Humorous text messages chasing girlfriends

1, late at night, the Boeing 737 pilot came home and knocked at the door. The wife asked: Who? The pilot said humorously: 737 requesting landing! Suddenly a man in the room shouted: Roger that, 777 will take off immediately to make room for you!

2. Wooden furniture, scholars know poetry, people think about money, talents practice, women want figure, geniuses send messages, and fools read messages.

I am not perfect, but I am real. In other words, I am not beautiful, but I am cool; I am not rich, but I am happy; I am not successful, but I am confident; I am not sentimental, but I know how to cherish.

4. personals: Male, undergraduate, (only a few points); Working in a multinational organization, (McDonald's cleaning tables); Have a house, (owned by many people); Have a car (non-motor vehicle); Young people looking for beautiful women * * * went to the grave, (several years later).

5, love you for 10,000 years, exaggerated! Love you for five thousand years, hopeless! Love you for a thousand years, ridiculous! Love you for a hundred years, too long! Love you for 70 years in succession, as long as you are healthy, this is my strength!

6, the camera phone is fighting, and a camera is excited to run: report to the chief, grab the phone! When the camera saw it, it was angry: Why did you arrest us undercover? This is a mobile phone that can take pictures!

7. The person I love is famous, and the person who loves me is unsightly, either deteriorating in debauchery or perverting in silence.

8. I dreamed that you were singing last night! Your singing is very sweet, and your sentimental expression touched me. I almost vowed to love you for 10 thousand years, but I dare not, because you are singing to a donkey: I will be you when I grow up!

9. Two frogs fell in love. After they got married, they gave birth to a clam. The male frog was furious at this and said, * * *. What happened? The mother frog cried and said, Dad, I had plastic surgery before I met you.

10, I wish you a pleasant journey and disappear halfway; I wish you laugh often, you have to laugh anyway; I wish you a happy day, leg cramps; I wish you all the best and hit a wall everywhere.

1 1, Part I: Hero, single-handedly venturing into a bottomless pit. The second part: the heroine, double-sided attack to capture the cyclops alive. Horizontal recognition: responsive.

12, if there are no flowers, spring will be lonely, if there is no * * *, the four seasons will be mediocre, if there is no me, you will lose someone who cares about you the most! Without you, Bunny would ask, "Who should I race with?"

13, I had a dream last night. God ordered me to send messages to ten pigs, or I would be single for life. Shit, I can't find a second head except you.

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15, celebrities say that ordinary people live tasteless; Mortals think celebrities live too tired. Celebrities are addicted to entertainment and love life; Ordinary people who indulge in entertainment are called wasting time.

16, there are many women around, all of whom are elder sisters; Occasionally there are exceptions, and it's also a bad date. There are too many bachelors around me, and I am hungry all day; I want to say a few words of comfort, but I don't know what to say.

17, a girl worked in a writing brush factory, and soon found that her lower body was hairy, so she went to the factory director to ask for compensation. Hearing this, the factory director took off his pants and said, you see, I not only have long hair, but also a pen. Who should I pay?

18, I always miss you recently. I know it's not good, but if I don't tell you the truth, I will regret it all my life: if you are really in trouble, you can not pay me back the two dollars!

19, you are a book, I am a bag, you are a mouse, I am a cat, you are wood, I am glue, you are pork, I am a knife, we have such a good relationship, you pay for dinner tonight!

20, your happiness, I will create; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer.

2 1, ah! Your skin is so shiny and your fragrance is so irresistible. Let me bite you hard, dear-braised pork.

22. Don't panic when you meet a dog on the road. Fight it bravely. There will be at most three results: first, you win, you are better than the dog; Second, if you lose, you are even worse than a dog; Third, you are even. You are like a dog.

23. Do you know why we are predestined friends? We knew each other as early as 1000 years ago. It was autumn, and you ran with me in the wind, leaving your teeth marks on me. This has become an eternal story. At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin.

Last night, I was drunk and didn't know the way home. I walked into the depths of the forest in a daze, spitting, spitting, and began to play with countless Yuanyang.

25. I have received your message for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death. I cut my pulse with potato chips, and I hit my head with tofu. I jumped off the building with a parachute and hung it on noodles, but they were all dead. Invite me to dinner, support me to death.

26, my wife is a Cao system, but it is very troublesome to install and uninstall; The little secret is the desktop, you can change it every day as long as you are interested; Lover is the internet, the scenery is infinite, and money is constantly spent; Miss is pirated software, remember to kill virus first when using it!

27. I heard that your mobile phone has no short message function, so I sent this short message to try. If you receive it and confirm that it has SMS function and it is not my SMS, please reply to me: I have it, it is yours!

28. Pigs can't talk, but hum songs with their noses. Just like some girls, they always say: Hum!

29. There is a saying that I have been afraid to confess. I know I'm poor, but I've always had a crush on you. Now that I am finally rich, I can proudly say: Boss, I bought that pig head!

30. A bean fell. It's discouraging and frustrating. This bean is me. What can encourage it to stand up? The answer is you! Because there is something called "pigs encourage beans".

3 1, as God is my witness, my shadow follows you everywhere, and my eyes look at you all the time-damn it, I mean-except when you take a shower!

32. I met you by chance, paid attention to you after two meetings, missed you for three times and four dates, and I should like you for 90%. I'm sure I love you. It takes a hundred years to meet true love, and a thousand years to fulfill you. Are you willing to do anything?

Lend me a pair of good legs and let me kick this opponent black and blue. Lend me a pair of good legs and let me kick this opponent black and blue.

Bees chase butterflies, but butterflies marry snails. The bee doesn't understand: where is he better than me? Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, unlike you who live in a dormitory.

The happiest thing in life is that I can do what others can't. For example, I can call you a pig by texting, but you don't know who I am, hahaha!

36. The fat woman went to buy jewelry, chose to wear it on her hand and asked, Did I buy this luminous bracelet? Attendant: This is not a bracelet, but it is also luminous. Fat woman: What's that? Attendant: Luminous hula hoop.

37. You have the face of an angel, the figure of a devil, and even the posture of farting is so beautiful. But in public, can you control the rhythm?

Dear users, because most of your short messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has a very bad influence on society, we have suspended your short message function. Please bring your own bench tomorrow and go to the nearest police station to learn stylistic knowledge!

Seeing your back, I want to commit a crime. Seeing your silhouette, I want to shrink back, seeing your front, I want to defend myself!

40. Are you missing or married? If you lose it, don't look for it. It's best to get married tied up!

4 1, although you are a tooth! Don't feel sorry for yourself, just have teeth! You can dig sweet potatoes, cover your chin when it rains, separate the tea residue when you drink tea, and use it as a knife and fork when you have a picnic. Do you think you are the best?

42. To tell you a secret, please look at the back first, then at the left and then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

43. Spiders compete for the web. Foreign spiders weave a big web, proud: broadband! China spiders fly around weaving a delicate ornament and say with a smile: A unique combination of heaven and earth, a Chinese knot!

44. Xiao Lv asked the old donkey: Why do we eat hay every day, while cows eat concentrated feed? The old donkey sighed, we can't compete with men. We eat by running errands, and others eat by breasts!

45. Abandoned? Being bullied? Homeless? Don't be sad or discouraged. Even if the whole world dislikes you, at least our state-owned pig farm is your warm home.

46. Ducks and crabs race to the finish line together, and it is difficult to tell the winner. The referee said: You have a pair of scissors, stones and cloth. Duck is furious: Shit, count me in? When I make cloth, he always uses scissors.

47. You come from Yuanmou, Yunnan, and I come from Zhoukou, Beijing. Let me hold your hairy hand! Love! Let's walk upright!

48, the new three from the four virtues: the wife must go out, the wife obeys orders, and the wife must blindly follow the mistakes; The wife has to wait for makeup, remember her birthday, be willing to spend money, and endure beatings.

49. The old tortoise molested the mussel and was bitten. The old turtle dragged the mussels back and forth reluctantly. When the frog saw it, he exclaimed, "Hey, Brother Tortoise mixed up and had a briefcase in and out.".

50. I really want to invite you to dinner, but there is no water supply during the day and no electricity at night, so I can't afford to pay and buy white flour. I turned to Allen for help to find the answer: it turned out to be the primary stage of SHZY, and turned back: damn it, it will remain unchanged for a hundred years! Can I invite you to dinner?

Do you know anything about Song Ci? Please read this poem out loud for five times: the black trace of spring scares the moth to run, the black eyebrows pose, such as gauze hanging, and the black songs and dances.

52. If you go to the toilet, I will be your toilet paper. If you wake up, I will be the shit in your eyes; If you are hot to death, I am willing to be the only piece of cloth left on you.

53, you little goblin, let me be poisoned by your love poison but refused to give me the antidote! Little villain! Oh! I'm dying! Help me! The solution is simple: give me your love!

54. When I first met you, I said to myself: You are the goal of my life. I want to pursue you and hug you. I want to announce: I love you ... RMB.

I shouldn't have invited you to dinner yesterday! It turned out that the boss said that letting me take charge of the work up and down was not to promote me, but to let me take care of the elevator!

56. Yesterday I asked a mosquito to come to you, let it tell you that I miss you very much, and let it kiss you for me, because now I can't get close to you! It will tell you how much I miss you! You asked me how much I love you? A pimple represents my heart!

57. On a windy day, the bicycle fell down one after another. I only heard a classmate say while helping a bicycle: whose Mercedes-Benz crushed my BMW?

58. I am lonely without you. I'm disappointed not to see you. I am not qualified to say I love you. How much I miss you, a little too much! When I saw you, I was moved … South wind … Hu!

59, several kinds of beauty: the beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying!

60. Mr. and Mrs. Harry are fishing by the river while Mrs. Harry is nagging. Soon, a fish was hooked. Mrs Harry: What a poor fish! Mr. Harry: If it shuts up, it will be all right!

6 1. If I were a fox and you were a hunter, would you chase me? If I were tea and you were boiling water, would you soak me? If I were a car and you were a driver, would you drive me? If you are money and I am a passbook, I will definitely take yours.

62. Urgent reminder: There may be tornado weather in the near future. When you go out, you must carry two dumbbells weighing 10 kg with you to avoid being blown to the west by strong winds. Those who weigh less than 50 kilograms must be doubled.

63. I'm shy, and I've been afraid to tell you. Today I finally got up the courage: When will you invite me to dinner?

64. When you walk into a deep and narrow canyon with a bow and arrow on your back, you find a wolf in front and a ghost behind. Excuse me: Do you shoot wolves or ghosts?

65. If a drop of water falls from the sky, it will be a tear that I miss you; If two drops of water fall from the sky, it is that I love you and am ecstatic; If there are countless water drops in the sky, that is, forget it, it's raining!