A collection of short jokes within 20 words

1. The wolf is coming! The pig's nest is in chaos! Mother Pig said: "Piggy, go and close the door, Second Pig, go and close the window. Little Piggy, stop reading the text messages. You are the prettiest! Go and seduce the old wolf!"

2. Tired at work, waiting in line for promotion , I agreed to have dinner but got drunk. My lover is still not there. I don’t want to wake up in the morning and I really want to sleep at night. It doesn't matter to me. The most intolerable thing is that I wish you happiness but also charge money

3. I was wrong to make you angry yesterday. How about giving you a chance to vent your anger on me now? He took out a hundred-dollar bill, folded it in half, folded it in half again, and then threw it at me:) What plants and animals look like chickens? Three...two...one...time is up, stupid, you can't guess it. The answer is trees and horses. Because of digital cameras (trees and horses are like chickens)! Ha

4. Summary of work in 2009 and work plan in 2007 - existing problems: I like to drink. Analyze the reason: the wine tastes good. Summary of experience: Drinking is good. Corrective measures: Drink well. Direction of efforts: drinking good wine

5. Colleagues went to dinner together, and one colleague came late: Waiter, have you seen where our colleagues from our company have gone? Oh, they went up to the second floor. "How many floors is the second floor?" "The second floor...

6. If autumn goes, I will wait for you in the snow; if the world goes, I will love you in heaven ;If I leave, I will let her take care of you. Really, her pig-raising skills are not bad!

7. Your ruthless flash made me lose myself and immersed myself in an unforgettable experience in this life. For a moment, I couldn't let you go, I shouted: Catch the thief!

8. In the history class, when the teacher was reviewing "The Reign of Zhenguan", he asked: "What can water do if it can carry a boat?" ? ", one student replied loudly: "I can also cook porridge." The whole audience burst into laughter.

9. "It's really cool to drive a Mercedes-Benz and ride a horse, traveling across the world; traveling around the world with your best friend, thousands of miles of beautiful scenery Picturesque! Riding in a famous car and telling good stories, returning home in fine clothes; parents and friends complimenting each other, owning a Mercedes Benz and growing up all the way!"

10. When will you get a million? Reach out and ask the sky. I wonder if the salary can be increased, and whether the dream is far away. . I want to get rich by investing in the stock market, but I am afraid of losing everything.

11. "Apprentice: Master, I want to hear your story." Teacher: I think back then, when I punched Nanshan Nursing Home, kicked Beihai Kindergarten, I could hold everything under one meter, and I stomped in the morgue, no one dared to breathe! To those of you who are failing in college: This is a professional subject. It contains high credits and is of good quality. One subject is better than five subjects, and you can pass five subjects in one go. It doesn’t take much effort. If you fail a subject, it is better to take a professional subject! "

12. The husband was reading the evening newspaper. After he finished reading an article "Women live longer than men", he asked his wife: "I really don't know why men take the first step?" The wife said: "Someone must stay to collect the clothes!" ”

13. A turtle walked over a pile of poop, but only left three footprints on it. Why is it because it held its nose with one hand!!!

14. How are you, my friend? Every time I turn on my phone and see your name, I try my best to resist the strong urge to contact you immediately, but... Oh, no matter what, it’s just 1 cent for us. I’m not a stingy person!

15. The short-sighted man squatted next to a pile of cow dung and asked with his nose that it seemed to be cow dung. He tried it with his hands and said it must be cow dung and tasted it with his mouth. Mom is cow dung, so my short-sighted eyes jumped up with joy. Fortunately, I didn’t step on it

16. "A group of matches were crowded together to keep warm. When the firecracker saw it, he squeezed over and said: Hey, brother, I also... Before I finished speaking, I heard a bang, and Match said: Brother, you don’t need to dig your heart out to keep warm."

17. "A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over. :what happen? Drunk Man: I don’t know, I just arrived too! "

18. One night, the husband was awakened by his wife talking in her sleep. When the husband asked why, the wife replied: "Dear, I dreamed of a prince charming, slowly approaching me! Husband replied: Wife, sometimes Tang Monk would ride a white horse and drag a tractor while racing with a BMW.

After the discovery, the police reported: The speed of the two vehicles exceeded 180 kilometers per hour. The most powerful one was the tractor. It kept following the Mercedes-Benz and turned on the turn signal to ask for overtaking

19. The hedgehog mother complained: My child’s clothes often have holes. . Centipede's mother sighed, I bought out two specialty stores, and I haven't even bought half of my children's shoes

20. I am born with talents that must be useful, but I can't understand my love! One day, the emperor asked me in a dream. After getting up at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, you will understand after eating the cake (read the third word of each sentence and there will be a surprise). Baby, you have the face of an angel and the body of a devil. Even your fart posture is so graceful. . But in public, how about controlling the pace?

21. Lao Wang likes to watch boxing very much. Every time he sees someone hitting his opponent in the mouth, he will cheer loudly. When he meets someone, he will ask, "Are you a boxing coach?" Oh no I am: a dentist.

22. "Dad, what will happen if you put the mp4 in water?" "Then it will break." "Dad, you are so smart. I only found out after doing experiments. How did you know? ”

23. A man was traveling abroad. He asked for a taxi with a lot of luggage. The driver told him that it cost 7 yuan and the luggage was free. He hurriedly said, please You can take my luggage to the train station

24. Four people were playing mahjong, but when the police came, they took away five people. Do you know why? ………………………………………… (because one of them is called Mahjong)

25. A said: Why do you smoke? Answer: Aunt Yu got married yesterday! Surprised: What does your aunt's marriage have to do with you smoking? Answer: If this is the case, what does my smoking have to do with you?

26. You are wanted! The following are your crimes: being too good to your friends, being loyal enough, being innocent and considerate, and this court pronounces the verdict! You are punished to be my friend for the rest of your life without any appeal = withdraw from court O(∩

27. "The sausage (township chief) has spoken: "The cold air is coming, the pickles (now) are cold, the shrimps (township chief) People) are about to start making rice dumplings (seeds). In order to keep the temperature of the rice dumplings (seeds), remember to wrap more layers~""

28. Xiao Ming pushed his bowl to the small one next to him. In front of Jie: "Try my rice..." Xiaojie took a big spoonful and put it into his mouth. "See if you are old enough."

29. You went to play in the mountains yesterday. Finally, a wild boar wants to eat you. At this critical moment, you shout: Mom. The wild boar is stunned: Baby, stop running around. Look, you have lost weight in the past few days.

30. Female: Why was a girl picking up the phone when I called you? Male: How is that possible? Female: It’s true! She also told me, “The number you dialed did not respond. Please leave a message after the beep!” Who is she?

31. I really love you and don’t want to leave you. It hurts that you have made me so sad. If you really don’t want to make me sad, please hurry up... ...stock market

32. "According to the survey, more than 99.99% of homosexuals use their thumbs to check text messages. Don't change it. It's not in a hurry. Just accept it."

33. Someone said that you look like an ape. I criticized him seriously. How could you say that to someone else?

34. Chatting with a classmate who works in a foreign company, she said that there are many foreigners in the company. I asked her: Have you taught them to speak Chinese? She: Of course, the first sentence I taught was: I pay the bill!

35. I remember when I was a child, I went to buy the round plastic bullets in the toy gun and said directly to the old man in the toy store: buy a pack of original (round) bullets!

36. "Dear heart!" "Son, it's time to eat," her mother greeted. Xiao Ming came over and asked innocently, "Mom, I am your sweetheart, so what is your father?" "Fatty liver," said her mother.

37 , Money is a sin, but they all are trying to get it; they say that beauty is a disaster, but they all want it; they say that it is too cold to be at high places, so they are all climbing; they say that smoking and drinking are harmful to the body, but they don't quit; they say that heaven is the most beautiful, but they don't go to it.

38. I have always been by your side and worried about you again and again. Have you had enough to eat today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I've always known that you just don't know how to take care of yourself. Whenever I walk away,

39. "I just went to weigh myself. Really, I lost three laps of weight. One lap was for you." I don’t think about food, I can’t sleep at night because of you, I think about you day and night.”

40. The cold wind comes and goes. Frozen hands. Blushing. Look at how frozen your pig's feet are, and you haven't gone to bed yet to hide under the covers, ah, you are still reading the message

41. Donor, could it be that you are the one who was unparalleled in the world in swordsmanship and martial arts in Huashan Mountain, nicknamed Yiduo? The love dog of the imbecile little novice monk adopted by the mentally retarded master who ranks first among the intellectual masters of the Hengshan sect

42. Son: "Mom, which one do you think is more stupid, a fool or a fool?" Mom: "Of course it's a fool." "Why?" "Think about it, a fool is a melon, a fool is a son, and the seeds are inside the melon.

43. A shooting star fell, and an ugly girl made a wish. : "I hope I will be as beautiful as Lin Chiling in the future." Just after making the promise, Meteor flew back and said to the ugly girl: "You are trying to embarrass me! I won't do it."

44. The iron was left outside and embroidered, and the gold was stolen outside. I locked you out that day, and the next day, you had a piece of paper on your body. It said: Strange, (www.siandian.com Flashpoint Love Talk Network) Can pigs also guard the door?

45. A man and a woman collided on the bus due to crowding. He turned around and said with flying eyes: "Are you sick? The man felt baffled and replied: "Do you have any medicine?" "The people in the car snickered

46. Since we are in love, let love become a life-long handholding without regrets. Since we are infatuated, let infatuation turn into a beautiful river. Since we are bitter, let bitterness embellish all our spring and summer. Qiudong.

47. What is the most painful thing in life? It’s just that my life is gone. . .

48. I am so lonely when I can’t see you. It’s too much to say that I miss you. I saw you and touched it hard... Nanfeng---you saw the words I typed on the screen, but you couldn't see the tears I shed on the keyboard.

49. Dui went to his girlfriend's house and saw no one in the living room, so he shouted: "Where are you?" Girlfriend: There is no one at home, come and help me! Dui was shy and said nothing, "Why don't you come quickly?"

50. Chat only with acquaintances, no chatting! If you want to talk, it’s 70 cents per word! Punctuation is half price! 20% off for words of more than 1,000 words!

51. If you want to find a lover, you should fill in your criteria for choosing a spouse online. First, you must be beautiful, and second, you must be good at cooking! The search result came out: Midea rice cooker!

52. A family of three brothers. The first one called me a gangster, the second one called me a kitchen knife, and the third one called me trouble. One day, the third child disappeared, and the boss went to the police station. I called him a gangster, and I brought a kitchen knife to look for trouble.

53. It’s been a long time. No news from you. I have been thinking about you these past two days and my heart is very confused. I have searched the pond where you like to go, the hut where you eat, and the lawn where you sleep, but you are still nowhere to be found. My heart is almost broken... Raising such a big pig Why did you lose it?

54. Police: You are about to be shot. What do you want to eat for breakfast? Criminal: Yes, I remembered. My favorite is peaches. Police: You know, now. There are no peaches in winter! It doesn't matter, I can wait.

55. The bear came to play at the puppy's house, and it started to rain heavily at night. The puppy let the bear stay, and the bear made his bed. Gone. After a long time, the bear stood in front of the door like a drowned rat. Dog: Where did he go? Bear: I went home to get my pajamas.

56. "Wenwen asked her mother: What do you call Mr. Jiang? For "ancestors"? Mom said: Because it is the name for the dead first. Wenwen asked: Should the deceased grandma be called "Fresh Milk"? An ugly monkey went to a dating agency to find a partner, but the boss said it was very expensive. The ugly monkey said that he would get a cheap one. But the boss said yes but it was stupid. The ugly monkey said it didn't matter.

So, the boss shouted out the window: Fool, stop reading text messages and come out for a blind date. "

57. A soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: What can I do? If I step on a mine, I will pay compensation according to the price.

58. Give An old lover sent a text message to wish me a happy holiday. I sent it once but it didn’t work. I sent it again but it didn’t work. I sent it again and again but it didn’t work. I took a closer look and saw that the other party’s number was a landline...

59. , Just because I laugh doesn’t necessarily mean I’m happy, and if I cry, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m unhappy. Maybe there’s helplessness behind my smile, or maybe I’m crying because I’m moved.

60. Xiao Ming and Xiao. Hua went to the zoo to play. When he entered, Xiao Ming pointed at Xiao Hua and said to the gatekeeper: "Look carefully! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkey!

61. A turtle was crossing a river with a snake on its back. The snake was very frightened and said: What if it falls? Or I can wrap it around your neck. When I walked to the center, a bird saw it and laughed: The turtle is so beautiful, and it even wears a tie.

62. There are two kinds of pigs in the world: one is to reply to text messages for me! One is not to reply to myself...Haha...I think what you do is to torture you to death...^^

63. The wind and rain bring spring home. , Feixue didn’t see it. During the holidays again, the text messages started to get louder. Don’t bother reposting, my original blessing is wonderful. When there are too many text messages, don’t delete mine!

64. The missing person’s revelation: His body is in tatters, his eyes are dull, he has not eaten three meals, his limbs are weak, his tone is mute, he has no owner, his seven orifices are bleeding, and he is very much like you.

65. My father asked me what I want to pursue in life? I answered money and beauty, and my father slapped me fiercely in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively

66. I said: You are a pig. You said: It’s weird that I’m a pig. From now on, I will always call you "weird pig:", and finally one day you couldn't bear it anymore and shouted to me loudly: "I'm not a weird pig!"

67. Do you know that the most painful thing about your day at work is throwing your hair away? The most painful thing is that the work is not finished after work. The most painful thing is that there is no work after work, but the work is done after work.

68. I have always wanted to ask you. But I didn’t dare to say a word. Especially in the quiet and lonely night, my thoughts kept me awake, so I had to send you a text message to ask you... Are you still wetting the bed?

Pigs have changed! You can also use your hooves to read text messages! Hey, pig head, don’t look at it. It’s you! Pig head, why are you still reading it? You are really a pig head, hey...

70. You Do you know how I met you? I remember when I was in kindergarten, the teacher said: The penalty for wetting the bed is 3 yuan; the penalty for wetting the bed twice is 5 yuan; the penalty for wetting the bed three times is 7 yuan. You suddenly stood up and said: Teacher, how much is the monthly subscription? p>