Humorous short messages

1. In order to welcome the Mid-Autumn Festival and National Day, starting from tomorrow, the municipal government decided to eliminate all ugly faces that are harmful to the city.

This mentally retarded young man! Pack your things quickly, go out and hide, and don't tell anyone that I informed you. Stop.

Remember! You are welcome!

I want to solemnly warn you now, because of your stubbornness and stubbornness, the canteen is open normally.

The prospect is worrying, and the RMB directly loses 500 points. In order to eliminate adverse effects and recover losses, you are ordered to call.

Call:158 * * * * * and shout, "XXX, I want to invite you to dinner!" To relieve the worries of future troubles.

The lame and the blind go out in the same car. The blind ride, the lame watch the road. Suddenly, the lame man found a deep ditch in front of him. He shouted: ditch, ditch, ditch! The blind man sang back: oh, oh, oh, oh! They fell into the ditch together.

At night, I was naked and desperately looking for you. I really can't live without you. Only you can make me comfortable. Where are you at this important moment? I was anxious and shouted: Mom, there is no soap!

A cricket and a pig bet that you can't see me when I jump into the grass. The pig said, What should I see? So the cricket jumped into the grass. The pig is watching, the pig is watching! The pig is still watching! Why is the pig still watching? ! "

6. Old friend, remember me? That year, you were impressive. The central leadership personally receives you, the national defense personally escorts you, and millions of people look up to you. Loudspeaker read the welcome speech loudly: criminal 048, death penalty, pull it out and shoot it!

7. I want to see the sea with you, but I can't grasp the unpredictable future; I want to climb the mountain with you, but I am full of confusion about my ideal; I want to wander with you, but I can't go to a happy paradise; I want to go shopping with you, but I met the police and said no dogs.

8. When you were waiting for the bus at the station that day, you saw a ppmm staring at you and smiling. You feel good about yourself, so you wandered around a few times. At this time, the aunt next to her said, "Young man, will you stop stepping on shit?"

9. "You take it off first, and I'll take it off when you're finished." "I'll take it off slowly, or you should take it off first." "So be it! Save some time and let's take it off together. " "Well, it is much more convenient to have this dehydrator."

10. The People's Bank of China released the latest method to identify counterfeit banknotes: put the banknotes flat on the beauty's chest, rub them again, and rub them hard a few times, and then observe whether the head of Chairman Mao on the banknotes drools. If it is, it is real money!

1 1. "How much do you love me?" "Almost a dime." "Is that all?" "Isn't a dime' ten cents'?"

12. Stupid man+stupid woman = marriage; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love.

13. Four ideals of life: 1. Tile the Great Wall. 2. Set the equator with Phnom Penh. 3. Railing the Pacific Ocean. 4. Mount Everest with elevator.

14. Chicken is called egg and duck is called duck egg. Those who will explode are called bombs, those who see this message are called assholes, and those who are still laughing are called idiots. The angry one is a big idiot. If you lose this message, you are finished! I'm so angry with you, son of a bitch!

15. The exam was so focused that countless candidates stayed up all night. Cherish Qin Huang Hanwu, too timid, Tang Zong Song Zu, had to copy. A generation of Tianjiao, Genghis Khan, finally handed in a blank sheet of paper. The past is over, and the romantic figures are all over again.

16. The man gently said to the woman: Is it tight? Woman: Never mind! Man: Can you go in a little more? Woman: I think so! The man said again: Does it hurt? Woman: It doesn't hurt! It feels so good! Finally, the female customer bought this pair of shoes.

17. Forward this message for 3 times, and you will get lucky; Forward it 6 times and you will be official; Forward 10 times, and you will be lucky; Forward it 20 times and spend 2 yuan!

18. Robber: Tell me the password of the safe! Salesgirl: I won't tell you if you kill me! Even if you spoil me, I won't say anything The robber looked her up and down and said, you must be beautiful!

19. Teacher: "Smoking?" Student: "No." "Then have some French fries." Then the teacher handed over the French fries. The student naturally stretched out two fingers ... Teacher: "Don't smoke? Go home and call your parents! "

The teacher asked the physical education committee to make sure that all the girls in the class were here, so he said to him, "Go and tidy up the girls in the class." Being a little goat, the Sports Commission asked, "Which one?" The teacher said, "I know I still want you to go!" "