The signature of network classic funny sentences instantly laughs everyone down.

1. Inspiration is what God whispered to you, but God is too busy to tell you again.

We scold others thousands of times, but we don't allow others to scold.

3. Why does grandma like granddaughter's wife rather than daughter-in-law, because the enemy of my enemy is my friend?

Fat is an attitude, meat is a spirit, and obesity is also a figure.

I am not a post station, but a place where you can rest when you are tired.

6. You can't reply to my message invisibly. Your spirit is really worth learning.

7. I am not Song Wu, but I can't compete with you, a tigress.

8. Don't worry about those who have hurt me in the past, and I will pay you back slowly.

No matter how bad your grades are, you can still smile. This is the dignity of a school scum.

10, people's looks are divided into two categories: one is natural beauty and the other is natural inspiration.

1 1, just because people look at you one more time, I'm blind.

12, eat delicious food to celebrate when you are happy; When you are sad, eat delicious food to comfort you.

13, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Is love rat still looking for it?

14, if you don't go out for a walk, you will think that this is the world.

15, if time never passes, I will still fall in love with you.

16, take out the same fighting power as men and fight to the end with this treacherous world.

17, it's so hard to cheat when you are good-looking, and the invigilator can't help but look at me.

18, I didn't know until I entered the examination room. What do you mean, I want to cry, but my stool won't.

19, one person wants freedom, and two people want warmth.

20. In this age of amnesia, I hesitate and leave doubts everywhere.

2 1, even if I am stupid and ridiculous, you don't care.

Looking forward to our future, but the reality has played a huge joke on me.

Seriously, I can live without you, but I'm just a little less happy.

24. I didn't know how ugly it was to follow someone else's ass before I wished it.

Poppies are beautiful, but I have lost the courage to get close to them.

26. Sexy women are not coquettish, but playboy men are the meanest.

27, waiting for a discovery, waiting for a touch, let love boil again.

28. Cats and mice fall in love, which is just a kind of deception.

29. Why do men embarrass women? You will never understand her pain.

30. Men and women are just having fun. Is it necessary to take it seriously?

3 1, I lost myself unconsciously. When will the people who love me come back?

32. Everything has a shelf life. Can there be love after the shelf life?

33. Lonely, I stand on the lost street, but the vague past gradually becomes clear.

You didn't know how to cherish when I loved you, and now I'm gone.

35. When I grew up, I learned to be heartless and heartless.

36. The end of time is just a whim.

37. Flowers bloom for a season just to wait for your return. Although the flowering period is short, my heart has not changed.

38. They are all sad people. Why do you hurt others so badly?

39. He is my dream. How can everyone understand it?

I admit that I am timid and don't want anyone to know that I like you.

4 1, don't be so self-righteous, not everyone will pay for you unconditionally.

42. Copy the most advanced answers, and it will take a long time.

I don't have any shortcomings, but I look a little embarrassed.

44. Understand playing dumb and continue to be friends, as long as you understand.

45. When your hair reaches your waist, there must be a lot of static electricity. Can I open a power plant for you?

46. My aunt lent me your daughter, and I will pay you back two beautiful girls next year.

47. I heard that quilts are a branch of paradise on earth. No wonder you have nothing to sleep about.

48. It is better for a sister to be a man, and there will be many good buddies like brothers.

I like night, because no one can see the tears in my eyes at night.

Don't count the stars with your IQ, just the moon.

Appreciation of 30 funny phrases that make people laugh

Lead: When checking in, the conductor said to Xiao Wang, "Your ticket is for Shandong, and this train is for Heilongjiang Province." "My God!" Xiao Wang exclaimed, "Does the train driver know that he is driving in the wrong direction?"

1, Mr. Li 1 1 traveled to Qingdao, thinking of drinking Tsingtao beer in Qingdao, ordering a plate of fried sesame seeds, paying the bill, and getting up while counting bottles. "Boss, how much are these altogether?" The boss replied, "We Qingdao people are hospitable and beer is free. Let's count sesame seeds. "

2. The traffic police found that every time a car runs about 10 meter, it will bump up and down. So he stopped the car: "What happened to your car?" The driver was frightened: "No, it's okay, Mr. Traffic Police, I, I always burp."

3. The wedding of Huang Xiaoming, the school leader, and baby is really enviable. As their fans, I silently envy and hate for a long time. Just now, I clicked on the mobile video, and I couldn't help watching the wedding of their super lineup again. My mother doesn't know when it has drifted behind me. God added, don't look, Xiaoming has a baby, and Xiaoming who rolled out is not married yet.

I got a new hairstyle and went shopping the other day. Sit in a chair in the mall and have a rest! At this moment, a middle school student came up behind me and said, Sister, please help me! I hurried back, only to see the poor child say at once, Sister! Don't! Auntie! My heart hurts in an instant! Still suffering from internal injuries. . .

5. W: Which part of me do you think is the most beautiful? Man: Your hair is the most beautiful. W: Why? In fact, many people have praised it like this. Because it covers most of your face.

6. The traffic police severely warned the drunk driver: "Please remember, once you drink, don't touch the steering wheel with your hands!" The drunk driver shouted in surprise, "What? Should I drive with my hands open after drinking? "

7. One of my kindergarten teachers, Xiong Haizi, who is a special cow in kindergarten, made a big mistake today. I told him to take the bag home. Who knows, the goods grabbed my leg when they picked up the bag and began to cry: "Teacher, I love you, I really love you, so don't kick me out ~ ~" Suddenly I laughed. This is the first naked confession in more than 20 years!

8. In the physical examination room of the conscription station, a young man was afraid to join the army, so he lied to the doctor that he was in poor health and could not sleep without eating or drinking. Doctor: "Great. At present, our troops are in short supply, and we need soldiers like you. "

9. An old man's dog died. The old man packed and examined the dead dog for burial in his hometown. But people at the airport didn't know it was dead when they checked in. When they got off the plane, they found it was dead, which made them afraid. I thought I checked the dog to death. So I sent someone to the nearby dog market and bought an identical one. Later, the old man opened his luggage and found that the dog was still alive. So the old man was scared to death!

10, go to buy breakfast this morning. Take out five dollars and the wind will blow away. I also agree to take out five dollars to see where the wind is blowing. As a result, I lost 10 dollars.

1 1. On a rainy day, I saw a beautiful girl throw an umbrella into the trash can of the library, and then shyly walked up to the goddess and said, I don't have an umbrella. Can you take me with you? How can you stand such a thing? I immediately picked up my umbrella and handed it to my sister: Sister, it is not easy for your family to make money. How can you throw away your umbrella?

12, remember the military training under the tree that year? The instructor said to the students: Count off in the first row. You looked at the instructor in surprise, and the instructor said loudly, Count off! So you reluctantly turned and hugged the tree.

13 After the parent-teacher meeting, Xiao Ming was unhappy. When the student asked him why, Xiao Ming said, "The teacher violated my right to privacy, and my father violated my right to exist." The classmate was very surprised and asked, "How did this happen?" Xiao Ming said, "My father beat me up because the teacher told me the exam results."

14, "The smell of work?" "expert! Come, re-do a test paper. " "This topic is hard to get rid of ..." "Your IQ is not enough, uncle. Here, the answer to Xueba. " "I see, change two after copying."

15, the third day of Second Grandpa's funeral. Xiaojun from the canteen came to me and said: Your son took money to buy things, but I didn't dare to accept it. I can't change it. I'll pay you back. I looked at it: alas! 10 million, the bank of hades. Come here, son. Don't you dare steal money from grandpa two. …………

16, just, just. My father said he was going out for a walk. I held my dad's hand in a coquettish way and asked him to bring me back the duck neck. My mother came over and patted my hand off, hugged my father and said to me, go away! Find one yourself. This is my husband. . .

17, my good friend sent me a small box of snacks that I have never seen before ~ I decided to please my goddess … before going to work this morning, I said to my little sister, "I'll get the courier later, you can pass this email to him!" " The address is on the table ... the little sister furtively asked, "Brother, what's in the box?" ""Shit, fertilize the flowers ... "I replied grumpily. After work, my little sister lay on the bed with a chubby belly ... She burped and said, "Brother, your friend ... burped ... I lied to you! "Hiccup ... that's not fertilizer at all ... if your goddess uses these to fertilize flowers ... Hiccup ... the consequences are unimaginable ..." She touched her stomach and gasped, and then said, "For you, I picked up shit on the lawn of the community all morning and finally collected a box! I sent it in the afternoon ... "

18, at night, sitting on the sofa watching TV, the golden hair at home dozed off next to me. In the meantime, I was thirsty. I went barefoot to get water and accidentally kicked it on the coffee table. The electric tingling suddenly spread from my toes to my brain, making me grin. It was when I was embarrassed and angry that I saw the golden retriever being supported in the mirror facing the sofa and grinning behind me. I suddenly looked back, only to see it instantly closed its mouth, drooping its head and lying on the ground pretending to sleep.

19, I: "I watched TV and said that weasels don't eat chickens. Scientists have done an experiment, once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what happened the next day? " Colleague: "The weasel was detained for seven days and fined five thousand yuan!" "I; You can remember your husband's stupid thing for life!

20. I always like to go to the canteen alone when I am studying, because I can eat one in the canteen and then make another one in the name of packing for my classmates. When I get back to the dormitory, tell me I'm ready for dinner! ! ! So I can eat two, and no one knows that I eat too much. I just want to know, is there a girl like me?

2 1, beggar: as soon as I lie down, "Good people, send them away" ... hundreds! Beauty: when I lie down, it's like "hahahai" ... thousands! ! Grandpa: as soon as I lie down, "he hits me" ... thousands! ! ! LZ: As soon as I lay down, I said, "Go to bed early and move bricks tomorrow"! ! ! !

22, it is said that the goddess is difficult to chase, in fact, it is because you did not exert yourself. When I was in high school, Ban Hua was a heartthrob. One night after self-study, I ran into her in the corner and got up the courage to hug her. Ban Hua is also very cooperative, soft and motionless, and her breathing is very rapid. The landlord kissed her on the mouth and left. She still sat on the ground and didn't want to go ... If her father, the principal, didn't find her and took her to the hospital, I'm afraid I didn't even know that she had two broken ribs. ...

23. My long-lost friend Xiaoxiang came to the house as a guest, and his mouth leaked ... "Oh, my root is too deep, and it hurts for months ..." Looking at the "empty" part of his lips, I asked, "How did these teeth fall off later?" Xiaoxiang's face turned red. "Go out to pack to force, let people take down the bricks ..."

24. Youth: "Master, why don't I say a few words every time on a blind date, and the woman just leaves?" Master, don't look away, just hide your face and don't talk. The young man suddenly realized, "Does that mean I should be a quiet handsome man?" Host: "Stay away from me with such a smelly mouth!" " "

I bought a fake toy pistol online, which is made of iron. It arrives today. Opening the parcel in front of the courier brother, the courier brother saw it, changed his face and said, I didn't see anything, I didn't see anything, and ran away on a battery car.

26. On the second day of school, when my mother helped my fourth-grade brother wash clothes, she found more than 100 clothes in his pocket. My mother suspected that my brother had stolen money, so she asked her brother, who said that she got it by selling waste products. My parents don't believe it. After the mixed doubles, my brother cried and said that the money was for selling homework and test papers last semester. My parents stopped angrily. . .

27. Guo Laosan accidentally drove illegally. The traffic police immediately came over and motioned for him to roll down the window. The third child was in a hurry and threw out a bunch of Russian. The traffic police listened for a while and said, "Comrade, your grammar is wrong. Don't pretend. " Guo Laosan was anxious: "I am a Russian translator at a station. I will make a mistake in this grammar. " Why are you a small policeman? The traffic police smiled: "You speak not only Russian but also Mandarin very well, but please pull over and let me see your certificate." ""the Olympics! "

When I saw my Chinese homework, I felt like a foreigner. When I saw my English homework, I felt that I was from China again. I didn't know I was an alien until I saw my math homework.

29. She has a stomachache when she menstruates. He sat next to her and gave her a look. Then he silently took out his Xiaomi mobile phone and began to play games. She saw it in her eyes and her heart was half cold. Two minutes later, she really couldn't sit still and was about to leave. I saw that he silently handed over his mobile phone and said, "Well, take it and cover it!"

30. Teacher: "How do you describe yourself as having read Four Great Classical Novels in one sentence?" Xiao Ming: "Baoyu, what are you doing in Liangshan, Shui Bo with a monkey's golden hoop?" Xiaohong: "Report, Zhuge Liang is eating Tang Monk's meat in Daguan Garden with a hundred Liangshan heroes!" " "

Editor's note: When the company was cooking, a tall and beautiful woman jumped in front of me with a smile. I couldn't help staring at her and tapping her waist with chopsticks: "Hey! ... hey! Line up! " As soon as the beauty turned around, she didn't find anyone. She looked down and I was staring at her with my neck upturned. Suddenly she laughed: "Uncle, you are so funny! People in their thirties and forties still learn from others! " I silently bowed my head in humiliation. Girl, is it really good for you to hurt a short man like this? ...

Laugh till you get down. Tell jokes.

1. I went to my sister's house to eat rice and steamed crabs. My brother-in-law gave me one. Four-year-old niece: Dad, you eat. Dad doesn't eat, leave it to aunt and baby. Little niece: Dad, you can't do this. You should be kind to yourself. You won't eat like a cow every day. You are exhausted. Other uncles will spend your money, live in your house, sleep with your wife and beat your children! Eat! Eat quickly! !

In the morning, my husband stayed in bed and wrapped himself in a quilt for several layers. I tied him in the quilt with a belt and went to work. When I came back in the afternoon, I saw my husband keeping the shape of the morning and looking at me with painful eyes. He said: it is not the key to be hungry for a day, to die of heat without air conditioning, or to explain how to go to work tomorrow without answering the phone. The key is that the urine is not held back.

3. My mother invigilates the second grade English. If there is a problem with listening, she will draw a smiling face or cry. There is a little girl who has just transferred to another school in the second row. Her English is not good. Every time she listens to a question, the little boy on her right turns to smile or cry at her. Later, my mother told me with a smile that it was an obvious deception, but I didn't care because it felt too clean.

4. After an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl, his friend said: It's really wronged the girl. You can be her grandfather. The old man was very dissatisfied: I was more wronged. Her grandfather is two years younger than me, and I have to pretend to be a grandson!

There was once a girl who was willing to give her life for me. She said firmly, if you pester me again, I'm dead.

There was a kissing scene on TV, and the father asked his son to pour a glass of water. Soon, there was another kissing scene on TV. Dad asked his son to pour another glass of water. The son asked, Dad, do you get thirsty when you see others kissing?

7. The old couple went to take pictures. The photographer asked: Do you want to measure light, backlight or full light? Grandpa said shyly, I don't care. Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt?

8. Chatting between British students. A patriotic youth said indignantly, let's take advantage of the riots to take back all the China cultural relics in the British Museum and return them to the Forbidden City! So many porcelain and bronzes! People in the group responded and made suggestions. A person said simply: What if I get it back and it is damaged by the Forbidden City? Suddenly, the crowd quieted down.

9. After the wedding, the groom said to the bride: I will go out to play cards and drink with my friends at any time, whether you agree or not! ! After listening to this, the bride replied tepidly: I have sex at nine o'clock every night on time, whether you are at home or not.

10, the boy kissed his girlfriend as soon as he arrived at his girlfriend's house! Girlfriend said: no, my period is coming! ! Boys feel very strange: what is the relationship between kissing and menstruation? So the boy kissed his girlfriend, and suddenly a woman rushed out of the kitchen! The woman pointed at the boy and scolded: Why did you bully my niece? !

1 1. A bride asked the master of ceremonies: How much does it cost to hold a wedding? Moderator: It depends. Well, generally speaking, the more handsome the groom is, the higher the charge. The woman shyly took out 5 yuan's money and handed it to her. The MC looked back at the groom, then calmly looked for 4 yuan and 5 yuan.

12, the real romantic proposal should be like this: A handsome man invited 10' s colleagues to dinner, including his favorite mm. In the middle of the meal, he suddenly stood up and walked beside MM, and then moved the chair where MM was sitting to his side at a 90-degree angle. At this time, mm's mouth was full of all kinds of food. At this moment, he suddenly came out of his pocket.

Four stacks of money said: This is a deposit of 40,000 yuan. Will you marry me? Mm was shocked and burst into tears. She sobbed and took out the money detector. After a while, she said, all this is true. I do.

13, I just went to the train station to buy a ticket, but I came back empty-handed. I saw a slogan on the road: Chengdu is a place that I don't want to leave when I come. Now I finally understand the meaning of this sentence Chengdu, please take me to the train tonight!

14. Award-winning notice: Under the leadership of the principal, the support of the Academic Affairs Office, the cooperation of the Logistics Office and the guidance of the instructor, three students of our school won the first prize in the trophy composition competition held by universities in Tianjin. Due to limited space, the winners' names will be notified separately!

15, after the conductor tried his best to push the last passenger on the bus, the passenger kindly turned around and advised: Elder sister, don't squeeze. If it is really impossible to get on, let's wait for the next bus.

16. At the school job fair, Michelin asked a question: Why don't birds get electrocuted when standing on high-voltage lines? A classmate in my dormitory replied: Because it is wearing Michelin rubber shoes! As a result, he was the only undergraduate who was hired in the whole school.

17, I met an instructor during military training in college, and the whole class was badly repaired by him. After the military training, in order to celebrate liberation, everyone enthusiastically threw their beloved instructors into the air. When he fell down happily, he found that the people below had already. ....

18. Today, I took a bus. A friend's cell phone rang, and the bell rang quickly: Answer the phone, son. I'm your father. The goods picked up and shouted: Dad, what's the matter? I want to take a bus. Call later. The bell is: Dad, Dad, pick up the phone. I am your son. The goods picked up and shouted: boss, what's the matter? We all laughed and peed, man. You and your boss must have a lot of hatred.

19 On the day she broke up with her girlfriend, she said: Actually, I want to cry, but reality tells me I can't cry. I was so hot that I smiled and said, you are afraid of losing your makeup!

20. A bachelor proposed to his girlfriend and was rejected! The bachelor said with inferiority: forget it, I will never get married in my life! His girlfriend pities him: Why don't men have wives? I refuse you, not necessarily others will refuse you. The bachelor sighed: even people like you don't want me. Who else wants me?

2 1. Early in the morning, I was washing my face when my son suddenly shouted invincible iron fist and then rushed at me with his head down. As soon as my brain was pumping, I picked up a stainless steel washbasin to block myself. Then, bang, my son cried and my wife yelled.

22. I just went downstairs to have a midnight snack and put a loud and smelly fart in the elevator. To hide my embarrassment, I glared at the man next to me. I kept staring at him, and the guy finally got impatient and said, what the fuck is B? It's just us here!

23. I have liked a girl for a long time. Today, I confessed to her. I said: I like you. Although I have nothing to give you, I will make you happy. Be my girlfriend! Seeing her indecision, I firmly said: I still have two kidneys!

24. My son is a senior one. After the monthly exam, the school held a parent-teacher meeting, and my father attended. When the father came home, he scolded his son: You are the only one in the class who failed in English. The son said loudly, I blame you. Dad was shocked and asked, Why do you blame me? The son said, it's all your fault for not buying me a mobile phone.

In the classroom, Xiao Ming leans his head against the chair and doesn't listen to the class. The teacher asked with concern: Are you sick again? Xiao Ming said without looking up, yes, I have a headache. The teacher said: Do you have a doctor's qualification certificate? Take it out and go home to rest! Xiao Ming said: It is because the doctor doesn't issue a certificate that I have a headache. Teacher: Get out.

26. Xifeng has been depressed because of her appearance, but she is helpless. She always feels that she has nothing to be proud of. One day, a boy saw Xifeng's slender fingers, soft as bones, and could not help but exclaim loudly: which hand is this? Finally, someone discovered her strengths, which made Xi Feng overjoyed. When she heard the boy say, "This is a chicken claw!" " ! Xifeng choked at that time.

27. Get up in the morning and the boy calls the girl. Boy: I dreamed of you last night, and my underwear was wet! The girl said shyly, I hate it. What did you dream? Boy: I dreamed that your makeup removal scared me to pee! Girl: Get out!

Talk about interesting things about exams, things that make you laugh, and interesting things about graduation.

1, "Graduation season: the youth we never lost on this day"

On this day, I graduated.

I'm sorry to see graduation photo's stupidity on us, but I still can't help crying.

He said that when we graduated, he said that he was not qualified to give me happiness now. He said he hoped I would like him forever. He said he wanted me to trust him.

After graduation, no one will call those nicknames they are familiar with or hate.

I bet my best friend that I will confess to him when I graduate.

7. Are you happy after graduation?

8. Break up after graduation

9. A good woman is a school for men. A good woman hopes that this good student will never graduate.

10, we always fall in love with school when we graduate.

1 1. After graduation, people separated, my heart disappeared, and I was alone.

12, on the day of graduation ceremony, confession and farewell are not allowed to cry.

13, when we graduate, what we think of is not the school, not the class, but the group of people in the class-

14 I'm finally graduating, and I finally want to meet you. I'm not as happy as I thought, but I still can't let you go. I know you are proud, and I know I can't do it. Bow down.

Graduation photo is our first photo, and it may be our last photo.

16, I really graduated this time.

17, run wildly on graduation day, don't let me see the tears shed.

18, I think all you know is swearing and picking up dog baskets before you graduate from primary school.

19, we all fell in love with school when we were about to graduate.

20. Can you go crazy together after graduation placement?

2 1, graduated, dear, he is going to lose again, should he continue to love?

22. After graduation, the only regret is that I have never been to the men's room.

23. You are not mine after graduation, and I no longer belong to you.

24. After graduation, our youth will not graduate.

25. This graduation season, dear, are you all right? Do you remember me?

26. After graduation, we will go our separate ways in the blink of an eye.

27. after graduation No more contact, I hope you don't mind, I didn't get together at the beginning.

After graduation, amateurs are still studying at school.

29, break up, don't cry when you graduate, smile and mix.

30. I'm graduating. Crazy papers, no time without madness.

3 1, hello to those couples who didn't break up after graduation.

32. I will graduate in half a month.

On graduation day, the teacher said the above words, and we cried our faces red.

34, summer, sad. Graduation, sad ~

I am afraid that I will lose you as soon as I graduate.

36. After graduating from high school, English has deteriorated a lot, but at least the vocabulary has remained tens of thousands: one, two, three, on.

37. I am about to graduate. Why are those people who secretly love me so calm?

Two years ago, you said that we would be together after graduation. You said the same thing last year. This year, it disappeared. Time is short, but we have changed.

39. After graduation, that's it, that's it, that's it!

40. Graduation means that we are grown up, that we are mature, and that we are separated!

4 1. In the past, there was always a crazy person around you, smiling. Now you still have to leave, which is something that every graduating student must go through.

42. We all fell in love with school when we were about to graduate. We all want to have a good start at the end.

43, graduation season break-up season.

44. I don't want to take exams, graduate or leave. I will graduate soon.

45. How long have we been fighting? I didn't know until after graduation, not long after, three years.

I got drunk at the graduation party today. I cried and said that you must invite me when you get married in ten years. You smiled and said that the bride is not you.

47. After graduation, the surface is dull, but the heart is very reluctant.

48. I found that many people say they like you after graduation.

49. On graduation day, we all leave with smiles. Whoever cries and sleeps is a puppy.

Because of this graduation, you left silently beside me.

5 1, I'm graduating. I wish I could still be by your side.

Marty, I haven't moved so easily since I graduated from junior high school. I fell down and there were people around. .

53. Are you afraid of graduation and separation? I'm telling you, true friendship will never end.

54. mm-hmm June is graduation season every year. Hey, I wish I had said I love you.

After the graduation ceremony, the class teacher said: The children put the tables and stools in order, as if we were coming to class next week.

56. Wish me success in my graduation exam.

57. It has been more than ten years, and I am about to graduate. Why are you so hateful at school? You must take care of me. . .

I graduated with nothing, but I don't know when to be brave and when to fight.

59. Fuck you. . . After graduation, there are no more such carefree curses by a group of smelly babies.

When we entered this school, we knew that we would graduate one day, but when graduation came, we were so afraid to face it.