Why? = => Because of the tsunami (laughs)

42. Why don't men go out? = => Because when you go out, you become a layman.

43. Why can't I see God's dick? = => The secret (pheasant) must not be revealed.

44. Why is the iceberg just the tip of the iceberg? = => Because the other horn was broken by the Titanic.

45. How to keep ducks from flying away? = => Give it a wing.

46. Who doesn't have a phone? = => Tianyi (Tianyi Seamless Mobile Phone)

47. Ma Jiajue once told me privately that "a blunt knife is the most lethal". Why? = => Because it is a hammer.

48. Why did Chang 'e go to the moon? = => After nine days of shooting, even the immortals couldn't stand it.

49. Little Black, Little White, Little Yellow and Little Red are flying. Who will get sick? = => White rabbit (vomiting)

50. A fat man jumped from a tall building. What happened? = => Become a fat man.

5 1. Two people fell into a trap. The dead call the dead, what is the name of the living? = => Save someone's life

52. Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin? = => Eraser (Eraser Difference)

53. What are cloth and paper afraid of? = => Not (cloth) afraid of ten thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

54. The next guest is the pride of China men. He is a singer. Guess who it is? = => Ju Gu Chicken

55. Which song has the lyrics of "CoCo Lee"? = => The moon represents my heart (CoCo Lee, how much I love you).

56. Why does Harry Potter live in a light bulb? = => Because Harry Potter is a wizard (tungsten wire)

57. What Kirin tastes best? = => Ice cream

58. What Kirin runs fastest? = => Michelin

59. The cause of constipation (name a foreign star) = => Stallone (shit is too thick)

60. In cities or villages, where does the river run? = => In the country, because the river in the country is too urgent (why do you have to cook in such a hurry).

6 1.a, b, c, d, e, Ji, g, Xin, which word is the coolest? = => Ding

62. There is a room where pigeons can hide = => I hide your songs (pigeons) on the roof.

63. What should I do at 12 pm? = => cramming, because when it is close to (zero), cramming.

64. Who is the thinnest, police, hooligans or soldiers? = => Rogue (rogue professor-thin)

65. An idiot took down the toilet on the plane and threw it away. Guess why? = => Because he is an idiot.

How many brothers does Aladdin have? = => Three (Ala A, Ala B, Ala C)

67. A group of eunuchs are chatting. Guess an idiom = => Nonsense (no chicken talk)

68. How much is a heart worth? = => 100 million (single-minded)

69. Which is stupid, the sun, the moon or the stars? = => Stars (The stars in the sky don't talk-Lu)

69. What's the name of this pencil? = => Small, sharpen the pencil.

70. What color can best imitate? Red (mill) imitation

7 1. Who will help you eat when you are full? = => Feilong, because Feilong is added in days.

72. A little dog was traveling in the desert and then died. How did he die? = => He suffocated because there was no telephone pole to pee on in the desert. A little dog was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole, but he still choked to death. Why? = => "No peeing here" is posted on the dotted line pole.

A dog was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. Nothing stuck on it, but it was stuffy. Why? = => Many puppies are waiting in line.

A dog was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. Nothing was posted on it, and there was a queue. The result is still suffocating. Why? = => Because there are two beautiful dogs MM behind him, he is embarrassed.

73. Who will be eliminated, wolf, tiger or lion? = => Wolf, because-Momotaro (elimination of wolves)

74. Which is the most unfair historical figure? = => Suwu Shepherd Cup seaside

75. Which character ran fastest in history? = => Cao Cao

76. Cars can fly. Please guess a drink = => coffee (car fly)

77. There is a steamed bun and a meatball. What happened? = => Changed to steamed stuffed bun.

78. Who gave you the water of forgetting? = => Aha ("Aha, give me a glass of forgetful water")

79. There is a white cat and a black cat. The white cat fell into the water and the black cat saved it. What did the white cat say to the black cat? = => Seagull

80. Xiaoming's grandfather sings while brushing his teeth. Why? = => It's a false tooth.

8 1. How heavy are the stars in the sky? = => Eight grams (Starbucks)

82.x is a part of China (the name of a Chinese herbal medicine) = => Angelica sinensis.

83. The Jade Emperor is called (name a city) = => Tianjin.

84. Why do geese fly to the south in autumn? = => It's too slow to walk.

85. Farmers have raised 10 cows, with only 19 horns. Why? = => There is a rhinoceros.

86. Pangpang is a famous diver, but one day he stood on the springboard but didn't dare to jump. Why? = => Because there is no water below.

87. A taxi was driving normally on the expressway, but it didn't violate any traffic rules, but it was stopped by a policeman. Why? = => The police have to take a taxi.

88. What chicken has no wings? = => Frog

89. What is hard and comfortable to type? = => doze off

90. What is the product with the same production date and effective date? = => newspaper

9 1. What books are not available in bookstores? = => suicide note

92. Best seller? = => Female secretary

93. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. Why? = => My mother said that surfing the Internet all day is not a good person.

94。 Pandas love deer deeply, but they are rejected when they express their love. Why? = => The deer said timidly, my mother said that all the people wearing sunglasses are bad teenagers.

95. Who didn't attend the zoo meeting? = => lion (because the lion lost contact)

96. Fat people sit in sedan chairs (name a place) = => Yugoslavia

97. Go to the toilet (enter the name of a Hong Kong female artist) = => Karen Mok (reason: Karen Mok)

98. Grandpa, dad, brother, who will cry after listening to mom? = => Grandpa remembered his mother's words (night after night) and his tears glistened.

99. There are two bees who love each other very much, but later the mother bee married the spider. Why? = => Because this female bee loves nets.

100. Good day, sad night (Gai Lou) = => Single-plank bridge.

I have not only a car, but also my own!

3. If you like it, I'll buy it for you ... (after realizing that the other person is angry) Oh, no, it's "brother, I'll buy it for you!"

There are so many people who look down on me. Who are you?

I won't tell you if you kill me, but you haven't made a beautiful plan yet!

6. Not only am I lucky, but I also have athlete's foot!

7. Mirrors always reflect light!

8. Is there a P for handsome? Probably eaten by a pawn!

9. Give it to me, and you don't have to worry. There is nothing wrong!

10. Relax, I'm not a good person. ......

1 1. Don't worry about what will happen to my girlfriend following me-as long as she lays eggs all her life, we will break them immediately and never let the principal and parents know!

12. How dare I charge you if you don't thank me!

13. Don't tell me to bring it on-I'm in love for two generations!

14. If you ignore me, I will be a dog!

15. When will there be a bright moon? Ask Yi Zhongtian!

16. You can't reach it. Try stepping on your right foot with your left foot.

17. Some people are alive and she is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died!

18. You said ... Do you like me? Actually ... first of all ... actually, I also ... I told you, actually, I like myself.

19. Do you drink water, drink water or drink water? You choose!

20. Castle Peak is still there, but it is a little red.

2 1. Hey, say what should be said and whisper what shouldn't be said.

22. Can you say stealing about a scholar?

23. Damn it, don't ask single men such questions!

24. Zi once said: Don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital!

25. Don't think I'm out of reach just because I'm handsome. In fact, I am a sea of rivers.

26. Today the weather is fine, windy and rainy.

27. As a typical failure, you really succeeded!

I really want to kill this bug, but my tongue is not long enough. ...

29. Two heads are better than one, and one is Zhuge Liang.

30. In this golden autumn of red leaves and maple leaves. ......

3 1. One thyroid hormone was cut and the other was not.

32. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow an arrow!

33. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. Pay back the money you owe!

34. A: Where to eat? I have no money.

B: Let's go to the restaurant. It's on me.-the hose.

35. See if there is anything left.

36. There is a dragon on my left and a Mickey Mouse tattooed on my waist. 38. A: Without revenge, it's hard to swallow this evil spirit.

B: Then how can I let you die?

40. She is so fat that my thigh can't twist her arm.

4 1. There is a saying in Shushan, do it first, and learn from the endless sea to make porridge.

42. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to our grandchildren.

43. I will do my homework!

44. Have you done your homework?

B: Yes! Well, it's still warm under p shares ... do you want it? So you're here.

45. Who is sitting in the village today? He doesn't even clean the blackboard!

46. How much is this pair of shoes?

1. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally became a road (deer)! ! ! !

2. Two tomatoes cross the road, a car flies by, one of them can't escape and is squashed, and the other tomato points to the squashed tomato and laughs: dig hahaha, ketchup …

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" ! ! "Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

4. The stone fights with the rice cake, and the stone flies and kicks the rice cake into the sea. ..........

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who decided to join the army for life, so they made an oath with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away. However, the boy has been waiting.

Rice cake! ! !

5. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl?

Answer the boy because jiaozi has a foreskin.

6. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became a cucumber! !

7. The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out to scratch it and burned myself to death …

8. Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day.

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn.

After the bird flew over, ...

I think it will be very cold if it snows. ...

9. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

10. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, and time waits for no one.

A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades."

A song: "In a few decades."

Appa: Tomb-Sweeping Day.

1 1. Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a merlin nearby, which may arrive in a moment. "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."12. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "Toads with two legs are hard to find, and men with three legs are plentiful!" "

13. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

14. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello? (assuming they can talk)

because ..............

because ................

Because they are all strangers ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

15. Question: How to make sparrows quiet?

Answer: Click.

Reason: Silence (silence).

16. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?" I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! ! ! "College students replied to the enemy's words and were electrocuted. ...

He said, "I'm from TV University!"

17.a: "I'll take you to a place where all girls don't wear bras."

B: "Really? Where is it? Take me away! "

A: "It's in the kindergarten next door!"

18. Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "Who is your favorite hostess?" The audience said, "It's you." Wang asked, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!"

19. Do you know what color Spider-Man is?

Red, wrong!

It is white.

Look at Spider-Man's English: Spider-Man (a white man)

20. Why did Xiao Ming fall?

Please think twice ........................

Because the floor is slippery.

2 1. After the party, a group of animals rushed into the 7- 1 1 convenience store to buy things. Because it was too noisy, the clerk knocked it out, but left the lamb alone in the store. Why?

Convenience stores are open 24 hours a day. ...

22. The glass and coffee cup crossed the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: Here comes the bus!

As a result, the glass was hit by a car and the coffee cup was fine. Why?

Coffee cups have ears!

23. A horse said that our company has launched a new product, Ass 3, or MP3…… for short ...

24. I hate two kinds of people most:

First, there is racial discrimination;

The second is black;

Third, I can't count!

25. Thanks to madoka ozawa Gang, Ran Asakawa, Ai Nagase, Sanzhu liang zi, Gao Qiao Maria, Kawamoto Dance, Youmu Pupil, Natsume Mishi, Naomai Qinchi, Shiraishi, Kudo Kwai, Seiichi Kosha, kishida fumio, Zewaixing, Fujisaki Ayaka, Yeshanづき and Chihiro Inoue. When I was in the worst spirit, they came to comfort me at the right time; When I was exhausted from playing CS, it was they who made me feel unobstructed pleasure. When I feel depressed, they make me feel excited ~

26. Now the accuracy of earthquake prediction has really improved a lot, only two words are missing this time: the prediction is in Heilongjiang, but the result is in Jiujiang!

27. Jane Zhang said, "My fans say my idol is Ying."

He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jay."

"My fans say my idol is Chang."

Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

28. Five Fuwa get together to chat.

Beibei suggested: Let's give ourselves a nickname. I'll call it Beva!

Jingjing: Then my name is Jingwa!

Huanhuan: My name is Huanwa!

Nini: My name is "Niwa"!

Yingying stood up and said, You can chat. I have something to do. I have to go first. ...

It is said that in 2058, five Fuwa got together to chat again.

Beibei: Let's talk about our nicknames again. People respect me very much and call me "Mr. Bei"!

Huanhuan: People call me "Ye Huan"!

Nini: Everyone calls me Grandpa Ni!

Yingying: Everyone calls me Yingying!

Jingjing stood up and said, You talk. I have something to do. I have to go first. ...

29. When winter came, I decided to keep the habit of taking a cold bath, but after washing, I found myself back to my childhood! ! !

30. Celery was walking when he suddenly felt a pain in his stomach. Then he said, "Shh!" What did you say he took out? That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung?

Answer: yellow.

Because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)

3 1. There is a fat man.

Jump off the top of the twentieth floor. ...

It turned out to be .....

Fat man! !

Once upon a time, there was a piece of bread. It felt hungry and ate itself.

Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer. It felt thirsty and drank it. ..

Once upon a time, there was a virgin who felt tired and let herself fall asleep.

33. Who is the ancestor of mankind?

It's peanuts because peanuts ~ ~ ~

34. Which ancient figure was a white-collar worker?

Meng Mu's Three Movements (Thousands)

35. Zhang Fei: "Stop the old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! "

Police car: "Listen, two thieves ~ ~ ~ You are surrounded ~ ~ ~ Drop your weapons ..."

36. How did the ants die after falling from the Himalayas?

Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down …

37. The world's largest KB diary

Old bear was about to write a diary when he found that the diary had been used up. He wanted to go out and buy another book, but it was already twelve o'clock at night. But he rode his bike and looked for it in the dark street. After searching for a long time, I finally found a bookstore and went before closing. He likes a diary very much, so he asks his boss how much it costs.

The boss said in a low voice, "This is imported, and the price should be set in 70 yuan ..."

The old bear said, "It's so expensive, but I have to pay 50 yuan."

The boss said, "It doesn't matter, even if you are at 50 yuan."

The old bear said happily, "Thank you, boss."

The boss said in a very low and gloomy voice, "When you buy it back, don't turn to the last page, or something very KB will happen." Don't blame me for not reminding you! "

The old bear said, "Well, I see."

Old bear bought his diary home. He opened the package and put it on the table in front of the room window. At this time, he wants to take a bath and then come out to write a diary. ...

After taking a shower, Lao Xiong found that the window in front of the desk was actually open, and the wind blew the diary page by page ... When the last page was blown, Lao Xiong stepped forward to stop it, but it was too late, and the last page was blown away by the wind.

KB happened ... I saw the old bear let out a scream because he saw the last page, which read:

(Please pull down)

.

.............. pulls again. ...

.

.

.

.

Keep pulling ...

.

.

.

Soon, pull a little more ...

.

.

.

.

.

Well, I'm finally going to pull a little …

.

.

.

.

The last page reads-Pricing: 3 yuan.

38. A peach was walking on the road and suddenly said, My heart is so hard!

A walnut was walking on the road and suddenly said, how thick-skinned I am!

There is a coke can on the road, and I feel bored when I walk. Suddenly, I said, I'm so coke!

A heater was walking on the road, helping passers-by conveniently, and suddenly said, I am so enthusiastic!

A key was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am Qu Yuan! I'll look up and down for that lock!

An electric meter was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am a scholar! Look for him in the crowd!

A tadpole was walking on the road and met another tadpole while walking. Walking, he suddenly said, we are not QQ!

A hawthorn is married and walking on the road. Walking, he suddenly said, my face is so red!

A hawthorn divorced, walking on the road suddenly said, my heart is so sour!

A hawthorn remarried and walked on the road, suddenly saying, I have a child in my stomach!

A tea bag was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be soaked!

A dumpling stuffing was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be wrapped!

A lighter was walking on the road and suddenly said that his stomach was full of gas and he wanted to get angry!

A cockroach was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am strong!

A thimble was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm on it!

An ice cream was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm cold!

A spider was walking on the road and suddenly said, I still want to surf the internet!

A fish was walking on the road and suddenly said, I like diving every day!

A Guan Yu was walking on the road, and suddenly he said, I rode thousands of miles alone!

An eagle was walking on the road and met a bear. Suddenly, he said, we are playing with the eagle and the bear!

A compass was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find the north?

An earthworm was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find my legs?

39. Once upon a time, there was a Simmons who closed her eyes and suddenly felt as if something was missing.

Thinking of hearing the doorbell ring, I opened the door and saw that the electric blanket had just returned from the meeting.

Simmons grabbed the electric blanket and said:

Brother ~ ~ You can come back, I'm freezing ~ ~ ~

40. A German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in a mine.

The boss is American. He said to the Germans, "You have a good physique and are in charge of coolies. 」

He said to the French, "You said you were an engineer in charge of the mining plan. 」

To the Japanese, he said, "You are very thin. You are in charge of supply. 」

Then every other week, they start to work.

A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first.

When the Germans started to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out.

Shout out:

"surprise! 」

4 1. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!"

Hearing this, the polar bear tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" " "

42. There is a hide-and-seek club, and the head has not been found yet. ...

43. Xiaohong asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?

Xiaomei said: right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon.

Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?

Because it's cold there ... ..