Joke Collection Website - Public benefit messages - Joke for high marks. Don't fool me with some old and funny jokes.

Joke for high marks. Don't fool me with some old and funny jokes.

The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked, "Grandpa, do you want side light, backlight or full light?" "My uncle said shyly," I don't care. Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? "

4. Two old couples had a whim while eating one day: naked rice! Get back to your old feelings! After undressing, the old woman said, I still have a reaction! The nursing room is as hot as when I was young! The old man squinted and said, it's drooping in the soup!

5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat.

6. The sky is blue and the sea is deep, and nothing a person says is true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; When a man has money, he is destined for everyone. If a person can rely on it, pigs can climb trees.

7. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards!

8. The child stole a parrot from a brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer!

9. Long road of life, who is better! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven!

10. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You are furious and say, if you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you. As a result, the dog licked the chicken's ass and you fainted. The dog said happily, let's see who is tough.

1 1. Legend has it that tonight, ghosts wander, dead light reappears, and ghosts turn around! May the ghost hear my call, come to your head in the middle of the night, touch your face with pale face, green eyes and dry hands and say good night to you for me!

13. When you were walking on the road, a bitch jumped on you, bit off a piece of meat from your foot and swallowed it quickly. When you put out your foot to kick it, the dog said with tears: You fight, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my stomach!

14. Mice are particularly depressed without girlfriends. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess.

Once upon a time . . . . . There is a silly bird who wants to laugh but can't. So he (she) posted questions on Baidu. A handsome guy passed by and said coolly, "Did you get hit in the head by a pig? ~ ~ ~ ~."~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Five mangoes and three children. What is the explanation? -Shoot two!

How big is dad's belly?

One day, Xiao Ming asked his mother, "Mom, how did Dad's stomach get bigger?" Mom replied, "It's not as big as drinking beer!" " ? "Xiao Ming's younger brother Xiaokang said," No! ""Mom blew up! " Xiao Ming asked Xiaokang, "How to blow? "Xiaokang said," One day, when I came back from school, I saw my mother blowing a pipe under my father! Really ",mom:" ...? "

1. You said ... Do you like me? Actually ... I started ... Actually, I also ... I told you, I actually like myself.

2. Summer night, month, like a silver plate; Trees, if dancers; The wind is like a skirt. I stood in the water room. White teeth, cream as white as snow, brush your teeth.

My interests can be divided into static and dynamic: static is sleeping and dynamic is turning over.

4. The sea of suffering is boundless, and turning back is the shore; The article is very long, enter the branch.

You can't treat me like a holiday just because we have a holiday.

If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for being inhuman!

7. Where you fall, where you get up ... You always fall there. I suspect there is a pit!

I will educate you again on behalf of the people.

9. "Love" is a powerful word: the upper part is taken from the "Metamorphosis" in Metamorphosis, and the lower part is taken from the "state" in Metamorphosis.

10. There is no word "difficult" in my dictionary because I don't have a dictionary.

1 1. I am free, but this is not what I want, because I was kicked.

12. The last straw, the last straw.

13. The thought of yesterday makes me want to go underground.

14. Who is sitting in the village today and doesn't even clean the blackboard?

15. I'll take my wooden bridge and you go back to your Gaolaozhuang.

16. If you can't tolerate me, it means that you are either too narrow-minded or my personality is too great.

17. Born down and out, five elements are short of money.

18. I know astronomy above, geography below, but I don't know English.

19. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, and don't put all your files in one hard disk.

20. You get what you pay for, and you're not hungry after eating porridge.

2 1. Standing at the crossroads of life, I am even more confused.

Defendant: Jian Jie-first grade of probation period 2009-5-3 1 00:04.

LZ IQ is too high.

Some of my own collections are not very good, and some of them are quite funny when you think about it.

On the first day, the rabbit went fishing and didn't catch it.

The next day, he went fishing again and returned empty-handed.

On the third day, he still went fishing. As soon as he put down the fishing rod, the fish jumped out of the water angrily and said, "If you dare to use radish as bait again, I will slap you to death."

A little bastard. "

A police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and suddenly ran over to ask it: I am a police dog. What are you? The ordinary dog took a disdainful look and said, idiot, look clearly, I am plain clothes!

Ge You went to the toilet on the way to dinner, and his pants were wet when he came back. Friend: Why are your pants wet? Ge You: Often! My friend is puzzled, Ge You: It is often the person next to me who urinates and suddenly turns around and shouts: Shit! Isn't this Ge You? !

Pig Bajie was making out with Chang 'e on the moon when suddenly a dark shadow passed by and Pig Bajie hurriedly carried a rake.

After chasing him out, he came back after a while and said, damn it, Yang Liwei. ......

Once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, it was too hot to stand. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. "

Traffic accident, there were so many onlookers that the reporter couldn't squeeze in. He had a brainwave and shouted: I am the son of the injured, please make way! The onlookers quickly get out of the way. When the reporter saw it, it was a donkey that was crushed to death.

Teacher: "How to tell the octopus's hands and feet?" Student: "Give it a fart and smell it. It's the hands that will cover your nose, and the others are your feet."

Buy oranges, boss: 1.5 1 kg. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

Part I: It's windy and rainy. I am waiting for your call back. Bottom line: live for you, die for you, and wait for you all your life. Horizontal batch: sent to the wrong person.

Our general manager's surname is Zhou. Once he called and I was driving. When I was nervous, I said, "Premier Zhou ..."

Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The criminal said innocently, because I can't print real money!

Someone found Aladdin's magic lamp. So quickly wiped a few times, fiend appeared.

The devil said, "My master, you have three wishes."

The man was ecstatic and said happily, "My first wish is to be white; The second is that I hope all women can't live without me; Third, I want to know the secrets of all women. "

O said; "Yes, my master."

Bang, a flash, the man was lucky to become a pack of sanitary napkins.

When we arrived at the platform, the car had already started. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, Bajie, stop chasing. ..

Five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang. I called the hundred-dollar bill and said, "Hello! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill him, trade yourself for him! " The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said, "Tear it up, and you won't even have five dollars!

A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. " Man: "I want a wife ..." The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then disdainfully said: "I'm starving, and I'm greedy for beauty! Pathetic! " Then he disappeared. Man: "... bread.

A man went fishing by the river, wearing a leaf first ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ no choice but to change earthworms ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ ~ He was angry ~ He took out 100rmb and fell into the water and cursed, "*-# What do you want to eat! Buy it yourself! ! !

"I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist. "Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?" "the sun." The patient replied. "Then how far do you want to see!

One day, a man met God ... God suddenly showed great kindness and planned to give him a wish ... God asked ... Do you have any wishes ... The man thought about it ... I heard that cats have nine lives ... Please give me nine lives ... God said ... Your wish came true ... One day, this man was idle and bored ... He wanted to say death ... Because that train has 10 cars. ..

Father: "Whenever a guest comes, you must listen to me when I ask you to take a cigarette."

Son: "I don't know what you mean."

Father: "that is to say, if a guest comes in the future, I say' bring a cigarette' and you really take it;" I said, "Take a cigarette."

Don't leave and come back. "

The chicken said to the cow, "What a world! People practice family planning, but my master forces me to lay more eggs every day. Do you think I am unfair? " The cow said to the chicken, "Are you still wronged? How many people did you say ate my milk? None of them called my mother. "

Tongji law department final exam: "Please list and explain the difference between' law' and' law' in the word law?"

The anonymous student replied, "Of course not. My mother will be very happy if I tell her that my boyfriend is a lawyer. " If I say my boyfriend is a mage, she will definitely fan me to death! "

Q: What do African cannibals eat?

A: people!

Q: If one day the chief is ill and the doctor tells him to be a vegetarian, what should he eat?

A: Eat a vegetable!

One day, a tourist came to Mount Tai and wanted to climb to the top to watch the sunrise. He climbed to the top of the mountain with difficulty. But the weather played a joke on him. It was cloudy for four consecutive days. He endured four days of hardship, and the sun finally came out at dawn on the fifth day. Tourists endured four days to see the sunrise. He is very happy! Even jumped and shouted and cheered: I saw it, I saw it! At the same time, a woman was peeing in the grass and ran out with her face flushed in her pants, shouting, "I see the quilt when I see it." What are you shouting? "

That day, you broke up with your girlfriend. You are in a bad mood.

You look up: the sky is dark. .......

You look up at the sky and sigh: God, are you sorry for me, too? Are you crying for me, too Otherwise, how can the rain falling in my mouth be salty?

You seem to be comforted ... and in a better mood.

You look up again: Shit, who is peeing upstairs? .........

There are four steamed buns in the refrigerator.

One day, the third man said to the second man, look, the fourth man is covered with hair. Let's stay away from him!

The fourth shouted, asshole, what are you shouting? Lao zi is kiwi fruit!

A tribe never wears underwear, and tourists advise them to wear underwear, which is hygienic and warm. So I put it on, but I didn't take it off when I defecated. Looking back, hey! It's so clean, there's nothing. Once you sit down, don't say it's really warm.

A prisoner was shot. Bullets are produced in a county, and the quality is very poor. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot ... fired the third shot. At this time, the prisoner knelt down and cried, "You still strangled me, which is really fucking scary!

When a person was airsick for the first time and vomited on the plane, the stewardess took an empty bag, and when she saw that it was almost full, she went to get it again and told the passengers not to vomit. But when I came back, I found it everywhere. When asked the reason, the passenger replied, "Didn't you say you can't throw up? Seeing that it was almost full, I took another sip, and everyone around me vomited ... "

A guest came to the farmhouse, and the owner wanted to kill the rooster, but the rooster couldn't get off when it flew to the roof. The host cursed: if you don't come down, I'll kill all the hens. I told you to go to hell!

Cock laugh wildly: Wow! Lao tze scared? If you dare to kill a hen, I will shoot a pheasant!

Cows are called sheep. Sheep: "Hello, who are you?" Niu: "It's me, Niu." Sheep: "Shit, who are you?" Cow: "Shit, I'm a cow!" " "Sheep:" Shit, who the fuck are you? "Cow:" Lao tze cow! "

Husband: "Why did God create women ... so beautiful and so stupid?" Wife: "This truth is very simple. Let us be beautiful, and you will love us. Let's be stupid and we will love you. " husband ...

The bar sells the new product "Feeling of Heartache" 1 yuan for a cup. Curious people bought a cup, and really felt heartache: it was just a cup of boiled water.

1: Kill you with what, my love.

2. The cashier said: No change. Here are two plastic bags for you!

3. My advantages are: I am handsome; But my shortcoming is that I am not handsome.

4. What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters!

5: others are equipped with experience, and I want to be equipped with experience.

6: I am a fat man, not a clown.

7: If Taiwan Province Province doesn't recover, I won't pass Grade 4!

8: I won't go to work until the sun comes out; If I come out, I'll go back to sleep!

9: Snails run wildly.

10: I have to watch the Forbes rich list every morning when I get up. If my name is not on it, I will go to work.

1 1: Talking about money doesn't hurt feelings, but talking about love hurts money the most.

12: I curse you for buying instant noodles all your life without seasoning packets.

13: The accountant said, "Come and get paid later. I have no change here. "

14: Can you see my powder?

15: Although you wear cologne, I can still vaguely smell that scum.

My name is Yu, and my nickname is Runtu.

17: Please serve Yangzhou fried rice, with more chopped green onion, less salt and more eggs. Pack it and take it away.

18: once I was on the street, a group of girls stopped me. They said I was handsome, but when I denied it, they hit me and called me hypocritical.

19: it is both house and rotten, and its future is uncertain.

20: make a cup of Sanlu for the party.

2 1: The most mysterious department in history: related departments.

There is no denying that mosaic is the biggest obstacle to the progress of human nude art in this century!

There are only two things I can't do in my life: neither this nor that.

24: People have backgrounds, and I have backgrounds.

25: The ideal of meat, the life of cabbage.

26: White Horse … Where did you die! Did you lose your prince and dare not come to see me?

27: Did your mother throw people away and raise the placenta when she gave birth to you?

28: Don't treat shrimp as seafood.

I am an angel, because of my weight, I can't go back to heaven.

30: Your mother is your father's cousin?

3 1: Picking up girls is like hanging up QQ. Coax her for 2 hours every day, and it will soon be sunny.

32: There are too many liars and obviously not enough fools.

I just killed the dragon on the road, swam across the river, climbed to the top of the tower and kissed your princess.

I smiled at the sky from the horizontal knife, and then I went to sleep.

35: Your mobile phone is cheaper than the phone bill.

It's a long way to Xiu Yuan, so let's take a taxi.

My life has two sides: A and B, and yours has two sides: S and B. ..

38: I am not afraid of stealing tools, but I am afraid of stealing children to understand technology!

Failure is not terrible, the key is success or not.

40: Today's college students are so incompetent! Come and copy the porn and cut it out!

4 1: Learn Feng Shui when you have time, and occupy a good tomb after your death, which can make up for the regret that you can't afford a good house before your death.

42: Ming Sao is easy to hide and hard to prevent.

43: Buddha said: You two are Daniel!

I will also come in and smile.

crack me up

My joke is very short

Wishing valley

It is said that there is a valley of wishes. Just say what you want and jump into the valley, and you will get what you want. The three of them learned that the valley was here.

The first man is a goat. He shouted, "Beauty, I want beauty." A carp jumped into the valley. He saw beautiful women waiting for him everywhere in the valley, and shed touching tears.

The second man is a bookworm. He also shouted, Book, Book, Book ... and jumped into the valley. He also saw the valley full of books, and he also shed tears of emotion.

The third man, who is lewd and doesn't like reading, thought for a long time and finally got the real money, so he was also ready to jump into the valley. Just then, he accidentally tripped over a stone and said, Oh, shit! Accidentally fell into the valley. ...

The following jokes were collected by myself and made me laugh.

If it doesn't make you laugh, it's not a joke.

1. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and roared: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost!

9. Do you have a TV over there? Now, take a quick look at the murdered central Zhao Benshan. Pol.ice blocked the northeast, 19 died, 1 65,438+0 disappeared,1fooled!

12. Wolf cubs are born vegetarians. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

17. I saw a penny on the side of the road, and I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round?

18. When the nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered to him, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."

20. Someone rode into the street, crossed an intersection and spread his hands. The traffic police exclaimed after seeing it: "Good palm!" Someone waved happily and replied, "Comrades have worked hard!" "

22. In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation. He rolled his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change! ……

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

7 junior high school role reading "white-haired girl"

A boy (Yang Bailao): I pulled two Jin of red rope and tied it for my daughter. ...

Teacher: It's not like wrapping a mummy …

14 once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so we had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, it was too hot to stand. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. "

In physics class 16, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are very dangerous, so you humans must stay away! !

The graduation works of 22 students are made of big red cloth and sewn on black robes.

The teacher who answered the question asked: Why does Phoenix use red instead of other colors?

When that classmate was excited, he blurted out: Because the phoenix is burning! ! Three seconds later, the students who came to see the defense laughed hysterically, and my stomach was twisted with laughter!

I bought WSJ for LP. I went to the store for a long time and didn't know what to buy. I just took a bag and asked the owner, "Boss, is this easy to use?" The boss (male) wait for a while looked at me carefully for 5 seconds and said, "I have never used this either!" " "

Listen to your classmates,

Once a girl in her dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins.

Say to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.

The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food?

Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. . .

A friend of mine has just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes, and he is very interested in "fighting the dog to win the battle" and often plays jokes on others.

One day, as usual, he. Kicked a man and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!" " "

Have dinner with a group of friends

One of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was depressed, drank a lot of beer, and then stood up with a loud cry.

Brother! Not for sale! ! !

I think what I'm trying to say is that brothers are not for sale

At that time, more than a dozen people at our table were lying down.