Those years, our past prose

Our past in those years

The sun outside was bright and bright. Through the shiny glass, I could see the light shining on the leaves in the flower bed, dark and green. Like the moisture on a rainy day, you can't feel the wind blowing, but you can feel the air-conditioned air in the room flowing slightly, like the bright light of the full moon, or the light flying of fireflies in the summer night.

Looking at you across the way, you are talking about our future, like a colorful rainbow waiting in front, like the blue sea, thick and stable. The voices and laughter in KFC fill the ears and the aroma is fragrant. Accompanied by the most popular music nowadays, it is full of sentimentality and pathos, stimulating the excitement in the hearts of young people. Looking at you in front of you, there is a fake calmness on your face, your eyes are shining, and you can see the future, so you don't know how to express the excitement in your heart. The same is true for me, but why, in the deepest part of my heart, a place as blue and black as the bottom of the sea, there is always a trace of regret, like the wind blowing gently outside the window, I can see it in my eyes, but I can't feel it on my skin.

I know that those years have not faded from my memory, but they have been suppressed for a long time in a place that I seem to be able to forget. So, when the days go by, I feel I have really forgotten those times we walked together. Only when a person is face to face can I realize that the emptiness in my heart is difficult for anyone to fill, not even you. , just because you are not him, you did not accompany me through those innocent years of youth.

His eyes are like the clear sky, with no clouds and only azure blue and white, which makes me look up and recall it time and time again. His laughter was so heartless, like the wind whizzing by in early summer, but with warmth. After several years, it still lingers in my ears. His waist, sometimes, is in my ears. His front was bent down, lying on the table like a pile of noodles. At that time, I could watch easily, like appreciating the porcelain in front of me. He closed his eyes without realizing it, and I was filled with bursts of nervousness. With fear, curiosity and surprise, for the first time in the pride of youth, I put down all pretense and pride and quietly watched the lightly snoring boy in front of me. Looking at his skin as delicate as silk, as white as porcelain, but with slightly straight hairs, which are brownish-yellow, and his hair is black and shiny, but slightly curled, it seems that in his not-so-secure childhood, he also had in physical education class, Watching him on the basketball court, jumping and stealing the show, watching the crystal clear sweat dripping from his temples. Casually wipe the sweat from your face with a vest or shirt, and let it drift away in the summer, leaving stains as it dries naturally.

I also joked with him, like a close partner. I always wanted to not lose in his bright eyes, but I was afraid of being indulged in his eyes, so I could only choose to touch him lightly and walk away like the wind. It blows across the water, causing ripples. What I love most is watching him quietly from a distance, laughing, playing, and jumping around. When I hear his laughter, and when I see his bright smile, I feel at peace in my heart, like the surface of the deep sea. As time went by, I came into contact with his eyes more and more frequently, but I didn't want to let go of the expectation and joy. Instead, I waited more and more to look into his eyes. Even one glance could make my heart feel astonishing. The waves make the face turn crimson, like the peach blossoms in early spring.

That day, we really met by chance. I looked up and saw you. I wanted to run away, but I didn’t want to be so defeated. I stood stubbornly, just like the trees on the roadside, but Seeing your feet also in front of me, motionless, so firm, I was surprised to raise my head and meet your eyes, the same rebellion, with the same temptation, no need to ask, the wind blew in my ears By the side, like the whisper in the bottom of my heart, the whisper in the middle of the night when no one is around. There was a tacit understanding, and he and I made a contract silently, and what we signed was youth and youth. At that time, I didn’t know what love was, but I stumbled into love in ignorance. trap.

No hugs, no kisses, not even the most common hand-holding. Only when we looked at each other more and more frequently, I lowered my head again and again, and with a sigh of satisfaction in my heart, as if teasingly, I looked at his back without blinking. And once he turned around, I could only quietly lower my head.

I don't know how long this process lasted. I just remember that the people around us looked at us more and more eagerly, and even rumors occasionally flowed into my ears. Those snickering laughter made me feel like a thorn in my back. Crying in private does not increase my confidence, nor does it help to relax my mind. I can only hide my head every day, not daring to look in your direction, and can only use my ears to catch your every movement and soothe the sadness in my heart.

In the afternoon of that day, the sun was as sunny as today. I received a note from you. There were only three words. What happened, but it made me burst into tears in full view of everyone. Longitudinal flow. The depression accumulated in my heart formed a block, hardened and dried, and disappeared in my tears. No one tried to persuade me, so I cried heartily. After crying, I lay down at the table and sobbed, my shoulders were sore, and my hair and clothes were soaked with tears. After everyone left, he came to me and said nothing. He sighed softly. I just lay on the table, feeling calm and at ease in my heart. Just like the sea after a big storm, the wind is light, the clouds are calm, the waves are calm, and the waves are broken. For a long time, I didn't look up. I just stared at the pair of white sneakers beside the table, the woven laces, the uppers slightly stained with mud, and the eye-catching blue circle around them. I looked at his two long legs. The legs stood in front of me, and the fine hairs on them were clearly visible. I don’t know how long it took, as if two armies were facing each other for a long time. I felt a pair of hands caressing my shoulders, like a butterfly flapping its wings, warm and warm. Through my shirt, it spread throughout my body, causing me to throb slightly. The sobs in my heart hit me like a flood again. Tears burst out from my eyes. In the blur, I saw two feet moving quickly, like a frightened rabbit, leaving Out of my sight, never to be seen again.

I know that in that afternoon, my love left, he did not wave his hand, he did not even say a word, but in the years of my youth, the chrome was painted with a touch of copper, Never rust.

My love has come and gone. I don’t know whether it is joy or sorrow. There is neither joy nor sorrow in my heart. The sunshine is sunshine, but happiness is far away, emitting alluring light. The aroma is just like the atmosphere in KFC today, with an irresistible temptation.

I looked at your words and seemed to have heard nothing. However, the corners of my lips rose because I thought of him again. In this afternoon, I wonder if he also Will you think of me? Will you know that I am sitting in the sunny KFC, missing those platonic pasts, our pasts?

Is she really listening to the story?

There are always some words that are somewhere between not speaking out about frustration and speaking out in hypocrisy. But then I thought about it, words are indeed a very good carrier, so I just use words to vent my emotions.

I am very fortunate that today, many years later, I can still look back at my past self in a "looking back" manner.

I can no longer tell the story of me and her like a treasure trove. After all, some memories have disappeared with the passage of time. But when I think back to the pain, the tossing and turning, and the unbridled pride she was so proud of, I still remember her as if it was yesterday.

I clearly remember one summer five years ago. She was riding a bicycle, and through a clever arrangement of fate, she met me. As we passed each other, my friend told me her name. I whispered it, and I thought I would never forget it. I don't know where the impulse came from, but I shouted her name loudly. The moment she turned back, I panicked and pretended that it had nothing to do with me. At the same time, a beautiful shadow quietly fell into my heart.

After that day, I asked others for her QQ number, her mobile phone number, and everything about her. In the end, to everyone's surprise, she and I actually fell in love. We experienced a green love affair at an ignorant age. We call it, "puppy love."

Of course I will never forget that I sent her a text message at that time, and she would become restless if she didn’t reply as soon as possible. I once said that I would take good care of this relationship and feel that I can do it. Of course, I will not forget the chat about the same hobbies that she and I had. , she said I was arrogant, I said she was eloquent. Of course I will never forget that every time I was with her, I showed her my best side; I will never forget that no matter what I put her label on, I would keep it as if it were a treasure. and remain in memory.

Later, we broke up. No, it would be more appropriate to say we were strangers. In the first week after we were separated, I missed her very much. In the second week after separation, I missed her even more. In the third week after separation, I thought about her very hard. By the fourth week, I think she couldn't help herself. But by the fifth week, I felt that although I couldn't forget it, I didn't think about it that much. After some time, my personal signature changed to, "It's not that I don't love you, but missing you makes me torture myself." I also felt that this was a kind of self-mockery and self-deception, thinking that if she didn't tell me, I was pretending to be stupid. , how long can it be hidden? Occasionally, memories would give me a slap in the face in time when I secretly rejoiced. I could only endure it. I don’t know if I’m lying to her or myself...

Today, five years later, when I think of this story, I sigh with nostalgia. Those youthful love dreams that I once thought were beautiful and happy, The ordinary ones cannot be more ordinary, and the ordinary ones cannot be ordinary anymore. Those precious things that I once thought could not be lost in my life, now seem to be nothing more than that. I am not like before, weighing every word in order to reply to her words, no longer disregarding everything for her favor, nor am I happy or sad for her happiness.

Time is a butcher's knife! Time washes away our ignorance and youthfulness, washes away our longing for a certain person, and will eventually wash away the face hidden in each of our hearts, and wash away the deep memories of her and him. Smiling faces break away the promises that were once made, and make all the excitement and passion in the past become dull. Youth is a turmoil, and time has calmed down this turmoil, but our love can only be buried with youth.

In the future, if we meet again through different paths, we might as well say with a smile, "Long time no see, don't regret the past. If you want to blame, blame time for blurring our eyes and making us drift apart." ."