Joke Collection Website - Public benefit messages - You are 1 classic lines.
You are 1 classic lines.
2. Ge You meets "angel investor" Fan Wei. Van Tude tried to pass himself off as a fake foreign devil.
Fan Wei: Do you think we should speak Chinese or English?
Ge You: You decide which goes well.
Fan Wei: Then speak your mother tongue. Nice to meet you ...
3, has been talking about, can be called a classic marriage advertisement:
Don't come if you want to find a handsome guy. If you want to find a wallet, don't see him. No master's degree or above, no Shanghai women, no female entrepreneurs (except small vendors), so as not to disappoint each other. Mr Andy Lau and Mr Tom Cruise, who are rich and handsome, will not propose to you. Of course, I didn't dream of Notting Hill. If you are really a fairy, I can't take it. I didn't expect you to look like the cover of a pictorial, and you were shocked at first sight. (haha, you can still use it like this. ) Ordinary people who are fashionable in appearance, conservative in heart and healthy in body and mind will do. It would be more reliable if it were more or less elegant. The word graceful and restrained is really unique.
I like a woman who can do a little housework. Every morning, the quilts in the shopping mall are laid like that.
I also like women who can cook for me. Watching her cook for me has an appetite more than any hotel food stall. Hehe, but like most people, I'm a little picky about food.
Be specific enough.
Let me introduce myself. I am younger and lead a normal life. I don't smoke or drink. I went abroad as an international student. After living abroad for more than ten years, I didn't go to school seriously and wasted my time learning a survival skill. Now I'm back from overseas and I haven't learned anything. To tell the truth, I should be defined as a "three fake turtles" without company, stock and degree. Open-minded, 50-50 personality, dishonest, but born timid, not breaking the law, not hurting my conscience, not being destroyed, I can't kill anyone. If you want to learn bad, you are doomed to be a bad person. Generally speaking, it still belongs to a category that is beneficial to the crowd and harmless to society.
You are the only one who is interested.
4. Ge You's former male colleague went on a blind date after plastic surgery.
Ge You: Aren't you making trouble? I advertised for marriage.
Feng: Your advertisement didn't say that men are not allowed to talk.
Ge You: Isn't that nonsense? I can find another man. I am not gay. Are you ... ...
Feng: I am. How do you know you are not? I thought I wasn't, but later I realized I was afraid to face it.
Ge You: You go first. I'm not there yet.
Ge You: I also review why I am so vulgar. My heart is so big that I can't hold a man. Make room for women. Guess what, it's another woman!
In order to promote the cemetery, He Jiayi, a cemetery assistant, played a clever trick on Ge You. At first, she didn't say anything about promoting the cemetery.
He Jia I: I don't care much about appearance. What I value is people's hearts, people who are kind and filial to their parents. Even if I don't like you, you will definitely get a good wife.
Ge You: You are fashionable in appearance and conservative in heart, which is rare!
He Jiayi got down to business: Your mother is so old. If you are filial, you should choose a blessed land for her. Old people should pay attention to underground safety. As a man, you should have a sense of responsibility and filial piety, even if you don't earn much money, as long as the elderly need it. Such people are reliable. Are you such a person?
Ge You: I think so.
He Jia retorted: I don't think you are. Your father is in such a small grid. If your mother dies, don't you let them squeeze into a small cell? Tomb-Sweeping Day's grave, you don't even have a place to burn paper and incense. Is this filial piety?
Ge You: Why don't I just buy them a cemetery? I can't afford to spend money. When I left, only martyrs had cemeteries, and ordinary people put them on the shelves. Don't worry, you need to know where to choose a place for me. As long as there is a good view, I will do it at once. If we go together, I will even carve your monument first, so I promise I won't let you stay on the shelf! (Super funny black humor)
Shu Qi: Do you know what love at first sight is?
Roi: I fell in love with you as soon as I saw you.
Shu Qi: Love at first sight is not the first time you look at me, nor the first time I look at you, but the taste. We are attracted and fascinated by each other's smells. The smells are the same, you know?
Ge You: Is it possible for two strangers to meet by chance and get together to gossip as soon as they meet?
7. Shu Qi told Ge You the trouble of being a third party.
Ge You blurted out: Let him take advantage. Let me drink with my disgruntled wife. You really don't welcome me.
Ge You: Some things should be stopped. I will go back in a few days. If you want a drink, call me. Please treat me as a loyal drinking friend!
8, Ge You met a good-looking, turned out to be cold.
Blind date: I got married and my husband passed away.
Ge You: How long has it been?
Blind date: Just now.
Ge You: So how long have you lived together?
Blind date: Is this ... Is this important to you?
Ge You: Of course, if you have deep feelings, he is not cold after all.
Blind date: 78.
Ge You: It must hurt, right?
Blind date: Actually, compared with that time, it is much better now. In the past five years, I don't know where he spent the night every night. Now I finally know where he lives.
Ge You: Did you find a place for him?
Blind date: Yanchunling cemetery, when to find it.
Ge You: Yes! If he runs away, it will be a series! (hilarious-)
9, Ge You and Yunnan Miao girl (Luo Haiqiong) blind date.
Ge You: Do you want to plug the door backwards? How to get to your house?
Luo Haiqiong: First fly to Kunming, then take a day's coach to Mengzi, then take a bus to Pingbian, and then take a day's tractor, and a day's ox cart will reach our home. (Super)
Ge You: If we are not good, can we get a divorce?
Luo Haiqiong said slowly, My brother will break your leg.
10, blind date with amnesia patients.
Ge You: I can't remember things. Can people remember them?
Niece: I can't remember either. But don't worry, she will write down important people and things in this book. If you two are really married, she will wake up every morning and look at it, and she will remember who you are. (God-)
Ge You stopped the blind date who kept recording: I don't remember, forget about today-
The forgetful aunt looked puzzled: What did we say just now?
1 1.Roi: You don't want to find someone in good health? I have to find a soft persimmon to pinch.
Che Xiao: Soft persimmons are delicious.
Roi: You are sick and old. Aren't you worried about the quality of your marriage? At your age, let me get this straight. It's peak sexually.
Che Xiao: Do you think the foundation of love is sex?
Roi: Not exactly, but without it, it can't be called love, at best, it can only be called friendship.
Che Xiao: No. What's the matter? And grow old together. Of course, it doesn't mean that you can't do it at all, just don't do it too often.
Return on investment: How low do you think the frequency of making out is?
Che Xiao: This is my ideal, ah.
Return on investment: well, you say. (Che Xiao fingers) Once a month?
Che Xiao: Once a year.
12.Roi: Comrades, although I know this is a matter on the ground and it is not the responsibility of your stewardess, you should accept the opinions of passengers with an open mind and seriously reflect them to the above! Always talking about improving service quality, how to improve it? Actually, it's a matter of detail.
Roi: I wonder if there are any objects. I would rather kill a thousand by mistake than let one go.
Bidai Xiulan: After the fall of the mainland, my grandfather retreated to Taiwan Province Province with the national army. ...
Roi: hey, hey, wait a minute. You call it depravity, we call it liberation.
If you are an orphan, I can adopt you.
Roi: I can accept orphans, but the death of my parents is another matter. I'm afraid it's not appropriate to insert the Mercedes logo in the front of BMW.
Bidai Syulan: Can you drive?
Roi: But what if something goes wrong, Mercedes-Benz parts don't match and BMW doesn't bother to repair them?
Return on investment: I can get something for nothing. Married daughter-in-law, gave birth to children, still want to be self-reliant.
13.Roi: I think my proposal is quite unreliable. I don't like crooked ones, but anyone who looks good is either frigid or pregnant. Where are all the girls with clean mental health history? Why can't I see any of them?
Shu Qi: Don't turn around and swear. Who is unhealthy? Will you be clean?
Roi: I didn't say you. You are not beautiful.
Shu Qi: …
Roi: The word pleasing to the eye underestimates you. You have to be the kind of person who looks delicious, catches a glimpse in the crowd and marries the royal family without losing to Diana. Some people think that beauty is in the eye of the lover, but it is not an exaggeration to say that beauty is in the eye of the enemy.
14.Roi: Like me, I bought it at a low price. Are you going to hold it for a long time? Or short-term play?
Hook: Short-term fun? Do you have that explosive power? You can only hold it for a long time.
15. Finn: I have someone here, but my heart is elsewhere. ...
Shu Qi: You don't have to accept it. I know it's unfair to you.
Roi: Then can you allow me that my heart is here and my body is not there sometimes?
Shu Qi: Are you happy?
Shu Qi: What do you like about me?
Roi: Did I say I like you?
Shu Qi: Honesty is the premise for us to be together in the future.
Roi: I'm willing to marry you on the premise that I can't find anyone more stupid than you.
Smile: I won't be so stupid again.
Roi: You don't have the ability to be half-hearted. You can't even take part in accidental amusement. It's all written on your face. I write my words here. You haven't turned his page yet. Once you turn to a new page, you will still be single-minded I won't tolerate your present performance until I see this one. You are stupid, I am not stupid.
Return on investment: I just want to play with you because you look good. Do you accept it? Can you afford it? Half-hearted. Are you my opponent? Believe it or not, there are eight women in my heart that you can't see. What can I fail? If you don't take me seriously, I'll take you as a door-to-door delivery.
Return on investment: I just hope he looks good. Why? What's wrong with me improving my offspring for our old Qin family? Do you have to find an ugly one and think about how to escape from prison every day?
Shu Qi: Oh, what a pity! There is a big gap between what you think and what you actually see. Shall I find you a psychiatrist?
No doctor can heal my wound. You are my best medicine.
Shu Qi: Aren't you afraid of my poisoning?
Roi: You have to drink poison!
Roi: Four sisters, add up to 300 years old. Can you not despair?
Roy: If you ignore me, I promise, it will be Maggie Cheung and Angelina? Julie Sophie. My four sisters, Masoga and Lin Chi-ling, and I don't drink any wine.
Usain: You don't drink one, you drink ten.
16. return on investment: so ... let me talk about the bad things I did in kindergarten first. ...
17. Shu Qi: You are lucky to see a bear.
Roi: don't talk nonsense. This is the bear's luck.
Roi: It's a pity to eat it because it looks too good. Better keep the bear.
Shu Qi: You don't look like a bear.
Return on investment: like what?
Shu Qi: Wolves.
Roi: Do you regret knowing me?
Shu Qi: I don't regret it. I am very happy.
Roi: If you marry me, I promise to make you feel like drinking honey every day.
Japanese guide: Don't talk to the bear, it will tear you to pieces.
Shu Qi: I've been torn to pieces.
18. Mr. Fan: At present, the economy is so depressed that the five major investment banks are bankrupt and can't sell anything.
Return on investment: none. I sold it to you. I'll buy it back. Make an offer.
Mr. Fan: Two million.
Roi:100000, I'm going to throw it away.
Mr. Fan: OK, deal! A million is a million. I said pounds.
Roi: Cut the crap, I'm talking about Japanese yen. Don't feel lost. When the economy improves next year, I will sell it at a high price and share it with you.
Mr fan: what are you looking at?
Return on investment: the future!
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