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kapok

Fujian Wang Qingming

Many years later, I realized that the tree was kapok.

The big tree in the south, the bearded banyan I am familiar with, has a wide diameter and swaying branches and leaves, but it is not very high; Eucalyptus is also very tall, and the branches are broken into two strands and extend into the sky, which is abrupt and lacks strength; Only kapok goes straight into the sky, and the branches do not lean outward, but extend horizontally. The trunk is big and the branches are small, out of proportion.

This kapok tree stands in front of the teaching building, which is higher than the five-story teaching building. The trunk is Gu Zhuo, and the bark is mottled, like the zit on our face. The tree has no acne, but kapok is different, so we call it the youth tree.

We don't care whether kapok blooms or not. The weather in the south is very strange. Spring has come, and the downpour has made our hearts wet all spring. We take umbrellas to the classroom, or sometimes we just walk in the rain and get wet. I'm not pretending to be chic, I just think it's time for the rain to get cold. When I entered the classroom, I found a lot of kapok on the ground, one after another, which was a mess. The kapok flower is very big, like a small teacup. We walked past it carefully, and no one would accidentally step on it.

Sometimes a flower or two falls from a tall tree and lands on the concrete floor with a low voice. Kapok is orange and red. Even lying on the ground, it looks like some burning flames from a distance. It's just that they gradually went out, and we didn't know it. In the classroom, we will secretly put a misty poem in the drawer, because Shu Ting is from southern Fujian, and we prefer her poems. Shu Ting also wrote kapok: I have my red flower, like a heavy sigh and a heroic torch. I peeked out of the window. Those kapok don't look like torches. I think they are soft, like southerners. The flowers fell and sighed lightly. The teacher also teaches Shu Ting's poems in class, but it is the first "Motherland, My Dear Motherland". When the old modern literature teacher recited in a shriveled voice, sleepiness quietly visited us. I think the advantage of college is that no matter what you do in class, as long as you don't make any noise, the teacher won't interfere. I continue to look at my kapok.

Kapok is also an alternative tree in the south. Other trees grow lush leaves first, and then some small and bright flowers, such as peach trees. Kapok does not grow leaves first, but simply grows all the red flowers in one step, and there are many flowers. It seems that all the passion should be vented. Because the trees are very tall, we look up and see that they are really like some burning clouds. However, this kind of life is not long, just like now, there are not many flowers left in the lonely branches, which always gives me a feeling of being inseparable. Coupled with the spring rain, my mood is inexplicably depressed.

I don't know why people call kapok a "hero tree". It has never left me the impression of a hero with a big beard, a wide face and a high crown. However, its earliest name "beacon tree" is more realistic. Who didn't work hard in their hearts at the age of twenty?

Boring student life can produce acne, probably because spring wants to bloom on our faces. When we are busy squeezing acne in front of the mirror, the spring rain has stopped and early summer has arrived. The evenings in April and May are our most free time. We came to the lawn under the kapok tree and took the guitar. Guitar is the fashion of young people, and I don't quite understand why. Probably the guitar has a strong sense of rhythm, noisy strings and is closer to young people. Often a group of people sit together, one or two people play and others listen. The sound of the guitar is clear and dull, smooth and heavy. The player presses the upper chord tightly with his left hand and quickly dials it with his right hand. The voice is unrestrained in repression. With the acceleration of plucking, he often stands up, twists his body greatly, and then sings loudly: My heart is waiting, waiting forever ... Our throat is itchy, and the desire to vent is lured from the bottom of our hearts, so everyone sings at the top of their lungs: ... We sing at dusk, a little desperate, until we are exhausted.

What are we waiting for? I don't know. Anyway, we have to wait, even for Godot. When we were lying on the grass wearily, we suddenly found something like catkins around us. They floated down from the kapok tree, and we only looked up at kapok, which became seeds, and the cotton wool that stretched for miles floated down gently as soon as it was blown by the wind. It's a mass, very light, and it's blown far away by the wind. So the grass is covered with kapok and absorbent cotton. We tried to catch it with our hands. It is too light for us to catch it easily. We blew on him, but he couldn't fly high.

Kapok fruit is like a pod. They were long and flat, fell to the ground, and no one picked them up until they turned black and were swept into the garbage dump by cleaners. Four years in college, I don't know if I can eat.

June has come, and kapok has finally grown lush leaves, which are very green and can be green until the next rainy season. There are many cicadas in summer. On the kapok tree outside the classroom, cicadas are noisy. Sometimes I get impatient with the dullness of the classroom and look out the window.

Kapok is still standing there, tall and mottled with bark, like an inexhaustible zit on his face.

Version 2

I used to think that many things would pass and never come back ... I never thought that those past things were still so vivid and unforgettable. They say that love is happiness, and I can only hide helplessly in the corner and secretly grieve for the love I never got ... not unnecessary, just necessary love, not mine, I can't afford it!

I also told myself to find someone who loves me, so that I would not be wronged and fulfill his loneliness. Never thought about it, but I still can't afford it. What I can't afford is my own guilt-the best way not to hurt others is to give them no hope, so I still watch the scenery alone after all. It's not that there are no friends to enjoy the scenery with, no matter how many friends are, some people-friends can only be happy but can't share, and it's not good to eat, drink and be friends! Everyone has a secret garden in his heart. How can you open it at will?

In the late autumn of this year, I suddenly found a kapok tree in the school, but I didn't find it this year. I reached out and touched its trunk a little sadly, and the mottled skin fell off a little, which was the trace left by years! Looking up, the sun fell into my eyes through the kapok leaves, and finally it was broken diamonds. I have missed its flowering period ... in fact, I inadvertently lost not only kapok, but even my college life. I bit it with my own decadence ... I just borrowed flowers to make excuses for my shame!

Don't miss it next spring. At least one picture makes me feel warm and happy dancing in my mind, so that I won't be lonely in my future life.

"Every year, flowers are similar and people are different." I will see kapok blossom next year, and even I will have a chance to see kapok blossom again in my life. However, I, the people around me and the things around me will fade away and disappear in my mind as time goes by. Just like taking a bus, there will be ups and downs, even if the roadside scenery is beautiful, it will pass before my eyes. You love and hate the person sitting next to you, and even you never notice him. He'll get out of the car, out of control. Including getting off at the terminal, our life has always been one stop. Get off at that station and look back, in fact, all that is left is the tail gas emitted by the bus! And those we don't want to forget or even can't forget have gradually become Zhu Shazhi in our memory under the influence of time.

I don't want to wake up from the cold bed one day and find that the good memories have disappeared automatically in my mind. That's a sad thing. I am not a realistic person. I don't like to accept the reality that I can't see ... I don't want to gradually eliminate my student life from my mind when I start working, under the impact of the secular world. I don't even want to think about it. When I am old, I only have a rocking chair and a companion. They told me that memories are beautiful, but living in them is deceiving others! I'm not fooling myself, I'm just remembering! Use my notes to record the beauty that will fade away in my mind.

Back to school, you can see kapok in full bloom this year! I wish I could hear the sound of flowers blooming!

Version 3

Kapok red fever (1)/ half a cigarette

Yangzi, I have hurt you deeply. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry But I really love you, really, really love you. I can't watch you with that gentle girl, but I'm indifferent. Whether you still have that girl in your heart or not, I just want you to be with me, as long as you are by my side. Please forgive me for regaining your cruel means …

—— 20 11year1month 8.

I saw the picture of that girl. She wore a beige dress and leaned happily on the shoulder of the man next to her. Behind her is a golden tulip, and the rich fragrance of flowers is noisy in the warm wind in May. The girl's sweet smile gradually spread, as if to overflow from the computer screen, and the man beside her is Andy, whom I have loved for four years.

Looking at their sweet photo on the screen, my heart can no longer be calm. Andy is an indecisive person. After half a year's efforts, he finally came back to me, and I will never let him leave my side again. When I secretly blacklisted the list of girls on Andy's page, I suddenly found myself so vicious …

A week ago, I knelt in front of his mother and begged her to give me a chance. I told her that I couldn't live without Andy ... I cried my eyes out until I finally dragged my tired body back and lay in the hospital ...

Andy finally came to see me. He said he broke up with that girl ... when he said this, his tone was very calm, as if he were talking about other people's business, not his own. Looking at his indifferent expression, I began to secretly rejoice. I know he does not love her.

I feel happy again these days with him. Every day, he feeds me medicine and walks with me in the yard. I am tired.

Just holding me in a row of chairs, we talked about the beauty when we first met, thinking of the amusement park he would take me to every Christmas, the Dior coffee he would take me to drink every birthday, and the snack street we ate all over ... Speaking of this, Andy's eyes occasionally flashed a deep and empty blank; Sometimes when I look at his face with a slightly sad smile, I feel as if something is hurting, and then I feel deeply guilty …

I know. I'm sorry. A year ago, when that man named Feng appeared in my life, I knew I was in love with him. However, I also fell in love with Andy at that time. Later, my obsession with Feng was hopeless. I finally made the stupidest wrong decision in my life. I abandoned it and came together with Feng ... After a short lingering, Feng finally left me. This just suddenly realized.

Every time I look at his page, I see the gentle girl around him and his bright smile, my heart hurts like a needle ... Every silent night, I always think of those warm years with him, those insignificant little embarrassments, those painful quarrels, those little happiness that I have been sitting in my pocket watching the sky ... I am crazy to find his contact information. I have been calling him, texting him and even giving him online.

Andy came out of the bathroom wrapped in a bath towel and hugged me gently from behind. "Baby, are you hungry? I'll take you out to dinner later ... "I turned around and hugged his wet neck tightly, and tears suddenly fell down ...

At this moment, mixed feelings ...

I choked up. He stroked my hair and held my trembling body tighter ... At this moment, how afraid I am of one day.

He will leave me again. ...

Kapok, since I left you for six days, I miss you crazily all the time, but I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I hope you have a good life … eat well, sleep well, meet friends happily, go out to play with them and laugh happily together, as long as you don't remember me anymore … kapok, I'm sorry …

—— 2011year 65438+1October 8th, Andy.

Kapok is a very good girl.

I fell in love with her from the first day I met her. She has a pair of deep and empty eyes. When you look intently into her eyes, you can always see an unfathomable pool of water, clean and pure, inexplicably lovely.

She doesn't like talking and doesn't laugh very often. She said that everyone who knew her said that she was a snake and it was too cold to get close. However, in front of me, she can laugh happily.

She said: Andy, I have never seen a man who can make me feel safe like you in my life. You are the first.

Then she started staring at a pair of innocent eyes to see my reaction. I lovingly held her in my arms. I know that kapok is the woman who deserves everything ... I put my face tightly against her hair and firmly said to her: kapok, marry me. Then she broke away from my arms in surprise and pretended to be wronged: huh? You didn't even propose to me on one knee, so I married myself? No, no, that's terrible. ...

Kapok is quiet and silent most of the time. Sometimes she suddenly looks up and asks me some silly and funny questions. After getting a satisfactory answer, she went to read the book by herself, and I continued to write the plan …

Kapok often said that everyone around her said that she was a stupid child, hopelessly stupid. She said: Andy, you are the first person who thinks I am not stupid, hehe …

Looking at her silly smile, I feel that I am about to be melted by her gentle temperament. At this time, how I wish I could sleep in this peaceful happiness forever and never wake up …

Kapok is often in a daze. She likes reading books and watching the scenery outside the window. Sometimes when she looks at it, she will cry inexplicably and then snuggle up in my arms. I held her gently and sat quietly beside her. I know that at this time, she misses her grandmother.

I'm very busy at work. Every night when I go home, I will see kapok sleeping on the sofa, and the lights in all the rooms are on. She once told me that she was afraid of the dark, so whenever it was dark, she would turn on all the lights in the room ... I carried her weak body into the bedroom, and every time I tried to put her down, she was naughty and refused to let go of my hand around my neck. Then I kissed her on the forehead, and she let go, signaling me to wash and get ready for bed.

Kapok doesn't like too busy places, just like kapok, it is unobtrusive and blooms silently, only scattering wisps of fragrance in the wind, giving people reverie. Every time I take kapok outside, she habitually holds my finger as if afraid of losing me.

Several students who have met kapok are girls who are more lively than kapok. Later, Kapok often told me that they always asked her out to play, but because there were other people she didn't know, Kapok refused. Finally, everyone began to alienate her ...

I know kapok loves me as much as I love her.

One day kapok said to me: Do you know? Today, a company hired me, but asked me to go abroad for training for one year. I refused ...

I answered absently: Oh, I see. In fact, Rose kept calling and texting me that day, and I was very upset all day.

Now that I think about it, kapok must have been sad for a long time that day I seem to see her fake smile solidified instantly after hearing my faint answer, and then her eyes gradually dimmed, and the water in her eyes began to overflow with disappointment and sadness …

Today is the sixth day I left kapok. Every night after midnight, I secretly go to Kapok's page to see her update status and her sad words ... Then I quietly delete the footprints of my visit ... Every night, I think of Kapok curled up on the sofa, sleeping alone with all the lights on, afraid of dawn, and my heart hurts like something pulling me until tears can't be suppressed.

I got up quietly, sitting alone on the floor of the living room, leaning against the wall, smoking hard ... Endless thoughts began to spread until I was swallowed up ...

This woman who sleeps next to me, I really don't love her, really really don't love her. I only came back to her because I had to, because I had to …

I know Rose just blacklisted Kapok's name and changed my password privately, which means that I can't secretly read Kapok's status and hurtful words every night. Perhaps, in this life, I will never contact her again, and I will never see her pale but quiet face again …

I can't let myself sleep quietly every day, and every update status of kapok is clearly printed in my mind.

On the first day, kapok said: ok, ok, I'm fine alone …

The next day, kapok said: my heart is full of water, so I dare not move, for fear of overflowing sadness …

On the third day, kapok said: those things that can be found have never been lost; Those lost things may never really be owned. I turned on the reading light and began to write this letter to you. I want to tell you: I love you and only you. However, we have to be apart for a while. I want to complete your promised trip alone, and I want to see our eternity …

On the fourth day, kapok said: Make one percent of your eyes look at others, and maybe you will gain something …

On the fifth day, kapok said: when I hug you from behind, I expect his face …

On the sixth day, kapok said: the side of bread that falls on the ground is not necessarily buttered …

Looking at the later state of kapok, I began to feel a little at ease. I know that she may have begun to accept other boys, and her head has been replaced by a photo of a boy hugging; But at the same time, my heart seems to have begun to crack, and all that oozes out is pain …

The long night dream is full of kapok's tearful but unusually calm face …

It was cold that night. I came home from work and gently stroked her sleeping face ... She didn't know when she woke up and stared at me bleakly. When she found the tears on my face, she wiped them for me with her cold little hand in panic and kept asking me: What's the matter?

Kapok, let's break up.

Then kapok was at a loss to hold two small hands, wondering whether to wipe the tears from my cheeks for me. She just froze for a long time. In the frozen air, she struggled to find an escape gap with her rapid gasps …

Kapok, in fact, from the beginning, I was not sincere to you …

At this time, kapok quietly got out of bed, stood barefoot on the floor, looked at my face indifferently, and I looked her straight in the eye. However, at that moment, the water in her eyes seemed to be coming out, and it flowed in confusion on her pale little face ... She just wept silently, even without choking, and then began to put on clothes and went out with her own things ...

That was the last time I saw her. She didn't shout, make a scene, or slap me in the face. She just got out of bed quietly, packed her things barefoot, and then left quietly … she didn't even let me stay …

Dear, I feel that we haven't contacted for a long time, and maybe I won't see you in my life. Some things are not knots, but scars; Will those secrets that can't be told be an excuse to never meet again ... I've been thinking about how much courage it takes to just stand in a noisy crowd and stare at each other and say the first sentence if you and I never contact again after many years. ...

—— 20 1 1 year1October 8 kapok

At 23:48, I still can't let myself fall asleep …

That woman named Rose took my Yangtze. He once said that he would protect me for life. He said he wouldn't let me suffer a little injustice. But now, on such a cold night, he is holding another woman with a beautiful smile in his arms …

Every night, I secretly read his page, but since he left me that cold night, his status has never been updated …

Until just now, when I visited his page, what appeared was: access denied …

In an instant, overwhelming despair swept through …

…

I didn't fall in love with Andy at first sight. I just greedily enjoyed his warm embrace and the little surprise and touch he brought me every day. It was not until the cold night six days ago that he said "kapok, let's break up" that I suddenly realized that I could not live without this man, and I fell in love with him ... For the first time in my life, I felt this heartbreaking pain ...

However, I am a stubborn person, since I was a child. So I left quietly. I didn't want to show any cowardice in front of him, so I left him a face full of tears but forbearing …

Every day I think, I just had a long and beautiful dream, and now I wake up, just like a bubble trying to float upward in the water, and when it hits the water, it bursts, and all the beautiful dreams disappear instantly …

Six days, it feels like a whole century of suffering, and every minute begins to become extremely long. When I am struggling and suffering, I will think of Andy's face that smiles at me every day. He gets up early every morning and then makes breakfast. After breakfast, he went to work I am writing and drawing at home, waiting for him to come home safely. However, he comes back late almost every day, so I often wait and sleep on the sofa …

Kapok, in fact, from the beginning, I was not sincere to you …

Kapok, I'm not sincere to you …

Countless voices got into my ears and repeated this sentence ... I shouted "I don't believe it, I don't believe it, I don't believe it, I don't believe it, I don't believe it" in my heart ... But there was no response in the empty room. I covered my ears with my hands painfully and leaned in the corner and cried silently ...

The next day, my mother called me. I tried to control my sad mood and wanted to respond to her in the most perfect state. However, in the end, I choked hard and betrayed me …

My mother advised me to go home, and I listened ... It was a little cold the next day. My sister took me out shopping and walked to the China shop, so I walked in unconsciously. I looked at those beautiful couple cups, my eyes began to glow, and then everything around me became blurred. I quickly wiped away my tears, turned and smiled and said to my sister, buy these cups. They are so beautiful. After my sister paid the money, I shook my head desperately and put two cups in my arms back on the counter. At that moment, I

I believe my sister must have seen the tears in my eyes …

My sister walked in front and I followed her slowly. Endless sadness filled my whole body, and all I saw was the scene when I was shopping with Andy ... Memories flooded in, and I couldn't control my inner sadness any more, so I squatted in the corner and cried ... My sister caressed my shoulder in distress, and I wandered outside for a day, dragging my tired body home and hiding in the bedroom.

That night, I slept soundly … I didn't hear Andy say to me all night: kapok, let's break up, kapok, I'm not sincere to you …

At any time, I am a stubborn child, even if I am injured, I don't want to give in.

When I woke up the next day, I changed the picture on the page. Message from a classmate I haven't seen for years: Your boyfriend is really handsome. I replied: well, new boyfriend, hehe …

In the diary that day, a friend left a message: your words are always faintly sad, but fortunately, someone is hurting you now …

Seeing this news, I don't know how to reply, and my heart hurts a little …

I still don't believe that Yang Zi will leave me so cruelly, so I update my status every day and write some irrelevant words to cover up my inner fears. I know he will visit my page late at night. The first night, I went to bed very late. When I landed on the page, I accidentally found his footprint, but a few minutes later, when I refreshed the page, his footprint disappeared. So from the next day on, I slept very late every night. I kept updating the contents of the page, waiting for him to read the words I wrote to him, waiting for him to leave me a message, even if it was a message ... But no, my mobile phone was quietly lying on the table all day, and his visit footprint on the page was deleted, without a message ... The warmth that was still in my heart began to fade away, and I tried to remember.

I often think, Andy, do you really have the heart to stab me and watch me bleed to death?

Don't you feel sorry for me at all?

…

After countless questions, there is no solution. I began to stubbornly tell myself: don't continue to be so weak, if you are not brave, who will be strong for you …