Humorous jokes to make women happy.

1. My wife was a little unhappy when she came back late from drinking with some buddies last night.

Wife: "I hang out with a group of friends all day and don't care about my family at all."

Me: "This is called brotherhood, understand? Qin Gui has three brothers; There is also a gifted scholar Xu Wei who flatters him in Yan Ge. Boss Li has a Logger Vick to work for him, so I can't have a few friends? "

My wife gave me a white look: "Qin Gui was the top scholar in the Song Dynasty, and Yan Song won at the age of 24. Boss Li has his own timber company. What do you have? " ! ? "

Me: "Stop it, wife, I'm going to kneel down and rub the washboard!" " "

2. College students have started school one after another. Now let's see what all majors do.

You think you will work in graduate school after you graduate from inorganic nonmetal major. In fact, after graduation, you have done the right job, cement worker.

Think about it, archaeology major, digging the emperor's tomb everywhere like grave-robbing notes after graduation. In fact, after graduation, you set up a stall near the railway station and sold fake antiques.

You think, safety engineering major, after graduation, you can be a safety supervisor, sign up, don't have to work, and earn hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. In fact, I can only be a security guard after graduation.

You see, as a pilot, it is a pleasure to fly a plane and pick up girls after graduation. In fact, after graduation, my daily job is to clean the plane.

3. remit money to the bank, and the car will be temporarily parked on the side of the road. For fear of being punished by the traffic police, I will leave my car with my friend and tell him that a car inspector will come and inform me. A few minutes later, a traffic policeman came, and the friend rushed into the bank and shouted, Big Brother, the police are coming, let's go! Dear, dozens of people in such a big hall were silent for an instant, and then people poured out of the bank like a flood, and then I was pressed to the ground by five or six security guards ... how unfair! Not afraid of opponents, but afraid of teammates being stupid!

Happy event, jokes, story books, laughing till the belly breaks 2.

1. Walking on the road, I saw an uncle lying on the ground. I hurried to lie down with him. That uncle looked at me and said, don't take my life in the future. My son wants to buy a house and marry. I said: I also want to buy a house and marry a wife, but I don't want to be old. Grandpa said: There is ambition in the afterlife. You can own this land. I'll change it!

There were so many people in the restaurant that a young couple couldn't find a seat, so they shared a table with me and sat opposite me. To tell the truth, that woman was really beautiful, so I took one more look and the man found it. He threw a Volkswagen key on the table to scare me. I looked carefully, I went to Phaeton ... I dropped a Maserati car key on the table, bang, bang, Bugatti, Rolls-Royce, and I dropped some car keys on the table.

It snows heavily today. I just went out to watch an uncle fall. I went over and asked, grandpa, my salary is less than 2000 yuan a month. Can I help you up? Grandpa: Go ahead, young man. I'll wait a little longer. Me: OK! Although the weather is cold, my uncle's words are warm and full of positive energy. ...

Walking on the road, I saw my uncle lying on the ground. I hurried forward to help him. My uncle looked at me and said, don't move after birth. You are also a part-time job. I'll wait until you leave. I was very touched, so I quickly said, Grandpa, there is a parked car driving a Land Rover. Grandpa is also excited: You are such a young man, so don't go and give me a witness. After that, buy a car and drive to work.

Happy event joke story daquan laughs your stomach 3.

1. I was hungry this afternoon and saw a bottle of yogurt on my colleague's desk. I drank it without thinking. After a while, my colleague came and shouted, "Why is my facial cleanser gone?" 108! "Brother didn't speak, just silently walked to the bathroom, dig dig throat, feel uncomfortable. He vomited hard until he spit out sour water. When tears flowed back to his seat, his colleague took a bottle and said, "I was scared to death." Facial cleanser rolled under the table. Why is my yogurt gone again? "My brother scolded in his heart: Grandma is a bear drop, drink some yogurt and kill people.

A male colleague went out at noon yesterday without his mobile phone. His wife keeps calling. The female colleague who took a nap was annoyed by the noise and shouted with her mobile phone: "We are sleeping, are you bored!" As a result, my male colleague didn't come to work today!

A beautiful female colleague, her husband sent her lunch and left without saying anything. The new male colleague asked: Who was that just now? She replied: take-away delivery. The newcomer asked again: Why didn't you give money? She said: no need to give it, just sleep with him at night. The male colleague was silent. The next day, she brought her a four-course and one-soup lunch, and the whole office burst into laughter. ...

4. An uncle went to the People's Bank to withdraw money and went directly to the window. The security guard came over and said, "Grandpa, press the number." Grandpa: "What?" Security guard: "Press the number." Grandpa thought, it's really a big bank. If you need a secret code to withdraw money, he whispered to the security guard, "The king of heaven covers the land." The security guard pressed a queue ticket for the old man helplessly. The old man thought: scared me to death, but I was right!